Frustrated

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

We both know and have said many of times in the past month of texting that we want to meet up and that sex would be included in that, it just hasn't happened and now with him going silent obviously it's not happening unless or until he texts again. 

Talk is cheap and so are private parts photos - if he wanted to see you in person he would have made it happen already or made a plan in advance. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I have thought that... And it's weird to me because I've never had any complaints from him or anybody else...

In my family it's a known story, my mom, cousin and I were standing outside some businesses selling some cookies... These three guys were walking past us on their way to a bar and I asked them if they'd like to buy some. They said no. My mom says, You're going to have to start flashing these guys if we're going to get rid of these cookies. I said, I'm not flashing people while standing on the sidewalk. She said, what a waste of great boobs! So anyway, I don't think they're ugly or scary or anything...

I think what your mom said was ugly and scary -to her own daughter. What a "known" family story. Sigh.  I understand more why you have the opinion of yourself you do if this is a story that gets repeated and you are ok with that.

[Jaunty]

On 12/16/2024 at 1:39 PM, Brooklyn84 said:

Don't all guys reply to a sexting pic? Why hasn't he replied?! 

No ... why should they?  They wanted a dirty pic and they got one.  

I'd like to ask what you are hoping for with this guy.  Seems like your original experience with him ended pretty badly.   It surely didn't seem like your relationship meant anything much to him, considering how he just moved on without even talking with you about that.

How did you feel about it?

Now he's behaving just as "blah" about seeing you again.  You respond by ... sending him a topless picture?

Why?   

Seriously, if you're just looking for sex, you could easily organize that without returning to a guy who basically ghosted you years ago and now is casually lurking around.  

Do you even know if he's still with the woman he left you for ... without even a word?

[Jaunty]

5 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

We both know and have said many of times in the past month of texting that we want to meet up and that sex would be included in that, it just hasn't happened and now with him going silent obviously it's not happening unless or until he texts again. 

The guy is horny ... he's lost interest in you for at least 10 days post topless pic, correct?  Obviously he's getting his "junk" jerked somewhere else for now.

Does this bother you at all?  

[rainbowsandroses]

Jmo but it sounds like you're doing what many (or some) women do -  using your sexuality to lure him to you. 

Sexting, sending nude pics, sex with no strings etc. 

Yes some men will respond to that BUT they won't respect you nor want a "relationship" with you or to even date you. 

Do you respect yourself?  Serious question.

It's obvious you really like him and hoping for a relationship on some level but if you don't first respect yourself and develop some boundaries and higher standards, no man worth his salt is gonna want anything with you other than occasional sex when he's horny or when it suits him.

I agree with Batya about your mom. 

I'm sorry. 

 

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I think what your mom said was ugly and scary -to her own daughter. What a "known" family story. Sigh.  I understand more why you have the opinion of yourself you do if this is a story that gets repeated and you are ok with that.

It's a known family story because my mom really is like that. She truly DGAF and I've told it to everyone because it's one of the hundreds, if not a thousand messed up things she has said/done to her kids/in front of other kids. I was, I think, 31 at the time and my cousin was in first grade. 

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

No ... why should they?  They wanted a dirty pic and they got one.  

I'd like to ask what you are hoping for with this guy.  Seems like your original experience with him ended pretty badly.   It surely didn't seem like your relationship meant anything much to him, considering how he just moved on without even talking with you about that.

How did you feel about it?

Now he's behaving just as "blah" about seeing you again.  You respond by ... sending him a topless picture?

Why?   

Seriously, if you're just looking for sex, you could easily organize that without returning to a guy who basically ghosted you years ago and now is casually lurking around.  

Do you even know if he's still with the woman he left you for ... without even a word?

I was pissed that he just up and moved with her. But what was I going to do? Then he'd just randomly text about twice a year and so I did, too. How are things? What have you been up to? Are you going to be in town for this and that? Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday! Whatever it was we'd always reply and then drop off again. But currently, ever since he said he moved back, we had been texting every day or every other day up until this. 

I snooped her on Facebook years ago and when he told me he officially moved back I checked her profile again. It says she still lives on the other side of the state and is single. It said in a relationship before. 

I guess I really don't know if he really moved back home because like I said, it's been a month and yeah, I haven't seen him in person yet. He could be lying or like he claims just busy. We aren't FB friends now, but on his profile he removed the relationship status altogether. 

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

The guy is horny ... he's lost interest in you for at least 10 days post topless pic, correct?  Obviously he's getting his "junk" jerked somewhere else for now.

Does this bother you at all?  

Yes. That would bother me. Only because I don't understand why he would be telling me let's meet up and so forth and me telling him the same thing yet he would find the time for someone else instead of me? That's just a waste of everyone's time. 

[Jaunty]

29 minutes ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Yes. That would bother me. Only because I don't understand why he would be telling me let's meet up and so forth and me telling him the same thing yet he would find the time for someone else instead of me? That's just a waste of everyone's time. 

Are you serious?  This is a guy who you were having sex with and he just moved on without even speaking to you about it.   And you've been hanging on for years.   

I'm not one for telling women to play "hard to get" or any other stupid games, but you are way way too "easy".   It comes off as if you don't value yourself highly.    If you don't value yourself, other people will not value you either.

I'm still hoping that you'll explain why you are even interested in this guy aside from wanting to have sex with him.  Surely you can find some sex partners who have not treated you like a disposable product already in your past together.

 

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I don't understand why he would be telling me let's meet up and so forth and me telling him the same thing yet he would find the time for someone else instead of me?

Really?

Because that's what opportunists do. He keeps you just barely warm in case he wants to meet up for some fun, but you are not his priority. So if he meets someone else in the meantime he likes more, well, that would suit him just fine. It isn't a waste of his time if he doesn't see you as a longer-term prospect. It would of course be a waste of your time, though. 

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you are nearly 40 and seem to be oblivious to this. Have you got much relationship experience? 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

It's a known family story because my mom really is like that. She truly DGAF and I've told it to everyone because it's one of the hundreds, if not a thousand messed up things she has said/done to her kids/in front of other kids. I was, I think, 31 at the time and my cousin was in first grade. 

I see so not like a pleasant family story. I'm not familiar with the acronym. Know that you can do better and be a better person. A person who tells her friends or young women just starting out to use their brains, compassion, wit, grit, resilience to pursue whatever path they are passionate about whether career or personal life.  And you- do the same -never too old to start. I changed my career and path at your age, then returned to my prior career 7 years later. 

But I did my utmost to believe in myself as a person, a woman etc and yes I had support from my family and yes there were struggles with a mentally ill dad and yes I made bad choices at times in relationships. 

If  you recognize that sad family story as sad and demeaning then you're on a good path which includes stop lying to yourself that great sex is enough to outweigh demeaning yourself for this guy or any guy. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Yes. That would bother me. Only because I don't understand why he would be telling me let's meet up and so forth and me telling him the same thing yet he would find the time for someone else instead of me? That's just a waste of everyone's time. 

No because he wants options and you are an afterthought option and spending time texting and ogling photos and sending photos takes very little time relative to his payoff -he knows you'll come running if he says I'm ready and likely ask him how high to jump for him etc.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I was pissed that he just up and moved with her. But what was I going to do? Then he'd just randomly text about twice a year and so I did, too. How are things? What have you been up to? Are you going to be in town for this and that? Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday! Whatever it was we'd always reply and then drop off again. But currently, ever since he said he moved back, we had been texting every day or every other day up until this. 

I snooped her on Facebook years ago and when he told me he officially moved back I checked her profile again. It says she still lives on the other side of the state and is single. It said in a relationship before. 

I guess I really don't know if he really moved back home because like I said, it's been a month and yeah, I haven't seen him in person yet. He could be lying or like he claims just busy. We aren't FB friends now, but on his profile he removed the relationship status altogether. 

Why even keep in random touch with a person like this? People's profiles say all sorts of things and aren't always updated correctly. Why are you snooping some guy who did this to you? Isn't that a waste of  time?

[Brooklyn84]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Really?

Because that's what opportunists do. He keeps you just barely warm in case he wants to meet up for some fun, but you are not his priority. So if he meets someone else in the meantime he likes more, well, that would suit him just fine. It isn't a waste of his time if he doesn't see you as a longer-term prospect. It would of course be a waste of your time, though. 

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you are nearly 40 and seem to be oblivious to this. Have you got much relationship experience? 

Yes, I am 40. I was born in September of 1984. I dated one guy in high school then one guy in college, then another guy in college that I was with for almost 12 years, lived together for 9. Since then, I have dated 4 others and this guy. Went on a few other one and done dates as well... I have been single since July of 2021 because my life has been so hectic I barely know how to function. Unexpected family deaths, my own health issues, etc, etc. 

I don't know why I'm stuck on this guy, but he and practically everyone I know knows that he's 'my favorite'. Like, when people ask, oh, would you ever get back with an ex? People would think of course she'd probably say the one she spent over a decade on and lived with, but no... Not in a million years!

It's this guy. We only dated for 8 months. But at the same time we have always been in contact over the years. All the others I have had no contact with. Once my boyfriend who I lived with got his last box out of my house in 2016 I haven't heard from or said a word to him and I wouldn't care to. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I don't know why I'm stuck on this guy

Yes you do know but you don't want to to do the work. You see him as a challenge, you are sexually attracted, when he throws you moldy bread crumbs you tell yourself it's worth it for the sex. You feel vulnerable because of health issues - many people have health issues and are in relationships if they want to be. It's easier for you to pine away for your "favorite" because the chances of commitment and actual intimacy -meaning emotional not his penis from the photos inside you - and no it's not "contact" in any meaningful sense over  the years- that's like saying I'm still besties with my high school best friend because we exchange christmas cards and I like her posts on FB. 

There's contact and there's contact.  This is meaningless contact including right now -it's meaningless from any caring perspective.  You don't care enough about yourself and your interactions with him confirm that for him -we teach people how to treat us.

I'm sorry you're struggling to function.  That's no excuse for treating yourself like trash.

[MissCanuck]

20 minutes ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I don't know why I'm stuck on this guy, but he and practically everyone I know knows that he's 'my favorite'

And yet, he's making it pretty clear you're not his favourite (not in the same way, anyway)

He wouldn't be hitting you up for nudes and sliding into your DMs with d-pics but not actually arranging a date otherwise. 

Just because you haven't really ever let go of him does not mean he is your future. 

 

[TeeDee]

@Brooklyn84

My guess:  you sent him a photo of your boobs.  He didn't respond because in that moment he found some actual boobs much closer & more easily accessible.  He would have had to travel to you (even if just around the block) or get up & answer the door if you came over.  These other boobs were right there, even less effort required.  

[Brooklyn84]

I messaged him. 

What happened? Didn't expect sending you pictures would cause you to go silent. That obviously wasn't my intention.

It says message delivered so he hasn't blocked me, but there isn't a seen notification. 

Giving him 24 hours...

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I messaged him. 

What happened? Didn't expect sending you pictures would cause you to go silent. That obviously wasn't my intention.

It says message delivered so he hasn't blocked me, but there isn't a seen notification. 

Giving him 24 hours...

Giving him 24 hours to do -what-respond? He doesn't have to respond to a photo of your breasts.  There's nothing to respond to -he didn't go silent.  He is simply choosing to -as any person can - to end the conversation and since a lot of  this is transactional -your purpose in this conversation was to figure out a time to meet to hook up -he can decide he'd rather not meet up -so no response needed or he can respond whenever -months from now - if he feels like meeting up.  At that time you can decide whether you respond. Seems basic to me.

Also why in the world do you want a response from someone you'd think would block you??

[Brooklyn84]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Giving him 24 hours to do -what-respond? He doesn't have to respond to a photo of your breasts.  There's nothing to respond to -he didn't go silent.  He is simply choosing to -as any person can - to end the conversation and since a lot of  this is transactional -your purpose in this conversation was to figure out a time to meet to hook up -he can decide he'd rather not meet up -so no response needed or he can respond whenever -months from now - if he feels like meeting up.  At that time you can decide whether you respond. Seems basic to me.

Also why in the world do you want a response from someone you'd think would block you??

Because it's a true response. Why is nobody understanding this? We were talking he said A I replied to that with a picture. He should have immediately replied to stay on pace with the conversation at the time. Especially since every time he has sent his pictures I have replied. 

So him not replying at all is weird to me. I want to know what I did wrong or why he obviously thinks it's okay for him to send pics but not me or why he didn't like the picture. 

[TeeDee]

1 minute ago, Brooklyn84 said:

So him not replying at all is weird to me. I want to know what I did wrong or why he obviously thinks it's okay for him to send pics but not me or why he didn't like the picture. 

I get that it feels weird because you have some sort of connection with this man & were hoping to have some fun. 

However, what we are seeing from what you post is that he doesn't value you.  He runs off with another woman then pops back up years later expecting to pick up where you two left off.  You seem OK with that & are indicating that you are DTF.  We don't get why you are but you are, so OK.   Even then this guy isn't even being polite.  He's ignoring you.  He's doing that because he can.  You keep giving him chance after chance, accepting what little bread crumbs & dic pics he sends.  You are teaching him that it's OK to treat you like a doormat & walk all over you because you will keep on taking it no questions asked.  

[MissCanuck]

53 minutes ago, Brooklyn84 said:

why he obviously thinks it's okay for him to send pics but not me or why he didn't like the picture. 

At this point, what would be an acceptable response for you?

I fear he will come up with some lame excuse and you will re-engage, again geting your hopes up for more. 

[Jaunty]

You are surprised that he didn't respond to your boob shot, and now you're claiming that he's been a reliable correspondent in your chats up until now.

How was that working when you were actually "DATING" (quotes because I suspect that you and I may not have the same definition for that activity) and, without telling you things were over, plans had changed, etc. he MOVED ACROSS THE STATE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?   

@Brooklyn84 - It's incomprehensible to me that you would even give this man the time of day.  Even if you're still carrying some type of torch for him - can you not grasp that he's barely interested in you?

I'm really sorry to be so blunt - but this is not how any man, or person in general, behaves towards someone they care about.  Even a little bit.

You are presenting yourself as being available to be treated like crap.   

So you're a convenient asset if he comes upon lean times ... but you're unlikely to be a first choice if there are any other opportunities around.  

 

[rainbowsandroses]

12 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

I don't know why I'm stuck on this guy, but he and practically everyone I know knows that he's 'my favorite'.

^^I apologize for piling on but what I don't get is since you do like him so much and claim to want a relationship with him, why the heck do in behave in ways that virtually guarantee that won't happen?!!

I noticed you didn't respond to my last about respect, both you having respect for yourself and HIM having respect for you. 

You don't and HE doesn't, clearly.  How do you not realize and understand this?  Apparently you've been around at 40 years of age, this isn't your first rodeo.

Everything you're doing (jumping like a puppy every time he tosses you barely a breadcrumb), being so willing and available to the point of appearing desperate, is turning this guy OFF.  

Otherwise he'd be responding to your pics and texts at the very least!  What you should be looking for however is he making an effort to see you, take you out!  NOT asking for *** pics then ignoring you.  Lord.

Is he?  NO.  What does this tell you?  What it should tell you is he isn't into it, isn't into you and in response you should respect yourself and either move on or at the very least STOP being so damn 'easy'.

It's not working, it's doing absolutely nothing to inspire him to see you as anything more than an occasional FB. If that!

I'm not big on 'game', girl game or guy game but girl you have NONE.  Zero, nada, zilch. 

What's sad is you might have even had a chance with him had you respected yourself, valued yourself and played your hand differently.

If you don't know what that looks like, there is valuable information out there, reputable books, articles, videos and podcasts. 

I suggest you start reading and learning.  Learn about men, what inspires them to move closer to you, not sexually but emotionally.

That's how you keep em around, it's not too late.  Well maybe with him it is but there will be others if you're open to it. 

But first and foremost, you gotta respect yourself and value yourself.

Love yourself first. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Because it's a true response. Why is nobody understanding this? We were talking he said A I replied to that with a picture. He should have immediately replied to stay on pace with the conversation at the time. Especially since every time he has sent his pictures I have replied. 

So him not replying at all is weird to me. I want to know what I did wrong or why he obviously thinks it's okay for him to send pics but not me or why he didn't like the picture. 

Sending a picture of your breasts is not continuing a conversation it's simply responding to his request for a photo with a photo.  Do you truly want to compare this to staying "on pace" with a conversation? This involves him sending you a sexual message and a request for a photo and you agreed to do so.  What kind of "conversation" is that - and who cares if you reply to his photos of his penis - that's your choice to comment on his penis.  That's not a conversation either.