Frustrated

[Brooklyn84]

Currently a 40 year old female... About 7 years ago I was dating this currently 48M. We didn't really 'break up', he just met some other chick and decided to move with her to the other side of the state ... We somewhat stayed in contact over the years... He would randomly text or I would randomly text and he or I would always reply. About 2 years ago, his random texts would be about him moving home "soon". 

At the beginning of November I was on a vacation and he texted that he finally made the move home and wanted to meet up "soon". We had been texting almost every day since then. Until about 10 days ago.... 

The last texts went like this: 

Him: My junk just wants some nice *** to cuddle with. Me: *Sends him a topless picture. (He has seen me naked before so it's not that big of a deal) *He will send a *** pic at any opportunity, asked for or not. 

I haven't gotten a reply. But, of course I see the notification that he saw the pic. 

Don't all guys reply to a sexting pic? Why hasn't he replied?! 

[Coily]

Why are you letting this clown keep you on the hook?

No, all guys don't get into sexting, even if in the past they were. There's no mutual obligation. 

Honestly take this lack of a response as a suggestion to find someone who will not sext you from the other side of the state when he's horny.

[Batya33]

Him having seen you naked and now having a naked photo of you on his phone is two very different things.  This guy is acting like a creep and I'd have nothing to do with him. I guess if you responded you were up for meeting up for sex but sounds like for whatever reason he no longer is interested.  It's for the best IMO.

There is no "all guys" as far as how an individual man chooses to respond to a text that has a naked photo, etc.

[shouldhavelearned]

No way

Why would you do anything with him

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Him having seen you naked and now having a naked photo of you on his phone is two very different things.  

^^Yes absolutely and now it's quite possible all his friends and lord knows who else has seen you topless as well.  There are even specific websites that he might have uploaded it to.

Are you okay with that?

4 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Him: My junk just wants some nice *** to cuddle with.

^This is disgusting and if me a text like that goes straight to trash.

I'm not against sexting with an established boyfriend, it can be fun and exciting BUT even then have some class for goodness sakes; his wording "my junk just wants some nice a$$"?  Really?   

You haven't even seen this guy in 7 years and he dumped you to be with another girl! 

Raise your standards is my advice.

Re the topless you sent, nothing you can do about it now, except hope he has some decency and keeps it to himself.

I doubt you will hear from him, not that you should even want to but I think you got played, I'm sorry. 😞

 

[yogacat]

Oh lord. These types of interactions needs to go straight into the garbage can with the trash. Unless you're on the freaky side, you do NOT need to  be sending topless pics to someone that you don't have a committed relationship with. If you just want *** *** on the side, or the thrill of sending pics like that, there are plenty of websites where you can find *** buddies. Also do you have any self respect for yourself? 

First of all, it's clear that this guy only wants you for physical gratification and is not interested in building a real relationship with you. Sending him a topless picture only reinforces this behavior and encourages him to continue treating you like an object rather than a person.

Furthermore, it's never a good idea to send any kind of *** or revealing photos to someone who you're not in a committed relationship with. Not only is it disrespectful to yourself, but it also puts you at risk for those photos being shared without your consent.

It's time for you to move on from this guy and find someone who actually values and respects you. Don't settle for someone who only wants you for your body and has no intention of building a genuine connection with you.

[Brooklyn84]

Not that it matters, but the blurred word was t.i.t.s. (not a$$) which is why I sent the pic.

I can't say he 1000% won't share the pic somewhere, but he has said many of times that the only pics he shares is his d*** pics. I believe that, because like I said before, he will send d*** pix at any time whether you ask for them or not. 

Examples: Sends D pic... How does this angle look?

Or 

Sends D pic... Having a hard day... 

Just FYI I have dated other people during this 7 years... I'm single at the moment and having held his attention for the longest time since he moved away and back... The past month... I thought he would come back around in person and yes, I wanted him to because the sex is great. I definitely didn't think sending him a pic of all things, would cause him to go silent. 

[SophiaG]

Why should he reply? You've already shown him that he could literally "meet some other chick and move away with her" while dating you and 7 years later you'll still entertain his random d*ck pics and reward his crude sext with your nudes. Certainly not responding to the said nude isn't that big of a deal? After ignoring you for a few weeks/months you'd probably still reply and be open to sexting/hooking up if he's bored/horny and reach out again. So, why does he need to reply?

2 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

he has said many of times that the only pics he shares is his d*** pics. I believe that, because like I said before, he will send d*** pix at any time whether you ask for them or not.

Sure because the words of someone who'd meet random women and leave you without even properly breaking up must be credible and trustworthy? Of course he'd only share his d*ck pics with you because why would he send you your own nudes or other women's nudes he'd collected? But if he were to share any nudes with his trashy buddies or to upload/sell them online, do you think those audience would care for his "having a hard day" d*ck pics?

 

[catfeeder]

If someone who's never even bothered to contact me for a date after moving to my area sent me that message, I'd block him without a word. So I'm sorry you're upset, but I can't relate to being okay with that. I wouldn't expect any respect from someone who'd treat me like a sex worker.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Don't all guys reply to a sexting pic?

No, especially not if they're getting similar pics from other women too. I am going to bet the farm that he is. 

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Why hasn't he replied?! 

Because it's a game to him. He sends out a feeler and sees who will take the bait. It's an ego boost for him to have a woman like you around who will offer up the good without hesitation. It doesn't mean he has any serious interest in keeping the convo going. He got what he wanted.

9 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Him: My junk just wants some nice *** to cuddle with.

Why are you even communicating with a man like this? He sounds gross. 

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, SophiaG said:

Why should he reply? You've already shown him that he could literally "meet some other chick and move away with her" while dating you and 7 years later you'll still entertain his random d*ck pics and reward his crude sext with your nudes. Certainly not responding to the said nude isn't that big of a deal? After ignoring you for a few weeks/months you'd probably still reply and be open to sexting/hooking up if he's bored/horny and reach out again. So, why does he need to reply?

Sure because the words of someone who'd meet random women and leave you without even properly breaking up must be credible and trustworthy? Of course he'd only share his d*ck pics with you because why would he send you your own nudes or other women's nudes he'd collected? But if he were to share any nudes with his trashy buddies or to upload/sell them online, do you think those audience would care for his "having a hard day" d*ck pics?

 

Why should he reply? Because it follows the chain of 'events' he said, my junk just wants some nice t.i.t.s. to cuddle with and I sent him a topless picture... 

I wasn't expecting his response to be silence. And I still think any guy would usually have a reply in this scenario that's not silence. Because of that, it's not necessarily "a big deal" it's just frustrating because it's not the reaction I thought I'd get and two, with him not replying to it or over the past 10 days not saying anything at all... I don't know what he's thinking or what to text him and I usually do. 

Of course. If he texted me right now or tomorrow or any time I'd reply and if he ever says I'm on my way over and I'm single, like I am right now... I'd say, the doors open, no need to knock. 

[MissCanuck]

What do you want from this guy? 

Casual hook-ups? A relationship? 

[Brooklyn84]

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What do you want from this guy? 

Casual hook-ups? A relationship? 

It would be nice to go back to a relationship like we had and I thought we had a chance to since he said he had moved back and wanted to meet up. Which is probably most of why I'm frustrated because yet again, oh, I think we are moving in this direction, but he just disappears. At the same time... Like, I said above if he showed up then yay and if all I ended up with is one last hook up then so be it. I'd soak it up. 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, Brooklyn84 said:

It would be nice to go back to a relationship like we had and I thought we had a chance to since he said he had moved back and wanted to meet up. Which is probably most of why I'm frustrated because yet again, oh, I think we are moving in this direction,

You aren't moving in the relatoinship direction, though. 

He's asking for nudes and sending d-pics. That isn't a man who is relationship-minded. That's a guy looking to get his rocks off. 

He also let you go years ago to take up with someone else. That was his prerogative, but I get the strong impresion he sees you as a place-holder to entertain him while he is between relationships - not as someone he has a serious interest in.

If you want something more seirous, then you need to hold yourself to that standard and not jump at the chance to send intimate pics whenever it suits him (or any guy) Your choices here aren't conducive to having him take you seriously. 

 

[Kwothe28]

13 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Don't all guys reply to a sexting pic? Why hasn't he replied?! 

Because he got what he wanted?

People assume that other people have their best interest in mind. While lots of other people are just selfish. They would sell you at first opportunity and just dont care for you. Your guy just wanted some tata pics. He doesnt care for you, never did and doesnt want to see you. He probably has somebody else and just holds you in case he needs something like this. That is how some people are. Sorry.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Not that it matters, but the blurred word was t.i.t.s. (not a$$) which is why I sent the pic.

I can't say he 1000% won't share the pic somewhere, but he has said many of times that the only pics he shares is his d*** pics. I believe that, because like I said before, he will send d*** pix at any time whether you ask for them or not. 

Examples: Sends D pic... How does this angle look?

Or 

Sends D pic... Having a hard day... 

Just FYI I have dated other people during this 7 years... I'm single at the moment and having held his attention for the longest time since he moved away and back... The past month... I thought he would come back around in person and yes, I wanted him to because the sex is great. I definitely didn't think sending him a pic of all things, would cause him to go silent. 

Oh I was mistaken -I thought you were looking to date him not have a sex partner. If it is important to you to have sex because the sex was great you're an adult and you know the risks and benefits.  I think your assumption that all men would respond to a photo of your private parts, and would then make a plan to meet up to have sex with  you -is -wrong.  People are individuals. It sounds like he did want to have sex with you and enjoyed sending you information about his penis and sending you photos of it- but who knows maybe he found another woman who he wanted to have sex with more so he'll circle back to you if and when he stops having sex with her -you know you'll be on the list just a bit lower down. Normal in sex arrangements I would think (never been in one/wanted to be but just from my outsiders understanding).  

It sounds like you're not concerned about your photo being out there/distributed further and you trust this particular person to keep it to himself.  

I don't understand how you think you held his attention -you mean that for all these years he's randomly kept in touch to share sexting and photos and chat about whatever on text?  I mean sure that's a form of "attention" -I've also said hi to my neighbor when I see her for the last 10 years and a few weeks ago we had our first real conversation and I look forward to getting to know her but I mean - what kind of "holding someone's attention" are you looking for? Enough so the person will have you on his list for sex when he is horny or at least some fun exchange of what his penis is like and so you can then give him attention with photos of your private parts? OK.  

You posted this in dating advice but you're not looking to date him.  I'd move on from this person and react to those feelings of frustration by doing whatever you do to redirect -take a brisk walk, call a friend to catch up, etc - don't give this person more headspace and find someone you can have great sex with who is not this much effort and doesn't  frustrate you.

I hope it's ok to add -it would be great to see you post in the future about someone or people you're looking to get to know for a potential relationship and date - I am hoping maybe there's something going on with you where you're feeling a bit desperate and this whole bravado about "I love  great sex and I am a cool chick who loves to get *** picks and send photos of my breasts to some dude who's obviously into me all these years -just look at me" is just a phase and you'll wake up and smell the coffee of someone who makes you coffee and treats you with respect and you treat him with respect while you two date properly.  I know it's patronizing in a way to presume that you are not just a fun loving single gal who loves great sex.  Figured I'd give it a shot.

  Good luck!

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Brooklyn84 said:

It would be nice to go back to a relationship like we had and I thought we had a chance to since he said he had moved back and wanted to meet up. Which is probably most of why I'm frustrated because yet again, oh, I think we are moving in this direction, but he just disappears. At the same time... Like, I said above if he showed up then yay and if all I ended up with is one last hook up then so be it. I'd soak it up. 

I thought you said you wanted to keep in touch so badly because the sex was great - I posted in response. I echo what Miss Canuck wrote 100%. 

[Sam1986]

You're 40 and get frustrated over an obvious moron who is obviously using you? Sorry, but if you were like 22 and inexperienced I might have some sympathy, but at 40 you should definitely know better.

No sympathy from me, you brought this frustration on yourself and have to deal with the consequences, like the grown up you are.

[smackie9]

He was bored, got a free T pick from you. He was done with the convo and probably went out. Honestly it sounded like he was just killing time before he went and did something else.

Now if you want sex with him, why not just be up front about it, tell him and make arrangements to smash somewhere. It would be a lot easier.

[Brooklyn84]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

He was bored, got a free T pick from you. He was done with the convo and probably went out. Honestly it sounded like he was just killing time before he went and did something else.

Now if you want sex with him, why not just be up front about it, tell him and make arrangements to smash somewhere. It would be a lot easier.

We both know and have said many of times in the past month of texting that we want to meet up and that sex would be included in that, it just hasn't happened and now with him going silent obviously it's not happening unless or until he texts again. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Maybe he just didn't like the pic you sent?  Didn't find your "t*ts" attractive? 

I dunno just a thought, it's been 7 years, have they changed much?

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Brooklyn84 said:

it just hasn't happened

Why not? 

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Maybe he just didn't like the pic you sent?  Didn't find your "t*ts" attractive? 

I dunno just a thought, it's been 7 years, have they changed much?

I have thought that... And it's weird to me because I've never had any complaints from him or anybody else...

In my family it's a known story, my mom, cousin and I were standing outside some businesses selling some cookies... These three guys were walking past us on their way to a bar and I asked them if they'd like to buy some. They said no. My mom says, You're going to have to start flashing these guys if we're going to get rid of these cookies. I said, I'm not flashing people while standing on the sidewalk. She said, what a waste of great boobs! So anyway, I don't think they're ugly or scary or anything...

[Brooklyn84]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Why not? 

Because our schedules haven't been synching up, or at least that's what he says. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Brooklyn84 said:

Because our schedules haven't been synching up, or at least that's what he says. 

I don't think I'd buy that. 

He doesn't treat you like a woman he wants to date - just someone he wants to get him off. 

I'm sorry.