I m so angry to my BF manipulator

[MyTime007]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

What does this have to do with the job opportunity? Also a person who has been feeling distant for awhile but stayed might "jump in" if he felt or she felt that they had already checked out.  Obviously that woman doesn't wish to interact with you, Nothing good can come of it.

Im not sure 100 % they are together. What reason has made him feel distant? Since I left my job 4 months ago 2 months he was acting strange, started to hung out all the time with them. He gave the support to leave my job. Why? After 2 months he can be free to be with her. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, MyTime007 said:

Im not sure 100 % they are together. What reason has made him feel distant? Since I left my job 4 months ago 2 months he was acting strange, started to hung out all the time with them. He gave the support to leave my job. Why? After 2 months he can be free to be with her. 

Yes.  I was responding to whether you should take the job. Maybe you will respond to Shysoul's inquiry.  Take care.

[MyTime007]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Yes.  I was responding to whether you should take the job. Maybe you will respond to Shysoul's inquiry.  Take care.

Please tell me what you mean?

[Batya33]

Just now, MyTime007 said:

Please tell me what you mean?

I am not sure what you mean. Shysoul asked about your job opportunity, as did I. You have not responded to that yet. I am not asking about the original situation.

[MyTime007]

I have not accepted yet. I told him if I come it will be after 2 months, I need some to heal. 

[MyTime007]

Im writing here please sorry to all i m bothering, it helps me feel better. 

When we started to hung out as friends 7 years ago I was married yet, but my marrige was not good. So we were friends for 2 years, he gave me the support to break my marrige. If it wasnt him maybe I would have worked my marrige out, because my ex husbsnd was begging me to stay with him. I know the way he acts with women slowly, make them feel comfortable as friends. But when he wants something he gets it eather way or not. 5 years he was not ready to move in with me???? I think it is a big point for his feelings and thinking  about me. He was with me until he finds something better. Every day I m more and more angry.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, MyTime007 said:

Im writing here please sorry to all i m bothering, it helps me feel better. 

When we started to hung out as friends 7 years ago I was married yet, but my marrige was not good. So we were friends for 2 years, he gave me the support to break my marrige. If it wasnt him maybe I would have worked my marrige out, because my ex husbsnd was begging me to stay with him. I know the way he acts with women slowly, make them feel comfortable as friends. But when he wants something he gets it eather way or not. 5 years he was not ready to move in with me???? I think it is a big point for his feelings and thinking  about me. He was with me until he finds something better. Every day I m more and more angry.

I'm sorry you're feeling angry and glad it helps to vent. Perhaps you two crossed lines before you were divorced so he was a person who justified doing that with a married person. Might inform why he is choosing this path.  It takes two -you chose to interact with him as a "friend" -so did your husband also become friends with him? Did he know about him? It gets dicey when you start playing with fire as a married person then being with the person you played fire with.

[MyTime007]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Perhaps you two crossed lines before you were divorced so he was a person who justified doing that with a married person

I dont understand this really good. You think he has wrong opinion of me

[Andrina]

Men who cross the line of interacting like he did with a married woman never have a goal of longterm. Just because your marriage was unhappy didn't make your interaction with him ethical. This was bound to blow up in your face.

If you're smart, 2025 is the year you need to do a major overhaul on your life. Get yourself into an anger management course. Hitting anybody in anger is unacceptable. You need to learn healthier skills in handling your emotions. You also are lacking in wise decision-making skills. In your extreme anger at him for crossing relationship boundaries and after you've physically assaulted him, you want to take it to the next level by moving in together? This is insanity.

Your poor child. Don't you think the emotional energy you're spewing is having an effect on him/her? You could've been arrested because of assaulting your ex. The consequences of that would be horrible on numerous levels.

Everyone gets upset over breakups. That's life. But you're taking it to a toxic level.

Change your mindset. Take ownership of your own mistakes, not to beat yourself up but to learn from the mistakes so they are not repeated. Start pampering yourself with little treats. Do fun activities with your child. Get yourself back into the work world before you find yourself without a job and in a bigger jam. If you have to be around the ex, treat him with a distant pleasantness. Probably better if you take the other job if it's not around him, if that's still available.

People can start over at any age. Being 40 means nothing. Block him so you can have closure. Remaining angry with him is only hurting yourself. It's not punishing him. Think of him as a jerk who doesn't deserve space in your brain. He's already moving on. So should you.

[Batya33]

31 minutes ago, MyTime007 said:

I dont understand this really good. You think he has wrong opinion of me

No.  I think it's what Andrina wrote.

[MyTime007]

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

Men who cross the line of interacting like he did with a married woman never have a goal of longterm.

He had a relationship before me that lasted for 9 years, and she broke up with him because he wasnt ready to propose her and start a life together. She married another man in few yeras. Also his mother and family seem  strange people, they have never accepted me, nor his brother girlfriend. They also broke up 3 months ago.

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, MyTime007 said:

He had a relationship before me that lasted for 9 years, and she broke up with him because he wasnt ready to propose her and start a life together. She married another man in few yeras. Also his mother and family seem  strange people, they have never accepted me, nor his brother girlfriend. They also broke up 3 months ago.

Well, I guess you see he's continuing on with his normal pattern. Stop ruminating about him and his family. Concentrate on you and bettering your own life. 

[ShySoul]

Several things happening here. Tackling them separately,

1. Take the job if you think you can handle the emotional aspect of being near these people each day. Rather or not they have a relationship is seperate. If being around them is going to cause you to think about it, worry, and stress you out more, then it won't be good for your health. But if you can find a way to be so focused on them, then it would be a good opportunity.

Honestly, given everything else you have said and how much anxiety you have over it, it probably wouldn't be a good idea.

2. You said you don't know if they are together. Yet you act suspicious of them. You have accused him of being with her. You are reading into these pictures, which is what broke you up in the first place. You say he is free to be with her but seem hurt if he is. You're saying many different things.

You don't really know what is going on with him. He may have been acting different for any number of reasons, because of other things in his life. It may have just been him being unsure of himself. She may not have anything to do with it.

3. Please vent and write as much as you like. If it helps you, then have at it.

4. Being friends with a married woman isn't a bad thing. He didn't try to break up your marriage, he gave you support in a tough time. You didn't say he pressured you to divorce, just that he gave you support to break away from it. If that marriage was making you feel bad, then it wasn't right for you. Staying might have made you feel even worse. You knew him for two years before starting anything. You still tried to work out the marriage. Try not to see it as him wanting to get something from you. You really don't know that.

5. It is also not a crime to make a woman comfortable and be a friend. I have always had more women friends then men because I relate better with them and are more comfortable with them. Yet, rarely has there even been a hint of romantic interest. 

2 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

He had a relationship before me that lasted for 9 years, and she broke up with him because he wasnt ready to propose her and start a life together.

Seems to me his issue wasn't with you. I don't think he was using you or trying to get what he wanted. I think he has a fear of commitment. He engages in long term relationships because he likes the solid foundation it gives. He cares about them and works to make things last. But at some point he gets scared and is unable to bring himself to make it permanent. Proposing was too much. Moving in with you was too much. So he ran. It wasn't other women. It wasn't you. It was him being scared and insecure.

The best thing for you is to not think of him, to separate him from your mind as much as possible. Whatever reason he had for his actions aren't relevant now. You aren't together. Being focused on him and why he did things won't help you. Being focused on her won't help you. You need to concentrate on you and finding things to keep you busy, make you happy.

[MyTime007]

Me again. Today I checked his account on whats up and i see that he has deleted the whole account. We were using it for comunication, he used it for me mostly. We had no contact for more than a week I was not sending messiges to dusturb him. Why do you think he has made this move? He could have just deleted the messages and blok me, but the whole account???

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

Me again. Today I checked his account on whats up and i see that he has deleted the whole account. We were using it for comunication, he used it for me mostly. We had no contact for more than a week I was not sending messiges to dusturb him. Why do you think he has made this move? He could have just deleted the messages and blok me, but the whole account???

I'd stop checking and assuming. Maybe he simply felt like it, maybe it was impulsive who knows. 

[ShySoul]

9 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

Me again. Today I checked his account on whats up and i see that he has deleted the whole account. We were using it for comunication, he used it for me mostly. We had no contact for more than a week I was not sending messiges to dusturb him. Why do you think he has made this move? He could have just deleted the messages and blok me, but the whole account???

If wasn't really using the account, maybe he just thought it better to get rid of it?

Stop checking and following up on him. Stop questioning his every action. I know the urge is hard to resist. You want to know everything he is up to. But it's just keeping you stuck. Worrying isn't going to change anything and is making you feel bad. So focus on yourself and let him be.

[MyTime007]

2 hours ago, ShySoul said:

If wasn't really using the account, maybe he just thought it better to get rid of it?

 

Yes, for our communication mostly. It hurtred me really bad knowing that he cuts and deletes everything we have used. 

 

[ShySoul]

1 minute ago, MyTime007 said:

Yes, for our communication mostly. It hurtred me really bad knowing that he cuts and deletes everything we have used. 

If it helps, it might also hurt him to see an account that was so tied to his relationship with you. There's a chance he's trying to heal himself and trying to clear things that could be painful reminders. People heal in different ways. Some want to make it so they don't think about the person and cut things out so they aren't reminded. Others take things more personal and need to hold onto to things a bit longer. Don't think he's trying to hurt you, just trying to heal himself.

Sorry it still hurts. The pain isn't easy and lasts way longer then we like. You'll make it. Just try your best to not dwell or take things personally. And it's okay to miss him sometimes. Just keep pushing foward day by day.

[MyTime007]

6 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

If it helps, it might also hurt him to see an account that was so tied to his relationship with you. There's a chance he's trying to heal himself and trying to clear things that could be painful reminders. People heal in different ways. Some want to make it so they don't think about the person and cut things out so they aren't reminded. Others take things more personal and need to hold onto to things a bit longer. Don't think he's trying to hurt you, just trying to heal himself.

Sorry it still hurts. The pain isn't easy and lasts way longer then we like. You'll make it. Just try your best to not dwell or take things personally. And it's okay to miss him sometimes. Just keep pushing foward day by day.

It hurts and I think everyday more and more, insted of the opposite. I cant sleep for more than 3 4 hours. It is hard to fall a sleep and when I wake up the pain comes all of sudden and I cant go back to sleep again. I have not felt pain like this ever. I had marrige, boyfriends, but this had been the hardest experince ever happened to me. I also made one stupid move yesterday, writing him how are you doing, why you have deleted the account. No replay as I was expecting.

[ShySoul]

22 minutes ago, MyTime007 said:

It hurts and I think everyday more and more, insted of the opposite. I cant sleep for more than 3 4 hours. It is hard to fall a sleep and when I wake up the pain comes all of sudden and I cant go back to sleep again. I have not felt pain like this ever. I had marrige, boyfriends, but this had been the hardest experince ever happened to me. I also made one stupid move yesterday, writing him how are you doing, why you have deleted the account. No replay as I was expecting.

😢 If I could fix that for you I would. But it's the pain I think we all go through with someone once in our life. I remember by brother crying every night for a week, hours a night. I would break into tears randomly for months because of someone. I would cry myself to sleep. One night I couldn't sleep at all and stayed up all night before crashing at 6am. 

There's no easy answers or magic solution. All I know is that you survive it. You inch forward and start living. Eventually it hurts less and less until one day you feel okay. 

You'll make it. You've got depths of strenght in you that you don't even realize yet. Have faith and keep going. And we're here to give you that extra boost if you need it.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

Yes, for our communication mostly. It hurtred me really bad knowing that he cuts and deletes everything we have used. 

 

I'm sorry you feel hurt and if it hurts this badly be disciplined and restrained about not checking anymore. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

It hurts and I think everyday more and more, insted of the opposite. I cant sleep for more than 3 4 hours. It is hard to fall a sleep and when I wake up the pain comes all of sudden and I cant go back to sleep again. I have not felt pain like this ever. I had marrige, boyfriends, but this had been the hardest experince ever happened to me. I also made one stupid move yesterday, writing him how are you doing, why you have deleted the account. No replay as I was expecting.

Yes interacting will make it worse on you. I'm sorry you have insomnia from stress etc I have and it sucks. What helps me and you have to "practice" is the Weil method of 4-7-8 breathing -google it -it actually acts on me (and others I know) like an actual "sleeping pill".  Also give yourself around 30 minutes tops to fall back asleep. Then get out of bed.  Remake your bed -seriously -take the covers off and make it up nice and cozy and move your body to get the tension out - that also helps. Go in another room and read (another room not your bed).  I also do visualizations in my head of mundane tasks -like how to make a bed, how to make scrambled eggs or a sandwich -whatever is something that requires dull step by step process you do without thinking but focus -it redirects and plus the breathing it might help!!