I m so angry to my BF manipulator

[MyTime007]

We are 5 years together, we met at work, coworkers. Recently i changed job, he stayed in the same company. He gave me a big support to make this decision totaly yes to accept the new job. As time goes by, he starts to hang out with the collegues there more and more, the ones from my ex team. These are all girls good looking. When I was there ofcourse he rearly talk to them. I, m so pissed of about these, he doesnt know I know, ex coworcers told me and I found messages and pics in his phone. Please give me some advice. I want so big revenge about this. He gave the support to leave my job, to have his space in chasing other women.

[smackie9]

Well you know his motives now...he's a dog. Just breakup with him.

[catfeeder]

If I was with a guy who could switch his focus onto other women so easily, given the opportunity, I'd want to learn that sooner rather than later. There is no time like the present to move your own focus onto your own future.

I forget who said, "Living well is the best revenge." Don't allow someone who isn't worth your tears to distract you from your goal of building the best possible future for yourself. 'Revenge' is like driking poison while hoping that someone else will die. It makes no sense. He's not worth it.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

I found messages and pics in his phone.

What sort of messages and pics? 

[TeeDee]

You have your new job.  Break up with him & focus on what's ahead.  

Don't bother about the revenge  

[Coily]

On 12/15/2024 at 9:13 AM, MyTime007 said:

I found messages and pics in his phone.

What's the nature of these? if they are inappropriate then time to just leave him.

While all could be true, I do find it interesting (and a little suspicious) that these co-workers are bringing this up now that you are working elsewhere. Could they be trying to break up your relationship, not just his being untrustworthy?

Don't bother with revenge, it paints you in a very bad light; and for some would justify his poor actions.

[MyTime007]

I broke up with him, it was a big argument, after saying he would again go out with them. I was so angry, yeld and slaped him. After that I saw pictures on insta and a lot of people were there. I felt like I overreacted. I also called his mom, teliing her that he is phisicaly and mentaly hearting me, it was right after the fight.  After 4 days of no contact i tried to reach him, he answered and said that he is very angry for my reactions and for calling his mom that he abuses me. I tried to apolagize in person but he was so cold and when i told him that i want him back, but i want us to move in together, he said he doesnt want to because he thinks i m a psicho and is scared from me. Since than i messaged and called but no response for days. He doesnt even open the messages.  Im broken i cant sleep or eat, i drink alcohol and smoke cigarets like crazy. I dont think he will ever come back to me. Maybe he is involved with someone else. Please help

[MyTime007]

Someone answer pls

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, MyTime007 said:

I was so angry, yeld and slaped him.

 

1 hour ago, MyTime007 said:

I also called his mom, teliing her that he is phisicaly and mentaly hearting me,

It looks like you tend to overreact and become physically and emotionally abusive just like you accused him of being.  I don't see any way that the relationship can recover from what you have done.

 I think it is best you leave him alone, work on your anger issues and move on with your life without him in it.

 The thing you feared the most came true, not from anything he did but from what you did.

Lost

[MyTime007]

7 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

The thing you feared the most came true, not from anything he did but from what you did.

 Can you explain a little better pls.  By the way I was very angry beacause od the things i heard recently. 

[lostandhurt]

35 minutes ago, MyTime007 said:

By the way I was very angry beacause od the things i heard recently. 

Just because you heard something doesn't make it true does it? 

Yes I can explain it.  You feared losing your bf to other women so you reacted very badly causing the end of your relationship and now your bf is free to date other women.  It may have all been innocent what was going on between your bf and other coworkers but you blew the whole thing up with your overreaction.  You should NEVER lay hands on anyone, especially the person you claim to love.

  If I were in your bf shoes I would not take you back.  You showed you do not trust him, you showed him how badly you react when there are issues and you physically assaulted him in anger and on top of all that you called his mother and told her lies about her own son. 

Time to learn from your mistakes and move on with your life.

Lost

[MyTime007]

It is hard to move on after 5 years together and i m 40. You know i wanted to move in together and start a family years ago, but he always wasnt ready. Also his mother and his family was always againtst me, beacause im divorced with a child. They never accepted me. Besaide my reaction, now I feel like I waisted my time with this man that has never truly loved me.  

But I dont know how to move on, feel very depeessed, it has never been this hard for me in my life.

[ShySoul]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Whatever happened or whatever you did, it still hurts to break up with someone and have to feel the pain of having your world torn apart. Find something to take your mind off this for a bit so you can calm down (and not alcohol or smoking). Watch your favorite movie. Read your favorite book. Take walks or hikes. It's okay to feel sad and be upset. But also find some time to do something you enjoy and get your mind off of this for a bit. Clear your head and come back to this refreshed and a little less emotionally charged.

I think he did love you. He stayed with you five years despite what his parents said. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care for you. He stayed with you when you have a child. A lot of men wouldn't have entertained that idea. He was supportive of you taking a new job. I think he really wanted what he thought was best for you.

The problem was that you got jealous and suspicious of him when you had no proof. Pictures of him with other women doesn't mean cheating unless they are showing him engaged in inappropriate acts. If he is just around other women, then there could be any number of reasons. You then let your fears and insecurity get the better of you and you acted out instead of talking to him about it. You accused him of things and made the sitution worse. 

At this point, all you can do is own up to your mistakes and say you are sorry. Admit that you were wrong and respect whatever decision he makes. You could offer to talk calmly if/when he is ready, but don't expect anything. I never say never to people wanting to talk, but it would have to be on his time and terms, and it might not happen. As much as it hurts, this may be a mistake that he won't be able to forgive.

For now, take care of yourself. Grieve the relationship and take time to heal if you need to. And use it as a lesson going forward. A relationship needs trust and calm communication if it is to survive.

[MyTime007]

I offered him to talk in person we met and i said sorry, i asked if he has someone else he said no. I asked him to move in together and he refused. I told him that I love him and i need him. He didnt even look at me in the eyes so cold. Said he is not able to give me love at the moment, because he is scared of me and my action and is extremly confused. Especaly because i called his mom, acusing him. How will i explain this to her said. Since than i tried to call and wtite messages, but nothing. He doesnt even open them. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

I offered him to talk in person we met and i said sorry, i asked if he has someone else he said no. I asked him to move in together and he refused. I told him that I love him and i need him. He didnt even look at me in the eyes so cold. Said he is not able to give me love at the moment, because he is scared of me and my action and is extremly confused. Especaly because i called his mom, acusing him. How will i explain this to her said. Since than i tried to call and wtite messages, but nothing. He doesnt even open them. 

Unfortunately in a conflict like this the person who you reacted in this way to often will have walls up/boundaries simply to avoid being hurt again and you don't get to judge those choices once you lash out. Please do not choose to overindulge in alcohol -it's a time to be good to your body and mind.

[ShySoul]

11 hours ago, MyTime007 said:

I offered him to talk in person we met and i said sorry, i asked if he has someone else he said no. I asked him to move in together and he refused. I told him that I love him and i need him. He didnt even look at me in the eyes so cold. Said he is not able to give me love at the moment, because he is scared of me and my action and is extremly confused. Especaly because i called his mom, acusing him. How will i explain this to her said. Since than i tried to call and wtite messages, but nothing. He doesnt even open them. 

That he agreed to meet and hear you out at all is as much as you could have hoped for. When you hurt someone like you did, it's not up to you how they respond or what they are able to handle. He needs to deal with it in his own way and own time. It's possible he may never be able to love you that way again. Give him space. The more you push to see or talk, for him to take you back, the more you will be pushing him away. 

And I agree, don't turn to alcohol to deal with the pain. I watched my father do this and saw it mess up his health and relationships, his relationship with me included. It won't fix your pain and is likely to cause more pain. It's okay to feel down, Try finding some creative outlet to throw yourself in and take your mind off the hurt.

[Coily]

On 12/28/2024 at 10:18 AM, MyTime007 said:

I was so angry, yeld and slaped him

And that's why he wants nothing to do with you. Who would be willing to go back to their abuser?

On 12/28/2024 at 10:18 AM, MyTime007 said:

. I also called his mom, teliing her that he is phisicaly and mentaly hearting me, it was right after the fight.

Yet you were the aggressor, and then involved his family.

On 12/28/2024 at 10:18 AM, MyTime007 said:

because he thinks i m a psicho and is scared from me.

As well he should be afraid of someone who will do what you did.

I'll be blunt, until you learn from your mistakes and make serious effort to fix yourself; you will always drive people away. You need to do a lot of heavy lifting to improve yourself, which means seeking professional help. You crossed some huge lines with the physical assault and then trying to manipulate his family, ones that scream the need for professional intervention.

You are very much the abuser and manipulator in this relationship. This is a very serious wake up call that you need about you.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Coily said:

You are very much the abuser and manipulator in this relationship. This is a very serious wake up call that you need about you.

No truer words have been spoken on this thread.  

It sucks that you are the reason for the breakup but the sooner you accept that you made massive mistakes and want to figure out why you have done what you have done it will just repeat with someone else. 

 Lost

[MyTime007]

I m sorry i heard this from all of you. Im in my worst mood right now. I cant get my self out. I sent him message for Happy new year he doesnt even replay to that message. On insta from the other colegues i saw a picture from selebration, all the time next to one girl. I dont know how to move on, im dying from pain.

[ShySoul]

1 minute ago, MyTime007 said:

I m sorry i heard this from all of you. Im in my worst mood right now. I cant get my self out. I sent him message for Happy new year he doesnt even replay to that message. On insta from the other colegues i saw a picture from selebration, all the time next to one girl. I dont know how to move on, im dying from pain.

Hey. It's okay. Yes, you messed up and were wrong in your actions. But I think you know that. And the pain you are feeling is the constant reminder of that. So I'm not going to pour salt on the wound any more.

I've done things that have hurt people as well. We all have. Dealing with the aftermath is difficult, especially on days when it is supposed to be a happy and joyful moment. How do you celebrate when you feel your world is dying?

I'm sorry you are hurting like this. Step away from what's hurting you in the moment. Don't look at social media. Stay away from the things that remind you of him. Pick something that makes you laugh or feel good. Find a movie, a song, a book, anything. Do something to take your mind off this. Dwelling on it doesn't bring him back and doesn't make you feel better. Hearing how you were wrong and being harsh with yourself isn't going to help you. You can work on all of that later. Right now you need to smile and find some good in the world. Take it from someone who has spent far too much time contempleting my mistakes, it is easy to get into a bad cycle of feeling depressed and hopeless. You don't want to do that.

And if you need to talk, feel free to write. Not sure how much can be done to change your situation, but I'll at least be willing to hear you vent and throw in some encouragement.

Things get better. Really, they do.

[MyTime007]

Things do change really, today I got a call from the director of my old company, asking me to come back, as Direktor of finances, in his closes team. He said he needs me and he will give me this position if i decied to come. The salary is way too big then in my current new company. Do you think I should accept this after all that happened between me and my Bf? 

[ShySoul]

Would it require you to work closely with him? Do you think you could handle the emotional strain of seeing him each day?

I would take the job as it's too good of an opportunity to pass up. I'd try to avoid him if possible and concentrate on the job. You ideally wouldn't want an ex to come between you and your career goals.

However, always keep in mind your mental and emotional health. If being around him or any of the other people involved in this situation would do more damage to you, it wouldn't be worth it. My friend stayed at a job that hurt her to the point she ended up physically ill from stress and in the hospital. Don't put yourself in a position for that to happen.

Really, it's up to you. If you believe you can handle being near these people, then the job is a good offer you should take. But if it's going to cause more emotional turmoil, then you shouldn't take it.

Either way, I wish you luck.

[MyTime007]

6 hours ago, ShySoul said:

 

If being around him or any of the other people involved in this situation would do more damage to you, it wouldn't be worth 

You mean the other woman by this? No man would jum into other suddenly after the break up, if he loved her. Especialy after 5 years together

[MyTime007]

I see i didnt make it clear, I think  he is involved with the other woman, i was suspicious of her before the break up, and after the break up, she is next to him in all pics from the new year celebration from work. I sent a friend request to her, because we know each other, she didnt accept it for days. When i wrote to him that I know about their relationship, she bloked me. 

So my point was no man that has loved his girlfriend for 5 years, would jump into other relashionship in few days after the break up. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, MyTime007 said:

I see i didnt make it clear, I think  he is involved with the other woman, i was suspicious of her before the break up, and after the break up, she is next to him in all pics from the new year celebration from work. I sent a friend request to her, because we know each other, she didnt accept it for days. When i wrote to him that I know about their relationship, she bloked me. 

So my point was no man that has loved his girlfriend for 5 years, would jump into other relashionship in few days after the break up. 

What does this have to do with the job opportunity? Also a person who has been feeling distant for awhile but stayed might "jump in" if he felt or she felt that they had already checked out.  Obviously that woman doesn't wish to interact with you, Nothing good can come of it.