Building a bond. (Do I have a chance?) the sequel.

[Blackkittymoon]

Hello guys! 
Some of you may have seen my post from a while ago "Do I even have a chance?" so this will sound similar, it's still about the same guy.

For the sake of not finding a synonym for "Amazing young man" I'll call him J.

I recently, probably (?) obtained a crush on J. I'm not 100% sure if this is romantic feelings or "Oh my gosh! He likes skateboarding guitar and God?! what a catch!".  Truly, I love him as an individual. That is also why I'm posting this in relationship advice. I just want some sort of relationship with him.

Over the past month we have, in my eyes, grown closer. I had a surprise birthday party, and he was there. I got to play bingo with him there, laugh and talk with him. AS WELL AS ALL MY OTHER GUESTS, not ignoring people for him. Although I've just been getting to talk and chat with him more. We still volunteer at a church together; we chat together much more there. Talking about the youth group, jokes. 

Recently, J, two others and I got to go on a spontaneous hike. Just being in a tight nit group of friends made me feel closer to him. (Even though I got stuck in a cave and he had to pull me out and for the rest of the day I could only think of how lame I must've looked.) 
After that the mentioned before surprise birthday happened. He wrote me a card; it was super sweet. All except the fact it said, "For your age". There is a 3-year age difference between us. Until the party most people didn't know because I acted old enough to get by with being older. Question one is, does he, M(19) see me F(16) as a child, will this always last? I'd choose not to date him until we are 20/17 respectively.

Even though we aren't super close, the talking/joking makes me feel closer to him. As he was leaving our church he called me a jokester, I replied it's cause I'm joke-ish. (My last name sounds like the word Joke) so he stayed for a minute to ask me about that, leaning over to pay attention. I can't tell if I'm reading to into it, but I assume if you want to know things about me, you at least want to be friends.
J shared his testimony last night, and knowing more about him and his willingness to share made me proud of him, I talked with him, and he told me a little extra and gave me his notes that he read from. It feels like I get to know him a little more personally. I recorded his testimony and sent it to him; we've texted more this week then we have ever. That's not saying much. Although he never really texts anyone, (He sucks at quick responses). And getting to talk to him makes me feel like he at least wants friendship.

 

Question two is does he seem like he wants to be my friend? Also, again I ask, in a year, will I have a chance?

Thank you guys, for reading this book of a problem. I seriously appreciate EVERYTHING you guys say, it helps so much. Just rant your thoughts, and if you have questions please ask! I clearly love talking <3. 🌻<-- for you guys.

Bonus question, I recently found out a friend has a crush on him, does it make me a jerk to still like him? New to the ball game.
 

[smackie9]

Why don't you ask him to join you for a soda, or a slice of pizza or ice cream? 

[catfeeder]

Hello BKM, your post is lovely. Of course you have a chance, even if given that your target for dating isn't for another year, you may have to suffer some grueling periods of allowing other girls to 'play through' first.

I did this during high school when I had my sights set on certain guys who were in relationships or otherwise preoccupied with other girls. I considered timing to be everything, and so I kept reasonable distances from my crushes and just kept them in mind for better opportunities. I stayed dignified this way as opposed to pushing myself into a scramble for divided attention. I trusted that other girls will burn out their welcome eventually, and sure enough, my opportunity would present and pay off because I was patient.

Enjoy your budding friendship, avoid getting discouraged if the guy shifts his focus onto anyone else, but do back off during that time. He will appreciate you more if you don't force a competition for his attention. You'll be regarded as self-respecting because you ARE self-respecting. 

Head high, and enjOy.

[Blackkittymoon]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Why don't you ask him to join you for a soda, or a slice of pizza or ice cream? 

I'd definitely like too sometime, although I don't know if he normally hangs out with girls 1-1. I don't know if it's because of things in his past a lot of girls try and get with him, but I think getting together in small groups is perfect.

[Blackkittymoon]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Hello BKM, your post is lovely. Of course you have a chance, even if given that your target for dating isn't for another year, you may have to suffer some grueling periods of allowing other girls to 'play through' first.

I did this during high school when I had my sights set on certain guys who were in relationships or otherwise preoccupied with other girls. I considered timing to be everything, and so I kept reasonable distances from my crushes and just kept them in mind for better opportunities. I stayed dignified this way as opposed to pushing myself into a scramble for divided attention. I trusted that other girls will burn out their welcome eventually, and sure enough, my opportunity would present and pay off because I was patient.

Enjoy your budding friendship, avoid getting discouraged if the guy shifts his focus onto anyone else, but do back off during that time. He will appreciate you more if you don't force a competition for his attention. You'll be regarded as self-respecting because you ARE self-respecting. 

Head high, and enjoy.

This is a perfect reply! a lot of girls seem to like him, and while I don't want to just drop him, I'm not going to go for him if a bunch of other women are trying to talk to him as well. A friendship will show that I just want to be with him for himself as well, not just to date.

Backing off during a time of him being interested in someone else is really good advice! thank youu >:D 

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Blackkittymoon said:

He wrote me a card; it was super sweet. All except the fact it said, "For your age".

Oof

I am sorry, but at that age 3 years is a considerable difference for a dating. Not to mention, in your case even punishable by law depending on a country. That is why you said you want to date him when you are 17, right?

Unfortunately, I dont think he see you in the same way. People are not really that secretive as they think they are about crushes. Especially at young age. For example, I am willing to believe its you who does texting first, not him. Which is not really a sign that he likes you. But I understand high school crushes are hard. If nothing happens you will get over it in time. Perhaps you will in time find somebody who is still in high school as you are and who does like you. Just remember that if this doesnt go the way you planned. 

[Blackkittymoon]

41 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oof

I am sorry, but at that age 3 years is a considerable difference for a dating. Not to mention, in your case even punishable by law depending on a country. That is why you said you want to date him when you are 17, right?

Unfortunately, I dont think he see you in the same way. People are not really that secretive as they think they are about crushes. Especially at young age. For example, I am willing to believe its you who does texting first, not him. Which is not really a sign that he likes you. But I understand high school crushes are hard. If nothing happens you will get over it in time. Perhaps you will in time find somebody who is still in high school as you are and who does like you. Just remember that if this doesnt go the way you planned. 

Don't apologize! I seriously need the honesty right now. No, the dating him at 17 is because I want to be out of school and more mature than I am now. I know even though I feel mature I'm most likely not. So 17 feels like a safer bet.

I honestly don't assume he sees me the same way either. I've had that mentality from the beginning and completely understand that reality! Thank you so much for the honesty.

[Andrina]

When I was a teen, I had a minimum of three friends who had older brothers I totally crushed on. I never, though, seriously expected they'd move on to be anything more than that.

Seriously, if he's that charming and good looking, if he presently wanted a gf, he could easily have one. Perhaps at this time in his life he doesn't want to make the efforts it takes to be in a romance. Perhaps he's gay and likes to keep that part of his life personal. 

I believe you said you're home-schooled and this church group sounds like it might be your main social outlet, so it's no surprise you'd find at least one person in a group of people who is your cup of tea.

I think it's a mistake to pour a lot of your emotional energy into a goal of yours that would entail finding out results of your wishes a whole year away. If you do that, and if it ends up with him not wanting to date you at that time, you will be enormously disappointed after all this build-up.

Are you planning on going to college? If so, that will greatly expand your world and you will be meeting guys, many closer to your age, whom you possibly won't have to guess at whether they are just being nice or are totally interested in dating you.

In the meantime, I'd seek out other social activities besides this church group to stop zeroing in on this crush. Because to me it sounds like it's veering toward an unhealthy situation.

[Blackkittymoon]

4 hours ago, Andrina said:

When I was a teen, I had a minimum of three friends who had older brothers I totally crushed on. I never, though, seriously expected they'd move on to be anything more than that.

Seriously, if he's that charming and good looking, if he presently wanted a gf, he could easily have one. Perhaps at this time in his life he doesn't want to make the efforts it takes to be in a romance. Perhaps he's gay and likes to keep that part of his life personal. 

I believe you said you're home-schooled and this church group sounds like it might be your main social outlet, so it's no surprise you'd find at least one person in a group of people who is your cup of tea.

I think it's a mistake to pour a lot of your emotional energy into a goal of yours that would entail finding out results of your wishes a whole year away. If you do that, and if it ends up with him not wanting to date you at that time, you will be enormously disappointed after all this build-up.

Are you planning on going to college? If so, that will greatly expand your world and you will be meeting guys, many closer to your age, whom you possibly won't have to guess at whether they are just being nice or are totally interested in dating you.

In the meantime, I'd seek out other social activities besides this church group to stop zeroing in on this crush. Because to me it sounds like it's veering toward an unhealthy situation.

He definitely could have a girlfriend if he wanted one, he's looking for something and I'm not sure what it is, but I won't be changing to fit it. Don't worry :).
I am homeschooled! It's definitely a big outlet for me.
 

The goal is less of dating and more of a friendship. Even after next year, but I think this is something good to keep in mind.

I am currently already in college, it's nice but not something I'm looking to pursue afterwards. Although it is a great way to expand my social outings and friend groups. TYSM.

I didn't mean for it to sound like zeroing in on him, but if that's how it's coming across then it may be good to walk a bit away anyways. I've got a lot of friends and interests outside him, he's just a lot of fun to hang out with and I don't want to shame myself into believing that crushes can't be good anymore.  
I think most of this is fun and a learning experience.
Thank you so much for your detailed reply and thoughts put into it. You are truly awesome for this. It's always good to hear another's point of view. thank you.

[Andrina]

17 minutes ago, Blackkittymoon said:

he's looking for something and I'm not sure what it is, but I won't be changing to fit it.

I don't quite understand this.

[Blackkittymoon]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

I don't quite understand this.

My apologies, I was trying to clarify that I'm not willing to change for him. Just because I didn't want that misconception ❤️