I don't know what to do with my first love.

[1Angel]

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sometimes you just have to choose to do it despite not knowing what the something is.  

My best friend who helped me the most besides my therapist says I should cut off contact. He said a very interesting thing, she turned to me again because she has no one left, she almost lost all her friends and she turns to me because she knows I will always be there for her. I promised myself a long time ago that I would help her and anyone who needs it, I don't know if it's worth starting a conversation that could lead to another attempt to be together but I don't know if she wants to do the same thing she did because I'm no longer the same person I was. Just reject me and get away from me but I get why she did it, I was an *** who projected my problems onto her and I suffocated her, I was a bad boyfriend in the relationship. Now I don't know if it's worth the risk of trying again, I've changed a lot.

 

 

 

[TeeDee]

45 minutes ago, 1Angel said:

Okay, is there any way I can prove to her that I've changed, the trust between us is still there but I don't think she sees the change in me and is the conversation worth it? 

No the conversation won't help.  She doesn't trust your words.  The only thing that will help is time & your good actions now.    The risk is you become an orbitor & she sees you not as a romantic partner but you get friend zoned.  

[1Angel]

1 minute ago, TeeDee said:

No the conversation won't help.  She doesn't trust your words.  The only thing that will help is time & your good actions now.  

What good actions would you recommend I do?

[TeeDee]

Being true to your word.  Being reliable.  Active listening.   Being dependable.  Not doing whatever it was that broke you apart last time. 

[1Angel]

1 minute ago, TeeDee said:

Being true to your word.  Being reliable.  Active listening.   Being dependable.  Not doing whatever it was that broke you apart last time. 

So I'm doing well, this has been happening for the last month and I'm doing all the things you recommended. I don't really have time because the longer time goes by and we have this kind of relationship, my mental state is getting worse, not like before, it's dropping drastically right away, but slowly.

 

 

 

[TeeDee]

If being around her hoping for a relationship that she doesn't want is adversely affecting your mental state, it's time to cut contact with her for your own sanity.  

[1Angel]

3 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

If being around her hoping for a relationship that she doesn't want is adversely affecting your mental state, it's time to cut contact with her for your own sanity.  

Yes, that's what my best friend who has been helping me since day one told me. What should the signs I listed mean then if you know the answer. Perhaps asking her right away what she wants from me can resolve the whole situation by being direct?

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

8 minutes ago, 1Angel said:

Yes, that's what my best friend who has been helping me since day one told me. What should the signs I listed mean then if you know the answer. Perhaps asking her right away what she wants from me can resolve the whole situation by being direct?

By asking offhandedly whether she ever envisions the two of you getting back together, you're not raising a proposal, it's just a question. If she says no, then you can either continue the friendship for as long as you wish, or you can tell her that a friendship-only doesn't work for you and stop the contact. If she says yes, then you'll have something to work toward rather than tying yourselves together prematurely before you're both ready.

This does NOT involve some unnecessary confession that puts her on the spot in that moment.

See the difference?

[1Angel]

8 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

By asking offhandedly whether she ever envisions the two of you getting back together, you're not raising a proposal, it's just a question. If she says no, then you can either continue the friendship for as long as you wish, or you can tell her that a friendship-only doesn't work for you and stop the contact. If she says yes, then you'll have something to work toward rather than tying yourselves together prematurely before you're both ready.

This does NOT involve some unnecessary confession that puts her on the spot in that moment.

See the difference?

Yes I can see the difference. Thank you.

[1Angel]

Hello, a little update on my situation. On Monday I did what you suggested and I got an instant no. She agreed with me that we are like brother and sister. She also said if we try again it will be the same as last time. I don't think about her at all anymore, I feel much better, I even arranged to have coffee with another beautiful lady this Saturday. Thank you for your help. It means a lot to me.

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, 1Angel said:

I feel much better, I even arranged to have coffee with another beautiful lady this Saturday

Good for you, OP. 

Onward and upward.