Mr

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, K.B1088 said:

She saw me writing a long message to someone, asked who it was so I showed her the message/s

^^A long message to your ex?   Messages (plural)?

So there was more than one one? 

Besides telling her she's the best mum to your girls, I'm curious what the rest of your long message(s) said? 

There must be more going on here than her getting upset by just that one brief and thoughtful comment about your ex being a good mum. 

Can you provide more context re the messages? 

 

[K.B1088]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^A long message to your ex?   Messages (plural)?

So there was more than one one? 

Besides telling her she's the best mum to your girls, I'm curious what the rest of your long message(s) said? 

There must be more going on here than her getting upset by just that one brief and thoughtful comment about your ex being a good mum. 

Can you provide more context re the messages? 

 

Yea, sure. I started it by asking if the girls were okay and then we had a disagreement about support and that’s when she mentioned about feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and exhausted 

[MissCanuck]

And you two (you and this most recent ex, I mean) had had no other relationship issues up until then? 

[K.B1088]

18 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

And you two (you and this most recent ex, I mean) had had no other relationship issues up until then? 

There has been a few teething problems, but none that we haven’t spoken about and moved on from 

[MissCanuck]

12 minutes ago, K.B1088 said:

There has been a few teething problems, but none that we haven’t spoken about and moved on from 

Such as? 

 

[K.B1088]

15 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Such as? 

 

At times she hasn’t felt prioritised, I sometimes have felt the same. One time when she was intoxicated I felt disrespected 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, K.B1088 said:

At times she hasn’t felt prioritised, I sometimes have felt the same. One time when she was intoxicated I felt disrespected 

What does prioritized look like to her specifically?  How often does she choose to get drunk? 

[K.B1088]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

What does prioritized look like to her specifically?  How often does she choose to get drunk? 

Putting her first with everything by the looks of it. I think because I live close to my ex, that I’m prioritising her more when that’s really not the case. I’ve taken days off to spend time with her in her home town, which has been cancelled twice by her. The more I talk about this, the more I’m thinking what am I going 

[TeeDee]

It was kind of you to be reassuring to the mother of your children. 

It was mature & gracious of you to be transparent with your GF.  Unfortunately your GF is immature & jealous.  No matter the words you used, she read your messages to the mother of your children one way: that you still love that woman & want her back.  Nothing you do or say will change your GF's misimpression.  She does not want to be confused with facts. 

It's time for some tough talk with the GF as in something like this: 

I love you but she is & always will be the mother of my children.  In order to assure that my children have the best lives possible the EX & I must co-parent successfully & collaboratively.  My desire to take care of my children does not mean I don't love & support you but you can't fly off the handle simply because I am polite, civil & encouraging to my kids' mom.  

If GF can't understand that maybe it's time for a new GF.  Are you really going to jettison your own kids for the GF's vanity? 

[Seraphim]

Well you CANT prioritize her 100% when you have kids . Or really any time. She is unrealistic and jealous. 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, K.B1088 said:

Putting her first with everything by the looks of it. I think because I live close to my ex, that I’m prioritising her more when that’s really not the case. I’ve taken days off to spend time with her in her home town, which has been cancelled twice by her. The more I talk about this, the more I’m thinking what am I going 

^^I'm thinking now she may have used the comment to your ex as a convenient and plausible excuse to dump you, she's no longer into it.

Given what's posted above, specifically that SHE was the one who canceled dates, SHE wasn’t prioritizing you!

Instead of admitting that to you, she uses the thoughtful comment to your ex and that she "cannot move past it" (which is complete BS to any reasonable person) as an excuse to dump you and blame you for it.  

It's gaslighting and a total mind ***.  

Let her walk.  Wish her well!  

This is not someone you should want in your life or your child's life imo. 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

If she wants to remain in contact, allow her to be the one to initiate it, always. Use the time apart to question how healthy this woman may actually be for you and your relationships with your children. She wants priority--over them? Not good.

If she contacts you, I'd stand my ground. I'd clarify that my ex IS the best possible mother of my children, which does not imply that she was the best partner for me. I'd have argued that you were the best partner for me if not for your jealousy. While I wish you could be more understanding about my life as a father, it's not a problem I can resolve for you.

[K.B1088]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

If she wants to remain in contact, allow her to be the one to initiate it, always. Use the time apart to question how healthy this woman may actually be for you and your relationships with your children. She wants priority--over them? Not good.

If she contacts you, I'd stand my ground. I'd clarify that my ex IS the best possible mother of my children, which does not imply that she was the best partner for me. I'd have argued that you were the best partner for me if not for your jealousy. While I wish you could be more understanding about my life as a father, it's not a problem I can resolve for you.

I have had a conversation with her and explained that she is the best mum for my children, like she is for her child. I asked her directly if I was the best father to her child, to which she responded, ‘no, you’re not her dad.’ my point proven I think.

i have said that I wish you well but i have to move on from this and contact from her has already been initiated 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, K.B1088 said:

I have had a conversation with her and explained that she is the best mum for my children, like she is for her child. I asked her directly if I was the best father to her child, to which she responded, ‘no, you’re not her dad.’ my point proven I think.

i have said that I wish you well but i have to move on from this and contact from her has already been initiated 

Good for you for the self esteem and valuing your children . 

[catfeeder]

5 minutes ago, K.B1088 said:

i have said that I wish you well but i have to move on from this and contact from her has already been initiated 

Okay, good. You don't need this kind of attention-seeking drama. You're a good father to your kids by getting along with their mother, and the right woman for you will see that as a character asset rather than some made-up flaw.

Head high.