Do you think it's better to have low expectations when it comes to marriage ?

[Cherylyn]

I think your father gave you terrible advice and opinions.  Why bother getting married if you're constantly thinking nothing but the worst in your spouse? 

Both my husband and I've been married for years and we have high expectations of each other.  We always have each others backs.  We confide in each other.  We don't deceive nor betray each other.  We are always loyal to one another.  We don't badmouth behind each others backs.  Never.  We are fiercely loyal and take care of each other in sickness and in health. 

This is what a normal,  very content marriage is. 

[Circe]

First - it doesn’t sound like you are very happy in this marriage but I’ve only read two of your posts so I can’t figure out why you are unhappy. 
 

Any chance you didn’t quite recover from your breakup with your ex and rebounded to your wife - or “settled” for your wife and there isn’t enough of a compatibility there between you?

 

 But as for expectations .. my only expectations are that my husband and I work through life’s challenges together. I don’t expect him to be perfect and not make mistakes. I don’t expect to never feel betrayed by something he’s done. And I hope he doesn’t expect the same from me.
 

Just today I had to have a conversation with him because he recently explained he’d been doing something that he’d not told me about before and in the circumstances I felt there was a bit of deception (had to do with my MIL). I told him that I assumed the motive behind the deception is to not upset me but it’s important to be honest otherwise it’s damaging to trust. 
 

I just think in a marriage you will of course let reach other down a million times. Him me and me him. But I do expect that we will both strive to be better for each other to the extent we can (and that this will always be a work in progress) and that we will always try and nurture the relationship, fight for it when things are tough, appreciate it, etc. My expectations have to do with commitment and with trying to do better for each other. But they don’t have anything to do with being perfect or not making mistakes etc.

[TeeDee]

@Jacod999

Wow.  Just wow.  What a depressing view of marriage.  It sounds like an awful way to go through life.  

Your father & you are right that your spouse can do the most damage with a betrayal but that is no reason to assume they will hurt you.  If you have that little trust in your partner, then you should not be married.  

 

Did you ever consider the fault lies with you?  I am an excellent judge of character.  I have rarely had anybody in my life change radically. Perhaps you need a better vetting process up front. 

When DH & I first married it was a leap of faith & I had some worries about mingling our lives together so much.  But I knew we were building a team -- stronger together.  Loyalty is incredibly important to him. We still have hiccups but we are each other's support system.   

[shouldhavelearned]

Marriage has always been rough but I think it's tougher today than ever.

So many people on both sides are quick to cheat physically or emotionally. They also just 

And with kids involved, they usually go to the woman and that's almost a lifetime of payments to her and she has the chance to remarry.