How to deal with step mom?

[cinnamonlace]

So this may not be the right place for this, but I think my step-mom might have been a narcissist (?) or maybe just an a**hole idk.

So my dad met my step-mom on a dating app, she was really nice and she had a son so we all got along well. Looking back on it she never yelled at me or anything until we moved into a different house. Then she screamed and yelled at me for absolutely everything ESPECIALLY dishes I was 8 and she'd lose her mind over dirty dishes I remember I had to make her, her eggs in the morning at the time as well. I'm personally a chronic cryer when I'm being yelled at, and she'd yell at me for that too, but when I didn't cry and I tried to keep a straight face I 'didn't care' and had an 'attitude'

It got really bad when my dad started working away from home, she at one point lost it over literally nothing later she told me my 'vibes' were off. In that fight she threw my grammar notebook at me (didn't end up hitting me but it kinda felt like she was trying to) separated me from the table she and her son ate at and more I really don't wanna talk about.

Another thing is at the time I wasn't speaking to my biological mother, she did some things and it wasn't pretty. So my stepmother was oddly supportive of this, and I think like three times she threatened to send me to my bio mom's house, made me pack up all my stuff (I was ten so basically I packed my books and my tablet) and then in the middle of a Walmart told me she wasn't really going to send me back. AGAIN this happened several times.

Theres more but since then (and since my dad's moved back in) things have gotten better.

So I got to online school, and I don't have much of a schedule, you see I take care of my dogs, do school and clean the bathroom and some random stuff here and there not many chores (still alot compared to my step brother who does nothing but take out the trash LITERALLY that's his only chore, she just slowly took away his chores and sometimes put them on me) I wake up at 8-8:30 and my dogs get fed usually around 9-9:30. She starts on me while I was using the bathroom (she's never typically around when I feed them) that the dogs need fed, and 9:30 is too late, she's never told me that before but I say okay and get onto feeding them, but she just goes on and on about how I need to feed them so they don't get hungry and throw up and then get gurds and then they need surgery saying it would be my fault if they did need surgery and ect. then with a blank face blank tone I answer her question and she says I'm giving her attitude. My face was more like a frown than anything. What pisses me off the most about this is that my brother gives her attitude all the time and she usually makes into a joke or tells him to stop being grumpy.

Everytime she yells at me I get really upset because it just reminds me of when I was a kid and she use to yell at me, ik this is irrational but it just resurfaces everything and I want her out of my life. Until she's done and then I forget about it until the next time.

She has a very strange dynamic with my bio mom and is pretty much constantly talking bad about her for whatever reason but my bio mom also talks bad about my step mom so 🤷‍♀️

Anyways sorry this was so long, it doesn't even scratch the surface she use to call me names and stuff but .... I don't know, does it sound like she's a narcissist?

(I originally posted this on reddit: r/raisedbynarcisits so that's why I ask if she's a narc but any advice is welcome!!)

[TeeDee]

Talk to your father about what you are feeling.  Ask if you can go to regular school so you get more structure & support.  

[Kwothe28]

Nothing you described sounds like a narcissistic behavior. Narcissist is usually somebody who is high on itself. Lives in their own delusional world where they are no1, has fantasies about power and success, critical and look down on people, has no empathy toward others etc. For example, my dad is a narcissist. Last week i told him that my car mechanic told me that he measured my car battery at 78% full and only 38% good(two separate measurements). He told me how that two measurements dont make up 100% and how it should be 78- 22. I explained to him what mechanic said and how its two different measurements and he said "What does he knows? I am an engineer after all, he has no school at all". Mind you my dad isnt car engineer, he just knows a lot about cars.

Its that kind of irrational behavior you can expect from narcissists. To know everything, to have some grandiose illusion how they are all-important, to see people around them as lesser beings etc. I dont know what Reddit(the site where everyone who ask a question are either narcissists, autistic or LGBT according to other users btw) said, but I really dont see that from what you wrote. So your mom may just be generally obnoxious and abusive being. People dont need a personality disorder to be that. And yes, perhaps its better to talk to your dad about it.