Is 50 too old to have a family?

[Borges]

51 to be exact.  I didn't have any kids with my ex-wife for various health reasons (on her part).   I'm just wondering if its a pipe dream.  I hate not having a family.   I should point out that I'm single and would need to find someone younger and and willing.

[Seraphim]

It isn’t something I would do at that age . Kids require an enormous amount of energy and time and money and commitment. You would be well into senior citizen years  by the time they finished school. 

[Borges]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

It isn’t something I would do at that age . Kids require an enormous amount of energy and time and money and commitment. You would be well into senior citizen years  by the time they finished school. 

Not to mention the fact that I'm single.  My concern was even finding a partner young enough.

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, Borges said:

Not to mention the fact that I'm single.  My concern was even finding a partner young enough.

I would discourage having kids in your 50’s. It is just so so so much work and what if you pass on before the child is an adult ?? I don’t it is fair to you or the child . 

[Borges]

Well thanks for being honest.  I've had friends shower me with relentless positivity "Everything is possible!"  "Be positive!"  etc.   But I mean I see men have kids in their 60s and 70s.  

[Seraphim]

I am 58 and there is just no way I could imagine starting a family now . My son is 27 and believe me I am glad for that . 

[itsallgrand]

There are a lot of ways to be part of a family. This week an older couple in my extended family group brought home their new son who is an older child from a country with a lot of children who don't have families. They are thrilled beyond belief and I am too for all of them. They went through incredible long journey for this, getting their heart broken along the way. But that kid is going to be loved to the moon. 

Some people meet the love of their life later and that person has children and they become a blended family.

Some people do have bio kids at an older age.

I could go on and on. Depends how stuck you are on your family meaning mom dad bio kid what the odds are. 

 

[Batya33]

My coworker adopted his 5th child with his 3rd wife when he was 60 and his wife was in her 40s (and couldn't have children).  We were 42 when we had our son who is now 15.  At 58, I - wouldn't want to adopt or have a child this late even though we are full of energy and in good health.  If I'd never had kids I likely wouldn't either.  For me personally -seems -too risky as far as aging/being there for the child. 

How about fostering?

[shouldhavelearned]

You can do it

It might be physically hard 

And also the fact you would not be alive per average as someone younger 

Don't let it be discouraging 

You just have to find someone willing to do it

[Borges]

"You just have to find someone willing to do it"

Yeah that's probably the most difficult part of it.   As for fostering, I'm not capable of doing that on my own.  I was looking ahead to the slim possibility of finding a partner who also wanted (more) kids.  I am sort of desirous of bio kids.  Fair to say this is all rather a pipe dream.

[shouldhavelearned]

Yeah, most of life is a pipe dream

It's over before you know it

Live your life 

[Starlight925]

Deleted, repetitive.

[Kwothe28]

Al Pacino had one when he was 80. Trouble is, sorry to state the obvious, you aint Al Pacino. You probably wont find somebody young enough to make that baby. Whole process when you get old and want kids is excruciating. 

How do you feel about single moms? Do you strictly need biological kids to be a family?

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Borges said:

"You just have to find someone willing to do it"

Yeah that's probably the most difficult part of it.   As for fostering, I'm not capable of doing that on my own.  I was looking ahead to the slim possibility of finding a partner who also wanted (more) kids.  I am sort of desirous of bio kids.  Fair to say this is all rather a pipe dream.

Just keep this from the perspective of not your dream as much as what is in the best interests of the child? I was 42 and had a postpartum stroke from which I fully recovered -but no history -no medical issues, no smoking etc - just an older woman getting pregnant which has its risks.  So my son almost lost his mom early on and/or I could have been not mobile, etc. I don't regret getting pregnant at 41 of course-many women do that -but of course the risks were higher - but as tempted as I was for awhile to get pregnant on my own in my 30s when I was single I knew for me that wouldn't be fair to the child and that was my inordinate focus. I suggest respectfully that same focus for you -not just about age but lifestyle, etc.

My sister is 63 with grown children and grandchildren ages 2-10 or so - and she also works a very demanding job which is all about physical exertion -she's in awesome shape and helps with 3 of her grandchildren who live nearby. She is always on the move. 

When my mom was in her 60s she also was very energetic and active and told me very honestly that if I had a baby on my own while she'd love to help she was concerned that she wouldn't be strong enough to lift a heavier baby/toddler etc which you must be able to do to help on your own of course. In her 50s she did help my sister with her young kids and didn't have those physical concerns. It really is partly "manual labor" to raise a child for sure - so you know if you have a bad back etc stuff to consider that increases with age.

Also what experience do you have hands on with young kids especially, with babies, infants? Other than the obvious amazing aspects of having a family (to me anyway) the dreamy parts -what are the nitty gritty reasons? Do you like being responsible to that extent for a human's well being? What kind of routines do you have where you'd have to radically change them -maybe it's sleeping in/napping/going to a gym at a specific time, meeting friends for a monthly night out activity?

I get up around 4:30am because working out is very important to me every day but I also am the parent who takes my child to school and for high school we chose one far away because it was best for him which means we have to get him there and back so if I want to work out and make sure I fit that in - 4:30 it is. Do you like having coffee on your own in the morning? Or having your me time? You -can have that -if your child is asleep/if your wife is available or does mornings (like I did always) and if one of you remembered to buy coffee because that week your child got lice/had a suspected concussion at school/broke a tooth/got an ear infection/needed you to go to meetings at school because of his being bullied and/or your wife realllly wanted to do character theme week for your son which necessitated random big box store runs for the perfect costume/accessories and oh well you ran out of milk because  that wasn't your priority.

You might be totally cool with that -my husband is a "type B" and he often is -except I was the full time parent the first 7 years and our child typically chose the calamaties/illnesses just when my husband was traveling for business or caring for his aging parents. Saved up  the biggies when I solo parented. So husband has had less of those um unpredictable chaotic moments,

Zero regrets - I won the lottery with having our son when I did and what a great person he is becoming - but that's because I was ready for all that -ready as one can ever be -because I had years of experience hands on with kids either as a job or volunteer or an Aunt, and I had almost no dream-like expectations other than my heart and soul wanted to be a mama since I'd been a young teen or earlier. That helps too -as did my husband.

Really focus on the nitty gritty -you've already determined the dreamy part.

[Tinydance]

Well I actually personally know some men who had their first child in their 50's. I have an acquaintance and she told me her Dad was in his 50's when he had her. Mind you, my friend is in her mid to later 30's. So that was a long time ago when this wasn't common! I also know a couple where the woman is 43 and the man is 53. And their daughter is only about 3 years old. She's their only child. 

I mean, it's obviously not ideal to have kids at your age but it's not like you can change the circumstances. Women in their late 30's and early 40's can still have kids. I think it's doable to meet someone around that age because it's not that big of an age gap. Another option would be to use a surrogate mother. Here in Australia it's illegal to pay someone for surrogacy so it's not as common here. But I know it's legal in many other countries. 

[Tinydance]

12 hours ago, Borges said:

"You just have to find someone willing to do it"

Yeah that's probably the most difficult part of it.   As for fostering, I'm not capable of doing that on my own.  I was looking ahead to the slim possibility of finding a partner who also wanted (more) kids.  I am sort of desirous of bio kids.  Fair to say this is all rather a pipe dream.

Well I think nothing is necessarily a pipe dream as long as you're alive. 

[Borges]

6 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Al Pacino had one when he was 80. Trouble is, sorry to state the obvious, you aint Al Pacino. You probably wont find somebody young enough to make that baby. Whole process when you get old and want kids is excruciating. 

How do you feel about single moms? Do you strictly need biological kids to be a family?

It's not ideal but beggars can't be choosers.

[TeeDee]

Having a family can happen at any age.  Families come in all shapes & sizes. 

However if you are saying you want a woman to give you bio kids, you are correct you will need to find somebody younger & willing.  

[smackie9]

From a kid's POV, it's not good. For one thing, by the time they marry and have kids, you will have one foot already in the grave. My dad was close to 40 when I came around....I found the age gap sucked in ways like trends, music, just state of mind, values and perspective. I envied school mates that had young parents. I really liked their energy. To me having old an old fogy father (tho I loved him dearly) I felt I missed out. BTW he passed when I was 35. It's terrible not having him around. Get this, he even told me he regretted having kids later in life. So before you pursue something like this...you need to think about the kids first, having a dad that's grampa age, and like in say 15 years, you may have health issues that will affect your kid's lives. 

I recommend you find yourself a single mom with older kids, and establish family life that way. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Borges said:

It's not ideal but beggars can't be choosers.

Don't be a beggar - settling isn't fair to the child.  A couple of my friends had their first baby at 45-46 years old.  

[tattoobunnie]

I'm in NY.  People your age scoop up ladies in their late 30's, early 40's on the regular.  My kid just met an active 100 year old WWII veteran, and got around like a champ.

You can also become a foster parent.  My buddy's sister just had a baby at 45.

[TeeDee]

I had older parents too.  They were  in their 40s when I was born, but more fun & more energetic than many of my friends' parents.  It depends on the people.  

[Batya33]

Just now, TeeDee said:

I had older parents too.  They were  in their 40s when I was born, but more fun & more energetic than many of my friends' parents.  It depends on the people.  

Same - we are 58 with a 15 year old and he thinks we're annoying cringy -and awesome. We're both extremely active with him and have been the whole time. 

[Coily]

Sure in your 50s it won't be the same as your 20s or 30s. But there is nothing wrong with wanting biological children!!! Yes it will take a lot more work to find a spouse, and you will need to consider your health a bit more; but the heart wants what it wants.

 

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

From a kid's POV, it's not good. For one thing, by the time they marry and have kids, you will have one foot already in the grave. My dad was close to 40 when I came around....I found the age gap sucked in ways like trends, music, just state of mind, values and perspective. I envied school mates that had young parents. I really liked their energy. To me having old an old fogy father (tho I loved him dearly) I felt I missed out. BTW he passed when I was 35. It's terrible not having him around. Get this, he even told me he regretted having kids later in life. So before you pursue something like this...you need to think about the kids first, having a dad that's grampa age, and like in say 15 years, you may have health issues that will affect your kid's lives. 

I recommend you find yourself a single mom with older kids, and establish family life that way. 

My husband’s parents were older too. 15 years older than my parents . His grandparents were born in the Victorian Era so as you can imagine his parents weren’t a barrel of laughs . My husband’s mother just turned 90 and my mom isn’t even 80 and I am 3 years older than my husband. My husband’s parents were helicopter parents . My parents were just 20 years old when I was born. Lots of energy and time for everything and we experienced life together.