I need help, I'm quite ***ing depressed.

[Luigii]

About 2 months ago, me and this girl broke up. it was due to long-distance, she said she just couldn't handle the distance and she needed physical reassurance [we live a continent away from each other]. I'm quite heart broken hearing this and knew from the start that was what i lack for her. i knew coming into the relationship was hard, it wasn't going to be easy, i was almost always readily available for her, i tried my best to always be there for her and i even always try to make her feel special every chance i get [i'd make notes, videos, poems, etc]. how we both come together was natural too. we just started the relationship, both of us never "confessed" like someone would, we just simply we're in one. we both said that we we're both committed to keeping it and we planned on meeting when i go to uni in her home country.

we'd talk daily and called every chance we get. she was my best friend and everything i could ever wanted. after her departure, her absent really left me stranded. the reason why i would spend as much time as i can get with her was because she really understood me, she knew and was there for me when i was struggling and she'd support me with all her might. i knew i had a hard life but i at least had her. until i didn't anymore. i never had anyone like her, it was like a miracle she came to my life when i was quite literally at the bottom and i wanted to be with her when i'm up again and payback all of her efforts. she genuinely was the best person on earth and there's none of that anymore.

there's none, i only had her when tough times came, tough times are still here yet she's not. i feel extremely lonely, reason being that she was basically the only real friend i had, she literally is everything. she's the only person who understood me. and i genuinely loved her to death. i guess it's rooted from a bigger problem on why she's the only person, but none of my friends, even closest of friends have the same level of understandment as she does. even my own family. i am an extremely closeted person and she somehow made me feel so comfortable and be myself. we broke up on good terms, she said she still wanted to stay in contact and hanged out, but i'm genuinely just hurt. i really do miss her, i always looked forward to talk to her and now i haven't even reached out to her out of spite. i didn't want to sound desperate but gosh i really do need her company, i tried everything to get her out of my head but gosh, i have one too many things that will lead back to her. i feel extremely lonely everyday and i don't know what to do with it. it's so dark again.
 

[ShySoul]

I had someone I felt they same way about. It was long distance. I'd send her notes or songs. I was always there and supported her no matter what. I had no one else who I felt got me. I called her angel because of her screen name and because I felt she was an angel that had rescued me from the darkness of my life. 

She too ended things in part because we couldn't be physically together. We wanted to be friends, but she turned and did something that damaged that. We ultimately did make peace though.

Speaking from the same experience, the depression you feel is okay. It's alright to be sad and hurt. It's okay to feel alone or to cry. It's okay to want to be back with her, or to want to be friends. It's okay to get angry and want to spite her. You are going to feel all of these emotions, and you should feel them. Healing is a rollercoaster that takes twists and turns. Some days will feel great. Other days you will be miserable. You'll take steps back just when you feel okay. But keep taking two steps forward for every one back.

Find something that you feel passionate about and makes you happy, and do it. You need to find a postive to focus on so you don't dwell on the negative.

This pain does lessen in time. And you do find someone, are able to love again. I did. So will you.

If this person means this much to you and she wants to be friends, then be friends. Having a friend in your life is vital. This is someone who understands you like no one else. This is someone with whom you have spent countless hours with and have helped each other out through rough times. That is someone you want to stay in touch with. Some will tell you that the only way to heal is not speak to an ex. But from my experience, and seemingy yours, not speaking to them just causes more pain. So why not talk to them if both sides are willing?

Make sure you can separate your feelings. Don't try to do anything to get back with her if she isn't interested in that. You can still like her and have feelings for her. Those feelings don't just go away. But you have to be able to not act upon them and keep it as friendship. Let things happen naturally, just as you did before. 

And yes, it is possible to stay friends with a person after breaking up and it not hurt or damage either side. Plenty of people have done it.

Hang in there friend. It's tough, but you will survive. And if you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me. I know what it's like to not have real friends or people I can speak with.

[Luigii]

24 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

I had someone I felt they same way about. It was long distance. I'd send her notes or songs. I was always there and supported her no matter what. I had no one else who I felt got me. I called her angel because of her screen name and because I felt she was an angel that had rescued me from the darkness of my life. 

She too ended things in part because we couldn't be physically together. We wanted to be friends, but she turned and did something that damaged that. We ultimately did make peace though.

Speaking from the same experience, the depression you feel is okay. It's alright to be sad and hurt. It's okay to feel alone or to cry. It's okay to want to be back with her, or to want to be friends. It's okay to get angry and want to spite her. You are going to feel all of these emotions, and you should feel them. Healing is a rollercoaster that takes twists and turns. Some days will feel great. Other days you will be miserable. You'll take steps back just when you feel okay. But keep taking two steps forward for every one back.

Find something that you feel passionate about and makes you happy, and do it. You need to find a postive to focus on so you don't dwell on the negative.

This pain does lessen in time. And you do find someone, are able to love again. I did. So will you.

If this person means this much to you and she wants to be friends, then be friends. Having a friend in your life is vital. This is someone who understands you like no one else. This is someone with whom you have spent countless hours with and have helped each other out through rough times. That is someone you want to stay in touch with. Some will tell you that the only way to heal is not speak to an ex. But from my experience, and seemingy yours, not speaking to them just causes more pain. So why not talk to them if both sides are willing?

Make sure you can separate your feelings. Don't try to do anything to get back with her if she isn't interested in that. You can still like her and have feelings for her. Those feelings don't just go away. But you have to be able to not act upon them and keep it as friendship. Let things happen naturally, just as you did before. 

And yes, it is possible to stay friends with a person after breaking up and it not hurt or damage either side. Plenty of people have done it.

Hang in there friend. It's tough, but you will survive. And if you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me. I know what it's like to not have real friends or people I can speak with.

Thank you so much, you kinda gave me a bit of a clearer view. I've seen and heard countless of people say to just move on and continue with life, it's easier said than done, cause she really did mean too me. I really do want to still talk to her and all that but I don't know how to reach out without me looking desperate, i don't want to look like I'm just lounging at her. i guess i'm just scared to be misunderstood. i don't know, well, we'll just say maybe in a month or so. i don't know if it's appropriate to message her yet, but it's so tempting cause gosh i feel extremely lonely most times. feels like i'm isolated from everybody else.

[ShySoul]

15 hours ago, Luigii said:

she said she still wanted to stay in contact and hanged out,

She took the first step and offered you the chance to keep in touch. You reaching out wouldn't be inapropriate or desperate. It would be taking her up on her offer. She indicated she was okay with it. What you are feeling is within you, not what she feels. You are afraid of how it will come off, how you will appear. You are worried about how you feel as you wrestle with all these mixed emotions.

Again, that's normal. Most people think they need to project a certain face to others. They worry about how they will come off. Most of the time our imaginations are far worse then anything that could realistically happen. Odds are she would be happy to hear from you. You would probably get along great. There may be some awkward moments as you reconnect, each unsure how to approach it. But honesty and communication can clear that out fairly quickly and you should be able to start having fun again and enjoy being friends.

People mean well when they say move on. But that's not really how it works. Moving on is a process. It's not easy and it's not the same for everyone. Don't focus on what other people say or do, focus on what you need for you. 

[shouldhavelearned]

If you knew this before starting, why did you get serious?

[ShySoul]

36 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

If you knew this before starting, why did you get serious?

Cause the hardest things are the ones most worth fighting for? Cause when you feel that strongly for someone, you want to take the risk and go for it, even knowing there are difficulties that you may not be able to overcome? Cause love is is worth it?

Just speculating.

[TeeDee]

I'm so sorry you are hurting.  Talk to your parents about what you are feeling.  Do not wallow. 

Keep busy.  Stay up with your school work.  Join a club or activity at school to make friends.  

Consider getting a part time job after school which will expose you to new local people.  

The key to make new friends is to smile & say hello.  Be open & friendly. 

You will be shocked at how much the world will open when you get to uni, even if it's not in her country.  

[ShySoul]

Just seeing how you are doing today. I've felt those lonely and dark days. You don't have to face them alone. Hang in there and feel free to let us know how you are holding up. We're all on your side.

[Luigii]

What's up guys, little update here. thanks for all the lovely comments. i'll just be honest, it's not getting better yeah. well i've had some more personal problems and that just made me feel more isolated really. now i'm just- i don't know what to do about it. it's confusing and i feel so lonely about it. *** me you know, just really tho, it's been really hard and quite discouraging. i've tried to talk to my closest friend but i don't know if he really want to hear it, it feels like i'm alienated or something. i'll just keep on having my cup of coffee and see where i'll be going next, wish me luck.

[ShySoul]

On 12/7/2024 at 12:44 PM, Luigii said:

What's up guys, little update here. thanks for all the lovely comments. i'll just be honest, it's not getting better yeah. well i've had some more personal problems and that just made me feel more isolated really. now i'm just- i don't know what to do about it. it's confusing and i feel so lonely about it. *** me you know, just really tho, it's been really hard and quite discouraging. i've tried to talk to my closest friend but i don't know if he really want to hear it, it feels like i'm alienated or something. i'll just keep on having my cup of coffee and see where i'll be going next, wish me luck.

Hang in there buddy. Wishing you luck. You will make it through. If you need anything, you have a lot of supportive voices that would listen. And my inbox is always open.

[TeeDee]

Good luck. 

The holidays can be tough.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other & you are doing better than many. 

Hang in there. 

[Fish56]

On 12/1/2024 at 2:23 AM, Luigii said:

there's none, i only had her when tough times came, tough times are still here yet she's not. i feel extremely lonely, reason being that she was basically the only real friend i had, she literally is everything. she's the only person who understood me. and i genuinely loved her to death. i guess it's rooted from a bigger problem on why she's the only person, but none of my friends, even closest of friends have the same level of understandment as she does. even my own family. i am an extremely closeted person and she somehow made me feel so comfortable and be myself. we broke up on good terms, she said she still wanted to stay in contact and hanged out, but i'm genuinely just hurt. i really do miss her, i always looked forward to talk to her and now i haven't even reached out to her out of spite. i didn't want to sound desperate but gosh i really do need her company, i tried everything to get her out of my head but gosh, i have one too many things that will lead back to her. i feel extremely lonely everyday and i don't know what to do with it. it's so dark again.
 

I feel for you. I had a very similar experience with my first girlfriend. I was far too clingy, so she had to break up with me. I’m clinically depressed, but when I was with her I didn’t feel like it. I understand this feeling so well. My best advice is to work out. I turned my pain and sadness into fuel. The night of my break up I ran 10 straight miles at 1 am. Listen to comforting music and work on yourself. You’ll feel better mentally and physically. 

[Fish56]

On 12/1/2024 at 3:16 AM, Luigii said:

Thank you so much, you kinda gave me a bit of a clearer view. I've seen and heard countless of people say to just move on and continue with life, it's easier said than done, cause she really did mean too me. I really do want to still talk to her and all that but I don't know how to reach out without me looking desperate, i don't want to look like I'm just lounging at her. i guess i'm just scared to be misunderstood. i don't know, well, we'll just say maybe in a month or so. i don't know if it's appropriate to message her yet, but it's so tempting cause gosh i feel extremely lonely most times. feels like i'm isolated from everybody else.

Also, I could be wrong because everyone is different, but for me I had to stop talking to her for a bit. I am talking to her again and we’re friends, but it’s been 4 months. If she texted me or I saw her across a courtyard, I would just start crying. It might be better to not talk to her. It probably won’t make things any easier.

[ShySoul]

See, you have people who care for you and are wishing you well. Hope you can read these and feel a little bit better. It's tough, but you aren't alone. Never alone.

Please let us know how you are. Best wishes.

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, Fish56 said:

I feel for you. I had a very similar experience with my first girlfriend. I was far too clingy, so she had to break up with me. I’m clinically depressed, but when I was with her I didn’t feel like it. I understand this feeling so well. My best advice is to work out. I turned my pain and sadness into fuel. The night of my break up I ran 10 straight miles at 1 am. Listen to comforting music and work on yourself. You’ll feel better mentally and physically. 

Ten miles? That must have been exhausting. 😄

I agree though, turn the pain and sadness into fuel for whatever you might be into. Turn the negatives into positives and find a creative outlet - sports, music, writing, etc. Give yourself something to lose yourself in so it isn't pain and sorrow.

Hope you are okay as well. Depression isn't easy. If you ever want to talk about it, we're here for you as well.

[Fish56]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Ten miles? That must have been exhausting. 😄

I agree though, turn the pain and sadness into fuel for whatever you might be into. Turn the negatives into positives and find a creative outlet - sports, music, writing, etc. Give yourself something to lose yourself in so it isn't pain and sorrow.

Hope you are okay as well. Depression isn't easy. If you ever want to talk about it, we're here for you as well.

I appreciate it, but the OP has the thread. And I agree. Anger and pain is a great motivation for exercise and improving yourself.