I don't want my boyfriend anymore

[Gatora]

We have been together for 6 or 7 years, I don't want him anymore, I don't like his touch, although I can't say that I don't love him... Just don’t want anymore.

Started to think that maybe it was just me, that it was my "nature," but no, I felt attracted to another guy...
 

Am i a bad person?

[shouldhavelearned]

Tell him and move on

[ShySoul]

Don't see you're other post anymore, so forgive me for not remembering the details. What was going on in the relationship? What were the issues you were having?

You aren't a bad person. Not having the same feelings for someone can happen for any number of reasons. It doesn't mean anyone is a bad guy. If that is how you feel, then it's how you feel. It's real and valid. So don't feel bad about it.

The real concern is what you do about it. You say you love him. Is there enough love there that you believe with time and effort from both sides, you could rekindle a spark with him? Are these feelings of not wanting him coming from something the two of you are going through? Is there something lacking in the relationship you might be able to get back, something leaving you emotionally fulfilled? If you think there is a way to find what's lacking, you owe to both of yourselves to give thing a chance.

If you just don't feel it at all, that is also okay. Talk to him. Communicate honestly whatever you are thinking and feeling. Hear him out and see what he is thinking and feeling. Then figure out together what is the best course of action. Couples make decisions together, even if that decision is to break up. See how you feel once you've talked over things with him, then listen to your heart.

Again, you aren't a bad person. You're a person sorting out her feelings and what she wants in her life. That's normal and fine. 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[MissCanuck]

You're not a bad person but if you don't want him anymore, you need to end the relationship. 

Don't over-complicate it. Behave honorably and end it gracefully. 

[Jaunty]

It's okay to break up.   It's not easy but it's better than staying when you know that it's over for you.  It's not a "couples" decision,  not something the two of you are supposed to agree on - except insofar as it might concern dividing up your stuff.   

This is about you being true to yourself, and honest with yourself and the person you've spent several years of your life loving.  

[ShySoul]

Even if it isn't a couple's decison, if you care about the person you will at least have an adult, mature conversation with them and show compassion and understanding towards there feeling. 

You can still stay true to yourself while being considerate of the other person and talking to them to about it before making a final decison. You can be honest with yourself while still giving the relationship a chance by talking over your concerns with your partner.

"If you’re having doubts and concerns about your relationship, it’s important to share that with your partner before you breakup. “I've seen people do ‘surprise breakups' where you think everything is amazing and then the person is like, I'm leaving today,” says Hendrix. The shock this kind of out-of-nowhere breakup can be “very, very traumatizing and very hard to get over,” she says. The healthier (and kinder) option? Share doubts and concerns along the way. In some cases, the relationship can even be saved by this type of honesty, Hendrix says."

https://www.glamour.com/story/the-right-way-to-break-up-with#

[lostandhurt]

13 hours ago, Gatora said:

I felt attracted to another guy...

Interesting how that happens isn't it?  We see it here all the time where a post starts off discussing how they are not happy with their s/o or whatever reason and then towards the end of the post "there is this new person at work I really enjoy spending time with" or some other scenario.

 In the end staying with your bf when you don't want him or don't even want his touch would make you the bad guy, ending it is the honest thing to do.  Loving someone and being In Love with someone is totally different.  It is obvious you are no longer in love with him so end it in the most gentle way possible so he can begin healing and move on with his life one day finding someone that will fall deeply in love with him.

 Then you are free to do what ever you wish.  Even though it will hurt him you will be doing him a huge favor ending it as soon as possible.

Lost

[smackie9]

It's just part of life when people lose feelings/relationship has ran it's course. It's OK to breakup. You can still care for him, but you are no longer in love with him.

[shouldhavelearned]

Does this other guy even know about you?

[TeeDee]

15 hours ago, Gatora said:

Am i a bad person?

No you are not a bad person because you lost feelings for your BF.  

However, you will be a bad person if you cheat on him. 

Break up with him.  Be direct & to the point.  Don't be cruel.  Yes he will be hurt so again be kind but don't offer false hope. 

Spend some time reflecting on the relationship, its end & what you want next.  Then go enjoy.  

[afatalistdawn]

Losing attraction doesn't make you a bad person, but you need to handle this situation maturely. This situation has the potential for all three players to end up hurt, so you really need to stop and assess things. If you respect your boyfriend, you will be honest with him. Most likely, he would agree a breakup is necessary at this point. No guy wants to be in a relationship with a girl who doesn't desire him.

[Andrina]

You posted earlier you were sexting another man and planning on meeting him, so I imagine your bf would think you're a bad person. Why do you care what a forum thinks if you don't have guilt about wronging your bf and hurting him behind his back? Doesn't make sense to me.

You don't even know if it's been 6 years or 7 you've been with him. A year is quite substantial. If you don't know how to value a relationship to practice faithfulness, perhaps you should take a break after this break up and read up on what it means to be a good partner and vow to be one in your next relationship. Treating people how you would like to be treated is a good mantra. 

[ShySoul]

Be careful with this other person you are attracted to. Don't start anything unless you really know him and believe there are actually feelings involved. I have seen people rush from one relationship to the next and it rarely turns out good for anyone. You would best be served taking time for yourself if you did break up with him.Be careful with this other person you are attracted to. Don't start anything unless you really know him and believe there are actually feelings involved. I have seen people rush from one relationship to the next and it rarely turns out good for anyone. You would best be served taking time for yourself

[ShySoul]

18 hours ago, Gatora said:

We have been together for 6 or 7 years, I don't want him anymore, I don't like his touch, although I can't say that I don't love him... Just don’t want anymore.

There is more to the story then just not wanting him. There are feelings on both sides that need exploring.

If you are posting this, it probably means you still have questions. If you are worried about being seen as bad, that means you aren't sure. You, at some level, think you are wrong and bad. If so, maybe you should take a look at the relationship and at yourself to see what happened and how you really feel.

You really should talk to him and clear the air. You owe him and yourself that much. Honest and communication are important in any relationship, at any stage.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

You don't even know if it's been 6 years or 7 you've been with him.

I was wondering about this^ myself!  

And thanks @Andrinafor reminding us about her previous thread, I couldn't recall the details. 

I don't think being attracted to another man makes you a "bad" person, however acting on that attraction (sexting/meeting) while in a relationship would suggest you are a disloyal person who lacks a certain amount of integrity.

At least in your boyfriend's eyes and perhaps in the new man's eyes as well..

 

[ShySoul]

Six or seven years could just be an indication that it is a long period of time. Some people don't have great memories (swiss cheese memory as my friend calls it) and may not recall specific dates things happened. There could also be question on what being with someone means. Maybe they've known each other closer to seven but didn't start an official relationship until closer to six years ago. Technically, six or seven could apply depending on how one wants to look at it.

 

[Gatora]

 Yes, the previous post was about the fact that I was sexting with a guy and now we want to meet.

6 or 7 because I don't remember exactly when it started (sorry, not everyone has a great memory)
 

I don't hide this conversation from him. He knows that we communicate, but I don't think he saw how we started talking.

If i ashamed of this? I am. 
He did it himself a few years ago, and he's no better than I am in this regard.

But i’m not going to cheat on him physically, but emotionally yes i did it.

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, Gatora said:

 Yes, the previous post was about the fact that I was sexting with a guy and now we want to meet.

6 or 7 because I don't remember exactly when it started (sorry, not everyone has a great memory)
 

I don't hide this conversation from him. He knows that we communicate, but I don't think he saw how we started talking.

If i ashamed of this? I am. 
He did it himself a few years ago, and he's no better than I am in this regard.

But i’m not going to cheat on him physically, but emotionally yes i did it.

Are you referring to the man you're sexting with as your bf you now don't want anymore??

[rainbowsandroses]

21 hours ago, Gatora said:

We have been together for 6 or 7 years, I don't want him anymore, I don't like his touch, although I can't say that I don't love him... Just don’t want anymore.

Given this^ and your recent post about the new man you've been sexting and wanted to meet, is there a particular reason you're unable to break up with your current bf whom you've been in a relationship with for 6-7 years?

I'm confused.  

[Gatora]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Are you referring to the man you're sexting with as your bf you now don't want anymore??

It’s two different persons (honestly i don’t really understand a question, sorry)

 

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Given this^ and your recent post about the new man you've been sexting and wanted to meet, is there a particular reason you're unable to break up with your current bf whom you've been in a relationship with for 6-7 years?

I'm confused.  

I'm confused myself, wondering if I need try save this relationship or if I should let it go. Or I'm just afraid of hurting the person, even though it's impossible without it. 
We will meet with the other man purely as friends, there is nothing wrong with that 
 

I understand it’s sounds bad and probably strange, sorry.

Just want to know what people think about it or what they would do in a similar situation, purely hypothetically 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Gatora said:

It’s two different persons (honestly i don’t really understand a question, sorry)

 

I'm confused myself, wondering if I need try save this relationship or if I should let it go. Or I'm just afraid of hurting the person, even though it's impossible without it. 
We will meet with the other man purely as friends, there is nothing wrong with that 
 

I understand it’s sounds bad and probably strange, sorry.

Just want to know what people think about it or what they would do in a similar situation, purely hypothetically 

No it doesn't sound strange.  It sounds basic and simple -you want to have your cake and eat it too.  The security of telling yourself you have a boyfriend while behind his back acting inconsistent with being in a relationship by sexting.  You can call this stranger you sext with a friend - but obviously you two are sexually interested and I'm sure your bf wouldn't love seeing how you exchange texts with your so called friend.  

What I would do in any situation where a relationship had run its course is end it prior to getting involved with someone else.

[ShySoul]

37 minutes ago, Gatora said:

i'm confused myself, wondering if I need try save this relationship or if I should let it go. Or I'm just afraid of hurting the person, even though it's impossible without it. 
We will meet with the other man purely as friends, there is nothing wrong with that 

One, there is nothing wrong with meeting the person as friends. 

Two, you find it difficult to break up with your boyfriend because you care about him. You do love him, even if it might not be romantic love. You don't want to hurt him. And on some level, you are afraid of hurting yourself. Taking that steps introduces a lot of variable and unknowns. You don't know how he will react. You don't know how you feel about tearing everything you have apart. You don't know if you can even have something with this other guy. Keeping things as they are is the safe thing. You can have the boyfriend and be safe with that, while flirtng with the fantasy of someone else. Nothing has to be real until you make the call to do something about it.

If you are in a relationship, you should honor that relationship first. That you are confused means you don't really know how you feel about the relationship. Making a clear cut answer now would be making it without the input of 50% of the equation - your boyfriend. There are clearly issues between the two of you or you wouldn't be in this dilemma. So you do what couples do and talk. You be honest with each other. You see how you each feel and if there is enough there to try and save it. 

You don't have to try and save it. You don't have to end it. You should do what you feel is right for you. But until you are completely honest with your boyfriend and talk to him, you won't be able to make a decision with full information and clear conscience.

37 minutes ago, Gatora said:

Just want to know what people think about it or what they would do in a similar situation, purely hypothetically 

I'll give you a real life situation. I knew a couple who had been together a decade. They were married. She felt they were perfect as friends but lost that romantic feeling. She became interested in someone else. They flirted and were mutually into each other. She didn't break up because she knew it would hurt him. She didn't pursue the other person because she didn't want to have to lie or hide things. So she talked to her husband. They had an honest discussion about their relationship. They actually agreed to an open relationship. They remain married to this day while she realized the person she was infatuated with wasn't ultimately the person she wanted to be with.

Personally, I'd see what my partner thought. I'd want to respect their feelings. I'd work out my issues with her first before thinking about anyone else.

It's not wrong to be attracted to someone else. It's not wrong to question your relationship. But it is right to respect your relationship enough to communicate concerns with your partner and come to a mutual decision.

[rainbowsandroses]

37 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

It's not wrong to be attracted to someone else. It's not wrong to question your relationship. But it is right to respect your relationship enough to communicate concerns with your partner and come to a mutual decision.

i agree with this^ Shy, but wondering why you failed to mention that it IS wrong to sext and plan to meet another man to whom you're attracted and sexting while in a committed long term relationship with another man. 

I understand about always wanting to be positive but come man, that's just wrong.

It's a form of cheating and it's deceptive and unfair to her current partner. 

Even the OP herself admitted it's wrong!!

Now it's switched to they're only meeting as friends?  After admitting there is a sexual attraction and they've been sexting?   

That is not just a "friend."  Not in my world or most people's worlds. 

I dunno... SMH at what I read sometimes (not specific to you Shy just in general).

@GatoraI know it's not easy you've been together many years, but please... break up with your boyfriend before engaging in a sexual interaction (even through texting/sexting) with another man to whom you're attracted and plan to meet. 

It's the right thing to do. 

P.S. Please read your thread title again...

 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Gatora said:

But i’m not going to cheat on him physically, but emotionally yes i did it.

@Gatora

It's good that you own this^  however if/when you meet him (new guy) in person, given how attracted you are and have been sexting, there is a strong likelihood that it could escalate to physical.  Don't you think?

Can you be certain it wouldn't?  

Again I know it's very hard breaking up after so many years and you don't want to hurt him but please think about this. 

I disagree about possibly opening up your current relationship, again per your thread title, you no longer want (desire) your current boyfriend.

A clean break is what's needed imo!

Good luck. 

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Gatora said:

We will meet with the other man purely as friends, there is nothing wrong with that 

There is a lot wrrong with it if the messages haven't been appropriate and if you have feelings for this person. Come on. 

Your lack of accountability or reasonable boundaries  is what landed you here in the first place. It's time to do the right thing, and either stop communicating with this guy and work on your relationship, or break up with your boyfriend.