I forgot her birthday. What do I do?

[Alittlehelpplz]

So the girl I’ve been dating I forgot her birthday and lied about it to make things worse. I know I shouldn’t have but I panicked. 
 

we celebrated her birthday last week. I took her out and got her gifts. It was a fun night. 
 

the reason we celebrated early was she was going out of town for her birthday. 
 

she is currently out of town and we have been texting but it didn’t come up. She finally brought it up and asked if I forgot. I said how could I forget it’s in my calendar. She said you haven’t said anything. I confessed and admitted I forgot and she said I should have just told the truth and i agreed and apologized again. 
 

she said you should have just been honest. 

I have been super busy lately with work lately, a huge promotion has me concerned and she knows. It’s not an excuse but that’s where my mind has been. 

I apologized again and wished her a happy birthday and I haven’t heard from her since. 
I really messed up.

the lie was the big problem but I still can’t believe I forgot her birthday I’ve never done that to her before. 
 

what should I do? 

[yogacat]

Did you really forget her birthday or are you just using that as an excuse because you felt she was going out of town and wouldn't be around to celebrate with you? 

[ShySoul]

43 minutes ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

what should I do? 

Add it to the calender and make sure you remember next year. 😁

Don't beat yourself up over it. People forget things. We all have a hundred things competing for our attention everyday. We get busy. We get distracted. Things come up. Some people just have really poor memories in the first place. You aren't the first person (of any gender) to do this and you won't be the last.

The measure of a person isn't in being perfect and always getting things right. It's how they respond when they get something wrong. Yes, you shouldn't have lied. But you owned up to it. You came clean. You did celebrate her birthday before. So it's not like you've done nothing for her. You made a mistake, one that you should be able to get through with her.

Don't panic. If you've never did something like this before, if things have been going okay, it's probably a minor bump in the road. Let her cool down. Continue talking as normal.

And if you really feel bad, surprise her at some point with a special just because day. You don't need a birthday or special reason to treat someone and show you care.

[Batya33]

I think she should cut you slack -you didn't forget her birthday -you celebrated with her and got her gifts.  You forgot to wish her happy bday on her actual bday.  No you shouldn't have lied but  you were understandably flustered and nervous.

[shouldhavelearned]

Yeah

Up to her now 

You can't keep apologizing 

 

[Alittlehelpplz]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Did you really forget her birthday or are you just using that as an excuse because you felt she was going out of town and wouldn't be around to celebrate with you? 

I really forgot her birthday. We already celebrated her birthday last week because I knew she’d be with family this week 

[Alittlehelpplz]

1 hour ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

So the girl I’ve been dating I forgot her birthday and lied about it to make things worse. I know I shouldn’t have but I panicked. 
 

we celebrated her birthday last week. I took her out and got her gifts. It was a fun night. 
 

the reason we celebrated early was she was going out of town for her birthday. 
 

she is currently out of town and we have been texting but it didn’t come up. She finally brought it up and asked if I forgot. I said how could I forget it’s in my calendar. She said you haven’t said anything. I confessed and admitted I forgot and she said I should have just told the truth and i agreed and apologized again. 
 

she said you should have just been honest. 

I have been super busy lately with work lately, a huge promotion has me concerned and she knows. It’s not an excuse but that’s where my mind has been. 

I apologized again and wished her a happy birthday and I haven’t heard from her since. 
I really messed up.

the lie was the big problem but I still can’t believe I forgot her birthday I’ve never done that to her before. 
 

what should I do? 

She just messaged me and said she needs time and that she wishes I would have told her the truth. 
 

i messed up I own up to it, I shouldn’t have lied. I felt horrible and I didn’t know what to say. 
 

 

[ShySoul]

2 minutes ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

She just messaged me and said she needs time and that she wishes I would have told her the truth. 

i messed up I own up to it, I shouldn’t have lied. I felt horrible and I didn’t know what to say. 

It's always the lie that causes the problem. Let that be a lesson. Honesty is the best policy.

You've said and done all you can. The rest is up to her. 

Hopefully she just needs time and can see you didn't mean anything by it. If she is okay, just be truthful going forward.

If she wants to end things over this, then you'll be okay and better off. There will be a lot more challenges in the relationship if you stay together. It would require you working together. If she doesn't want to do that for something as minor as this (not to downplay it or her hurt feelings), then it would be hard to face some of the larger things that might come up.

Hoping for the best for you.

[Cherylyn]

There's nothing else you can do.  You've since apologized profusely and if she doesn't accept your apology or think you're worthy,  then she'll move on as should you.

I commend you for being held accountable.  The majority of people in my life would never own it even if their very life depended on it. 😠   Say,  "I'm sorry?"  Express remorse?  Only in my dreams.  😴 💤  🙄 

If I were your girlfriend,  I'd forgive you because of your guilty conscience.  However,  I'm not your girlfriend.  All you can do is wait or move on yourself.  I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on her. 

[MissCanuck]

If she's chosen this hill to die on, well, not much you can do. 

I get that she was disappointed that you didn't remember on the day, but I think her reaction is a bit much, honestly. However, I am not her. I would advise that you stop explaining yourself and apologizing. You've already done so, so please don't let this turn into an event in which your grovel. 

I would give her the space and time she has requested, and also think carefully about whether she is the right fit for you. This may be a sign of a quite unforgiving and inflexible nature.  

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

...think carefully about whether she is the right fit for you. This may be a sign of a quite unforgiving and inflexible nature.  

My thoughts, exactly. I can't imagine giving this a blink, much less a stink. She sounds like walking a minefield.

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

She just messaged me and said she needs time and that she wishes I would have told her the truth. 

For what its worth I dont think you would have fair any better if you just said the truth. People who care for you, would be able to overcome all of that easily. Especially because you already took her out and gave her the present. People who are "so- so" over you, would take any opportunity like this to just discard you. One mistake and you are out kind of thing. Sorry for that. And if she is like that, its better its over. You may not see it now but it is.

Is it something very recent? Meaning you got on a few dates with her, maybe took her out on one of those as birthday? Didnt progressed very far like you were in a relationship and such?

[DarkCh0c0]

12 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

we celebrated her birthday last week. I took her out and got her gifts. It was a fun night

I mean... You already celebrated it. It's OK to forget it in this case. At least from my pov.

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I would give her the space and time she has requested, and also think carefully about whether she is the right fit for you. This may be a sign of a quite unforgiving and inflexible nature

I would suggest you to do the same. Could be she loves otp attention too.

How is the relationship otherwise? 

[Coily]

Considering you celebrated her birthday, haven't been dating long, and have stress; if she was a real woman; she would have communicated since even a bit upset.

Given her reactions,  I would be happy I forgot her birthday in retrospect.  Yes you screwed up,  but this vindictive attitude of hers shows her "character" and it's shallow. 

 

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

I really forgot her birthday. We already celebrated her birthday last week because I knew she’d be with family this week 

No because you marked her birthday on a different day with celebration and gifts.  I almost forgot my husband's birthday this year -it is this coming week -because Thanksgiving is so late -and that's even though our anniversary is 2 days later. 

[ShySoul]

She said she needed time. She didn't break up or say it was over.

Don't assume the worse and make assumptions. Don't see her as doing something wrong.and find faut with her. That will only guarantee things are over.

Let her figure out what she is going feelings. Come together and talk about it. Work through it together if possible. No one is in the wrong, it's a mistake that can still be resolved.

Don't give up on it. It's not over until it's over. And at this point it's still not over.

[Alittlehelpplz]

On 11/28/2024 at 3:16 PM, Alittlehelpplz said:

So the girl I’ve been dating I forgot her birthday and lied about it to make things worse. I know I shouldn’t have but I panicked. 
 

we celebrated her birthday last week. I took her out and got her gifts. It was a fun night. 
 

the reason we celebrated early was she was going out of town for her birthday. 
 

she is currently out of town and we have been texting but it didn’t come up. She finally brought it up and asked if I forgot. I said how could I forget it’s in my calendar. She said you haven’t said anything. I confessed and admitted I forgot and she said I should have just told the truth and i agreed and apologized again. 
 

she said you should have just been honest. 

I have been super busy lately with work lately, a huge promotion has me concerned and she knows. It’s not an excuse but that’s where my mind has been. 

I apologized again and wished her a happy birthday and I haven’t heard from her since. 
I really messed up.

the lie was the big problem but I still can’t believe I forgot her birthday I’ve never done that to her before. 
 

what should I do? 

She messaged yesterday and said she was over it and to not worry about it. 
it’s the next day now and we’ve been talking like normal. 
 

then out of no where she brought it up again and said she was still upset. Not because I lied but because I forgot. 
 

I apologized again and explained all the stuff going on in my life which she is aware of. 
 

she just said she couldn’t imagine forgetting my birthday. 
bare in mind we were on a break when my birthday came around. 
 

I said can we get past this and she said she needs time to figure it out 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

bare in mind we were on a break when my birthday came around. 

How long have you been dating, and what was this ^ break about? Who initiated it?

[ShySoul]

So clearly she wasn't over it. 😒

You've done all you can do. It's up to her to figure what she is feeling. As annoying and frustrating as it is, you have to wait it out. If you still want to continue, let her decide if and when she is ready. Until then, don't stress yourself out over it. Don't see either of you as in the wrong or having done something bad. Be patient and let this play out how it is supposed to.

I also dealt with someone who got annoyed over an innocent mistake and let it cause her to question everything. Worrying over it made me feel worse. You've been honest and owned up to it. You've said you were sorry. You are willing to work through it. You're doing well and doing your part. Now she needs to do hers.

 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

bare in mind we were on a break when my birthday came around

What for? 

This does not sound like a very healthy situation, OP. She is going to keep punishing you for this. Be careful here. 

[DarkCh0c0]

5 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

She messaged yesterday and said she was over it and to not worry about it. 
it’s the next day now and we’ve been talking like normal. 
 

then out of no where she brought it up again and said she was still upset. Not because I lied but because I forgot. 
 

I apologized again and explained all the stuff going on in my life which she is aware of. 
 

she just said she couldn’t imagine forgetting my birthday. 
bare in mind we were on a break when my birthday came around. 
 

I said can we get past this and she said she needs time to figure it out 

Oh waw. She really can't let it go. And now you get some silent treatment or punishment as MisCanuck called it. She sounds like she is indeed OTP and playing some power game.

That's not a health dynamic...

What is the relationship like otherwise?

[Alittlehelpplz]

3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

How long have you been dating, and what was this ^ break about? Who initiated it?

She did and she said she was too busy and didn’t have time. 2 years off and on 

[Alittlehelpplz]

7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Oh waw. She really can't let it go. And now you get some silent treatment or punishment as MisCanuck called it. She sounds like she is indeed OTP and playing some power game.

That's not a health dynamic...

What is the relationship like otherwise?

It’s good. She can be sweet and kind. But it’s been going kind of slow 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

She did and she said she was too busy and didn’t have time. 2 years off and on 

Don't you think it's time to get off this merry-go-round? 

There's a reason you two haven't been able to make it work in 2 years. This is not just about forgetting her birthday. Is this really how you want your love life to look?

[Andrina]

5 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

2 years off and on 

You don't have healthy self-worth when you allow yourself to be treated like a yo-yo. Loving, serious-minded couples who know how to be a decent partner don't take breaks from a relationship. They communicate the issues that need improvement and work TOGETHER with their partner. They don't bail. That's someone who runs away from problems and treats their partner like a disposable thing that can easily be plucked back if the mood strikes them.

Life isn't meant to be lived walking on eggshells. Don't you want to feel secure in a relationship that when issues arise, your partner will discuss this with you like a caring adult and no separation is ever threatened? You'll have to free yourself to eventually find her.