I still miss him sometimes

[Art_demure]

As you might have known, I dated a man who was married already for 2 years. It has been almost a year since I blocked him. I have been doing fine and well. 

Even though I have moved on, I am not sure if I am ready to date anyone. I am afraid I will treat him like a rebound. Which is why I am still single. 

There were times when I dated guys my age and I always compared them to the married guy I fell in love with. 

I really do miss him since I did look up to him when I came here in this foreign country. He taught me about his culture and even practical things. I was lonely then even if I had a few friends with me before. I was just depressed and inside me was melancholic. I think when he came to my life is the reminder of how he fulfilled me. When I had COVID, my family members didn't really care much about me so he was the one who took care of me when I was sick. He brought me food and spooned me until I was back to health. He brought me to the hospital for a check up if I was positive or not. 

When I was still sick from COVID I remember he was furious and in rage because I didn't call him for his help. 

"Why didn't you just call me?!" 

But I was grateful because he was the only one who cared.

I never slept with this man or had intercourse with him even if sometimes I always thought about it a lot and if I had given up all my years for him...I know I will regret it, but I will still love him. 

I know he had his own flaws, but the thing is, I had never seen those flaws as something that would trigger me. 

Because he never intentionally hurt me or made harsh comments even if he was temperemental or grumpy. Now I even miss him sometimes when he is angry at me...because all I want is his presence. I miss him almost everyday. 

I have a lot of friends and I am an active person who likes to go out for an adventure. 

He was the same, but even taught me more about things and the ettiquete here. I learned to be confident and brave because of him. 

I learned to be aware of my environment and the things around me. I learned to speak up a little because he always complained that I was soo quiet and secretive. 

As I am writing this I am in tears because the man who I see as a hero is forbidden and I shall never be with him. I was not destined to be with him nor was he with me. 

I accepted it. 

The man who I dreamed to meet before was only someone who came to fulfill me temporarily. 

I will always love him from afar.

I smiled at the memory of him teaching me to dance with him when I knew how to dance. I was just shy around him. 

I will always remember the time when he saved me from that bridge. I almost fell and if I did, I would have probably broken a bone, but he was there for me and grabbed me to his arms. 

When I was still living in my old apartment, I would wave at him a goodbye from my balcony when he was about to throw my garbage outside.

He would also carry me in his arms and piggyback ride on him when I told him I didn't want to hurt his back. He said it didn't matter to him.

Well the next day he had a back pain. He was just funny because he didn't care about it at all. 

Even when I was about to go to the administration for my residence permit, he would just cut lines from the row of people lining up and mutter incoherent words. 

If we go somewhere, he would road rage and call other drivers "dogs" or "morones" 

It wasn't something funny though so I would always remind him about this bad habit of his and mentioned they were not animals since nobody is perfect. I had a good time with him when he called me nicknames like "ugly duckling" or "princess" 

He would also sweet talk to me although I didn't really believe in any of the things he said or I never believed that he loved me.

I admire and love him. I respect him even if he was not a good person to say the least. I think he was just flawed person, but did something so impactful in my life that I might remember for even a decade or more.

I truly miss this man. I felt safe and protected around him

He was my hero

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you are struggling.  You don't have to date.  It's not a requirement. He is a person who makes bad choices specifically about loyalty, commitment and relationships and since you are thinking about whether to date you would want someone who values loyalty, commitment and being a person of character and integrity.  Right?

The thing is consider whether you'll get bored with a man who is available to you -he was not -married men cannot date - and so if the person is available-on your level -you won't be putting him on a pedestal much - he won't be a challenge to you based on unavailability -someone for  you to win over and worship from afar. 

[SophiaG]

5 hours ago, Art_demure said:

Even when I was about to go to the administration for my residence permit, he would just cut lines from the row of people lining up and mutter incoherent words. 

If we go somewhere, he would road rage and call other drivers "dogs" or "morones"

I'm sorry but he sounds quite rude and unpleasant. What made you see him as a hero and feel other men can't compare to him? Intentional or not he did hurt you by dating you as a married man and causing the pain you are experiencing now. Did you know he was married back then? Did you want to be in a relationship with him? Was there a plan for him to get divorced and be with you?

[Art_demure]

2 hours ago, SophiaG said:

I'm sorry but he sounds quite rude and unpleasant. What made you see him as a hero and feel other men can't compare to him? Intentional or not he did hurt you by dating you as a married man and causing the pain you are experiencing now. Did you know he was married back then? Did you want to be in a relationship with him? Was there a plan for him to get divorced and be with you?

I used to take care of his daughter when she was a young little girl. I knew his family and knew he was married. But it was formal until suddenly i developed feelings toward him.

He was also quite possesive over me whenever I am attracted to other guys or hangout with guys my age or near age.

This man is 20 years older than me. I do have a thing for older men considering I was also pursued by another married man who lied to me about his age and marital status.

Idk it has been a year I haven't contacted him. I do still contact with his daughter and she posts her stories about her parents. I guess now they are doing fine. 

I don't care anymore. But I still love him. I told him that I wanted to forget him and he was upset about me saying that. I told him that I couldn't be with him. I couldn't be with him and it isn't possible. That day he went silent when I told him I couldn't be his other young woman as his side for long

[Art_demure]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you are struggling.  You don't have to date.  It's not a requirement. He is a person who makes bad choices specifically about loyalty, commitment and relationships and since you are thinking about whether to date you would want someone who values loyalty, commitment and being a person of character and integrity.  Right?

The thing is consider whether you'll get bored with a man who is available to you -he was not -married men cannot date - and so if the person is available-on your level -you won't be putting him on a pedestal much - he won't be a challenge to you based on unavailability -someone for  you to win over and worship from afar. 

Interesting. I do put him on a pedestal a bit. I was told that "love" and my feelings is a choice. I don't believe it, but some people told me that. I can't fathom

[Art_demure]

I can't believe this. Sometimes like a small practical problem whether it would be fixing a toilet or a leaking faucet will remind me of him because he used to take care of these things. 

I am just sad and I hate this feeling. It is not a choice. Some people told me it is a choice for me to "feel"

I do not believe I can control everything of what I feel. That is bull.

What shall I do? 

It is all pointless.

 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Art_demure said:

Interesting. I do put him on a pedestal a bit. I was told that "love" and my feelings is a choice. I don't believe it, but some people told me that. I can't fathom

Feelings are feelings and you can choose how to react to those feelings.  I've felt attracted to unavailable men including married men during my life and I chose to react to those feelings by not interacting in a way that could trigger those feelings or intensify them.  You chose to react by getting intimate with a married man.  Instead you chose to react to feelings of love or whatever by hanging around him, getting attached to him, participating in him cheating on his wife, etc.  

For example let's say you feel intense anger against a stranger who cuts ahead of you in line when you are in a mad rush.  You feel very angry and you feel like shoving him away or yelling at him.  But instead you feel your feelings -your intense anger, but you either remain silent or  you say politely "excuse me I was first" or whatever. People don't have to act or react to feeling strong emotions and not in a specific way.

[Art_demure]

Yes I chose to participate with him. I always felt guilty in the end. But realized I never really regretted it because I always felt alive and present whenever I am with him. 

I always got easily attached by those who gave me love and attention.

It is a weakness of mine, I am afraid. I do believe I can be independent and strong, though I always seek someone to protect me. 

I have been stalked and harrassed by strangers in the street. I was so passive and I told him about it. Not all just some of those incidents. I was also afraid of strangers banging at my door since it happened before. I remember he would soothe me and check up on my landlord to see the cctv. He had a way of dealing things so easily as if I wish I could have that strength. It is a strength that I learned from him. Admiration i guess

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Art_demure said:

Yes I chose to participate with him. I always felt guilty in the end. But realized I never really regretted it because I always felt alive and present whenever I am with him. 

I always got easily attached by those who gave me love and attention.

It is a weakness of mine, I am afraid. I do believe I can be independent and strong, though I always seek someone to protect me. 

I have been stalked and harrassed by strangers in the street. I was so passive and I told him that I was afraid of strangers banging at my door. He would soothe me and check up on my landlord to see the cctv. He had a way of dealing things so easily as if I wish I could have that strength. It is a strength that I learned from him. Admiration i guess

It's a weakness you can choose to work on so you stop hurting yourself and others.You felt guilty but did it anyway.  You can choose not to seek married men to protect you.  You can choose to do specific actions and behaviors so your go to to seek protection from people as a default recedes into the background or fades out completely.  You can stop making excuses for behaving in unhealthy and hurtful ways.  He didn't act in a strong way.  People who lie and betray their spouses are acting in a cowardly way.  Had he gotten a divorce first before dating other people or having sex with other people that would be a sign of strength.  

I suggest you work on yourself so you don't seek out men to be like your daddy or therapist.  It's unhealthy IMO. Why not take a self defense class? 

This man dealt with things so easily likely because he learned how to lie easily like he did to his wife.  And most likely to you as well.

[Art_demure]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's a weakness you can choose to work on so you stop hurting yourself and others.You felt guilty but did it anyway.  You can choose not to seek married men to protect you.  You can choose to do specific actions and behaviors so your go to to seek protection from people as a default recedes into the background or fades out completely.  You can stop making excuses for behaving in unhealthy and hurtful ways.  He didn't act in a strong way.  People who lie and betray their spouses are acting in a cowardly way.  Had he gotten a divorce first before dating other people or having sex with other people that would be a sign of strength.  

I suggest you work on yourself so you don't seek out men to be like your daddy or therapist.  It's unhealthy IMO.

True. He was cowardly in that area. In character. But the strength I admire in him is mostly about being "there" or present even if he was busy. I just learned that a person can have that much energy and can take time to help people (not just me) and not being apathetic like some people who doesn't care much.

Like sacrificing the time to just help those that needed it the most.

I noticed that I learned to cultivate the areas that I am weak at and develop to be confident and not depressed anymore.

I trained myself to fight both physically and mentally from any obstacles or conflicting situations that gets in the way. 

When I was going through some immigration problems and had to be sent to the police station, I called my lawyer and him (the married guy). 

I had to stay in the cell for a day and he was there to bring food and other supplies for me. 

Throughout the night in my jail cell, I could still remember his voice and how his voice just soothed me as it echoed through the room when he was talking to the officers. 

As I lay there in my cell, I tried to sleep even if it was uncomfortable and I still remember during those hours if I imagined I was alone there without no one's support. My family wasn't there and was in my country. I was all alone. I did pray. I was lucky enough that it didn't take long for me to get out after that. 

There was a time when he called me on the phone and told me that I deserve to be with someone who is good for me.

Not him.

I cried at that time. I knew there would be no one who will treat me the way he did

[SophiaG]

10 hours ago, Art_demure said:

I used to take care of his daughter when she was a young little girl. I knew his family and knew he was married. But it was formal until suddenly i developed feelings toward him.

He was also quite possesive over me whenever I am attracted to other guys or hangout with guys my age or near age.

This man is 20 years older than me. I do have a thing for older men considering I was also pursued by another married man who lied to me about his age and marital status.

Idk it has been a year I haven't contacted him. I do still contact with his daughter and she posts her stories about her parents. I guess now they are doing fine. 

I don't care anymore. But I still love him. I told him that I wanted to forget him and he was upset about me saying that. I told him that I couldn't be with him. I couldn't be with him and it isn't possible. That day he went silent when I told him I couldn't be his other young woman as his side for long

I still don't see what is so desirable about him let alone heroic? He betrayed his family and little girl by being with you. He couldn't be 100% with you and had no right to be possessive while he was still with his wife. Did you ever want him to end his marriage and be your boyfriend/husband?

4 hours ago, Art_demure said:

I always got easily attached by those who gave me love and attention.

Was he the last man to show you love and attention?

4 hours ago, Art_demure said:

He had a way of dealing things so easily as if I wish I could have that strength. It is a strength that I learned from him. Admiration i guess

He's 20 years older than you. You also live in a foreign country in which he is native. It's natural that he has more life experience there. Nothing fancy or heroic about it. You can learn from people like him but no need to put them on a pedestal or admire them.

4 hours ago, Art_demure said:

As I lay there in my cell, I tried to sleep even if it was uncomfortable and I still remember during those hours if I imagined I was alone there without no one's support. My family wasn't there and was in my country. I was all alone. I did pray. I was lucky enough that it didn't take long for me to get out after that. 

There was a time when he called me on the phone and told me that I deserve to be with someone who is good for me.

Not him.

I cried at that time. I knew there would be no one who will treat me the way he did

Sorry to hear this experience. It seems like you bonded with him over trauma and loneliness in a new country. But you can't "know" there would be no one else. More likely there will be someone who treats you much better - someone who are only with you and loyal to you instead of treating you as the side piece they hid away from their family.

[MissCanuck]

This guy isn't a hero. 

He took time away from his way and family to be "present" with you. That isn't heroic. It's shady as hell. I get that you felt he was a saviour, in some ways, but it came at the cost of being the husband and father he should have been. Every time he came to be with you, he was taking away time he should have spent on his marriage and with his family. 

I think he saw in you a certain naivety and preyed on it. It worked to his advantage quite well, because he had an admirer in you. But there is little to admire about a man who behaves this way. 

You can't help how you feel about someone. But you can help how you react to those feelings, and you can help the choices you make. Next time, choose to stay away from married men. Period. Your life will be better for it. 

[Art_demure]

3 hours ago, SophiaG said:

Did you ever want him to end his marriage and be your boyfriend/husband?

No. It never came to my mind that he will leave his family. But I always think about living with him and be his other wife you can say but that is just a silly thing. I guess it is just my desire to fill my loneliness. Not something I want to happen

[Art_demure]

3 hours ago, SophiaG said:

I still don't see what is so desirable about him let alone heroic? He betrayed his family and little girl by being with you. He couldn't be 100% with you and had no right to be possessive while he was still with his wife. Did you ever want him to end his marriage and be your boyfriend/husband?

Was he the last man to show you love and attention?

He's 20 years older than you. You also live in a foreign country in which he is native. It's natural that he has more life experience there. Nothing fancy or heroic about it. You can learn from people like him but no need to put them on a pedestal or admire them.

Sorry to hear this experience. It seems like you bonded with him over trauma and loneliness in a new country. But you can't "know" there would be no one else. More likely there will be someone who treats you much better - someone who are only with you and loyal to you instead of treating you as the side piece they hid away from their family.

Do you really think that someone will treat me better? 

After him, I did found someone attractive in the bank. He's also a decade older than me or more. He helped me with my residence permit and such.

That was the 1st time I found someone attractive after I ended the relationship with the married guy

[SophiaG]

5 hours ago, Art_demure said:

No. It never came to my mind that he will leave his family. But I always think about living with him and be his other wife you can say but that is just a silly thing. I guess it is just my desire to fill my loneliness. Not something I want to happen

So you were not possessive over him and you never had sex with him - do you think maybe you just "love" him as a friend or a father figure instead of a romantic partner? Have you been in a romantic relationship before where you were committed to each other and physically intimate? I can't imagine being okay with my romantic partner having a wife (or another woman).

5 hours ago, Art_demure said:

Do you really think that someone will treat me better? 

After him, I did found someone attractive in the bank. He's also a decade older than me or more. He helped me with my residence permit and such.

That was the 1st time I found someone attractive after I ended the relationship with the married guy

Absolutely, I think it's a given when you meet someone who's available to date and genuinely into you they will treat you much better. More importantly, you need to believe you deserve someone who treat you much better so if they fall short, you walk.

You will meet more and more men you find attractive. Give it time.

[Art_demure]

5 hours ago, SophiaG said:

So you were not possessive over him and you never had sex with him - do you think maybe you just "love" him as a friend or a father figure instead of a romantic partner? Have you been in a romantic relationship before where you were committed to each other and physically intimate? I can't imagine being okay with my romantic partner having a wife (or another woman).

Absolutely, I think it's a given when you meet someone who's available to date and genuinely into you they will treat you much better. More importantly, you need to believe you deserve someone who treat you much better so if they fall short, you walk.

You will meet more and more men you find attractive. Give it time.

I was never possesive over him. Yes I admire and love him. But not to the point of dreaming to destroy his marriage as I never intended it to. I guess I once loved him as a fatherly figure but he isn't my dad or anything. So I develop sexual attraction to him. We were intimate but thankfully no sex involved. So more emotional and platonic you can say.

I was never physically intimate with any man before him so he was the first man who kissed me.

He once mentioned me that he couldn't share me with anyone and that he wanted me to be his 2nd or 3rd wife or such. Idk if it was a joke. But I know he wasn't serious about it. He always talk about having children and such which I did not take it too seriously when he had these talks

[Batya33]

23 hours ago, Art_demure said:

I was never possesive over him. Yes I admire and love him. But not to the point of dreaming to destroy his marriage as I never intended it to. I guess I once loved him as a fatherly figure but he isn't my dad or anything. So I develop sexual attraction to him. We were intimate but thankfully no sex involved. So more emotional and platonic you can say.

I was never physically intimate with any man before him so he was the first man who kissed me.

He once mentioned me that he couldn't share me with anyone and that he wanted me to be his 2nd or 3rd wife or such. Idk if it was a joke. But I know he wasn't serious about it. He always talk about having children and such which I did not take it too seriously when he had these talks

Your actions are consistent with a person being part of another person betraying his spouse so - yes  - on the path of destruction.  What he said are words and take those words in context. Married men cannot date.  Married men can have second or third wives in places that permit such a thing but it doesn't matter as he never proposed marriage to you personally.  Watch the feet -the actions -not the lip -just words. His actions are to justify cheating on his spouse (it's good you didn't have intercourse particularly given the heightened risk of STDs when having intercourse with a married man who cheats), his actions are to get intimate with you behind his spouse's back.  Those are his actions. Can you imagine him having a child in this situation - how awful for the child!

[Art_demure]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Your actions are consistent with a person being part of another person betraying his spouse so - yes  - on the path of destruction.  What he said are words and take those words in context. Married men cannot date.  Married men can have second or third wives in places that permit such a thing but it doesn't matter as he never proposed marriage to you personally.  Watch the feet -the actions -not the lip -just words. His actions are to justify cheating on his spouse (it's good you didn't have intercourse particularly given the heightened risk of STDs when having intercourse with a married man who cheats), his actions are to get intimate with you behind his spouse's back.  Those are his actions. Can you imagine him having a child in this situation - how awful for the child!

It is weird though. He did buy me a ring during my birthday and gave me a present. He said it didn't mean anything. 

Well after I broke off contact from him, I lost the ring he gave me.

I love that ring, but I know it is not meant for me. 

I told him that I didn't want him to waste money on me and just save it for his daughter. He told me that it doesn't matter because he had given her a lot of presents to her.

I know that his daughter is a daddy's girl. 

[Art_demure]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Your actions are consistent with a person being part of another person betraying his spouse so - yes  - on the path of destruction.  What he said are words and take those words in context. Married men cannot date.  Married men can have second or third wives in places that permit such a thing but it doesn't matter as he never proposed marriage to you personally.  Watch the feet -the actions -not the lip -just words. His actions are to justify cheating on his spouse (it's good you didn't have intercourse particularly given the heightened risk of STDs when having intercourse with a married man who cheats), his actions are to get intimate with you behind his spouse's back.  Those are his actions. Can you imagine him having a child in this situation - how awful for the child!

I hate and love him simultaneously. I told him I want to forget him and he got upset about it. 

I hate how I still have feelings towards him despite not meeting him for almost a year.

I even painted him for his birthday present. The hell was I thinking? 

He asked me why I painted him and I replied, "I don't know"

Then he explained to me about my feelings. It is because I wanted it to be kept as a memory.

Why do I need to remember memories about him? I know I learned my lesson, but it is all pointless because I am not innocent as I used to be. 

I did save my virginity and vowed to save it for someone I will get married to, though I am not immune to falling for people who are committed apparently.

I was told that many young women have gone through what I have gone through so I guess I am among thr majority

[Batya33]

It's normal to have feelings for and memories of someone you were into.  It's not about immune from falling -it's a choice -you made a choice to react to your feelings by interacting with him in a way inappropriate with a married man.  I don't think most people when they are young have affairs. And even if so -which it isn't -doesn't make it right.  My friend did.  Wasted 2 years of her 20s on him.  Then got over him and met a wonderful man and they got engaged.  3 years after they got engaged- 2 years after the wedding -she died in her early 30s of aggressive cancer.  Can you imagine -she had so few years to live and wasted a huge part of those years on a married man.  Never had a child which she so badly wanted.

It's always your choice. I had crushes on married men and I never ever acted on it.  Two of them -one was engaged, one was married - came on to me and a third one sent me inappropriate emails.  I never responded in any way that furthered the interaction in any inappropriate way.  When I reconnected with my future husband he was in the process of ending a serious relationship.  When we started dating, they'd broken up.  Otherwise I would not have dated him or interacted in any way other than platonic.

Please stop -for your own good -this passive ohhhhh I couldn't help it and most women do this so it's ok -stuff. It's not ok for your health and it's not an ethical way to live pursuing someone else's spouse.

[Art_demure]

I think I just need to distract myself more and more. But then realize it will never make me move on completely. I do not want to be weak. 

I want to enjoy the moment and think of wonderful things instead of thinking about the past and the memories.

There were moments when I just want to go to the bridge and scream his name. That is how much I love him. People will say it is not love. 

I don't care if it is lust or love. All I know is that he occupied my mind for over 3 years.

The man that I thought was an arrogant and cold man by first impression turned out to be someone who completely changed my life. Both mentally and physically. 

[ShySoul]

One of the hardest things is realizing that a person can be both a hero and a villian, all at the same time. A person can be capable of doing may great things and be amazing in so many ways, yet still be doing something wrong and not be right for us. People are complex. We are all a little bit of everything. You can't fit us into labels and categories. 

1 hour ago, Art_demure said:

There were moments when I just want to go to the bridge and scream his name. That is how much I love him. People will say it is not love. 

Don't listen to those people. If you felt it in your heart, it was love. Doesn't matter if you can't be together or if it was "wrong" of him to see you. You had a connection. It was real. It was love.

I love someone I can't be with. She is my hero. And it hurts at times. But I know what I feel and I know it is love. I've accepted I won't be with her, but that doesn't make my feeling any less real or valid. Just as yours are real and valid. Just as it is okay if you think about or miss him at times.

On 11/27/2024 at 1:08 PM, Art_demure said:

Why do I need to remember memories about him? I know I learned my lesson, but it is all pointless because I am not innocent as I used to be. 

I did save my virginity and vowed to save it for someone I will get married to, though I am not immune to falling for people who are committed apparently.

I was told that many young women have gone through what I have gone through so I guess I am among thr majority

You need to remember because he was there for you when no one else was. At your lowest point, darkest hour, he was the one that helped you. Given that your family doesn't seem supportive, you needed someone caring in your life. He was there. He gave you the love you had been lacking. And that is something you want to hold onto. 

Yes, many women do go through this. Many men as well. Feelings are complex. The key is to not be consumed by what we feel. You don't need to let him go completely. But you can't be so focuse on him that you lose sight of everything else. You have to eventually find a way of seeing him as a person there for a moment in time. when you needed him, but not the idealized person you wanted him to be that you would be with forever. 

And as a side note, I applaud you for keeping your virginity until marriage. It's a very noble goal that must not have been easy to keep giving how strongly you feel for him. I hope you hold out until you are completely ready, including up to marriage.

On 11/26/2024 at 12:50 AM, Art_demure said:

Do you really think that someone will treat me better? 

Absolutely. You can and you will be loved. You should have a great love, something special that means the world to you. And you can have it all one day.

Don't date if you aren't ready. It's fine to be on your own. It's okay to need more time, as much time as it takes. When you are ready for more you will know. There is no rush.

Hang in there. Have some fun and do something you enjoy. I'm sending you all the positive energy I can.

[Batya33]

Perhaps it's easier for you to feel love for an unavailable man you put on a pedestal so you can worship him from a distance and not have to deal with the realities of who he is and what he is like in a relationship -you never had to be truly vulnerable because you knew he'd never be committed to you -or highly unlikely.

[Art_demure]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Perhaps it's easier for you to feel love for an unavailable man you put on a pedestal so you can worship him from a distance and not have to deal with the realities of who he is and what he is like in a relationship -you never had to be truly vulnerable because you knew he'd never be committed to you -or highly unlikely.

I don't worship him. I see him as a human being. I only worship to God. 

He's also the 1st guy who I had a relationship with so that is something

[Art_demure]

5 hours ago, ShySoul said:

One of the hardest things is realizing that a person can be both a hero and a villian, all at the same time. A person can be capable of doing may great things and be amazing in so many ways, yet still be doing something wrong and not be right for us. People are complex. We are all a little bit of everything. You can't fit us into labels and categories. 

Don't listen to those people. If you felt it in your heart, it was love. Doesn't matter if you can't be together or if it was "wrong" of him to see you. You had a connection. It was real. It was love.

I love someone I can't be with. She is my hero. And it hurts at times. But I know what I feel and I know it is love. I've accepted I won't be with her, but that doesn't make my feeling any less real or valid. Just as yours are real and valid. Just as it is okay if you think about or miss him at times.

You need to remember because he was there for you when no one else was. At your lowest point, darkest hour, he was the one that helped you. Given that your family doesn't seem supportive, you needed someone caring in your life. He was there. He gave you the love you had been lacking. And that is something you want to hold onto. 

Yes, many women do go through this. Many men as well. Feelings are complex. The key is to not be consumed by what we feel. You don't need to let him go completely. But you can't be so focuse on him that you lose sight of everything else. You have to eventually find a way of seeing him as a person there for a moment in time. when you needed him, but not the idealized person you wanted him to be that you would be with forever. 

And as a side note, I applaud you for keeping your virginity until marriage. It's a very noble goal that must not have been easy to keep giving how strongly you feel for him. I hope you hold out until you are completely ready, including up to marriage.

Absolutely. You can and you will be loved. You should have a great love, something special that means the world to you. And you can have it all one day.

Don't date if you aren't ready. It's fine to be on your own. It's okay to need more time, as much time as it takes. When you are ready for more you will know. There is no rush.

Hang in there. Have some fun and do something you enjoy. I'm sending you all the positive energy I can.

Thank you. That sums up for what I went through. It is saddening now that because of the lack of love back at home, I got it elsewhere.

Should be from people not like him, but I guess I did. I don't regret meeting him or loving him.

But being with him, I always do counterfactual thinking. "What if he were.." etc. 

He does make me feel safe and that's all I could remember about him. Not his temper or road rage or lies...