How can I show her I am ready to date again.

[OhioHeartBroken]

I guess I should start of by giving a little background for those who did not read my previous posts. It has been 7 weeks since my ex broke it of with me. I know to a lot of people that may not seem long at all. Especially since our relationship was on and off for 8 1/2 years. For me 7 weeks has been an eternity because I have had 5 weeks to think about things with out getting emotional. I have also used that time to talk to other people in my life about everything that has happened and they have helped me to realize some things as well.

 

I have come to a lot of realizations about our relationship. One of the major reasons she gave for breaking it off was that she felt she could never communicate with me and it was my fault. Whiles I was in the relationship and for the 2 weeks following the breakup she had me completely convinced that she was right, that everything that went south in our relationship was my fault. When I look back she was right in that i could not be completely open with her but I disagree that it was all my fault because when I look back I realize that I tried. I tried very hard. I also realized that if I was open but did not say exactly what she wanted to hear than I was better off not saying anything at all. She would rip into me pretty good. By not being able to open up to her and to talk to her about things I was not happy about I would make stupid decisions, pretty much out of desperation I just couldn;t see it at the time. Vicious little cycle that was. Anyways, I have come to realize that I am comfortable with who I am, I know who I am even though I was with someone for so long. I have come to realize that I was the one who was growing as a person, maturing, changing for the better. My ex was not. In fact I think thats what our major problem was. We were not on the same page at the time we broke up.

 

So.......... I have been seeing a girl for the past couple of weeks that I really enjoy spending time with. She is easy to talk to, even about stuff that we don't agree on! She is very affectionate, laid back, and independent. All things that my relationship with my ex was lacking for a long while. So she mentions to me that she is feeling a little paranoid about me not being single for very long. She said she finds it hard to believe that I know who I am because I was with my ex for so long. I tried to explain to her that although 7 may be a small number, time is relative. To me it has been an eternity because I had a chance to sort a lot of things out and to realize I am the same person whether I am single or with someone. I have my own goals, habits, interests and most importantly my own identity. She has never been in a relationship that lasted nearly that long so I don't think that she realizes you can be with someone and still be independent, grow as a person, have your own identity, etc... I asked her what her concerns were and she answered she was afraid that a month or two down the road I will break it off because i want to know what it is like to be single. How can I show her that I am my own person and that I am ready to start dating? I think our talk helped a little but i did get a feeling that she wanted to keep me at arms length until she gets assurance that what I was telling her is what I really feel.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

[heloladies21]

Only way that trust can be developed is over time and there's no way to fast forward. And in 2 months, you might decide to try single life again. Don't give her a promise you can't keep. Just enjoy spending time together and see where it goes. The uncertainty is part of the fun.

[starion]

i don't know you so i won't pretend like it can't work out it can.

i have been with a girl for about 5 years and after we broke up I thought i was perfectly fine and that is what i wanted.

In a few weeks I started dating someone else, it developed into the relationship and all was well.

...until a few months went by...

oh man how i wish that someone would just tie me up somewhere and just not let me do anything for a few months

so now i am confused about last girl, this girl and everything in general.

i have learned a valuable lesson and won't jump into relationship quickly but man oh man at what cost