staying away from dangerous love...

[lyr521]

after 3.5 years of just up and down roller coaster drama.. i finally broke it off with him. i just did it friday u know.... is it over? i dont even know for sure... do i want it to be over? badly.

 

in the very very beginning it was .. like fireworks. oh my God is all i could say.. then well.. turbulance kicked in. justified or not.. he has put his hands on me in the past.. not too forceful.. but enough to leave me with a headache and a sprain on a couple of places... he has demeaned me.. spit on me... and so forth. his jealousy was out of control and eventually he cheated on me.

 

i felt like i was on some crazy ride on a Great Adventures roller coaster... after splitting up for awhile.. i took him back!!!! could u believe i took him back!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? i love (loved) him soooo much. i cried every night without him.. i couldnt sleep.. eat.. concentrate..i just kind of went about the day like i was a ghost... but oh when i had him back in my arms i felt so goood... i mean.. SO SO good.

 

anyways... that was a year ago.. things had calmed so much.. his anger was so much better.. and i saw him trying his darndest. he wanted it to work out so bad between us.. so he tried.. and i tried... i think in the middle of him trying.. i was actually still not healed inside...

 

we mixed our children together.. and i eventually grew a relationship with his and him with mine. one night i jut kind of woke up and smelled the coffee.... something just snapped and i kept telling myself that he'll never change and sooner or later his temper will come up again and GOD FORBID my own child sees that side of him (she's too young now..) i broke it off without thinking about it.. (i mean hell, what was there to think about anyway..?)

 

im desperate.. i need to get him out of my head. im dying to call him. in fact, i have... i just blocked my number and hung up on the first ring. everything and anything reminds me of him. i feel worthless, crappy, low and just beyond hideous without him....which is like only 3steps below of how i felt when i was with him....being with him was like the lesser of two evils.

 

i even called up an old fling to get my mind off of him. im so desperate. hell, im even thinking of having a sexual relationship with my old fling again. ANYTHING...

 

but i know all that would do is make me feel lower. i dont know what to do? i know my ex is just a time bomb... but how do i get rid of that annoying little LYING voice telling me he's changed..that he IS my soulmate.. blah blah blah...that stupid little voice keeps telling me ive made a mistake.

 

i want to move on.. i DO i DO i DO. but i need to get through the beginning of hurting and desperation first.

 

ive sat here on my computer screen reading and reading into this site...advice after advice, problem after problem... i kept thinking i can do this myself... but i realize that i CANT.

 

im such a private person and i have a small circle of close friends who have theyre own problems.... im scared ill go back to him. i want to... so bad. i think if he were to ring my bell now id cry and cry and ask him to hold me....

 

i need help. what can/should i do? my self esteem is shot. my eating habits are starting to be bad again...(im a starver not a stuffer)... i dont want to lose anymore weight.. im tiny as it is already... im in school.. i dont want to lower my grades because of stress....

 

ive never really been alone but i need to be. how do those happy single people do it? everytime i see a couple i hurt inside....

 

i just want what everyone wants... a chemical complimentary in my partner...

[Jetta]

All your feelings are normal. Keep your distance from him and eventually your rollar coaster of emotions will stabilize.

[shorty20]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this, but you're doing the right thing! Don't second guess your decision, because you are right! He may have changed, but he can always go back to what he was before, and you're first priority and you're loyalty is to your daughter. You had the courage to leave, and that was the hardest part. Now it's just getting over him. It took me a while to do this. I always was in a relationship from the time I was 15 up until about 3 months ago... never spent more than two weeks single... and the past three months have been so great for me. Once you learn how to be single, it's not hard anymore. I'm just now starting to date again, but the best thing for you to do right now will be to take time for yourself and figure out what you want/need from someone. I've also learned that the right guy always comes along when you're not looking, so stop looking! Spend time with your daughter, join some clubs, do things for YOU for once and not for other people. The right guy will come along, and you'll just know it's right. Good luck hun!

[rilo82]

STAY away frm him. i cant believe he spat on you. No guy shld do that. Find a new guy.

[guapa]

Good for you...

 

I'm personally kind of nervous, cause I'm moving in with someone now that has been verbally abusive when he gets really mad.

 

It's hard for me to say no, especially now that I'm supposed to move in in two weeks and if I decide not to he'd be really mad.

 

Not to hijack your post, but I'm happy for you. Stick it out. You're doing better than me.

[taimeen]

hang in there, i have had years of single and years of long time commitment, push come to shove i was happier single and it was easy doing it, u just have to learn and know that just u dont have a man or woamn doesnt mean diddly, because most ppl who do have a man or woamn have one thing in common at some point, misery..and guapa....dont do it....please dont do it

[guapa]

Hey... check out my post... entitled "not moving in, now what?"

 

everything solved and feeling soooooooooooo much happier!

 

[taimeen]

u mean i potentially save someone from pain and sorrow! Wow I am special! lol. Good for u g.