Boyfriend cheated on me after 6 years

[Anonymous212]

Hi,

My boyfriend moved 6 hours away to start a uni course, I stayed put as I had our dog and my job. He cheated on me for 7 months, in another relationship with another girl. 

I am still with him but finding it hard to trust him again. It's been almost a year and I just don't know how I should feel/act. 

He has changed how he is around me, he is acting like he loves me and is talking about proposing and having kids. He is a lot more soppy than before which is what's convincing me that he has changed 

I don't know why but I don't care about the cheating, I care more about the lies. 

I don't really know what I'm asking for or why I'm putting this post up 😕 I feel as though I can't talk to anyone about it.

 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Anonymous212 said:

I am still with him but finding it hard to trust him again.

No wonder. 

Cheating can do irreparable damage to a relationship. Some work through it, yes, but many don't and with good reason. It shows you a side of your partner you may not have evern known existed. 

Personally? I wouldn't bother trying to trust him again. It's not like this was a one-off event. It was months of active deception and betrayal. There is no way I would want to even try to get past that. I would instead recognize that I deserve far better and let him go. 

[SophiaG]

Cheating IS lying. It's natural to feel different and not trust him after that.

He's acting lovey dovey because he's trying to stay on your good side after cheating. Many people who cheat or otherwise hurt their partners would do that. It doesn't mean he's fundamentally changed. It also doesn't mean he wouldn't cheat again.

Given that he's in uni I'm guessing you both are very young. I wouldn't waste my 20s in a relationship on shaky grounds with a cheater let alone thinking of marriage and kids with him. It may help to talk to a counselor/therapist to unpack your feelings and gather the strength to leave the relationship.

[Anonymous212]

I am 24, he is 28. She was 19

Thank you for your replies 

[TeeDee]

Why are you still with him?  

The relationship is LDR, which is unfulfilling & now you know you can't trust him.  What is the upside of staying? 

[catfeeder]

The problem with staying with someone after long-term cheating is that he's already shown you his capacity for disloyalty. He still owns that, he'll just get better at hiding it. 

We never get any wasted time back to re-live over again. Decide whether walking on eggshells and always looking over your shoulder is how you want to live, or whether you deserve to find someone you can trust.

[Andrina]

What is the reason you never cheated on him? I'm assuming it's because you have good ethics. Because you would never hurt someone you love in the worst way. Because you value your relationship and would never do anything to compromise it. And even if your biggest celebrity crush asked you out, you'd turn him down because you value true love and possess integrity.

How does it feel that he doesn't share your mindset? Unsettling and pure misery, I'm sure.

Sometimes friendships and romantic relationships work for a lifetime but not all do for good reason. I've never given second chances for cheating, not that any of my partners had, because I'm not the type to be able to forgive for that. I've never come close to cheating nor crossed boundaries and expect the same. I breathe easier that way.

[smackie9]

Say a one night of being too intoxicated and oops fell into someone's vajayjay might be forgivable, but dating someone else for 7 months...no just no. Chances are he's going to do it again. He's a liar, and who's to say all this lovey dovey stuff is for real. Taking back a cheater like that, there's no consequences for them. He doesn't deserve you or a second chance. Just think about it...he accepted to sleep with someone for 7 months without ever considering you, your feelings or your relationship.