I Don't Even Know

[catfeeder]

With you in spirit, ((((Lamb))).

[Batya33]

I hope you can breathe easier today.  Thinking of you.

[ShySoul]

Thinking of you and hoping you're well. If you ever need anything, I'll be glad to listen.

[DarkCh0c0]

On 11/10/2024 at 7:07 PM, catfeeder said:

But then I remind myself that I'm as entitled to make mistakes as anyone else, and there's a difference between being 'wrong' about some things as opposed to being 'wrong' as a human, essentially.

Uhhh

I feel this one recently. So hard.

Idk why, but it's like I've been going through a wave of realizations that I was wrong about some things, and it's hitting me in the face.

I'm shaken, and I'm trying to shake it off... Sigh 😔

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Idk why, but it's like I've been going through a wave of realizations that I was wrong about some things, and it's hitting me in the face

Can't figure out what is worse:

Do know you were wrong about things and have to face up to them.

Or to know you were right and be powerless to do anything about it.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Uhhh

I feel this one recently. So hard.

Idk why, but it's like I've been going through a wave of realizations that I was wrong about some things, and it's hitting me in the face.

I'm shaken, and I'm trying to shake it off... Sigh 😔

Yes! I hear. I think most of us go through cycles of this. Sometimes, it's a string of realizations; other times, it's a pile-on of misfortune, and even worse, sometimes it's a combo-plate of all of the above.

Remember that most people can relate to this, so it doesn't make you a freak. It's tempting to view ourselves in these moments as unable to trust our judgment, but this IS the stuff that resilience is built upon. How we frame it is important. "Will I drill myself down into a deeper hole with this, or can I trust that everything is temporary and fLOAt until I find some solid ground again?"

(((Hold on, and hang in)))

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Uhhh

I feel this one recently. So hard.

Idk why, but it's like I've been going through a wave of realizations that I was wrong about some things, and it's hitting me in the face.

I'm shaken, and I'm trying to shake it off... Sigh 😔

The sign of a good and smart person is realizing when things have gone wrong and owning up to it. It's learning from it and striving to make things better going forward.

I've seen the opposite. I know people who make mistakes and constantly ignore them, blaming everything and everyone else. Then they do the same things, hurting themselves and others. It's a cycle of hurt they can never escape. 

You're better then that. You'll get through and be fine, be better off in the long run. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And just trying to deal with it already shows how strong you are.

Hang in there. It gets better.

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

The sign of a good and smart person is realizing when things have gone wrong and owning up to it. It's learning from it and striving to make things better going forward.

I've seen the opposite. I know people who make mistakes and constantly ignore them, blaming everything and everyone else. Then they do the same things, hurting themselves and others. It's a cycle of hurt they can never escape. 

You're better then that. You'll get through and be fine, be better off in the long run. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And just trying to deal with it already shows how strong you are.

Hang in there. It gets better.

Aww thank you Shyshoul 💚

I will get through it. Lots of mixed feelings, but this too shall pass. It is humbling to realize how wrong I can be and how "in my head" I am.

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Yes! I hear. I think most of us go through cycles of this. Sometimes, it's a string of realizations; other times, it's a pile-on of misfortune, and even worse, sometimes it's a combo-plate of all of the above.

Remember that most people can relate to this, so it doesn't make you a freak. It's tempting to view ourselves in these moments as unable to trust our judgment, but this IS the stuff that resilience is built upon. How we frame it is important. "Will I drill myself down into a deeper hole with this, or can I trust that everything is temporary and fLOAt until I find some solid ground again?"

(((Hold on, and hang in)))

Indeed Catfeeder 💚. I need to float until I find that solid ground.

Part of it has been also realizing how complex people can be.

A narcissist can be a generous and selfless person at times. A generous person can be selfish and cruel at times.

And then I need to figure out... Where do I go from here? Do I keep a distance? Is it fair? Was/Am I fair? How do I judge this? Sigh... The grey lines of life. The colours. The beauty and mistery of it all.

[Fudgie]

Have really been struggling with all of this. I work in mental health and some of my patients are also struggling, so it's not like I can step away from this. 

I had been trying, in earnest, to try and find a long term partner this summer, as I'm in a healthier place. Once this happened, I yanked myself off the apps, broke it off with the couple guys I was dating (yes, I made up excuses that sounded plausible) and decided to take an extended break from dating. 

Just going to focus on me, myself, and I for a while, maybe figure out if looking for a partner in these times is even a good idea. I feel tempted to fall into misandry but I am resisting the urge.

[yogacat]

8 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Uhhh

I feel this one recently. So hard.

Idk why, but it's like I've been going through a wave of realizations that I was wrong about some things, and it's hitting me in the face.

I'm shaken, and I'm trying to shake it off... Sigh 😔

Yes, I've been living in my own little world. Thinking everything was gonna be okay. But now I see the truth unfold. And I'm not sure I can handle it this way.❤️

 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Fudgie said:

Have really been struggling with all of this. ...

...Just going to focus on me, myself, and I for a while, maybe figure out if looking for a partner in these times is even a good idea. I feel tempted to fall into misandry but I am resisting the urge.

Welcome back, Fudgie. I wish it were under better circumstances, and I'm sorry you're struggling. (((Holding you in my thoughts.)))

[Fudgie]

12 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Welcome back, Fudgie. I wish it were under better circumstances, and I'm sorry you're struggling. (((Holding you in my thoughts.)))

Good to see ya, catfeeder. Honestly, I feel guilty complaining as my life and life quality is the best it has been in, well, forever. Mentally though, it's been a rough few weeks and trying to reassure patients who are rightfully worried. I don't have much to offer them other than "we will figure this out together"

[DarkCh0c0]

11 hours ago, Fudgie said:

Have really been struggling with all of this. I work in mental health and some of my patients are also struggling, so it's not like I can step away from this. 

I had been trying, in earnest, to try and find a long term partner this summer, as I'm in a healthier place. Once this happened, I yanked myself off the apps, broke it off with the couple guys I was dating (yes, I made up excuses that sounded plausible) and decided to take an extended break from dating. 

Just going to focus on me, myself, and I for a while, maybe figure out if looking for a partner in these times is even a good idea. I feel tempted to fall into misandry but I am resisting the urge.

Take it step by step 💚

The work you do isn't the easiest mentally, I can imagine. Maybe allow yourself to rest and be in your own loving arms and that of your friends.

I don't think I'm in the best place to date neither... Even though I'd love to.

Sometimes we have to put aside what we want so we can give ourselves what we need.

[DarkCh0c0]

9 hours ago, yogacat said:

Yes, I've been living in my own little world. Thinking everything was gonna be okay. But now I see the truth unfold. And I'm not sure I can handle it this way.❤️

 

Yeah...

Life. Life does the weirdest twists and funniest bits...

[Fudgie]

I try to tell myself that things come and go in cycles, like a pendulum. I don't like this upswing but damn, if I can hold on through it, it will eventually pass. 

[DarkCh0c0]

12 hours ago, Fudgie said:

I try to tell myself that things come and go in cycles, like a pendulum. I don't like this upswing but damn, if I can hold on through it, it will eventually pass. 

It will indeed 💚

[ShySoul]

Think we should all take comfort that all of us here are going through something similar. None of are alone in our struggles.

On 11/24/2024 at 11:27 PM, DarkCh0c0 said:

Maybe allow yourself to rest and be in your own loving arms and that of your friends.

What if you don't have friends? My loving arms need a break at times. 

On 11/24/2024 at 12:18 PM, DarkCh0c0 said:

A narcissist can be a generous and selfless person at times. A generous person can be selfish and cruel at times.

The hardest thing is seeing the various shades of grey in a person. Think people are so quick to throw a label at someone and make a judgement good or bad. But when you get to the complex reality of people, things are rarely simple and straightforward. Learning how to balance caring about someone while caring for yourself is a challenge.

I've had to struggle with that myself. Always want to see the good, believe in them. But can't ignore the bad either.

[ShySoul]

On 11/24/2024 at 2:25 PM, yogacat said:

Yes, I've been living in my own little world. Thinking everything was gonna be okay. But now I see the truth unfold. And I'm not sure I can handle it this way.

Hang on yoga. Whatever it is, you'll find a way through it and will be okay. You deserve the best.

[ShySoul]

On 11/24/2024 at 2:45 PM, Fudgie said:

Mentally though, it's been a rough few weeks and trying to reassure patients who are rightfully worried. I don't have much to offer them other than "we will figure this out together"

Having someone there for them is probably the best thing for them. Just knowing you have support can uplift you when you feel like giving up. You're giving an invaluable service, so take heart in that.

[DarkCh0c0]

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

What if you don't have friends? My loving arms need a break at times. 

I'm the same. It's tough. I empathize with you.

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

The hardest thing is seeing the various shades of grey in a person. Think people are so quick to throw a label at someone and make a judgement good or bad. But when you get to the complex reality of people, things are rarely simple and straightforward. Learning how to balance caring about someone while caring for yourself is a challenge.

I've had to struggle with that myself. Always want to see the good, believe in them. But can't ignore the bad either

Well said.

[Lambert]

So many kind souls on this thread. 

I'm coping, too. I really try to just be in the moment. it's so cliche. I hesitate to say it. sigh. but some truth in advertising 😁

I can't change the past. I can't control the future. I can take comfort in my efforts to live and learn... now I'm learning to slow down. 🐌 observe more. wait to decide to decide. Follow the answers that support the vision I see for myself. What I can live with.  Making space for good things to come. It's hard though. ❤️🧡❤️

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Lambert said:

So many kind souls on this thread. 

I'm coping, too. I really try to just be in the moment. it's so cliche. I hesitate to say it. sigh. but some truth in advertising 😁

So good to hear from you, Lamb. Yes, you are in excellent company.

Focusing on the moment is, indeed, a skill. I've mistaken it as holding tunnel vision in the present, because that, in itself, was difficult to learn. But I think a bigger skill is learning how to refocus our lens as needed. We can stay zoomed in on the present as it serves us, and yet, on occasion, we can zoom back out to gain an overall perspective of our lifespan. This helps us to reach into segments of that picture to accomplish big things--like forming goals to work toward rather than being rudderless.

We can also view mistakes in the past as being based on a natural state of our limited vision at that time. For instance, as kindergarteners or high school graduates we just didn't know what we know now. So, we can reach back with care to offer comfort to the Self at any stage for being an imperfect human-in-progress. This can help to heal shame rather than allow it to deprive us of any learning devices that could otherwise be gained if not for squelching ourselves into over-correction with shame.

We don't need to wait to grow old and wise before we can tap into this wisdom. It's available at any time we want to heal.

Quote

 I can't change the past. I can't control the future. I can take comfort in my efforts to live and learn... now I'm learning to slow down. 🐌 observe more. wait to decide to decide. Follow the answers that support the vision I see for myself. What I can live with. 

Excellent. The vision you hold for yourself is an ideal, and that's a great motivator. I'd only caution against transposing perfection to the detriment of the imperfect. When our standards are so high that any deviation is traumatic rather than forgivable, we might miss out on the beauty of our natural selves, which are flawed and growing and learning every day. I like to picture driftwood. It's far from perfect, but that's what makes it priceless.

Quote

 Making space for good things to come. It's hard though. ❤️🧡❤️

((((Big HUG, Lamb.))) Your self-awareness is impressive, and yes, keep your space open rather than shutting down to predictions whenever you're in a not-so-great place. Whenever I've told myself that I'm having a hard time, I am 'right'. Whenever I tell myself that I can roll with this, or I can do this, I'm also right. I might still get to the same place, but my choice of self-talk will make it somewhat easier or far more difficult. We each get to pick!

(((Sending you good vibes.)))

[ShySoul]

5 hours ago, Lambert said:

So many kind souls on this thread. 

I'm coping, too. I really try to just be in the moment. it's so cliche. I hesitate to say it. sigh. but some truth in advertising 😁

I can't change the past. I can't control the future. I can take comfort in my efforts to live and learn... now I'm learning to slow down. 🐌 observe more. wait to decide to decide. Follow the answers that support the vision I see for myself. What I can live with.  Making space for good things to come. It's hard though. ❤️🧡❤️

Best advice I've ever been given was to be in the moment. And it's worked. Funny how the truth really does sound cliche. 😉

As I keep having to remind myself: Learn from the past. Live in the moment. Live for the future.

Or as one of my favorite shows taught me: "The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast, terrible in-between. But there is still time to seize that one last, fragile moment."

 

[Lambert]

Hi @catfeeder Your wise and kind words moved me to tears. Thank you.