I need to vent again.

[Enya77]

I'm sorry for these constant vents, but they're vents. I have a hard time taking advice as every time something happens to me, I get extremely overwhelmed by negative emotions. 

It seems like everyone always has a problem with me. I wish I could say I was making it up. People often think it's paranoid delsuions, but I know for a fact they're not. I was on the phone with tech support for my insurance and the woman speaking to me was laughing at me. I heard an uproar of gossip on the other end of the line. Things that people typically say about me. I always notice that women of all ages get this mean girl voice going. I said that that was all I needed help with and the woman was like, talking to someone else. A similar thing happened to me with a counselor and np. The np was recent and she was smiling and trying not to laugh. Looking at someone else in the room. We were over videocall.

 

No matter what I do, people bully me. They make fun of the way I sound and who I am, but I can't help those things. Every time it happens, I get scared of what they're going to pull and then I bawl my eyes out when the appointment is over. I try to google search foruns of people experiencing similar things because I feel alone, all just to find nothing and feel worse. 

 

This stuff happens with every person I meet. I literally can't help who I am. When people hear how I sound and find out that I'm different. I can see this mischevious grin flash over their face either at me or each other and I notice that in women, their voices become like high school mean girls. People say, they bully because you let them and you have to stand up for yourself, but they normally talk behind my back and there are many times that no opportunity arises to stand up for myself. I just think they see who I am and start saying things like "I hate her!" to show that they don't associate themselves with me then mock me. 

I feel horrible about myself each time this happens and it happens a lot! I remember being just 12 and going to a post concussion clinic and talking to two nurses. When I left the room, they burst out laughing and started making fun of me. I was right by the door. I felt horrible! This was when I didn't used to water myself down. I talked more and freely expressed myself. Even now that I'm less enthusiastic and myself, people still laugh at me. I thought I "got better". I just became more shy and anxious. I began to hate myself more and became self concious. I used to be sonewhat likeable and made friends easier then too.

 

Anyway, that's just a vent. 

[Batya33]

You're referring to all people/everyone but certain of the examples refer to business interactions/interactions with strangers - so I mean you're not going to have to interact with those individuals much if ever so who cares what they think/what you think they heard/their reactions. I'm sorry you have such extreme reactions to near strangers.  I was bullied in school at various times -sure the memory can still sting but wasn't that a very long time ago for you when you were 12? Did the NP or the insurance person "pull anything" - sounds like no - and anyway what can someone on the phone "pull on you?"  If an NP is rude, ask to see a different one.

For sure no one should treat someone with disrespect/make fun of them and it sounds like you think it happens more often to you than others but I would work with your therapist on how to have tools you can use to decrease/avoid your extreme reactions and overreactions.

I hope you feel better.

[Enya77]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You're referring to all people/everyone but certain of the examples refer to business interactions/interactions with strangers - so I mean you're not going to have to interact with those individuals much if ever so who cares what they think/what you think they heard/their reactions. I'm sorry you have such extreme reactions to near strangers.  I was bullied in school at various times -sure the memory can still sting but wasn't that a very long time ago for you when you were 12? Did the NP or the insurance person "pull anything" - sounds like no - and anyway what can someone on the phone "pull on you?"  If an NP is rude, ask to see a different one.

For sure no one should treat someone with disrespect/make fun of them and it sounds like you think it happens more often to you than others but I would work with your therapist on how to have tools you can use to decrease/avoid your extreme reactions and overreactions.

I hope you feel better.

I definitely need to see a therapist, it's just I don't think I want to see one at home as I'm pretty sure people around me can hear everything I'm saying. My door broke. I agree they are very extreme. Most other people probably wouldn't even care! I really wish I could do that.

[Seraphim]

Typically therapists don’t go to your house . You go to their office . 

[Enya77]

15 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Typically therapists don’t go to your house . You go to their office . 

Oh! Sorry. I meant over telehealth.

[Seraphim]

23 minutes ago, Enya77 said:

Oh! Sorry. I meant over telehealth.

You can always go outside as well if you don’t want to be overheard . 

[Cherylyn]

With practice,  you'll develop thicker skin.  I was somewhat you back in the day. 

Nowadays,  there are still people in my midst who either don't care about me or they're not particularly fond of me.  I felt sensitive about being unpopular or not well liked but as years pass by,  I don't care anymore.  I don't need to impress anyone and I hope you will be the same.  Be you.  I've been mocked and humiliated so I can relate. 

Whenever I speak,  I get what I want and this is all that matters.  As long as I'm respectful and heard,  no matter how I get there,  I get results in my favor.  In the big picture,  this is all that matters and if anyone laughs or disagrees,  so what?  It's the results that counts.  This world is a cruel place.  People are mean. 

I was a shy wallflower and doormat long ago.  Those days are no more. 

My secret?  Get tough and stay tough.  Be a strong person. 

I make it a point to ask whom I'm speaking to at the beginning of a conversation especially if it's on the phone.  I keep this in mind.  If the conversation goes awry for any reason,  there's snickering in the background or people making fun of me at my expense,  I'll complain to management. 

There are a few good people on this Earth.  Birds of a feather flock together.  Afford to be very picky and choosy by surrounding yourself with very moral,  emotionally intelligent people. 

[Enya77]

38 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

With practice,  you'll develop thicker skin.  I was somewhat you back in the day. 

Nowadays,  there are still people in my midst who either don't care about me or they're not particularly fond of me.  I felt sensitive about being unpopular or not well liked but as years pass by,  I don't care anymore.  I don't need to impress anyone and I hope you will be the same.  Be you.  I've been mocked and humiliated so I can relate. 

Whenever I speak,  I get what I want and this is all that matters.  As long as I'm respectful and heard,  no matter how I get there,  I get results in my favor.  In the big picture,  this is all that matters and if anyone laughs or disagrees,  so what?  It's the results that counts.  This world is a cruel place.  People are mean. 

I was a shy wallflower and doormat long ago.  Those days are no more. 

My secret?  Get tough and stay tough.  Be a strong person. 

I make it a point to ask whom I'm speaking to at the beginning of a conversation especially if it's on the phone.  I keep this in mind.  If the conversation goes awry for any reason,  there's snickering in the background or people making fun of me at my expense,  I'll complain to management. 

There are a few good people on this Earth.  Birds of a feather flock together.  Afford to be very picky and choosy by surrounding yourself with very moral,  emotionally intelligent people. 

When that day comes, it'll be a dream come true! I lost being a fun person to be around because I cared so much of what other people thought of me, I stopped being myself. Became very serious and now I always wear a poker face. I hope I can get the old me back with therapy.

Thank you for this. It really made me stop and think.

[Cherylyn]

Another tip:

I can't speak for others but whenever I take care of my health,  I can handle and cope with life better.  If I'm physically weak,  I become mentally weak.  If I prioritize my health,  I think and act more clearly and most of all,  I become less sensitive and emotional.  Emotions cloud your judgement. 

Whenever I became sloppy with my health,  it was a downward spiral and I became a highly negative,  grumpy,  whiny person.  I complained a lot. 

I prioritize my health and once that's taken care of as a daily habit,  I become tough,  strong and positive.  No one defeats me.  Great health is a tremendous self confidence booster and my self esteem soars.

In the past,  whenever I neglected my health,  I allowed others to pummel me and get the best of me.  Once I focused on health and self care (pampering and grooming),  I came to realize no one is better than me.  I have every right to be me and if I'm not respected,  I command respect. 

With people in my midst,  I enforce strict boundaries and this keeps everyone in line.  People won't always listen to you.  However,   they'll always be forced to pay attention to your actions as actions speak louder than words. 

Be steadfast and unwavering.  This is how you strengthen your resolve.  If I can do it,  you can, too. 

[Cherylyn]

7 minutes ago, Enya77 said:

When that day comes, it'll be a dream come true! I lost being a fun person to be around because I cared so much of what other people thought of me, I stopped being myself. Became very serious and now I always wear a poker face. I hope I can get the old me back with therapy.

Thank you for this. It really made me stop and think.

Don't take other people seriously.  They have their own troubles and problems.  Often times,  people with underlying woes,  tend to be mean.  Secure people tend to have brain space to be conscientious and behave with kindness or so I've noticed. 

Learn to not care about what other people think about you because truthfully,  they don't dwell on you as much as the energy you put forth thinking about them. They move on quickly as should you.  As long as you accept the world as is,  nothing will shock nor surprise you anymore.  This is how you learn universal human nature. 

I've already seen the worst of the worst,  seen and heard everything so I'm accustomed to it.  If you want to survive,  learn street smarts.

I too don my best poker face.  I'm the normal,  real me around those I'm comfortable with such as my local best childhood friends,  my husband,  sons and select local relatives.  I'm poised no matter whom I'm with but I can let my guard down a little in good taste. 

Everyone else?  I'm civil,  well mannered but have since learned to keep a safe distance which is the definition of enforcing healthy boundaries. 

Adapt.  People have different faces for different situations so do likewise. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Enya77 said:

I was on the phone with tech support for my insurance and the woman speaking to me was laughing at me. I heard an uproar of gossip on the other end of the line. Things that people typically say about me.

What exactly did you hear them say? 

[Enya77]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

What exactly did you hear them say? 

I don't have the most ordinary sounding voice so they mock it. This time they called me the r word. I've been called that since I was very young. It made me think I had/have autism. A therapist once said I did after asking me questions, but they're not the people that detremine that. Clinical Psychologists do.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Enya77 said:

I don't have the most ordinary sounding voice so they mock it. This time they called me the r word. I've been called that since I was very young. It made me think I had/have autism. A therapist once said I did after asking me questions, but they're not the people that detremine that. Clinical Psychologists do.

Have you had any speech therapy?

[Enya77]

16 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Have you had any speech therapy?

Yes. I have when I was a child. I could never pronounce r's. I can now. I guess that's why I feel I got better.

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, Enya77 said:

Yes. I have when I was a child. I could never pronounce r's. I can now. I guess that's why I feel I got better.

I had a lisp and had speech therapy for it.  It got somewhat better -it's not pronounced.  And yet throughout my life there were comments made -although none in almost 30 years- and I remember one woman was a friend of the guy I was dating and I always suspected it was because she liked him and wanted him for herself so she was  trying to point out a flaw.  Please no that people who behave rudely like that to you have issues.  My son gets comments about his height -or did quite a bit at various playgrounds, etc when he was young and often by the parents- I had some really good comebacks.

One adult who commented has a son who is autistic and again I believe she said "oh look how much taller" (my son is than yours) at an event we went to at her request -to see her husband perform in a concert -!!! - because she tries to make herself feel better about her bad feelings about her son's situation.  Which she shouldn't of course. Please remind yourself of this.

[MissCanuck]

20 hours ago, Enya77 said:

This time they called me the r word.

Then I would register a formal complaint with the insurance company. 

This is unprofessional to the extreme and the company needs to know what sort of people they have working for them. 

[catfeeder]

Most companies monitor and record their service lines to the public, and their employees know this.

Some customer service teams are forced to work in noisy rooms with others, and the background noise can be very annoying. But the chances that they decided to group up and bully you, knowing they'd likely get fired for that, are very low.

You've admitted in the past that you've projected these kinds of assumptions onto people before. I'd make this easier on myself by assuming that I've done that again and I have no need to be upset about it anymore.

[ShySoul]

On 11/7/2024 at 11:59 AM, Enya77 said:

When that day comes, it'll be a dream come true! I lost being a fun person to be around because I cared so much of what other people thought of me, I stopped being myself. Became very serious and now I always wear a poker face. I hope I can get the old me back with therapy.

Thank you for this. It really made me stop and think.

I've had periods where I stopped being myself. I have cared too much about what people thought, becoming super serious and no fun. It's okay to feel that way at times. You just have to be careful not to lose youself in it for to long. Refocus on the person you know you are inside. Find your own happiness. The opinions of most people don't really matter or mean much in the grand scheme of things. If you are happy with yourself, that means more then anything else.

FYI, I also had speech therapy when I was small. I don't remember the exact issues I had, but I think because I didn't socialize much outside my family I ended up with some bad speech habits. Yet I was always very smart and at or near the top of class. Regardless what anyone says, I'm sure you are smart. Pay no attention to others, focus on you. See the smart, fun, good person you are.