Scared about being emotional over ex

[woodsrose10]

17 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

How do I word this to my doctor so she won’t have me hospitalized again?

How does this sound:

“I recently became uncontrollably emotional over my college sweetheart, Chris. I couldn’t stop crying and I sent him a couple emails saying I still loved him. This hasn’t been the first time I’ve tried to contact him since the breakup. I tried taking 2 pills of Ativan but they didn’t help.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten uncontrollably emotional and tried to contact him since the breakup. [I’ll give the necklace example, etc.] Please prescribe me a STRONG sedative to take next time I get emotional over Chris. He was my college sweetheart, my first love. When it happens I honestly have no control over it; if I don’t get my breakdowns under control I’m sure he will eventually do something drastic.”

 

[woodsrose10]

17 hours ago, ShySoul said:

“repeated actions that seriously alarm, annoy, or harass you, and that serve no legitimate purpose and cause you to be extremely emotionally upset (distressed), such as following you, making harassing telephone calls, or sending harassing emails.”

As I said earlier, I never once harassed him/insulted him/etc. Telling a former boyfriend that you still love them and want them back…if anything, I would think he’d take that as a compliment. 
 

Back when we dated I was very clingy and needy. I would cry when he left me at my house or at school. He took all of that as a HUGE compliment; he never had a girlfriend act that way, so he absolutely loved it.
 

When I did start to make friends and didn’t mind not seeing him, he was beyond devastated. (To put it mildly.) One night he bawled in my bed, “I just want my baby back!!” 
 

I also sent him many cards and letters while we dated. He kept them all. When he finally contacted me in 2020 & mailed back the necklace, he implied he still kept those and the card/letter I sent him after we broke up.

As I said, it looks like he won’t take legal action. Weird tho, he obviously wanted me back for awhile and when I’ve tried to come back he took awhile to give me another chance.

[woodsrose10]

And everyone is silent again… 🤔

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

And everyone is silent again… 🤔

What else is there to say? Just be careful.  Bombarding someone or people they know with texts and emails can quickly have very negative consequences for you.

[woodsrose10]

20 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What else is there to say? Just be careful.  Bombarding someone or people they know with texts and emails can quickly have very negative consequences for you.

I asked if what I want to say to my doctor is appropriate. No one has replied.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

I asked if what I want to say to my doctor is appropriate. No one has replied.

Because you are basically seeking medical advice and related to a doctor no one knows plus asking how to hide that you might need hospitalization.  I don't have any way to  respond in those circumstances and I suspect others feel similar.

[shouldhavelearned]

If someone causes this type of reaction, why stay with them?

[TeeDee]

You have free will & self control. Nobody is holding a gun to your head & making you contact him.  Stop saying your intentional decision is not yours. 

As for your doctor, that person can't help you if you do not tell them the whole truth.  The doctor has a legal obligation to protect you from your self & protect others from you if the doctor thinks you are a danger to yourself or others.  Withholding information or downplaying the severity of your feelings / plan is not helpful.  

Do yourself a favor & show this thread to your family & your doctor.  Come up with a plan of things you can do like call a friend or post here instead of reaching out to your EX & making such a pest of yourself that you fear the EX will seek a restraining order against you.  

You need to let go of the EX.  Accept that the break up is over & move forward.  Once you actually do that, it will be easier to maintain NC.  For now, since you are having trouble controlling yourself delete all of the EX's contact information from every device you have. 

[ShySoul]

On 11/4/2024 at 9:45 AM, woodsrose10 said:

Funny, ShySoul implied a stronger medication would probably be needed but Kwhothe28 said medication wouldn’t be the answer. 

Obviously I’m with ShySoul. I need something drastic when this happens again. (And odd, suddenly everyone is silent.)

Actually, I'm generally against medication for emotional issues. I said medication is a band-aid that doesn't solve the root of the issue. Yes, it can be a temporary fix and can work for a time. But if you become dependent on it then it's a drug that is limiting you and hurting you.

My best friend is diabetic. She got put on medication for that, which is an actual physical matter of how her body processes the sugar she intakes. But her body adapted to the medicine so she needed to be put on a higher dose. And eventually she needed a stronger medication. 

The medicine itself only helps her control things. But she can't rely on it. She had to be the one to change her diet and exercise. She had to get more sleep and do other little changes in her life. The medicine wasn't the solution, it was only to stop things from getting worse while she did what she needed to in order to actually get better.

Which is what you need to do. Any medicine will only hold you in place. If you actually want to improve, you need to look at yourself and figure out better ways to handle your own emotions. You need to turn these feelings into something else, find an outlet that is more productive such as art, writing, etc. You need to be happy and content with yourself and not look to a past that you know isn't going to work out.

And sorry for going quiet. I had a busy workweek and lost track of the thread. But know I am still thinking of you and I really do feel sorry you are hurting. I hope you are okay right now.

[ShySoul]

On 11/5/2024 at 5:39 AM, woodsrose10 said:

I asked if what I want to say to my doctor is appropriate. No one has replied.

Again, I was swamped at work so couldn't respond right away and this thread slipped away from me. Sorry.

What you wrote sounded reasonable and logical. If you feel you need to say something to a doctor, then you should say it. What you say is really between you and the doctor. None of us knows that relationship or are experts on your health and what has been said between the two of you. We aren't medical professionals. So what goes on there is best left to you and your doctor.

On 11/4/2024 at 1:26 PM, woodsrose10 said:

As I said earlier, I never once harassed him/insulted him/etc. Telling a former boyfriend that you still love them and want them back…if anything, I would think he’d take that as a compliment. 

If he still shows signs of caring or being concerned about you, odds are he won't do anything. As I think I said at the start, this is probably you worrying about something that will never come to pass. The important thing instead is to focus on what you can do for yourself so that you feel better about yourself emotionally.

The legal warning was to point out that "harrass" is not limited to insults/yelling/being rude, etc. If you do it to the point that it becomes an annoyance and bothers him, that could also count as harrassment. A person could do nothing but sit on the sidewalk outside someone's home, not saying a word, and they could get in trouble for it depending on the laws in your area.

Again, I hope you are well. Please take care.

[MissCanuck]

On 11/5/2024 at 2:39 PM, woodsrose10 said:

I asked if what I want to say to my doctor is appropriate. No one has replied.

You can say whatever you choose to your doctor. 

That doesn't mean you will get what you want from her. Chances are you will not. 

[woodsrose10]

Ok everyone, thank you for replying.

I actually researched penalties for stalking. Believe it or not, it's actually harder than you think to legally accuse someone of that (at least in my state). My doctor also implied the same thing. What he could do is file a restraining order---and yes, if I broke the rules of that, then I'd get in trouble.

Both my doctor and mother agreed that he will likely not seek legal action---they are correct, he hasn't. My doctor also prescribed me another dosage of Prozac. I am happy to say it is helping.  👍

[woodsrose10]

On 11/11/2024 at 1:19 AM, ShySoul said:

Actually, I'm generally against medication for emotional issues. I said medication is a band-aid that doesn't solve the root of the issue. Yes, it can be a temporary fix and can work for a time. But if you become dependent on it then it's a drug that is limiting you and hurting you.

I disagree. This is like saying "Chemo will help with cancer, but you got to change your lifestyle or else it won't work." 

I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts & feelings when I was 15. Long story short, I became more active and didn't eat so much junky food---that helped, yes. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't until I prescribed Prozac that my emotional issues became balanced and not severe.

[MissCanuck]

50 minutes ago, woodsrose10 said:

Both my doctor and mother agreed that he will likely not seek legal action

You should be seeking the opinion of a lawyer. What your doctor and mom think means very little in the eyes of the law, with all due respect. 

It's a lawyer who can tell you if the behaviour you have already engaged in could consitute grouds for legal action against you (yes, including a restraining order) It's a lawyer who can also advise you which behaviour you need to stop, even if you don't perceive it as problematic. 

This may serve to keep you out of trouble, even if you have no malicious intent. 

 

[woodsrose10]

On 11/4/2024 at 4:26 PM, woodsrose10 said:

Back when we dated I was very clingy and needy. I would cry when he left me at my house or at school. He took all of that as a HUGE compliment; he never had a girlfriend act that way, so he absolutely loved it.
 

When I did start to make friends and didn’t mind not seeing him, he was beyond devastated. (To put it mildly.) One night he bawled in my bed, “I just want my baby back!!”

Funny how nobody responded to this. Also he always said he hoped to have 2 kids someday. He (and myself) tried to convince me that having 1 would be all right, but obviously, having children is non-negotiable like that.

Case in point: he called me one night when I was watching a movie on my laptop. 
Me: Hello?
Chris: Hey.
Me: I don't want kids.
Chris: [Pauses and sighs.] ...okay.
Me: What?
Chris: We're broken up.

We were off & on like that for about 4 years. When we very first broke up, he called me the next day and said he wasn't sure if he even wanted kids anymore.

[Cherylyn]

Whenever I feel the urge to get emotional about anyone,  I stop and think first whether it's in written form,  verbal on the phone or in person.  I ask myself will I regret it later?  I'll ask myself if it will be awkward during the next encounter?  I can generally predict the outcome and it's usually not good. 👎 ☹️

It helps to be logical and numb.  Emotions cloud your judgement and emotionally charged dialogues in every form are often met with disastrous results. 

Remain calm and reasonable.  Exercise self control.  You'll thank yourself later. 

[woodsrose10]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Remain calm and reasonable.  Exercise self control.  You'll thank yourself later. 

As I said, I feel better with the extra medication my doctor prescribed me. 

[woodsrose10]

4 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts & feelings when I was 15. Long story short, I became more active and didn't eat so much junky food---that helped, yes.

I had heard that being active and eating healthy can help stop PMS/depression/anxiety/etc. So Summer 2000 I used my family pool everyday and ate healthier. As I said, my depression and anxiety were definitely helped by doing that—-but amazingly, it was my PMS symptoms that were affected the most. They completely disappeared. (I got horrible PMS when I was 15; I’d get grumpy and moody and/or my breasts would get extremely sore.)

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You should be seeking the opinion of a lawyer. What your doctor and mom think means very little in the eyes of the law, with all due respect. 

It's a lawyer who can tell you if the behaviour you have already engaged in could consitute grouds for legal action against you (yes, including a restraining order) It's a lawyer who can also advise you which behaviour you need to stop, even if you don't perceive it as problematic. 

This may serve to keep you out of trouble, even if you have no malicious intent. 

 

Also you may suffer consequences in other ways. It's a very small world and someone you wrong may not seek legal help or a restraining order but karma is really something.  You might end up wanting to work where he or his family member or friend works, end up wanting to be part of an activity or friend group where they already know of you through him and therefore -you're not welcome from the word go.  

[woodsrose10]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Also you may suffer consequences in other ways. It's a very small world and someone you wrong may not seek legal help or a restraining order but karma is really something. 

Indeed, I’ve seen it happen. I’d also say there’s a guardian angel (or 2) with their eyes on me. 🪽🩷

[ShySoul]

6 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

I disagree. This is like saying "Chemo will help with cancer, but you got to change your lifestyle or else it won't work." 

I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts & feelings when I was 15. Long story short, I became more active and didn't eat so much junky food---that helped, yes. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't until I prescribed Prozac that my emotional issues became balanced and not severe.

So it was a mixture of the Prozac it and lifestyle changes. Just as my diabetic friend needed medication and lifestyle changes. Just as the cancer patient will need to make adjustments to their life. And just as you can't rely on the medication every time and need to work on things within yourself.

My point has always been that it's a mixture. Both have it's place.

I struggle with depression everyday. Have for as long as I can remember. I've had suicidal thoughts. I've never taken anything for it. The one time I had therapy was a horrible experience that would have made things worse if I had listened. 

What has pushed me through the darkness wasn't a chemical solution. It wasn't what I ate or being active. It was how I framed things. It was finding an outlet that allowed me to change my outlook from negative to positive. I took the depression and channeled it to helping others. The whole reason I'm posting here is so I can help others avoid the nonstop misery I've felt in life.

Likewise my friend was told she would need therapy and to be on anti-depressents her whole life. When she was at her lowest, they helped her. But she didn't want to rely on them her whole life. So she found a way to think positive and channeled her feelings into things that were useful and helped others. She hasn't needed therapy or pills in the nearly 20 years I've known her. 

Take medication if you feel you need it. But you are also strong on your own. You can do anything you set your mind to doing. Find a way to resolve your own feelings and channel everything into something productive and rewarding. I believe in you. Believe in yourself.

[ShySoul]

On 11/4/2024 at 1:26 PM, woodsrose10 said:

Back when we dated I was very clingy and needy. I would cry when he left me at my house or at school. He took all of that as a HUGE compliment; he never had a girlfriend act that way, so he absolutely loved it.

When I did start to make friends and didn’t mind not seeing him, he was beyond devastated. (To put it mildly.) One night he bawled in my bed, “I just want my baby back!!”

That was years ago. He may have taken it as a compliment then. He may have wanted you back then. But this is today. His feelings are likely to have changed. Just as you aren't the same person today, neither is he. To focus on what either of you did or felt back then is to be stuck in the past and not grow. 

Most likely he has done what most people do, placed your relationship in his mind as a fond memory that he can look back on and smile. But he has moved on, as should you. Try not to be so tied and attached to the feelings you had back then. Accept that this person was an important part of your life for a time, but that time had it's run. Now you're life is in a different stage. Make the most of it.

[MissCanuck]

15 hours ago, woodsrose10 said:

Funny how nobody responded to this

Not really. It's beside the point of your thead.