I fear that I am not enough to satisfy a woman that I would desire

[Ryn4]

I am a 23 y/o guy. I would say I'm marginally attractive in the face, but by no means am I anything special. I am constantly in fear that my physique is repulsive to women. I'm not obese, and I'm not skinny. I would also say it would be wrong to call myself "skinny fat" because I at least have some muscle definition. However, I fear that my arms are too small, my chest is too small, my lower belly fat and love handles are too prominent and that I don't have abs, my legs are skinny as hell. I just don't see why any woman would want this. I am currently doing calisthenics right now as well as jogging, but calisthenics will not build legs to anything of prominence. I can't afford a gym membership right now so it's not like I can go and hit legs hard. On top of my physique, I worry that I have no strengths. I am *** at guitar. Sure I can play a few songs far from perfectly, but I am incompetent as hell at anything that I would want to play. I listen to some pretty fast, technical music and I feel like no matter what I do I can never play the music that I want which I feel would be impressive to woman. Aside from my guitar playing I feel like I have nothing to show for myself. My mom says I have a big heart and I would agree that I have integrity, but I feel like integrity doesn't mean *** considering how many terrible men are in positions of power and also have beautiful women. I just have a hard time seeing why any woman would want to be with me. A guy that doesn't have a great physique, and a guy that has no strengths.

[Seraphim]

Personally I don’t give one rat’s behind if someone can play a musical instrument. However, integrity yes, that is of great value . I also don’t want a muscle bound gorilla ,average physique is fine . 

[shouldhavelearned]

Starts with self confidence, humor, income, and being you.

 

Walking with your head down and attitude in the gutter will keep you there.

[Ryn4]

5 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Starts with self confidence, humor, income, and being you.

 

Walking with your head down and attitude in the gutter will keep you there.

I don't know how I'm supposed to be confident with myself if I believe there's nothing to be confident about. And yeah I'm very much aware that women want a guy with money. And being me is exactly the problem. I fear that being me is what is going to keep me single. It's like I wish I was born different person.

[Seraphim]

9 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

I don't know how I'm supposed to be confident with myself if I believe there's nothing to be confident about. And yeah I'm very much aware that women want a guy with money. And being me is exactly the problem. I fear that being me is what is going to keep me single. It's like I wish I was born different person.

My husband and I got together when he was barely 20 years old. Was he a millionaire? Nope. Just a broke university student like me . No one expects a 23-year-old to have a lot of money.

[SophiaG]

I think one thing is obvious - that you need to work on your self esteem. Some guys focus on the "confidence is attractive" advice too much and grow such an inflated ego it's obnoxious. But you clearly need that advice and practice confidence until you actually feel confident. Everyone can be special to the person who loves them.

Also just my opinion - if that's yourself in your profile pic - lose the mustache and find a good hairstylist. I'm sure there are women into beards and all that but IMO your haircut and facial hair make you look much older and probably a bit weird for your age group. Also agree with @Seraphim  that integrity is WAAAAAY more important than what music you can or cannot play. Be careful with sexist statements like "women want guys with money" "beautiful women don't care about character as long as the men have wealth/power" as that's a surefire way of turning off good women.

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

I think one thing is obvious - that you need to work on your self esteem. Some guys focus on the "confidence is attractive" advice too much and grow such an inflated ego it's obnoxious. But you clearly need that advice and practice confidence until you actually feel confident. Everyone can be special to the person who loves them.

Also just my opinion - if that's yourself in your profile pic - lose the mustache and find a good hairstylist. I'm sure there are women into beards and all that but IMO your haircut and facial hair make you look much older and probably a bit weird for your age group. Also agree with @Seraphim  that integrity is WAAAAAY more important than what music you can or cannot play. Be careful with sexist statements like "women want guys with money" "beautiful women don't care about character as long as the men have wealth/power" as that's a surefire way of turning off good women.

Most women today make their own money . 

[Ryn4]

24 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

I think one thing is obvious - that you need to work on your self esteem. Some guys focus on the "confidence is attractive" advice too much and grow such an inflated ego it's obnoxious. But you clearly need that advice and practice confidence until you actually feel confident. Everyone can be special to the person who loves them.

Also just my opinion - if that's yourself in your profile pic - lose the mustache and find a good hairstylist. I'm sure there are women into beards and all that but IMO your haircut and facial hair make you look much older and probably a bit weird for your age group. Also agree with @Seraphim  that integrity is WAAAAAY more important than what music you can or cannot play. Be careful with sexist statements like "women want guys with money" "beautiful women don't care about character as long as the men have wealth/power" as that's a surefire way of turning off good women.

Without this hair and facial hair I have a baby face. I used to have a fade and combed my hair back and over as well as not having a mustache and they make me look like I'm 15. I actually think I feel more confident in this appearance then the one previously.

[shouldhavelearned]

Can't be so negative. It projects on the face.

 

Read books, listen to podcasts, counseling, friends

Work out, get sun, eat right 

Go to the parks, go for walks, jog, bike ride

Get a pet that you will take care of and commit to.

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, Ryn4 said:

I don't know how I'm supposed to be confident with myself if I believe there's nothing to be confident about. And yeah I'm very much aware that women want a guy with money. And being me is exactly the problem. I fear that being me is what is going to keep me single. It's like I wish I was born different person.

I wanted financial stability not wealth.  I was financially independent starting in my late 20s. After grad school and it got better from there. I didn't care about physique and I did care about physical and mental health and fitness, character and integrity and compassion and kindness and wanting to make the world, or one's community etc a better place if at all possible.

My son is 15.  We walk to a bus stop a mile away from home daily.  When I can I point out the sunrise to him across the street at our gorgeous neighborhood park.  Sometimes he notices, sometimes he's in his phone, sometimes he's just too tired to notice. Yesterday as I stood far from him but being the mom I am watching him board the school bus he turned to me and called out "mom look to your right you'll see the clouds -they're beautiful!!" it was the sun rising in clouds.  First time he'd pointed that out on this particular walk/this early in the morning.

Be that person -that person who surrounds himself with people who notice natural beauty, positive stuff in a world that is kind of -um - divisive right now (at least where I am with election day approaching) - and then the person who might just point out the beauty to someone else.

My son is short, we are short -I preferred shorter men.  My husband is fit and is not in the best shape physique wise.  I do not care.  I do care about his health.  He is financially stable he always has been in all his working life and is ambitious and goal oriented and highly respected in his work and career as am I (although for me less so these days as I took years of being a SAHM so the career I had is no longer and I'm good). I looked for what I could offer -truth is I was attracted to men who were smarter than me -and he is -for sure - academically - but the difference isn't huge or awkward.

The best thing I did was I did not allow myself to be jaded or bitter about relationships or "men" -I worked hard on this with actions that counterbalanced that easy way out -you are taking the easy way out -it's so easy to come up with 100 reasons why you're not good enough/it's not fair/it's too hard "Women" only wnat muscles/wealth/fancy cars.  So silly and such a waste.  When one of my friend's daughters was 23 5 years ago she was a married mom of 2 kids -with her husband since they were young teens. He's a little older than she is and worked for the family business when they met.  My other friend is married almost 40 years -I was her maid of honor -he was so hot back then and they had no money to speak of when they married in their early 20s.

Please stop indulging in the negative stuff in your head or get help for it -that's a cop out. Roll up your sleeves and be the best person you can be without comparing to others - present yourself as a person who wants to make people comfortable in their own skin, a person with reasonable confidence who has a sense of humor about life (we all really need one right now!).

Last night I was tired but husband and I had a fun convo about "6 degrees" of separation between Terri Garr and Whoopi Goldberg in movies as they were both on Star Trek (different episodes). Yes he loves Star Trek -many men who do are not gym rats lol -imagine that.  I don't love Star Trek but I love him so I try to get into Star Trek with some success. 

Do you want to be in your negative comfort zone or do you want a partner who can banter about silly stuff and not silly stuff and face life together and maybe make it a little better or more fun?? Then cut out the silly cliches about what Women want.