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Silverleaf47

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To be honest I have no idea what i feel. The other day i was convinced that this girl liked me and it caused me alot of anxiety. I dont exactly know what made me anxious. After futher digging i found out that it was not a definite crush on me but rather she feels we get along well. When i found this out it was like a relief but also meade me disappointed and sad yet i dont feel even close to as anxious as i was. I feel like i should have a crush on her. She is amazing. She is so intelligent and the only one to matches me academically. She is very pretty with gorgeous blue eyes. She is so outgoing much more than me. She shares similar ambitions to me with regard's to future careers. We have a sort of academic rivalry where whenever we have a test she always asks what i got. I always beat her by a few percent. Every time i do she rolls her eyes but not in a bad way. She even says ‘why do i botherasking its just going to annoy me’ even though she is still second in the school. Even after this we dont talk outside of school only at the pub or at parties. When i imagine a romantic relationship with her not alot comes to mind. Mainly feelings on uncertainty hit me. But every now and then i feel so happy at the prospect of romance with her. Ut is usually short lived though. She is a very attractive person and i feel as if i should have a crush on her. Over the last day or two shes all i can think of. With the information on her opinion of me i have nearly completely lost my appetite and i haven’t been able to any study or school work.I haven’t been able to focus whatsoever. What do you think of my situation.What should i do. Please go into as much detail as possible

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Hey there !
It seems you are lost in your feelings. On one hand, you're relieved that she doesn't have a crush on you and on another hand you wish she had because in your eyes, she's a compatible person.

I would first ask myself the question, is this person worth my time? You speak highly of her, so i assume you'd want to spend more time with her. Don't force it. Hang out, study together. Speak about your dreams and listen

Maybe it develops into a good friendship. Maybe it develops into more.

As for your anxiety, I understand you completely. Here are the stuff i would try out to help relieve the feeling:

  • Make checklists with color codes to prioritize what you need in the immediate;
  • Download apps or follow a breathing exercice on youtube in case of panic attacks;
  • Visualise conversations with this girl and try to find beforehand the subjects you want to be talking about (careful this could make you spiral into the wrong way... visualisation is good if you visualise positive stuff -- use it to plan ahead);
  • Shower or bathe before sleep (warm water relaxes me);
  • Do a hobby that will take your mind off things -- or study.

Here are activity ideas you can do if you do want to hang out with her:

  • Study together;
  • Start a book club and read the same book -- discuss afterwards;
  • Have coffee dates or lunch dates;
  • Volunteer together;
  • Play games (board or video);
  • Exercise (gym or sports).

Hope this helps !

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57 minutes ago, Silverleaf47 said:

Over the last day or two shes all i can think of. With the information on her opinion of me i have nearly completely lost my appetite and i haven’t been able to any study or school work.I haven’t been able to focus whatsoever.

That sounds like a crush to me. 

I had the same thing at one point. I was the smartest male in our class, she was the smartest girl in our class. It my mind it made sense to be interested in her. She was also really nice, and the more I noticed her, the more interesting and attractive she became. We got along, though I'm sure looking back there wasn't any real interest on her part. 

It's okay to like her. Enjoy the feelings that come with a crush. Sometimes it can be nice to just get lost in the fantasy and allow yourself to dream.

However, if you know she isn't interested, then don't get your hopes up. Don't have expectations of anything happening. But if you enjoy being around her, just be around her. Try to spend more time with her. Maybe study together. Just be you and get to know each other better. At a minimum it seems like you could be good friends. And you never know what can happen from that. Don't worry about it, just enjoy being with her and the good feelings you get from it. The rest will take care of itself.

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You put her up so high on a pedestal, so much so, you are wildly lowering your self esteem. Like she's too high above you..and for you, you can't live up to her causes you so much anxiety about it. Dude she's just a girl. Stop letting your imagination making her into what she's really not. All she is, is just a nice girl like any other girl. You need to stop letting your brain ping pong all over the place....calm down, relax be kool, slow your roll. 

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You shouldn't do anything about her.  Be her friend.  Enjoy the academic rivalry.  Study together.  Just co-exist.  

Do talk to a school counselor about your level of anxiety.  Everybody gets nervous in social situations when you are young.  It's a rite of passage.  The counselor may have ideas to help with your anxiety so you can calm yourself down. 

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Feeling anxious around someone you like? That's how everyone feels. That's normal and not a sign of a problem or need for help. It's not placing her on a pedestal or hurting your self-esteem. It's recognizing that in your eyes, there is something extra amazing about this person. IAnd I'm thinking she probably is every bit as amazing as you think she is.

It's not about anyone meeting anyone else's expectations. It's not about having any expectations of all. It's embracing the person as they are and going with how you feel.

Just talk to her and spend time with her. Be her friend. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. If after spending time with her, you feel there is more to this and there could be a chance, go with it. Just don't stress yourself out over it.

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