How should I proceed?

[SophiaG]

2 hours ago, toreapart said:

I needed pampering, etc because my ex deprived me of all that for the last 2 years. I was barely touched or made to feel good. I was to the point of having very low self esteem because of him. So this weekend was everything I've needed. I pampered him, too and he loved it. It's not that I need a relationship to be that way 24/7. It was nice to have someone return my affection and let me give the same. It was nice to have the equal give & take. So that's what makes me want more of him. It's not because I want or need to be put on a pedestal all the time, but I'm certain he would do that much more than my Ex did. 

Sounds like this is therapeutic for you, whether it turns into something more serious or not. Good to hear he's got a job and you are making plans to meet again. Keep it lighthearted and have fun!

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, toreapart said:

I needed pampering, etc because my ex deprived me of all that for the last 2 years. I was barely touched or made to feel good. I was to the point of having very low self esteem because of him. So this weekend was everything I've needed. I pampered him, too and he loved it. It's not that I need a relationship to be that way 24/7. It was nice to have someone return my affection and let me give the same. It was nice to have the equal give & take. So that's what makes me want more of him. It's not because I want or need to be put on a pedestal all the time, but I'm certain he would do that much more than my Ex did. 

OK so I'm glad this weekend fulfilled your needs based on the deprivation from your ex and I'm glad you clearly see that it's not a way to start a healthy relationship -to look to another person to fill a void you experienced from someone who treated you poorly.

[ShySoul]

On 10/31/2024 at 10:30 AM, toreapart said:

This guy pampered me to death & told me how wonderful I am, etc, and just being with him was therapy. Except that makes me want more of it. 

Too much of a good thing.... is a good thing.

People don't need therapy and counseling to work out their issue. They need a supportive and caring person to be there for them. The two of you found that in each other. You found what had been denied to you for so long by your respective partners. You found love, joy, and understanding. You find a friend. You found someone who didn't blame or attack you, someone who lifted you up instead of tearing you down.

The love and respect of a person who truly cares about you and makes you feel special is worth all the therapy sessions in the world.

On 11/1/2024 at 10:30 AM, toreapart said:

It was nice to have someone return my affection and let me give the same. It was nice to have the equal give & take. So that's what makes me want more of him. It's not because I want or need to be put on a pedestal all the time,

There is nothing wrong with needing that affection at times, we all do. I like to view it as give/give, each side unselfishly giving to the other because they want to make the other happy. No one is trying to take anything from another. In each side giving, you both raise yourselves up to levels you didn't think you could feel before.

I'm sure you are both aware it isn't like that at all times. But it is precisely those times that get you through everything else. And you deserve to have those times.

On 11/1/2024 at 12:20 PM, toreapart said:

Update, he got a job!

Last night I texted him happy Halloween. He sent me a cute pic of himself in costume. And there was a little flirting. Come to find out he has his kids until next Friday, so I misunderstood the custody schedule. But once he gets the schedule for his new job, we plan to see eachother 🙂 So for now my anxiety is settled down, and I'm feeling happy. But I realize my anxiety could surface again at some point. I will cross that bridge if I get to it. 

Congratulations on him getting the job!

He's not your ex. You aren't his ex. This is a different relationship, one that can be better because of the hurt and lessons learned in the past. It's okay to get anxious at times. Just know that if you work together and keep focused on the good, you will be fine. When two wounded people come together, they can build something truly strong and relate to each in a way they can't with others.

[TeeDee]

Glad it was good news all around.  Freak out on us when your anxiety flares up; don't let him see that yet 

Breathe!  Enjoy. 

[Jaunty]

Is this the same guy you wrote here about in 2013?

[toreapart]

49 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Is this the same guy you wrote here about in 2013?

I don't think so?? Lol... he & were involved in 2011. I met my Ex in 2013, though 

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, toreapart said:

I don't think so?? Lol... he & were involved in 2011. I met my Ex in 2013, though 

This post seems to have the same scenario that you're describing currently:  reconnecting with a guy from your past,  had sex, and worried about his lack of initiation.  

I'm wondering if now, another decade later, you've reconnected with this guy for a second time?