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Feeling taken for granted


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I've been in a relationship with a woman for almost 2 years. We currently live together and share bills. She makes almost twice as much money as I do, but I am not insecure about that. She works hard and deserves every penny. We rented a house together along with her 12 year old daughter, 20 year old son, and his girlfriend. The son and daughter are unemployed and don't contribute financially nor help cleaning the house unless asked. Even then it is half assed at best.  That bugs me, but because I love my girlfriend and have a special bond to her kids, I would be losing more than just her if we broke up.

My GF has told me she has possibly had sexual partners in the triple digits. She isn't sure how many. At first I was flattered that she chose me when she had so many others to choose from. But she has also done more wild fun sexual things with the ones in her past than she will do with me. She will rarely touch my penis or give oral. Maybe 15 times since we met. I enjoy giving oral, and it is obvious she enjoys it when I do, but she doesn't want it often. Yesterday she complained that I was touching her butt in public. I apologized and explained that it was not to disrespect her, but to make her know that I desire her. 

I tell her often how beautiful she is, compliment her character, praise her for things she does, thank her for doing things, and genuinely try to show her love in the best way I can. Also, I'm not a deadbeat. I have 4 kids of my own, I pay child support and alimony, I have my own successful business since 2005, and I own some property that I alone pay for. 

My question is this... Is it wrong for me to feel hurt that she did more sexual things for people she didn't love, but won't do them for me?

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What you are missing here is that you are being used/taken advantage of. IMO you are more like roommates. You are going to keep going in circles until you realize this relationship is a bust. The only thing left is couples counselling to get your message across to her that things need to change. 

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Keep in mind, sex with over 100+ guys does not mean she's given BJs to 100+ guys.

But, 15 BJs out in 730 days?  Geez.  That sucks (sorry, didn't mean to put a pun there).

The kids are 12 and 20? They are way too old to not be doing chores.

I would just tell her that you love it when she goes down on you.  Hope you shower often, and eating enough fruit.

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I don't relate to why you felt valued because she had her pick of sex partners as she shared(bragged?) about to you but chose you - are you just a sex partner? You're assuming that her number of partners means she is a person to be valued and desired when in reality it simply might mean she enjoyed having a variety of sex partners and made it clear when she saw a man she wanted to get naked with that she was available for sex.  I know of men who would not take her up on it because they don't have casual sex or one night stands but if she was hanging out in certain environments where perhaps there as a lot of alcohol then all it means is that she presented herself as available for sex and those men took her up on it. Has nothing to do with her value as a person let alone as a romantic partner in a serious relationship. 

Also was this a routine of yours where the way you made her feel desired -with success -was to grab onto her private parts in public? Or was this a sort of random one time thing?

I think the two of you are not particularly compatible but what I wrote really stood out to me.  

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Thank you all for your responses.

Batya33, Actually I don't really know if it was ever "successful" to grab her butt in public. I wasn't really looking for anything to happen other than for her to know that she is desired by me. I would enjoy it if it was the other way around, but apparently she doesn't. So I won't do it anymore. 

Tattoobunnie, thank you for your response. Yes, I shower all the time and drink plenty of pineapple juice!

Smackie9, that isn't great news, but I appreciate your opinion. We have recently started couples counseling. I hope it works. But often I think you are right and that the relationship is a bust.

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8 hours ago, Doormat12 said:

I wasn't really looking for anything to happen other than for her to know that she is desired by me. I would enjoy it if it was the other way around, but apparently she doesn't. So I won't do it anymore. 

Now I understand -you would feel desired so  you thought she would feel the same and you were mistaken.  I'm glad you won't do it anymore -shows you care about her feelings.

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On 10/29/2024 at 10:17 AM, Doormat12 said:

We currently live together and share bills. She makes almost twice as much money as I do, but I am not insecure about that.

When you say 'share bills,' do you mean according to a percentage of your earnings, or are you splitting them down the middle?

I would not agree to pay 50/50 with someone supporting 3 other people who don't contribute. 

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