Slovakia99 Posted October 28 Author Share Posted October 28 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: To me that's common sense. I absolutely dont agree on this one. Easiest thing its to comment afterwards. Its a common sense to give someone chance to reschedule, its her miss for not responding back and not other way around. No need for deep analysis of power dynamics over wishing her HB, its not that serious, nor its all black and white. She can think of me whatever she wants after that and as I you mentioned it couple of times, she is a complete stranger so no need to calculate everything so strictly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 8 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: How is that apologizing for asking to meet her up?? I couldn't have known she would have stopped communication completely from that point since before that point communication was smooth and I was open for rescheduling, you cant predict the future Because she clearly showed she wasn't interested in rescheduling by not replying to that text, yet you were giving her more options. You don't give people who reject you more options.. It was like saying, "oh, its okay that you don't want to meet up, I understand, but how about this day?" It completely undermines your earlier confidence in asking her out and makes you look too available. Things come up, I get it, but she literally said she would rather go to the gym with a friend then meet up with you. Then she ignored your texts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophiaG Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 9 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: Yes, I was a bit thrown away and irritated by that excuse aswell, could have said it something else more "believeable" and not what she Said.... It's not an excuse and she was actually being honest with you and saying she didn't feel like meeting up. Why did you find it unbelievable or prefer that she lied to you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophiaG Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 7 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: I just want to reflect a bit off topic, I just dont understand women, I mean I experienced ghosting in a true way, through previous topic I posted and now this mild one. Seems like I always stumble upon that type of girls. How can I ever be "innocently" interested while knowing it could all fall apart over the night. I unconsciously dont feel excited or anything when I know I could get ghosted. Whats the point of initiating, having fun convos, making them laugh,investing time and energy, thinking they are enjoying it and then them bailing out. It is so frustrating as a guy when you have to make things happen for everything, setting up dates, being funny, interesting and the other person cant show minimum responisibility at least or when things go south just disappear ? And then you are supossed to "quickly" move on not to take anything personal and doing it all again, making you feel as s fool... I am just getting more and more triggered and frustrated by that kind behaviour everytime it happens again This is not a women issue at all. If you are interested in guys you'll find that men act like this all the time as well. However the type of people you are attracted to and the platform on which you meet them can influence your experience. No approach can guarantee you success when you find someone you're interested in. People are allowed to change their minds and disengage. To minimize disappointment, work on your picker and detect low interest/disrespectful behavior early on and disengage yourself. To completely avoid disappointment your only option is to never try. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 5 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: I absolutely dont agree on this one. Easiest thing its to comment afterwards. Its a common sense to give someone chance to reschedule, its her miss for not responding back and not other way around. No need for deep analysis of power dynamics over wishing her HB, its not that serious, nor its all black and white. She can think of me whatever she wants after that and as I you mentioned it couple of times, she is a complete stranger so no need to calculate everything so strictly... Not if she changed her mind and doesn't want to see you -then it would be nonsensical to reschedule if she wasn't into it -why waste your time or hers? You're overthinking that somehow messaging HBD will put her back on your radar and motivate her to want to reschedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slovakia99 Posted October 28 Author Share Posted October 28 13 minutes ago, Batya33 said: Not if she changed her mind and doesn't want to see you -then it would be nonsensical to reschedule if she wasn't into it -why waste your time or hers? You're overthinking that somehow messaging HBD will put her back on your radar and motivate her to want to reschedule. Ok, so what??? I have right to my opinion and thats it. From one simple "dilema" this has spread to a whole discussion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 1 minute ago, Slovakia99 said: Ok, so what??? I have right to my opinion and thats it. From one simple "dilema" this has spread to a whole discussion... Oh I never said to the contrary. I have a right to my opinion as well. I wrote pages ago that wishing her a HBD was fine to do just not the best idea for your well being. You've enlarged this to include your general frustration with "girls". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slovakia99 Posted October 28 Author Share Posted October 28 Just now, Batya33 said: Oh I never said to the contrary. I have a right to my opinion as well. I wrote pages ago that wishing her a HBD was fine to do just not the best idea for your well being. Yes you have a right to opion and somewhat I agree what are you saying but not completely. I feel like you are trying to tell me that my way of thinking is completely wrong, but nevermind. Well Being? I dont understand how you think I will somehow suffer indefinetly or it would damage my dignity or self respect if she doesnt respond... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 3 minutes ago, Slovakia99 said: Yes you have a right to opion and somewhat I agree what are you saying but not completely. I feel like you are trying to tell me that my way of thinking is completely wrong, but nevermind. Well Being? I dont understand how you think I will somehow suffer indefinetly or it would damage my dignity or self respect if she doesnt respond... No I wasn't and never wrote that. I wrote what I wrote above and it's my opinion. I do think based on your venting about "girls" that continuing interactions would be an unhealthy choice given your current outlook. JMHO. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afatalistdawn Posted October 30 Share Posted October 30 On 10/28/2024 at 1:57 AM, Slovakia99 said: I just want to reflect a bit off topic, I just dont understand women, I mean I experienced ghosting in a true way, through previous topic I posted and now this mild one. Seems like I always stumble upon that type of girls. How can I ever be "innocently" interested while knowing it could all fall apart over the night. I unconsciously dont feel excited or anything when I know I could get ghosted. Whats the point of initiating, having fun convos, making them laugh,investing time and energy, thinking they are enjoying it and then them bailing out. It is so frustrating as a guy when you have to make things happen for everything, setting up dates, being funny, interesting and the other person cant show minimum responisibility at least or when things go south just disappear ? And then you are supossed to "quickly" move on not to take anything personal and doing it all again, making you feel as s fool... I am just getting more and more triggered and frustrated by that kind behaviour everytime it happens again Your feelings are valid, and it is normal to feel a bit demoralized after an experience like this. As others have stated, it's not a gendered thing. Think about it as simply wanting different things. Be wise to not make the assumption that everyone you meet wants a serious relationship. There are people out there who only want attention and validation. Once they get that validation, you've served your purpose to them. The unfortunate part about it is time reveals all things, so it takes time to gauge someone's true intentions. During that time, you're investing emotional energy, attention, the potential to pursue other opportunities, etc. But don't let that make you too disheartened. Being emotionally open is attractive and healthy, and the right woman won't run from that. The key is maintaining self-love until you find the one. So what if someone disappears? That says nothing about you or your worth. If someone is shutting the door on themselves, let them. The problem is when you stick your foot in the doorway when they are closing the door, trying to keep it open--that's when you're going to get hurt. I do think @Batya33 is absolutely right in that you should think very deeply about whether it is healthy to continue to interact with this specific girl, even if it just out of courtesy (e.g., wishing her happy birthday). You've been given some good advice by other posters here, but the choice is ultimately yours. Best of luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted November 3 Share Posted November 3 On 10/27/2024 at 3:13 PM, Daisygirl25 said: BUT this girl had the nerve to say "I don't feel like it" and that she had made other plans she'd rather do. This is high disrespectful and rude to me. AND she didn't contact him after the fact to try to reschedule or set something else up. IF she was going through something, at minimum there could have been some follow up communication after the fact. She didn't contact him for a couple days. Who knows what might have come up that kept her occupied to the point that she maybe couldn't follow up. I've had things keep me so busy that I am literally to drained to want to do anything put fall into bed and go to sleep. "I don't feel like it" could have meant there is something personal that I don't feel like talking about or aren't comfortable discussing with someone I am not that close to yet. And it's possible that the she had multiple plans on the same day but realized she booked herself to thin. Yes, she could have handled it better and phrased it a different way. Still no reason to dismiss a person entirely. Think everyone has handled something poorly at one point or another. Don't think any of us would be happy to be the one to be completely dismissed and tossed aside by a person. And it's ironic to suggest doing that to her while at the same time being upset with her for doing it to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted November 3 Share Posted November 3 On 10/27/2024 at 10:57 PM, Slovakia99 said: I just want to reflect a bit off topic, I just dont understand women, I mean I experienced ghosting in a true way, through previous topic I posted and now this mild one. Seems like I always stumble upon that type of girls. How can I ever be "innocently" interested while knowing it could all fall apart over the night. I unconsciously dont feel excited or anything when I know I could get ghosted. Whats the point of initiating, having fun convos, making them laugh,investing time and energy, thinking they are enjoying it and then them bailing out. It is so frustrating as a guy when you have to make things happen for everything, setting up dates, being funny, interesting and the other person cant show minimum responisibility at least or when things go south just disappear ? And then you are supossed to "quickly" move on not to take anything personal and doing it all again, making you feel as s fool... I am just getting more and more triggered and frustrated by that kind behaviour everytime it happens again @Slovakia99 I hope you did sent it, not because you were trying to get anything from it, but just because it was a nice gesture to do. You sound like a nice gentleman and reaching out and giving her a chance was simply the right thing to do. The problems you are finding are the problems we all face in the dating world. It isn't about men or women. It's about individuals. People have these notions of what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to act. They overthink and look for problems because they believe there has to be problems. They read into things that aren't there. They make it more complicated then it needs to be. And they create the very problems they want to avoid. Forget all of it. Throw out the rulebook. Stop thinking there is any right way to do anything. Don't get frustrated or upset by people's behavior. I've learned to laugh at it. Everyone who plays these silly games are just hurting themselves. You are better off without them. Instead, just listen to your heart. Follow your gut and own internal compass. Do what you feel is the right thing. Do it for no other reason then you feel it is right. Be you and eventually it will attract someone who likes you just as you are. Nothing as else needed. When it is right, you will both be invested, it will flow naturally and you will both just know what to do. In the meantime, don't worry about it. Just live your life and have fun with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted November 3 Share Posted November 3 You stumble onto "these types" just like anyone else. Dating sucks for most people...you are not the only one. Frustrating? yes of course. But hey you gave it a shot, you tried, so hats off to ya for taking those steps. Should it get you results? no not always, there are never any guarantees. You move on and keep going forward...there will always be someone else that comes along...it only takes one to be the right one right? It will happen some day I assure you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted November 3 Share Posted November 3 The standard concept of dating may actually be the thing that causes people the most misery and unhappiness in life. It drains us of so much time and emotional energy which could go to so many worthwhile pursuits that would increase our overall level of satisfaction and contentment in life. Just look at how often people complain about dating on her. Maybe if it makes people so unhappy, the best option is to stop it all together? You can find someone in anyway, at anytime. My brushes with romance have come from friendships. Never been on a single date. I've known plenty of people who went from friends to relationship to marriage and went on very few dates in their life. When it is supposed to happen, it will. Until then, life provides so many more opportunites for happiness. Explore those. https://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-blankenship/2014/01/dating-is-the-worst-way-to-find-love-and-we-should-all-stop-doing-it/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slovakia99 Posted Wednesday at 04:15 PM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 04:15 PM On 11/3/2024 at 3:34 AM, ShySoul said: She didn't contact him for a couple days. Who knows what might have come up that kept her occupied to the point that she maybe couldn't follow up. I've had things keep me so busy that I am literally to drained to want to do anything put fall into bed and go to sleep. "I don't feel like it" could have meant there is something personal that I don't feel like talking about or aren't comfortable discussing with someone I am not that close to yet. And it's possible that the she had multiple plans on the same day but realized she booked herself to thin. Yes, she could have handled it better and phrased it a different way. Still no reason to dismiss a person entirely. Think everyone has handled something poorly at one point or another. Don't think any of us would be happy to be the one to be completely dismissed and tossed aside by a person. And it's ironic to suggest doing that to her while at the same time being upset with her for doing it to him. Well, I did wish her a happy birthday at the end, but as its always in my case it didnt work out. She didnt reply. Was frustrated for day and half and then forgot about it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slovakia99 Posted Wednesday at 04:17 PM Author Share Posted Wednesday at 04:17 PM On 11/3/2024 at 7:00 AM, smackie9 said: You stumble onto "these types" just like anyone else. Dating sucks for most people...you are not the only one. Frustrating? yes of course. But hey you gave it a shot, you tried, so hats off to ya for taking those steps. Should it get you results? no not always, there are never any guarantees. You move on and keep going forward...there will always be someone else that comes along...it only takes one to be the right one right? It will happen some day I assure you. I dont know, it shouldnt be that complicated and frustrating. I see couple of my friends when ever they started to date somebody it actually worked... But not in my case, but nevermind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted Thursday at 02:41 AM Share Posted Thursday at 02:41 AM 10 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: Well, I did wish her a happy birthday at the end, but as its always in my case it didnt work out. She didnt reply. Was frustrated for day and half and then forgot about it lol Her lost. You can hold your head up and say you did the right thing and tried, while acknowledging that she messed up. A day and a half? You're quick. I would need at least two days. lol 10 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: I dont know, it shouldnt be that complicated and frustrating. I see couple of my friends when ever they started to date somebody it actually worked... But not in my case, but nevermind It shouldn't be complicated. Unfortunately, life isn't fair. I don't understand it either, how some people seem to always have things go there way while others have to struggle to get anything at all. Don't give up though. It's not a race. You'll get to the finish line at some point and it will be just as wonderful as anyone else's experience. I'd say the struggle might even make it sweeter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted Thursday at 08:14 AM Share Posted Thursday at 08:14 AM 15 hours ago, Slovakia99 said: Well, I did wish her a happy birthday at the end, but as its always in my case it didnt work out. She didnt reply. Was frustrated for day and half and then forgot about it lol I hate to say I told you so 😜 On a serious note though, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Dating can be very hard and upsetting. I've been there many times. It's a lot of hard work for not much results. But that doesn't mean you'll never meet anyone. I'm sure you will! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted Thursday at 11:19 AM Share Posted Thursday at 11:19 AM 3 hours ago, Tinydance said: I hate to say I told you so 😜 On a serious note though, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Dating can be very hard and upsetting. I've been there many times. It's a lot of hard work for not much results. But that doesn't mean you'll never meet anyone. I'm sure you will! Oh same for many years in the past! With no guarantees! But keep reinforcing for yourself brushing yourself off getting up again with reasonable confidence and trying again and avoiding this sort of situation which triggers even more time to feel frustrated - frustrated isn't fun. And isn't conducive to being present in a good way to meet more people. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisygirl25 Posted Thursday at 08:16 PM Share Posted Thursday at 08:16 PM On 11/2/2024 at 9:34 PM, ShySoul said: She didn't contact him for a couple days. Who knows what might have come up that kept her occupied to the point that she maybe couldn't follow up. I've had things keep me so busy that I am literally to drained to want to do anything put fall into bed and go to sleep. "I don't feel like it" could have meant there is something personal that I don't feel like talking about or aren't comfortable discussing with someone I am not that close to yet. And it's possible that the she had multiple plans on the same day but realized she booked herself to thin. Yes, she could have handled it better and phrased it a different way. Still no reason to dismiss a person entirely. Think everyone has handled something poorly at one point or another. Don't think any of us would be happy to be the one to be completely dismissed and tossed aside by a person. And it's ironic to suggest doing that to her while at the same time being upset with her for doing it to him. I didn't say he should dismiss her I was saying the two situations from what I quoted and the situation in question. The way she handled the situation plus the lack of follow up would give me the answer I need. Yes, people mess up and don't word things right or handle situations properly, but from what I've read there was no follow up explanation or apology from her after the fact. So she initially handled it poorly AND didn't follow up with any sort of accountability. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shark101 Posted Thursday at 09:04 PM Share Posted Thursday at 09:04 PM On 10/27/2024 at 2:35 AM, Slovakia99 said: I would like try to wish her a happy birthday which is in like few days (we discussed that topic before)maybe she would answear and we can continue from that, Have a F**g self respect man. Think with your big head not with the small one. Delete her number and forget about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shark101 Posted Thursday at 09:26 PM Share Posted Thursday at 09:26 PM On 11/3/2024 at 1:12 PM, ShySoul said: @Slovakia99 I hope you did sent it, not because you were trying to get anything from it, but just because it was a nice gesture to do. For f**k sake, Stop encouraging men to be a doormat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted Thursday at 10:00 PM Share Posted Thursday at 10:00 PM On 10/26/2024 at 6:05 PM, Slovakia99 said: maybe she would be pleased to see that I didnt give that quickly and actually cared a bit? Yeah, as you can see that never works. Because she doesnt care about you for your attempts to even count. You congratulated her birthday and got what? Not even dignity to say "Thanks" to you? You should reserve your efforts for somebody who would actually care. For some woman who ghosted you online? Nah. Would she congratulate your birthday? Does she even knows when it is? Ofcourse not. But you went out of the way to remember to congratulate hers. Only to not even get simple "Thanks". There is no reciprocity there. Just one sided effort from your side. Take it as a lesson for next time. To not waste your good intentions on somebody who doesnt even knows you exist. Because, as you can se, you will get nothing but disappointment there. Efforts are made on somebody who will reciprocate that. Not on somebody who stood you out for a meeting and then ghosted you. Those kind of people dont deserve their birthdays congratulated by you. Yes, there is a kind of self- respect involved there. If something like that happens again, you block, delete and move on. Not congratulate anything to them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted Friday at 06:56 AM Share Posted Friday at 06:56 AM 9 hours ago, The Shark101 said: For f**k sake, Stop encouraging men to be a doormat. I encourage all people to be nice and kind towards each other. I encourage people to follow their heart and do what they feel is the right thing to do. I encourage people to treat each other with love and respect. That's not being a doormat. That's simply doing the right thing. He wanted to send her the card. He wanted to wish her a happy birthday like he had said he would. He saw it as a nice gesture. He did and even when he didn't get a reply, was fine within a day and is able to pick himself up and move on. He did the polite thing, kept a promise, made a nice gesture, and came out of it with no ill effects. Seems like it was a win all around. On the otherhand, those who act like they have to assert or maintain control, take narrow definitions on what a man and a woman should have to do, and constantly worry about being a doormat, have to spend there whole life in insecurity over these topics. They take a simple act of kindness - wishing someone a happy birthday - and turn it into some kind of game. They take it as a power play, as if not telling someone happy birthday is some huge win for them. Treating people with kindness is not being a doormat. You can still be kind and think of others - even those who may have hurt you - without it being disrespectful to yourself. And really, it would be exhausting to have to see everything in terms of who holds power or needing to analyze and judge every thing people do. Just be nice, respectful and considerate to all parties, including yourself. Makes life so much simpler. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted Friday at 07:03 AM Share Posted Friday at 07:03 AM A good deed is it's own reward. How we treat others is not dependent on how they have treated us. If someone treats us poorly, that doesn't mean we treat them poorly or shouldn't treat them with the same respect we would treat anyone else. You don't get your hopes up for anything more, but you still leave a chance that things can change in the future. And I've seen it change. In the meantime, you just stick to being the kind of person you want to be. @Slovakia99 You know what you are doing. You will find someone and they will be lucky to have you. Hope you find them soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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