need direction and purpose

[ignite]

My struggle with work and career has been an ongoing battle since my early to mid 20s and it’s only stressed me out as I’ve got older.

Now at 41, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have a college/university BA degree which is from a good university but it wasn’t vocational. My parents always encouraged me to get qualified in something vocational when I was younger but I just never knew what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be.

Both my father and brother are medical doctors, so I always had that internal pressure, knowing that I had to have a profession of similar status like a banker, lawyer, pilot etc. In the end, all I’ve done is a series of casual jobs over many years, long periods out of work and just generally drifted through as time has passed by.

I’ve been in my current role now for almost 7 years which is by far the longest job I’ve ever held due to a decent salary and an amazing boss for the first five years. However, I always knew it’s basically a glorified admin role. In the last 2 years though after my old boss retired unfortunately, I’ve had to deal with a new younger, toxic, micromanaging boss who already led to two of my former colleagues quitting within a year with the other being made redundant. I am the last man standing from the old team. I have dealt with quite a lot of micro management, scapegoating, unfair treatment over the last two years along with his OCD and perfectionism, e.g. flipping out over the most trivial mistakes, to taking everything so seriously all the time and acting like the world revolves around our organisation. It’s created such a draining atmosphere. I realise it’s his personality and I don’t have that same corporate mindset and so having to work so closely with him and given we’re such a small team, it has become unbearable and has made me so unhappy and I dread going into work, out of the fear that this guy is going to find fault in just about anything. There is no-one above him aboard from a board of directors, who I have spoken to her briefly (one director) who was very understanding of the situation.  But to be honest not sure what else can be done apart from just leaving...and I am desperate to do so.  

The problem is though I have no idea what to do next. I have applied for several jobs with no success, a couple of interviews over the last two years but that’s it. I am rudderless and have no direction to be honest, guess I never have as I said earlier.

What are my options now at this age. I have such a lack of motivation and I find myself with little to no energy.

[Kwothe28]

I think I talked on some thread about it but job market is different when our parents were in that market. For example, in my country 30-40 years ago you were getting good jobs out of college and you stayed in that jobs until retirement. But now job market is volatile. You just dont stay in one place for a long time sometimes. You are here, next year you are somewhere else etc. For example you dont like the new environment created by new Boss and want to leave. Pretty good idea and job market is open for you. But I wouldnt leave until you have something else lined up. So work on that. Send more CVs and see who is hiring out there and if you would like those jobs. 

Also, it doesnt hurt to have more skills related to job market. Can you work good on the computer and in certain programs such as Office? Lots of people would hire you just based on that. There is also “retraining” and buch of free and paid courses related to certain fields. You are 40, but you can still find yourself out there if you like that. 

[Batya33]

My suggestion is try to get some volunteer opportunities in things you do have a passion for and see what it's like from the inside. Secondarily I'm a fan of informational interviews or even meeting a friend or an acquaintance for a walk or coffee to learn more about what they do for a living -I mean people who like what they do.  During the pandemic when we were home with our kids doing virtual learning I had a long conversation with my friend's 10 year old - he wanted to know more about my career as he was trying to figure out what he'd like to do later in life (and his mom needed a break so she set up these informational phone calls). When I was in college and in my 20s I did this too -sometimes at a job fair but also with friends of my parents, etc.  I basically knew what I wanted to do very early on BUT I do not think at all that it's unusual not to know at age 41 and often people who "know" realize in their 40s or beyond that they want a massive change. My husband changed careers in his 30s after being in the same career for close to 10 years.  He's been in his current career since around 2000 or earlier.  

Your need to explore shows that  you are smart, curious and a hard worker - 7 years in one position where you do good work and are well liked and make a decent salary shows that you stick to things. I get that you are in a rut but you're doing the right thing by sticking to it until you figure things out.

I recommend the book What Color is Your Parachute - many people I know have benefited from it.

[TeeDee]

Does the university where you got your degree have career counseling services for alumni?  Reach out to them.  

You may also want to talk to a head hunter or career coach to job sample & figure out what floats your boat

[catfeeder]

Can you speak with HR about seeking another job within your company?

I'd make it about wanting to learn another aspect of the business rather than complaining about your boss. This doesn't mean that your complaints aren't valid, it's just a better look.

[Cherylyn]

Never give up your job search and always secure the next job before quitting your current job.  Always have a steady paycheck.

Try doing a lot of online and in person networking.  There are in person networking events all the time in your community whether every week or every month.  Check it out. 

Also,  expand your social network meaning the development of cultivating,  nurturing and maintaining friendships because people know other people in so many professional fields.  Make connections both online and in person. 

Your self esteem will soar as will your self confidence.  You need to start somewhere.  Have the power of positive thinking. 

Take care of your health.  There is a definite sound body,  sound mind connection.  If you neglect your health,  you'll be a very negative,  "woe is me" person. 

 

[ignite]

Thanks for the replies. 

On 10/23/2024 at 10:35 AM, Kwothe28 said:

I think I talked on some thread about it but job market is different when our parents were in that market. For example, in my country 30-40 years ago you were getting good jobs out of college and you stayed in that jobs until retirement. But now job market is volatile. You just dont stay in one place for a long time sometimes. You are here, next year you are somewhere else etc. For example you dont like the new environment created by new Boss and want to leave. Pretty good idea and job market is open for you. But I wouldnt leave until you have something else lined up. So work on that. Send more CVs and see who is hiring out there and if you would like those jobs. 

Also, it doesnt hurt to have more skills related to job market. Can you work good on the computer and in certain programs such as Office? Lots of people would hire you just based on that. There is also “retraining” and buch of free and paid courses related to certain fields. You are 40, but you can still find yourself out there if you like that. 

@Kwothe28 Yes, of course life is so much more different now. Back then it was simple, not necessarily easier but just more straightforward.  I always thought I was born in the wrong generation as I have more traditional views on most things. I think I would have settled into some kind of vocation (as there weren't as many to choose from back then) and married by now as dating was simpler as well.  

I am definitely not leaving my current job until I find something else.  That's exactly why I'm still here, otherwise I would have left the week this new guy started, almost 2 years ago now!  Yet I have continued to endure and tolerate this whilst being stuck not doing very much at all. I'm not progressing, infact if anything I've regressed as I'm now doing tasks which are so meaningless and I have less responsibility too.  

I've been like this a very long time, just perpetually stuck.  

 

[ignite]

On 10/23/2024 at 11:36 AM, Batya33 said:

My suggestion is try to get some volunteer opportunities in things you do have a passion for and see what it's like from the inside. Secondarily I'm a fan of informational interviews or even meeting a friend or an acquaintance for a walk or coffee to learn more about what they do for a living -I mean people who like what they do.  During the pandemic when we were home with our kids doing virtual learning I had a long conversation with my friend's 10 year old - he wanted to know more about my career as he was trying to figure out what he'd like to do later in life (and his mom needed a break so she set up these informational phone calls). When I was in college and in my 20s I did this too -sometimes at a job fair but also with friends of my parents, etc.  I basically knew what I wanted to do very early on BUT I do not think at all that it's unusual not to know at age 41 and often people who "know" realize in their 40s or beyond that they want a massive change. My husband changed careers in his 30s after being in the same career for close to 10 years.  He's been in his current career since around 2000 or earlier.  

Your need to explore shows that  you are smart, curious and a hard worker - 7 years in one position where you do good work and are well liked and make a decent salary shows that you stick to things. I get that you are in a rut but you're doing the right thing by sticking to it until you figure things out.

I recommend the book What Color is Your Parachute - many people I know have benefited from it.

@Batya33Thanks, yes I've got that book, what colour is your parachute and I'm still working through, almost completed the petals. Need to go back to it as it's been a while since I last looked at this. 

@TeeDee

@catfeeder

@Cherylyn

Sure, thank you, I have been able to commit to this role but 7 years of doing the same essentially and not really progressing in my own development or skills is now detrimental, along with causing me such a deep frustration and depression, which in turn is affecting my self-esteem and confidence.  Added to that I haven't got a huge deal going for me outside of work either.  I have my own home and my health which I'm grateful for and afterall the latter of those is probably the most important above all else.  But my emotional and mental health isn't great. 

 

[ignite]

I actually asked Chat GPT about this..!  And it actually suggested a few things here - 

Tech/IT

Healthcare

Education and Training

Entrepreneurship / Consulting

Trades

Real Estate

Marketing / Communications

Finance and Accounting

Human Resources (HR)

Creative / Artistic Fields 

 

I suppose from that list, real estate and entrepreneurship/consulting and perhaps Tech/IT stand out but I wouldn't say they really grab my attention. None of those things make me feel super motivated or excited.  Then again nothing has in the past. 

 

[yogacat]

I chose to go back to school later in life because I was in a similar boat as you. I wanted a career with purpose, so I enrolled myself to obtain a BA in Healthcare Administration where once I graduate, I want to help disenfranchised communities (i.e. elder care or mental health). 

Find what you're passionate about and what you want to do in life. Try thinking about what things bring you joy and fulfillment, what activities make you lose track of time or what issues you feel strongly about? You could also consider taking career tests or meeting with a career counsellor to get some ideas and insight.

Once you have a general idea of what you might want to do, start researching different career options and the paths to get there. Keep in mind that it's never too late to go back to school or make a career change – there are many people who start entirely new careers in their 40s and beyond.

Lastly, as much as you dislike your job, try to remember that it's temporary and a stepping stone towards finding something that truly fulfils you. But, also, that you're fortunate to have a job and a steady income while you figure out your next steps. Just based on some of your last threads, you're very into religion and nonprofit work–perhaps that can be something you can go to school for?

I have a lot of friends who work in human service and nonprofit jobs, and it's not a lot about what degree you have, though of course an education will likely give you a leg up on the competition. It's also more about connections in your town, what you can articulate about you, your ability to express creatively how you're dedicated and passionate/care about a particular issue, and having some valuable experience so doing some volunteer work or having this job as well as perhaps something else on your resume will add to your jobs skills in a sector you want to work in. 

I would also recommend: TypeFocus, Career Aptitude Personality Type Test Career Advice Placement

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, ignite said:

... my emotional and mental health isn't great. 

54 minutes ago, ignite said:

... None of those things make me feel super motivated or excited.  Then again nothing has in the past. 

Have you considered a possibility that you may have been knuckling through all these years with a low-grade depression?

Lack of motivation and low excitement don't feel like problems when you can be content with a decent status quo, as you were for the years you enjoyed a supportive team. But now you're being challenged by a lousy boss, and you're feeling some cracks in that contentment. This face-off with your mental state could turn out to be a pivotal point for you.

Does your company offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for mental health? This would allow you to choose your provider from a list of outside therapists, and it's confidential. It offers 3 or 4 free sessions, so compare the EAP list with your insurance list, and narrow your choice to a provider appearing on both. This way, if you want to continue work with the same provider after your free sessions, your insurance will pick them up.

Ask for an assessment and discuss options for a treatment plan. Not all treatments involve medication, but even if you were referred to an MD for meds, they CAN be temporary. The idea would be to prevent a possible situational depression from turning chronic, or to address a possible low-grade depression that already is chronic, and has been for a long time.

Also, did you consider contacting HR to learn about potential options elsewhere in your company?

[delmarvausa]

Hey @ignite 

I feel for you being in this spot where you feel "stuck" (the term rudderless is a perfect summary of such a state I think). And it's not just YOU - many of us have felt that way throughout our lives at different times and for so many reasons; getting older and shifting direction, company merge or sale, simply coming to the end of possibilities at a certain job, etc. I will say I applaud you for recognizing you are in a place that doesn't feel great, and observing you wish to change things! Many folks plod through the years never pausing to consider if they are where they are meant to be, or fail to consider changes or growth, so I think it's good you are noticing and thinking of change.

 

What is your social life like? Do you have friends in different types of work or other careers you might chat with? Perhaps seeing what they do or discussing this would be helpful to hear what other paths are out there, and maybe an older person might have some helpful advice or mentoring skills to assist you with thinking seriously about a new direction.

 

Are you involved with activies outside of work, such as regular exercise outdoors, a gym, volunteering? I have found such joy and variety in being a volunteer throughout the years; it has brought such a sense of purpose and community to my life, along with meeting other people, and sometimes the place you help out with might even turn into a new possibile career idea. I'm a little older than you but have served in many kinds of types of nonprofit organizations, which can really give direction and clarity to one's life I think.

 

Have you completed a work profile or bio on sites such as LinkedIn, Glass Door, Indeed? Those are probably US sites - not sure where in the world you are located - but you may have something similar? Many of them offer personalized quizzes or questionnaires one can complete to give potential ideas for the type of job you may be suited for - I'd suggest doing SEVERAL instead of just one survey as the results can vary greatly and it's good to see different suggestions.

 

Classes - have you taken any in-person, such as ones available through a community college or even local recreation department? You can find all kinds of local topics from craft type categories to professional development, writing, photography, public speaking, etc. While such an activity may not provide all your answers in one place, they can be suitable to broaden one's skills and introduce you to new ideas.

 

Lastly, as someone else mentioned, would you be willing to consider a doctor or counseling type of option, in case some of your uncertainty is due to a medical condition? It is possible to have a very mild attention disorder or inability to focus which can really throw a monkey wrench into the best plans. Might be worth considering if some type of therapy or medication could help enough to allow you to function at your best. 

 

Good luck, I know it can feel daunting, but keep an open mind and you will find where you are meant to be. 👍

[ShySoul]

@ignite Sorry I missed this. I wish I had seen it sooner.

I'm in a similar spot. I'm also 41 and have been with my company for seven years (as of a couple weeks ago actually). I'm good at what I do and I like it, even though I never really had a passion for anything in particular. At the same time, I know where I am at isn't fulfilling and there isn't much room for upward movement. The environment isn't as toxic as yours, though there have been a few toxic people over the years. If anything, it is too relaxed and comfortable, with people not really caring about their work. I'm holding on for financial and personal reasons, but I also feel like a new direction is needed at some point.

If you are unhappy where you at, you shouldn't be there. I've posted before that staying at an unhealthy job lead my best friend to serious health issues, staying in a hospital for a week, and needing an operation. There is more to life then our work. And we should feel good about going to our job each day. If the job is doing more damage to your mental (or physical) health, then it's not worth it. Leave, and don't look back.

You should do what makes you happy. It's not about the money or status. As long as you can afford the basics - food, shelter, healthcare - then pursue what you like. Look at what your skills are and see what excites you. You have four decades of experiences. What are the times that made you feel the best? What are things you have done where you didn't even have to think about it, you just jumped in and ran with something? What are things that you can't wait to do or work on? Those are things that you are passionate about and can be a starting point to finding some work that involves them.

I know religion and service are important to you. Perhaps you can use your degree and skills in way to give back to the community? Make use of what you currently have, but in a way that is more meaningful then the corporate world?

On 10/24/2024 at 8:47 AM, ignite said:

I suppose from that list, real estate and entrepreneurship/consulting and perhaps Tech/IT stand out but I wouldn't say they really grab my attention. None of those things make me feel super motivated or excited.  Then again nothing has in the past. 

Working in a real estate company (accounting department), I'll say that's not for me. I'd only do that one if you were really into it. 

It's also okay if you aren't super motivated by your work. Sometimes the job can be what we do to support ourselves while we have other passions outside work. I think the most important thing is to have something meaningful in our life, something that gives us a purpose and reason to keep going. That can be anything. It's really a matter of looking into your heart and finding what sparks joy from within you.