I literally can not stand to be within 4 feet of my selfish husband

[spreadluvnotlegs]

I’ve been married since 11/11/11. We were together a couple years before we married. Sadly as I look back trying to believe that I was happy at all at any point after the first few years of being married. I care for his well being. That might be it. I’m certain he’s a narcissist yet doesn’t know it nor will he ever be convinced that he is. Everything I say (or don’t say) is an issue. Everything I do (or don’t do) is an issue. Everything I spend money on, is an issue. If I spent more time with my kids than him, it’s an issue. If a week goes by and he hasn’t gotten laid and a blow job, it’s an issue. Hell, there’s talk of divorce when I start my period! (Which I’ve become happy to have). The best of some days is when he’s leaving the house. Worst, is when he comes home. He provided for us by working for many years and he makes sure I always remember that. If I make my own money, it’s an issue because he didn’t make it and he can’t control it. I’ve never cheated on him, and never would. Honestly I don’t even want to be with anyone else. He’s ruined any kind ability to want to be sexual or even attractive. I don’t get ready for the day because if I do, it’s an issue and it automatically for someone else. I just can’t stand him. My kids are getting older and realizing he’s an ***. 

[redswim30]

Your husband is abusive.  Get a divorce.  

Or stay and accept that this is how it will always be for the rest of your life. 

IMVHO, you should get divorced.  This isn't healthy for your children to witness. You are modeling for them what marriage should look like.   What would you tell your daughter if she was in this situation?   

[TeeDee]

Clearly you are miserable & this isn't working for you.  So get out.  

[tattoobunnie]

What is your question? Is it how to leave?

Narcissists will do whatever they can to "win," so be sure to consult with several top attorneys (free or $1) to create a conflict of interest.  Work with one to do forensic accounting to find where all the money is, in case he tries to move it or hide it.  Take photos of all possessions, art work, electronics, cars, jewelry, etc.  He will probably also try to sue for full custody even if he's never taken any interest in the kids.  Be sure to screenshot any convos of an extended trips or lack of concern or abuse, and send it to a cloud like dropbox that is automatically linked to the phones on your phone, then delete on the phone, so he is not aware of what you are doing.  Bring specific valuables to a trusted friend or family members home for safe keeping.

Then, once all your ducks are in the row, move out or pack up all his stuff when he is on a business trip or whatever, and have him served.

They do not make it easy, but you and the kids are way better off.

[catfeeder]

I'd brainstorm some options for getting out of the marriage, or at very least, separating. I'd run these ideas by an attorney to learn my options and the best steps to take for each option. From there I can operate on real information specific to my location rather than operating on emotions alone.

If you want to consider obtaining some counseling or help with resources, consider contacting your local hospital's human services department for a referral to a confidential women's counselor. Or contact a local women's shelter or a domestic violence prevention agency--those are on the Internet. They can help you to make a safe plan, and they may be able to offer legal aid or other ways to help you.

Write more if it helps, and my heart goes out to you.