I assume we should break up

[Vince99]

We've been together for coming up on 3 years. When we started dating we agreed we wanted to be married eventually and we didnt want kids. Now it seems she does want kids, and I no longer think I can ever marry someone. So we used to agree on both, and now we agree on neither. 

I brought this up to her and I said we should probably split up. But she apparently cant stand the thought of that and claimed that she can change her mind on both, but I can tell that probably isn't true, even if she thinks she believes it. 

I think there's a high likelihood that 5-10 years from now she's going to resent me for not marrying her and/or not giving her kids but she claims she won't. I just don't see how it's possible that she won't. And she's not in a position to wait that long just for me to be proven right. She's 36 and I'm 43.

Shes the sweetest person I've ever met and I really hate to break her heart but there's no way it's going to last. We, and our families are not compatible long-term.

Another problem is that we live across the hall from each other in the same apartment building. But I guess that doesn't matter a whole lot.

I guess I don't see why she doesn't see that this isn't going to work out. Perhaps because if you remove the family issues, and the marriage and kids issue, then everything else is great. We don't argue or fight and all other aspects of the relationship are great. But the things that are incompatible are the big ones. She's been married before and I have not, so maybe she has a lot invested mentally in this working out? 

It's going to make me absolutely sick to hurt her but it seems to be the only thing to do.

 

 

 

[Coily]

It's not going to be fair for either of you long term. Let her go, for your sake and hers.

[AuthenticSelf]

So the issue is one of you want kids and the other does not want kid, is that the problem here? 

[Seraphim]

Kids is not something that be compromised on. 

[Andrina]

With time and distance after a break up, she will realize you did her a favor by breaking up. If you don't break up, she will eventually resent you, and will possibly leave you at a much later date when she's nearing the point of no return with her biological clock. It'll be worse to break up after 15 years versus the 3 year mark.

[Cherylyn]

Yes,  break up.  Both of you can't agree on what both of you want together.  You're not in unison.  No one should change their mind in order to acquiesce someone else. 

You can marry someone else who agrees with you and she can marry someone else who wants the same as she wants. 

Both of you are incompatible.  It's best to go your separate ways. 

[TeeDee]

Marriage & kids are things that both parties need to be on the same page.  If you are not, it's time to set each other free. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Move on

 

[Cherylyn]

You assumed correctly.

[smackie9]

Break her heart? She did the "He will change his mind later, I will wait." She did this to herself. It's a no brainer, end the relationship.