rockyghost54 Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 I've been talking to an old friend of mine for the last week now. I've known her since I was in grade 2, and she was in grade 3. We kept in touch vaguely throughout high school, because our younger sisters were in the same grade. Last I spoke to her was 2 years ago, when I was beginning my first year at university, and she was starting her second year at the same school. Fast forward to 10 days ago, I saw her while we were both in our cars in a parking lot, so I sent her a text when I got home to see how she's been. We chatted briefly, and found out that we were both going to the bars that night for an event. Even though we were going to be at different bars, we somehow ended up at the same one. I was talking with her for a bit, and then my friends wanted to go home, and she and her friends wanted to go to another bar, so I tagged along with her. The next morning, I realized I had her ID (she didn't have pockets and we both forgot I was holding on to it), so I went by her place the day after to give it back. She invited me to her apartment, and we chatted on the couch for 2 hours, just catching up. At no point did the conversation feel awkward or drawn out, we easily could've kept talking for hours, but it was late. Fast forward to 3 days ago, it's homecoming at our university, so everyone is partying all weekend. We talked a little bit about our plans, and later at night, when I was already at a bar, she asked which one I was at, and she came with her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. Once again, my friends wanted to head back early, so I stayed behind with her for the rest of the night, until her and her roommate ubered home. The day after (2 days ago), I asked her what her plans were for the night, and she told me which bar she was going to. It was different from the one I was planning on going to, so I texted her back "Oh nice! Stay safe." She then responded with "Wait, how about you? Are we not going together??" This message has been throwing me off because I can't tell if its just being friendly, or if there are more flirtatious tones to it. I've asked a lot of friends, both male and female, and 99% of them are saying it's flirty. I was never able to meet up with her because her roommate new a bouncer at a very busy club and I wasn't able to get there in time to join them, so the next morning I asked her how her night was, and we chatted a bit more. She said how she was heading home for 2 days, and so I said "That's nice. Tell your parents I say hi!" (because I've known her parents for years as well). I then followed it with "Also, would you want to grab food sometime this week?" because when I first texted her 10 days ago, we were talking about grabbing food one day to catch up. It's now been 24 hours since that last text I sent her, and still no response. Part of me is just brushing it off with the fact that she's back home for the first time in a month, and she's busy with family and friends. But the other part of me is scared that she's purposefully ignoring it. I really like this girl, and would love to get to know her better. That's something that I want to tell her as well, and I figured after dinner or something would be a good time. But now I don't know. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from her texts. Any advice would be great, I've just never been in a relationship, or liked someone as much as her, so I don't know what to do. I don't want to be too pushy and seem desperate, because worst case scenario, I'd still like to have her as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 3 hours ago, rockyghost54 said: The day after (2 days ago), I asked her what her plans were for the night, and she told me which bar she was going to. It was different from the one I was planning on going to, so I texted her back "Oh nice! Stay safe." She then responded with "Wait, how about you? Are we not going together??” I dunno if you are secretly a genius or just plain dumb for stuff like that, but you did accidentaly “struck gold” there. Meaning played nonchalantly so she would say something. But you did fumbled after that sadly. Instead of saying something like “Well if you really want me that much Ill try to come see you”, you just never showed off? Its clear that she wanted you there at least in some capacity. But you just didnt show up. Also, you strike iron while its hot. Meaning that you should grab your opportunity while she had interest. Now she maybe got cold. Why didnt yiu went out with her alone in meantime? Also, you should update your first thread, not open new one about the same topic. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 1 Author Share Posted October 1 5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said: I dunno if you are secretly a genius or just plain dumb for stuff like that, but you did accidentaly “struck gold” there. Meaning played nonchalantly so she would say something. But you did fumbled after that sadly. Instead of saying something like “Well if you really want me that much Ill try to come see you”, you just never showed off? Its clear that she wanted you there at least in some capacity. But you just didnt show up. Also, you strike iron while its hot. Meaning that you should grab your opportunity while she had interest. Now she maybe got cold. Why didnt yiu went out with her alone in meantime? Also, you should update your first thread, not open new one about the same topic. That’s why I’m confused. I literally responded with almost exactly what you said. It was just impossible for me to get into that specific bar that night. Later that night, she also randomly texted me “hey” and we chatted for a bit, and it ended with us asking each other if we got home safe. The next day we talked some more, which is when I found out she was going home for 2 days, and that was when I asked her if she wanted to grab food. That leads to right now where it’s been over 24 hours and no response. She’s leaving home and heading back to our university town this afternoon, so I’m hoping it was just her being with family and unsure of what to say, and waiting to be back here to respond, instead of her trying to avoid it. I’m not sure if I should send a follow-up text or something though, maybe asking her how her time at home was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 Just resend the offer to grab food now that she's back on campus. Don't over think it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 1 Author Share Posted October 1 1 hour ago, TeeDee said: Just resend the offer to grab food now that she's back on campus. Don't over think it. Isn’t double-texting seen as “desperate” or “bad”? I don’t want to be too pushy, because if it doesn’t work out with her in a dating sense, I’d still like to remain friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 11 minutes ago, rockyghost54 said: Isn’t double-texting seen as “desperate” or “bad”? I don’t want to be too pushy, because if it doesn’t work out with her in a dating sense, I’d still like to remain friends. If she's into you she won't care. If she's a shallow dullard, then do you want to waste more time on her? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 1 Author Share Posted October 1 1 hour ago, Coily said: If she's into you she won't care. If she's a shallow dullard, then do you want to waste more time on her? Would it be better to text her something like "Hey, how was your trip home?" Or should I call her to chat for a bit, ask her about her visit, and then bring up going out again? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 5 minutes ago, rockyghost54 said: Would it be better to text her something like "Hey, how was your trip home?" Or should I call her to chat for a bit, ask her about her visit, and then bring up going out again? Either would be good, let her know that you paid attention to what she was doing, and it's about building something; not just getting her on a date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 She seems to be the initiator so I would just wait. If nothing comes of it, well that would be your answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 1 Author Share Posted October 1 23 minutes ago, smackie9 said: She seems to be the initiator so I would just wait. If nothing comes of it, well that would be your answer. I'd say it's been pretty even. I think I've started more general conversations, but she did come the bar I was at already on Friday, and said to go together on Saturday. But when it comes to just talking, I've been reaching out first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuthenticSelf Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 Just curious, what result are you looking for in this situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 Give her time. Traveling, seeing family, traveling, unpacking and getting settled again all takes time and energy. Wait until she's relaxed and text her again about planning a meal together. Don't fret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 5 hours ago, rockyghost54 said: Would it be better to text her something like "Hey, how was your trip home?" Or should I call her to chat for a bit, ask her about her visit, and then bring up going out again? Double texting is bad within a few hours. Changing the subject & asking about her trip home is probably a good tactic. It makes you look less obsessed. Her trip home also explains the gap in her responsiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 2 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said: Just curious, what result are you looking for in this situation? Best case: dating Worst case: still friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 1 hour ago, TeeDee said: Double texting is bad within a few hours. Changing the subject & asking about her trip home is probably a good tactic. It makes you look less obsessed. Her trip home also explains the gap in her responsiveness. It’s been 2 days at this point, and she came back a few hours ago. Should I text her tonight or wait until the morning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shouldhavelearned Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 Give her some time 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 20 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said: Give her some time How much time? It’s been 2 days now since we last spoke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuthenticSelf Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 54 minutes ago, rockyghost54 said: Best case: dating Worst case: still friends Where are you in relation to the best case? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shouldhavelearned Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 Call tomorrow and check in Be positive Ask to meet up this weekend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 55 minutes ago, AuthenticSelf said: Where are you in relation to the best case? What I said in my original comment. She did just text me back though. Didn’t mention anything about being AWOL for 2 days, but said she’s free Friday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coily Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 9 minutes ago, rockyghost54 said: but said she’s free Friday. Awesome, now make hay while the sunshines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyghost54 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 59 minutes ago, Coily said: Awesome, now make hay while the sunshines Never heard this one before but I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shark101 Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 11 hours ago, rockyghost54 said: Would it be better to text her something like "Hey, how was your trip home?" Or should I call her to chat for a bit, ask her about her visit, and then bring up going out again? Listen, you're the man here, so take the initiative, the lead, and ask her out "for a drink" ( forget food). Any answer other than a clear Yes is a No. If No - move on. You need to be clear with your intentions and desire ( date her romantically, not as a friend). Don't take scrap as "just be a friend" , and then be the one who she comes to with her exciting news about her new bf who beds her. ( Don't be this guy, it'll damage you). Also, take it as a rule: Being "pushy" and very clear with what you want from women will get you further with women than being scared and timid, and , will save you time, money,and effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 Why is it AWOL just because a woman you've been out with a few times isn't in touch when she doesn't need to be at this moment? You're not married, you don't have a child together, you're not living together where you need to check in with each other. People need to breathe. Especially when they are first dating. This is why I really dislike the constant texting when two people first meet because then there are these kind of odd expectations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuthenticSelf Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 19 hours ago, rockyghost54 said: What I said in my original comment. She did just text me back though. Didn’t mention anything about being AWOL for 2 days, but said she’s free Friday. After Friday, do you think you guy are going to start dating each other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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