I like my coworker. Advises are helpful

[endeavour]

I need an advise with respect to my situation

I have developed feelings towards my coworker who is 1 year younger than me. She treats me like her best friend and I like her too. I have developed feelings towards her due to her behavior and I enjoy my time with her. She loves her family and has great sense of responsibility. I like her not in an objectifying manner. I respect her and her family too.

I have kept quiet as she used say during random conversation that she is not into relationship etc. The other day I got jealous of her when she came along with another guy team mate of mine on his bike. I got jealous of that and behaved very rudely with her without stating the reason. Later she tried to cheer me up a lot but I ended up behaving bad. At later part of the day she was really pissed off with my attitude and she said that she felt that it is her mistake to have me as her friend as I am very narrowminded.

To explain the reason for my behavior, I have opened up to her saying that I have feelings towards her. She said that she feels me like a friend and no more. I am not sure why she is very rigid as to not having any relationship. I like her and her family too, and her family has positive opinion on me as to I am not a bad person.

I felt rather than just quitting just because she doesn't want to enter into relationship, I want to improve myself and be a better self. If I still hold same opinion on her, I want to confront her again. I would like to have any opinion on this. I took this decision as I assume she likes only as a friend because I am not a person whom she can entrust her future with. That is the reason why I want to get better from my benefit as well.

Assuming that I hold the same feelings towards her even after an year, I want to confront her family and speak about it. If she or her family genuinely has problem with me in any manner, I accept it. I just don't want to end this just because she has no interest in relationship. I can wait for her if time is what she needs to decide. I just don't want to quit without any reason. I feel she doesn't want me as a partner is due to my immaturity which I am planning to work on.

I want to give my best because it is my 2nd time I liked someone and the 1st one ended up in vain solely because of my attitude and immature behavior. I totally agree that my behavior was bad. I want to get better physically and mentally as well. Any questions/advices will be very helpful.

 

Thank you

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, endeavour said:

Assuming that I hold the same feelings towards her even after an year, I want to confront her family and speak about it.

Abo***ely not. Do not do this. It is not her family's business and it would just be weird and invasive of you to go to them. It would also be highly disrespectul to her to ignore her boundary (ie telling you she sees you as nothing more than  friend) and go to third parties. 

6 minutes ago, endeavour said:

I feel she doesn't want me as a partner is due to my immaturity which I am planning to work on.

That might be part of it, but it could also be simple lack of romantic atraction to you. Please don't make the mistake of assuming she will suddenly be interested just because you become more mature. You could be in for a real disappointment. Make the improvements for you, yes, but don't bank on a future with her. That may or may not happen. 

8 minutes ago, endeavour said:

I got jealous of that and behaved very rudely with her without stating the reason. Later she tried to cheer me up a lot but I ended up behaving bad.

Can you explain a bit more what happened here? What did you do or say? 

[endeavour]

First of all Thanks a lot for the reply 🙂
 

Assuming that I hold the same feelings towards her even after an year, I want to confront her family and speak about it. --> Was intending to go by this approach just so that if she feels that I only want to spend some lovey dovey time with her and nothing more. Thought that this might give her confidence that I am serious about being with her and supporting her in long run.

 

I got jealous of that and behaved very rudely with her without stating the reason. Later she tried to cheer me up a lot but I ended up behaving bad. -->Behaved very rudely in essence I walked away from her although she approached to talk to me many times. 

[smackie9]

Dude it's over. She made it clear to you she doesn't see you in a romantic manner. You need to stop behaving this way. You need to control those feelings of acting rude...she's done nothing but be kind to you and you punish her with your jealousy. That's so wrong on so many levels. You don't treat people like that period. This is all your problem. Learn to understand no means NO. Leave her alone and work on getting over it. It's best to keep busy, hang around with friends, go play a sport, fill your time with doing things that are fun and bring positivity to your life.

Being pushy/obsessive will make you look creepy to others and it pushes those you care about away. Time to reflect on your behaviour and where it's gotten you.

[endeavour]

Thanks a lot smackie 🙂 Really appreciate your honest reply. I will work on it.

[ShySoul]

Work on yourself because you want to work on yourself for you. Don't do it for anyone else or because you think it will make you look better in someone's eyes. Concentrate on being the person you want to be, and on doing what is right for you.

If you still have feelings for her, that's fine. Feelings don't just disappear overnight, even if we know it can't work at this time. Just don't act upon them if she hasn't indicated she wants you to.

What happens in a year from now is still a year away. A lot can happen in that time. You may not have feelings for her. She may have feelings for you. One or both of you might be with someone else. Someone could move away. There is no telling, so don't worry about it. Focus on the present and that present means no relationship is possible. Let the future take the course it is going to take.

[shouldhavelearned]

Leave her alone

You sound to young to be involved with anyone if you react that way