Is this a valid reason to leave my bf?

[pinky]

I have been with my bf for 5 years, we dont live together. He travels sometimes. He called me when he came back home saying he wants to spend the day with me. I told him i was on my cycle he said thats fine. I called him in the evening he didnt pick up and he didnt came. I texted and asked if its because I couldnt have sex why he didnt came and he got mad about it saying I am rude. He went on a trip, he ignored me for 6 weeks no contact. He came back and now I wonder what to do. Is this behaviour okay? He didnt even apologize, he said he had to teach me not to say stuff like that to get him upset.

[Kwothe28]

I would say him ignoring you for 6 weeks(to teach you a lesson none the less lol)is enough of the reason to break up with him, yes.

Was he always like that? Because that is quite the cold demeanor for 5 year old relationship. How much do you even see each other when he cant spend day with you because he cant have sex? 

 

[pinky]

He actually does it everytime I make him upset, even if i express that i feel he dosent care about me when he sometimes dosent call me for a week. He likes to withdraw himself. He poped up at my wrkplace jus stared at me guess hoping i would say something to him but i didnt and he jus left. Have tried ringing him it goes to voicemail no answer. He went no contact for 2 months already after he asked for a break out of the blue.

[enigma32]

When it comes to relationships, I think sometimes we just get too comfortable. You've been with this guy for 5 years now. Is this what you want from a relationship? You aren't living together and he takes trips without you for weeks at a time without communication.

What it comes down to is that it's not up to us to tell you whether or not you have a good reason to leave your BF, it's up to you. If this relationship is what you want, then stick around. If you want something else, I'd suggest ending it. IMO, the fact that you're here asking for advice tells me you aren't feeling fulfilled.

[MissCanuck]

20 minutes ago, pinky said:

He went on a trip, he ignored me for 6 weeks no contact.

I would not be this person's girlfriend anymore. 

[pinky]

2 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

When it comes to relationships, I think sometimes we just get too comfortable. You've been with this guy for 5 years now. Is this what you want from a relationship? You aren't living together and he takes trips without you for weeks at a time without communication.

What it comes down to is that it's not up to us to tell you whether or not you have a good reason to leave your BF, it's up to you. If this relationship is what you want, then stick around. If you want something else, I'd suggest ending it. IMO, the fact that you're here asking for advice tells me you aren't feeling fulfilled.

Well, I would love to fight for the relationship but he does it every year. I dont even spend much time with him he is always busy. I started talking to another guy that i like howver i just dont know what to do.

[MissCanuck]

At what point do you stop accepting crappy treatment? 

And it's not okay for you to be talking to some other guy you like when you are still in a relationship. Just break up with your boyfriend.

And no, "fighting for" a relationship is a very flawed concept. You should never fight for basic respect and a partner's time. When you get to that point, it's already over. 

[enigma32]

1 minute ago, pinky said:

Well, I would love to fight for the relationship but he does it every year. I dont even spend much time with him he is always busy. I started talking to another guy that i like howver i just dont know what to do.

Have you really thought about what you want from a relationship? 5 years in and still not even living together? Do you have any sort of real plan for the future with this guy?

[pinky]

2 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Have you really thought about what you want from a relationship? 5 years in and still not even living together? Do you have any sort of real plan for the future with this guy?

Well i want us to get married and live together but dometimes when i bring up that topic he shuts me down. Then another time he says to have patience because he travels and has alot sorting out. He mentioned at one point that a baby has to come first so he knows that am serious about him.

[pinky]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

At what point do you stop accepting crappy treatment? 

And it's not okay for you to be talking to some other guy you like when you are still in a relationship. Just break up with your boyfriend.

And no, "fighting for" a relationship is a very flawed concept. You should never fight for basic respect and a partner's time. When you get to that point, it's already over. 

I know its not right but I just long for someone who actually shows me love without making me cry and hurting my feels and withdrawing themselves.

[enigma32]

1 minute ago, pinky said:

Well i want us to get married and live together but dometimes when i bring up that topic he shuts me down. Then another time he says to have patience because he travels and has alot sorting out. He mentioned at one point that a baby has to come first so he knows that am serious about him.

You've been with the guy for 5 years and aren't even living together. I'd say you've been more than patient. If you want to get married to someone, I don't think this guy is it. If he felt the same way, he should have tried to progress things without you having to bug him about it.

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, pinky said:

I know its not right but I just long for someone who actually shows me love without making me cry and hurting my feels and withdrawing themselves.

Please do not plan a future with this man. 

The relationship is clearly not healthy and it's making you miserable.  He is not going to change. Stop wasting your time and start valuing yourself more, sis. 

[pinky]

2 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

You've been with the guy for 5 years and aren't even living together. I'd say you've been more than patient. If you want to get married to someone, I don't think this guy is it. If he felt the same way, he should have tried to progress things without you having to bug him about it.

I agree, I always feel embarrassed about it. I feel its hard to let go because he is my first bf. I really wanted it to work out but he takes me for granted. I sometimes wonder if i stand up to him at times if he would have changed.

[pinky]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Please do not plan a future with this man. 

The relationship is clearly not healthy and it's making you miserable.  He is not going to change. Stop wasting your time and start valuing yourself more, sis. 

It does, sometimes I just cry because of how he treats me so i dont know why its so hard to move on.

[enigma32]

4 minutes ago, pinky said:

I agree, I always feel embarrassed about it. I feel its hard to let go because he is my first bf. I really wanted it to work out but he takes me for granted. I sometimes wonder if i stand up to him at times if he would have changed.

You don't need to stand up to him so much as you need to stand up for you. He just seems like he doesn't value you. I know I'm not going on a 6 week long trip without my wife, nor would I go completely silent on her if I somehow had to do a trip without her. Then he stands you up when he comes back? No, he doesn't seem to value you at all. There's much better out there if you get away from this guy.

[pinky]

Thanks, so about this other guy that i was talking to. I am wondering if i should end it, he seems really nice very caring so far. I only talked to him because i told myself am not going six years without some form of committment and sic years is in a couple of months.

[enigma32]

5 minutes ago, pinky said:

Thanks, so about this other guy that i was talking to. I am wondering if i should end it, he seems really nice very caring so far. I only talked to him because i told myself am not going six years without some form of committment and sic years is in a couple of months.

If you're entertaining other men, you should break things off with your BF. Not just for your BF's sake but the new guy might not be happy to find out you have a BF. If I was talking to a girl and found out she had a BF, I would not consider her for anything meaningful.

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, pinky said:

so about this other guy that i was talking to. I am wondering if i should end it, he seems really nice very caring so far.

Break up with your boyfriend because the relationship is causing you more pain than pleasure. Not because there is another guy in the background. 

Things with this other person may or may not go anywhere, but your relationship needs to end regardless. 

[pinky]

4 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

If you're entertaining other men, you should break things off with your BF. Not just for your BF's sake but the new guy might not be happy to find out you have a BF. If I was talking to a girl and found out she had a BF, I would not consider her for anything meaningful.

Thats true I have to make the right decision.

[enigma32]

3 minutes ago, pinky said:

Thats true I have to make the right decision.

Regardless of how things work out with this new guy, getting away from your BF is probably the right decision based on what you've said here.

[pinky]

3 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Regardless of how things work out with this new guy, getting away from your BF is probably the right decision based on what you've said here.

I really needed to vent..thanks.

[TeeDee]

It's hard to move on because you lack self esteem.  

This man ignores you, calls you rude, plays games etc.  This is not healthy.  The fact that you want to marry him is very telling.  You probably don't want to marry him, you just want to be married.  You said something about wanting somebody to love you.  That is the heart of this.  You need to love yourself first.  There's a whole in your life & you are trying to fill it with anybody which never works. 

Do NOT have a baby with this guy.  Good grief for him to say you have to procreate before he will think you are serious is ghastly.  He needs to prove he's serious.  He is playing major head games with you.  Run! 

If there is a new guy in the wings, break up with this jerk & then explore things with the new guy.  Don't cheat.  

[Cherylyn]

He ignored you for 6 weeks?  If I were you,  he would become my ex-boyfriend.  😒

[lostandhurt]

10 hours ago, pinky said:

I started talking to another guy that i like howver i just dont know what to do.

I was wondering when that revelation was going to show up.

 All of a sudden you have options so you are looking for reasons to break up with your bf.  You don't need a reason even though he has clearly given you plenty.

 Stop talking to this other guy right now and decide what to do without him as a back up plan.  What you are doing is not right so do the right thing and tell this other guy you are in a relationship and cannot talk to him any longer.  Then decide what you want and if the way your current relationship has been going is not what you want then end it. 

 After you end it stay single for a while so you can find your own balance in life without anyone affecting you and then consider dating once you are in a good place.  That way when you do start dating someone new you will be more empowered and will not put up with the kind of crap you did with  your last bf.

If this guy you have been talking to knows you have a bf he may not be a stellar choice either...

Lost

PS You never need anyone's permission to end a relationship, especially the Internets.

[SophiaG]

On 9/27/2024 at 3:27 AM, pinky said:

I started talking to another guy that i like howver i just dont know what to do.

Don't do this. Break up with your bf, like, yesterday. If this guy is any good, you don't want to start your romance while still in a relationship. Be done with the deadbeat.

If I don't hear from a guy for a week I'd assume we are already broken up. Why do you take him back after six weeks or months? Ignoring you to "teach you a lesson" is emotionally abusive. Even if you get any "commitment" from him it will just be more of the same. Kick him to the curb.