My freind pranked me, and I don't know how to feel about my crush

[Minalee]

Today, my friend pranked me by saying my crush was transferring schools, which sent me into a spiral. I was shocked and embarrassed when I found out it was a joke, and I got really angry because I hate feeling like someone has that kind of power over me. I'm neurodivergent (not speaking for everyone who is on the spectrum but I experience emotions intensely) and this prank hit hard. I also still have feelings for my crush, even though I haven't seen or talked to him. It's strange because I don’t usually get this attached, but I feel this deep connection with him that's hard to shake, when I first saw him I felt a deep trust and understanding with him, not to mention a admiration for him. And my friend's prank just brought all those feelings back. Any tips on what to do with my friend and how to get over my crush?

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Need more information like age, why you like him, why did your friend prank you?

[ShySoul]

Once the three people I was closest to decided to play a prank on me. It really hurt, feeling like a betrayal of the trust I had placed on them. I explained to them how it hurt me and calmly said if they were my friends they should be able to see that and want to apologize. One said he was sorry immediately. Another one did shortly after, coming to me in private. The third made an excuse and tried to say I was overreacting. I forgave the first two and acted like nothing happened. I felt completely justified in not communicating with the third again.

Tell your friend how that hurt you. If he gives a sincere apology and regrets his actions, it means he realizes his mistakes and you can try to be friends still. If he doesn't think he did anything wrong, he's not a real friend and not worth your time.

I know it's difficult, but why not talk to the crush? If you do feel this connection to them, it's worth exploring. As long as they aren't in a relationship, you never know what can happen. I've been the one to not say how I feel or not talk to the one I liked. That only hurt me more and kept me wondering what if. It really did "crush" me. But when I've talked to the person, it's never been as bad I imagined it could be.

You don't need to do anything dramatic. Just talk to them and get to know them. Be friendly and nice. At the least it can help you get over your fears.

[TeeDee]

Why do you have to get over your crush?  

Tell your friend straight up that the prank was hurtful & mean.  

[Minalee]

On 9/18/2024 at 9:12 PM, shouldhavelearned said:

Need more information like age, why you like him, why did your friend prank you?

I know I’m in high school, and emotions can be intense(partly because I'm neurodivergent), but I liked him for his personality, not his looks. He’s genuinely kind, intelligent, and generous, and he’s from the same culture as me. At my old school, which only had about 300 students, it was rare to meet someone like him. Everyone I’ve talked to says great things about him. He’s shy, focused on his studies, and doesn’t seem interested in dating, which wasn’t what attracted me anyway. One of my friends found out I liked him, and now she makes jokes about it. I’ve moved to a new school and am trying to move on, but when she pranked me by saying he was transferring, I panicked. When she told me it was a joke, I felt like she had control over my emotions. It made me upset, even though I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, but now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting. By the way, she's is someone I would consider her as one of those rare life-long friends, and that's not said lightly. 

[ShySoul]

Don't think you are overreacting. I am also very careful with who I consider a true friend. When you let someone in to that degree, you do give up a little bit of control. You trust the person with things that are personal, things that can really get to you and cause you emotional stress. She knew how much this person means to you and how you feel about him. So she knew just the right button to push to get a reaction out of you. That does feel like a violation of the trust you put in her.

I think you need to separate the act with the intent. Yes, it was wrong of her to do that. But it doesn't seem like she wanted to hurt you. She seems to see your crush as something to playfully tease you with, as a way of having fun. But I don't think you see it like that. If you don't like it, let her know. I think she would be okay finding something else to joke about and you can go on being friends without this sensitive subject upsetting you anymore.

You're not in the same school as him? Do you want to talk to him? Then find a way to get in contact. There is nothing to lose.

And even if you don't speak to him, there is no reason you have to get over him now. That process usually attends to itself in time. For now, just focus on your classes and doing things that make you happy.

[Minalee]

2 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You're not in the same school as him? Do you want to talk to him? Then find a way to get in contact. There is nothing to lose.

A lot of girls like him, but he’s not a playboy. He’s focused on his studies, plays soccer, and is nice to everyone. I don’t think he even wants a relationship, which is fine for our age (I’m 16). I also feel like I shouldn’t be in a relationship because I need to focus on my studies, and I know I get distracted easily. I don’t feel like I’m "girlfriend material" because I can’t offer what makes someone a good partner, and the idea of kissing or being that close makes me uncomfortable. We do have a lot in common, though, and my friend thinks we’d be a good match, but not enough for a relationship. The thing is, I’ve never really talked to him, and he doesn’t use social media. I moved an hour away, so it’s not realistic to stay in touch. I'm not interested to be in a romantic relationship with anyone as of now, and ever since Elementary School. Still, I feel this strong emotional connection to him, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to him, at most a response. It’s weird because I’ve only had three crushes before, but I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone. He has so many traits I admire, and I feel a bond with him, which I don’t usually feel with people. It’s overwhelming, and I wish these feelings would go away, but they’re still there. 

[ShySoul]

On 9/21/2024 at 4:10 PM, Minalee said:

It’s weird because I’ve only had three crushes before, but I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone. He has so many traits I admire, and I feel a bond with him, which I don’t usually feel with people. It’s overwhelming, and I wish these feelings would go away, but they’re still there. 

When I was 16 I had only had three crushes as well. I was still in the middle of one that had started two years prior and carried with me through high school, even though we weren't going to the same school and I had no way to reach her. There was no social media at the time, and I wouldn't have been on it if it was there (don't have it today).

I always say the heart has a mind of it's own. If it doesn't want to let go, it's not going to let go. You have to ride it out until the feelings do lessen. It can be frustrating and annoying. But it can also be a good thing. It means you can feel things intensly and passionately. And when that finally happens with someone you can be with, you'll be happy for it. You'll appreciate what you do find that much more. You just have to survive all the feelings until then.

I also was uncomfortable with the thought of kissing or being close to someone. I also focused on my studies. Didn't mean I wasn't boyfriend material, just as I'm sure you are girlfriend material for someone. You sound like a smart, nice, sweet girl. Someone would be lucky to have a relationship with you. It just needs to be the right person and the right time.

If you aren't ready for anything, that's fine too. Focus on your studies. Focus on yourself. Believe in yourself and do what makes you happy. If it's time for something, if you meet the right person, you will know and you'll figure out what you want to do. I was 22 before it happened for me. You have plenty of time.

Take care of yourself.

 

[TeeDee]

I'm still not sure why you have to get over him.  

If he's as studious as you say he is, can you ask him to help you study?  Even if you don't go to the same school, certain concepts are universal, especially things like math.