Wife moans a co-workers name during sex

[Jsly49]

I’ve (M46) been married to my wife (F47) for 24 years. The other morning our youngest was away on a sleep over and we took advantage of a quiet house in the morning after we woke up. 
 

When I moved into missionary position, full light and sober (obviously but stating facts), she was quite enthusiastic and moaned out a colleague’s name. She cut it off at the end of the name and then awkwardly came back with a “baby” which seemed forced a few minutes later. 
 

I didn’t really mind at first as we’ve been married a long time and it seemed harmless at the time. But given the circumstances, it started to bother me and now I’m not sure how to bring it up. 
 

When I google this, it’s always drunk people or ex-relationships. Would really appreciate feedback. I highly doubt she is cheating on me, our lives are too busy for her to have an opportunity unless it’s happening at her work. 
 

Thanks!

[Jsly49]

Thank you! That does help me work through this. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Talk to her and she what she says

[SophiaG]

Is it a common name like David, Michael, etc.? Could well be a celebrity or fictional character she's fantasizing about.

[Jsly49]

It’s the name of a coworker. Brad. 

[ShySoul]

A name, a fantasy is just that... a fantasy. Its not real. Has she given any reason to think she isn't happy with you? If not, then it is probably harmless and something that slipped out. Odds are she is embarrassed by it as well. 

If you are comfortable enough to be intimate, you should be able to talk about it. Just be honest and ask about it. Figure out if you are both okay, and reinforce that you both want to be with each other. You should be okay.

And who knows. This could open the door for some new ideas. Role-playing can be an interesting and fun time.😉

[MissCanuck]

Well, she thinks Brad is sexy. That much is obvious, and she likely has had sexual fantasies about him. 

As long as it stays in the zone of pure fantasy, can you accept that? I would talk to her anyway, as it no doubt was an awkward moment and needs to be addressed. 

 

[Kwothe28]

She has fantasies about Brad doing it to her. Concerning at least. Not really something you should entertain and you should talk to her about it. Dont accept if she starts gaslighting you how she didnt said it. When you know she did.

7 hours ago, JMB78 said:

I highly doubt she is cheating on me, our lives are too busy for her to have an opportunity unless it’s happening at her work. 

You dont know that. They might be doing it while on work or after work. Again, its very concerning at least. 

[Jsly49]

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

A name, a fantasy is just that... a fantasy. Its not real. Has she given any reason to think she isn't happy with you? If not, then it is probably harmless and something that slipped out. Odds are she is embarrassed by it as well. 

If you are comfortable enough to be intimate, you should be able to talk about it. Just be honest and ask about it. Figure out if you are both okay, and reinforce that you both want to be with each other. You should be okay.

And who knows. This could open the door for some new ideas. Role-playing can be an interesting and fun time.😉

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind spicing things up a bit. I guess just talk to her, see her reaction and then potentially roll with this fantasy for her. 

[Jsly49]

Thank you all. I will talk to her. We’re so busy with kids etc, timing is going to be tricky. But that’s my problem. 

[lostandhurt]

14 hours ago, JMB78 said:

I highly doubt she is cheating on me, our lives are too busy for her to have an opportunity unless it’s happening at her work. 

Before you talk to her you should pay close attention to everything.  Has she started dressing more sexy for work? has she become more private with her phone? Has she come home from work and showered right away? Does she talk about Brad more than anyone else?  Have you met him?

 I know you don't want to think she is cheating and think there is no time but you would be surprised what can happen at work, at lunch or for 15 minutes after work.  I hope she isn't cheating and this is just a harmless crush on a coworker but the husband in a long term relationship often doesn't see the signs until one hits him in the face.

 Be smart and keep your eyes and ears open for a week or so and see what you see. After that you can talk to her and just ask a simple question. "When we were intimate you called out Brads name, whats going on with that?"  See how she reacts.  Just remember cheaters lie all the time so watch her expression and body language for the truth.

Lost

[SophiaG]

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

A name, a fantasy is just that... a fantasy. Its not real.

I agree if the fantasy is about someone not in real life (e.g., an actor or book character), but I don't like the idea of fantasizing a real life friend or coworker. Being attracted to a person you have access to while in a committed relationship is a danger zone. Not something one should  encourage or indulge in.

[Jsly49]

Both very good points and why I am in this spot. A bit of an awakening when you trust someone hole heartedly. 
 

I have been watching behaviours and have noticed nothing. She does talk about him in a funny way I’ve noticed her n the past, that’s why I immediately knew it was him. She also didn’t want me to come to her Christmas party for the first time that I can remember last year. Little things, nothing big. 
 

Likely just a crush. Fortunately for me she’s a terrible liar. It happened last weekend so I’ll broach the topic this weekend. 
 

thanks again everyone, this has helped take the stress off a bit. 

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, JMB78 said:

She also didn’t want me to come to her Christmas party for the first time that I can remember last year. 

Why not? 

[Jsly49]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Why not? 

I assume she wanted to spend her time with a coworker. I’m going to speak to her, enough speculation. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Yeah

Big flag not wanting you at a wok party for the first time and then this.

 

Honesty and communication 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, JMB78 said:

I assume she wanted to spend her time with a coworker. I

Why do you have to assume anything? She didn't tell you when she prefered you not attend?

It seems there is more going on here. 

[The Shark101]

On 9/18/2024 at 8:09 AM, JMB78 said:

I’ve (M46) been married to my wife (F47) for 24 years. The other morning our youngest was away on a sleep over and we took advantage of a quiet house in the morning after we woke up. 
 

When I moved into missionary position, full light and sober (obviously but stating facts), she was quite enthusiastic and moaned out a colleague’s name. She cut it off at the end of the name and then awkwardly came back with a “baby” which seemed forced a few minutes later. 
 

I didn’t really mind at first as we’ve been married a long time and it seemed harmless at the time. But given the circumstances, it started to bother me and now I’m not sure how to bring it up. 
 

When I google this, it’s always drunk people or ex-relationships. Would really appreciate feedback. I highly doubt she is cheating on me, our lives are too busy for her to have an opportunity unless it’s happening at her work. 
 

Thanks!

Naaa, nothing to worry about; it's quite normal to moane colleagues name during dex; your wife only express her enthusiastic to her work place,,,,,, 🙄, you should be proud of her high dedication to her colleagues,,,,,

[lostandhurt]

If you really want to see what is going on show up at her work unexpected with flowers to brighten her day.

 Then see how she reacts but more importantly how her coworkers react.  If there is anything going on between her and Brad they will already know.

I hope this is nothing but all signs point to bad news.

Lost

[Jsly49]

12 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

If you really want to see what is going on show up at her work unexpected with flowers to brighten her day.

 Then see how she reacts but more importantly how her coworkers react.  If there is anything going on between her and Brad they will already know.

I hope this is nothing but all signs point to bad news.

Lost

They’re both teachers at an elementary school. So not many opportunities for them to even socialize. Not a bad idea, maybe I’ll pop in after school is out. 

[ssboii360]

I personally would have divorced her but don't take my advice since I'm a jealous guy and I would never let my wife disrespect me like that.

[SophiaG]

Have you talked to her and see what she says?

[Jsly49]

54 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

Have you talked to her and see what she says?

I will this weekend. I’m still watching her behaviour. All seems normal, none of the cheating signs. Nothing on her phone or deleted messages. I’m not a jealous guy and would be open to some role playing but to your earlier point, coworkers is crossing a line and I would expect her to be open with me if anything had happened. 
 

I’ll update this thread after I speak to her. 

[Morello]

You have been checking your phone and you're not jealous? How come?

[shouldhavelearned]

11 hours ago, JMB78 said:

They’re both teachers at an elementary school. So not many opportunities for them to even socialize. Not a bad idea, maybe I’ll pop in after school is out. 

Plenty of time. Don't let that fool you.