Am I attracted or not ?

[Tinydance]

10 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

This is weird to me as well. 

It's more complicated that that, I think.

The first time, we had dinner at a restaurant together and despite my protest, he paid. I immediately said after the dinner that I "didn't want more than friendship blabla", to which he replied with a long message that he wanted to spend time with interesting people, and that he thought that all kind of relationships (romantic, friendship etc ...) could evolve (or not) with time according to compatibility etc ... (I am not sure I mentioned this, I had forgotten about this part)

Some things are lost in translation, but he basically said "I understand, I am okay with this. And we will see as time passes anyway". He also added that I could ask him if I wanted to know more about his perspective, and I thought it was mature. 

He comes back from his trip, we go out to have dinner several time, went to see a movie etc ... and you know the story, he gets more and more touchy. 

Reading his old text again, I just think he tried to push for more than friendship but there was no conversation about it. 

Is it common in your country to go for dinners and movies often with your male friends? If not then it seems you're kind of "dating" but he thinks you're not that interested. Personally I think you need to just do it and actually date him. You like him. I mean if you didn't why would you care if he danced with other girls or who he met at a festival? Why would you think about him a lot? But you need to act faster I think. You've really been dragging this on. What if he does actually meet someone else? Won't you regret it?

[Shycarrot]

34 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Is it common in your country to go for dinners and movies often with your male friends?

It's an interesting question. I also live in a western country so I think the answer is similar to the US/UK etc ... I would say it depends. But yes, he 

34 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

You like him. I mean if you didn't why would you care if he danced with other girls or who he met at a festival? Why would you think about him a lot? But you need to act faster I think. You've really been dragging this on. What if he does actually meet someone else? Won't you regret it?

I think so too. 

That would hurt and yes, I would regret it.

But I think a face-to-face conversation is better, right ?

Plus, I can't ask to "date him" since there's no translation equivalent in my language. Texting that I changed my mind and that I am interested in more than friendship would be the closest thing. But I don't have the gut to do it ! 

I would rather ask him  what he wants with me and then, answer accordingly. 

How would you do it ?

Plus, if I text him that I am would like to date him (with another word), this would lead to another conversation about how I still need to take things slow because I am inexperienced etc (should I even tell him that I am scared ?) ...  I mean, there's a lot to unpack. 

I think he's going out tonight so it's not the right time. Tomorrow, we'll be both busy with work and on the evening, I know he plays basketball. On Tuesday, there's a dance event but unless I drive him home, we won't really have a moment to talk etc ...

So I will probably have to wait a few days. But a face-to-face conversation when we're alone and after he has made a physical approach sounds less intimidating to me. 

 

[Batya33]

I would ask him on the phone or in person "what are your intentions towards me?" In any country a person who wants to be with you in a romantic relationship will jump at the chance to answer "I want to be your boyfriend" or some such words that mean the same.  

Universally people who are reasonably healthy and stable move towards pleasure and away from pain.  If it pleases him to date you or whatever word is used he will find a way to make that known or  to respond to you asking him with enthusiasm and likely -joy and excitement.

[Tinydance]

10 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

It's an interesting question. I also live in a western country so I think the answer is similar to the US/UK etc ... I would say it depends. But yes, he 

I think so too. 

That would hurt and yes, I would regret it.

But I think a face-to-face conversation is better, right ?

Plus, I can't ask to "date him" since there's no translation equivalent in my language. Texting that I changed my mind and that I am interested in more than friendship would be the closest thing. But I don't have the gut to do it ! 

I would rather ask him  what he wants with me and then, answer accordingly. 

How would you do it ?

Plus, if I text him that I am would like to date him (with another word), this would lead to another conversation about how I still need to take things slow because I am inexperienced etc (should I even tell him that I am scared ?) ...  I mean, there's a lot to unpack. 

I think he's going out tonight so it's not the right time. Tomorrow, we'll be both busy with work and on the evening, I know he plays basketball. On Tuesday, there's a dance event but unless I drive him home, we won't really have a moment to talk etc ...

So I will probably have to wait a few days. But a face-to-face conversation when we're alone and after he has made a physical approach sounds less intimidating to me. 

 

How would I do it? "Hey I really like you and I want to date you/other equivalent word" lol

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Shycarrot said:

Reading his old text again, I just think he tried to push for more than friendship but there was no conversation about it. 

^^Yes I agree he'a pushing for more than a friendship but it's not a "relationship" he's after.  

I mean again, he has never even asked you out on a date, so not sure why you think he is. 

He goes off the radar for weeks, comes back with lame excuses, and again when he sees you he's got his hands all over you which is highly inappropriate given the fact you're not even dating nor have you ever even discussed dating!

Yes I am trying to discourage you from spending one more second giving this any more mental or emotional energy because based on his actions (and non actions), this sounds all wrong.

I'm sorry but I think the focus needs to change here from you being concerned that you're not attracted to what HIS intentions are.

No need to ask him IMO, simply observe his actions (which are abundantly clear at least to me) and use rational logical thought to process and make a determination.

You've been focusing on the wrong thing, imo. 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

16 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

But a face-to-face conversation when we're alone and after he has made a physical approach sounds less intimidating to me. 

I agree. Outside of that context it doesn't make much sense to ask his intentions, because you already drew the line at friendship, so he'd likely just mirror that back to you. But 'friends' don't put their hands on one another, so, yes, I'd want to know why he's doing that.

[Tinydance]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^Yes I agree he'a pushing for more than a friendship but it's not a "relationship" he's after.  

I mean again, he has never even asked you out on a date, so not sure why you think he is. 

He goes off the radar for weeks, comes back with lame excuses, and again when he sees you he's got his hands all over you which is highly inappropriate given the fact you're not even dating nor have you ever even discussed dating!

Yes I am trying to discourage you from spending one more second giving this any more mental or emotional energy because based on his actions (and non actions), this sounds all wrong.

I'm sorry but I think the focus needs to change here from you being concerned that you're not attracted to what  HIS intentions are.

No need to ask him, simply observe actions and use rational logical thought to process and make a determination.

You've been focusing on the wrong thing, imo. 

 

 

 

I don't agree with this sorree. She said they went out for dinner and he paid. So seemed like a date. But she said she wanted only friendship. He DID take her out. And since then basically been taking her out to dinners and movies. He said he hopes it can evolve. He's being touchy but she doesn't say or do anything. So he probably thinks he's still in some sort of friend zone. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean it's all 100% on him.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I don't agree with this sorree. She said they went out for dinner and he paid. So seemed like a date. But she said she wanted only friendship. He DID take her out. And since then basically been taking her out to dinners and movies. He said he hopes it can evolve. He's being touchy but she doesn't say or do anything. So he probably thinks he's still in some sort of friend zone. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean it's all 100% on him.

I didn't say it was all on him Tiny. 

But no worries we can agree to disagree.

I base my opinion on the entirety of his actions and non-actions including all the inappropriate touching, his going off the radar for WEEKS, his lame excuses when returning, and my own intuition.

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I didn't say it was all on him Tiny. 

But no worries we can agree to disagree.

I base my opinion on all his actions and non actions including all the inappropriate touching and my own intuition.

But I don't understand what "inaction" he's doing when he was told he's just a friend? He's not acting like a boyfriend because he got told he's NOT a boyfriend.

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

But I don't understand what "inaction" he's doing when he was told he's just a friend? He's not acting like a boyfriend because he got told he's NOT a boyfriend.

Tiny please let's not debate this.  This is my opinion.  I posted what brought me to my opinion in the last paragraph of my previous post, edited. 

You disagree I respect that! 

@Shycarrot can now determine for herself after hearing all opinions.

[SophiaG]

4 hours ago, Shycarrot said:

Just a little update : He texted me yesterday and apparently he was indisposed for a few days because of a stomach flu. 
He had just started to feel better. 
 

He asked if we could meet after my call or during the week. 
 

I feel a bit silly. 

Okay, that's something!

Silly because the overthinking or something else? Were you convinced/satisfied with his explanation?

I actually agree with @rainbowsandroses on this one and feel his excuse still sounds off. Not saying I don't believe he was sick - he might well have been - but unless it was ER/hospitalized kind of sick people usually use their phone even more when off sick and don't lose the ability to text their friends or potential dates to change plans. When I was meeting people there were a few cases where people I'm supposed to meet or myself had a Covid scare and I'd always text them immediately if I actually cared about meeting them. Same with them - if a guy fell silent for days and only afterwards let me know they were sick and couldn't make it I'd assume they were not that interested anyways and count them out. Again, since you already know him for a while and just realized that you liked him, I'd give it another chance and see if he'd follow through this time - and when you spend time in person you can have the conversation you wanted. But still - I'd keep my expectations low and won't necessarily approach it like "I want to date you" or "I want you to be my boyfriend."

4 hours ago, Tinydance said:

OK serious question. If you're trying to get to know a guy, why do you need seven pages of opinions from strangers on him? Who don't know him or anything about him?

I think often people coming to this forum - myself included - had doubts about their own perspective and wanted to hear opinions from outsiders to help ourselves reevaluate things. Isn't that what these forums are for?

In OP's case (and many others) I think the thread also serves as a personal journey to learn about herself as she explores the idea of dating and attraction, which to me is meaningful regardless of how things turn out with this specific man.

Also, just a side note - many people do try to learn about the culture when they start to date or consider dating a person from another country. It's just another way of getting to know them or getting closer with them.

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

And if they're supposed to only be friends at this point then he doesn't need to text her constantly like a boyfriend does. I don't text my friends or see my friends all the time. Like, I'd catch up with a friend maybe once a week or less. She told him she sees it as more like friends. He's interested but he doesn't think they're dating.

True - but friends also don't touch each other like the way he does! 

 

1 hour ago, Shycarrot said:

Some things are lost in translation, but he basically said "I understand, I am okay with this. And we will see as time passes anyway". He also added that I could ask him if I wanted to know more about his perspective, and I thought it was mature. 

He comes back from his trip, we go out to have dinner several time, went to see a movie etc ... and you know the story, he gets more and more touchy. 

It actually sounds to me like he's always seeing you two in a "friends for now but potentially more" situation. Perfect case for you to ask about his perspective when you see each other again.

[SophiaG]

1 hour ago, Shycarrot said:

Plus, if I text him that I am would like to date him (with another word), this would lead to another conversation about how I still need to take things slow because I am inexperienced etc (should I even tell him that I am scared ?) ...  I mean, there's a lot to unpack. 

I think he's going out tonight so it's not the right time. Tomorrow, we'll be both busy with work and on the evening, I know he plays basketball. On Tuesday, there's a dance event but unless I drive him home, we won't really have a moment to talk etc ...

So I will probably have to wait a few days. But a face-to-face conversation when we're alone and after he has made a physical approach sounds less intimidating to me. 

Yeah, I wouldn't rush it. I would actually step back a bit and see if he reaches out to close the distance that he created over the past week and tries to arrange something with you soon.

33 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

But I don't understand what "inaction" he's doing when he was told he's just a friend? He's not acting like a boyfriend because he got told he's NOT a boyfriend.

Boyfriend or not, he's left her on read for days when she suggested meeting up on a specific day. Friends don't do that, even if they were sick they'd reply and let you know they were sick.

 

[catfeeder]

35 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

He's not acting like a boyfriend because he got told he's NOT a boyfriend.

Exactly. We can't judge the guy for not orbiting her properly as a girlfriend when she drew that line. It's like, "Okay, if we're just friends, then I'll just live my life. But yes, I still want to incorporate you into it with the hope of something more developing at some point."

We don't 'court' friends with constant attention. We still see other friends, date other people, and we aren't accountable for every slice of our lives to every friend we have. And yes, we don't touch any friends with which we don't hold hopes of advancing to more, but he's been clear and honest about hoping for more.

OP just needs to learn what 'more' means to him.

[Batya33]

Many years ago I was close friends with a grad school classmate. He was flirty and touchy but - IMO totally harmless and buddy like. He simply wasn’t trying to get in my pants but maybe thought I was cute. I thought he was really really goofy and just such a great person and never was sure I was attracted like that.  
 

We never ever spoke of this and never have.

We graduated. We were going to meet up I’m not sure whether just us or a group but plan was for me to go by his place prior. I’d done that routinely no biggie. But I decided ok ok. I will tell him today I want to date him. all of a sudden I felt like I could be into him. School is over and now we won’t be seeing each other regularly. I’m going to do this !!

I get to his place we hug hello as always and then I realize. No. Don’t say anything. I simply knew my attraction was really a lot of nothing. Very weak and intermittent and it just didn’t make sense to say a word. Too much risk if somehow I’d talked myself into what a great boyfriend he’d make. Risk the good friendship. 
30 years ago. He was a late bloomer. Ironically he married a woman who was BFF with a coworker of mine - years later. She’s a lovely person I’d met her.

I felt no pangs. In fact after grad school he kind of got - maybe a bit unstable and quite down and maybe depressed from all I heard. We lost touch. I was one of a number of close platonic female friends he had. He just was that kind of guy. 
This thread reminded me of gray areas especially with platonic friends. In hindsight I’m so glad I changed my mind at the last minute. Last I heard he was a happily married daddy. Good for him !!

[Shycarrot]

19 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

Yeah, I wouldn't rush it. I would actually step back a bit and see if he reaches out to close the distance that he created over the past week and tries to arrange something with you soon.

That seems wise, thanks

19 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

Boyfriend or not, he's left her on read for days when she suggested meeting up on a specific day. Friends don't do that, even if they were sick they'd reply and let you know they were sick.

I agree. 

But I don't think we are really "friends" either, in the sense that it's not a genuine friendship, there's some hope for something more to grow. 

I think both things can be true at the same time : he may have been sick and tired, like he said.

But there's probably another explanation as to why he took a few days to reply to my texts. He could have easily said "hey, sorry, I am not feeling well at the moment, I'll get back to you later" but he didn't. 

I don't know if it's because he wants to keep some distance to protect his feelings, if it's just his texting style etc ... 

Also, he has always disabled the reading receipts on whatsapp so I never know if he reads my messages or if he choses to deal with them later etc 

[Shycarrot]

35 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

It actually sounds to me like he's always seeing you two in a "friends for now but potentially more" situation. Perfect case for you to ask about his perspective when you see each other again.

Thanks. I hope I will get this opportunity rather sooner than later. 

 

35 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

Again, since you already know him for a while and just realized that you liked him, I'd give it another chance and see if he'd follow through this time - and when you spend time in person you can have the conversation you wanted. But still - I'd keep my expectations low and won't necessarily approach it like "I want to date you" or "I want you to be my boyfriend."

Of course, I understand. 

35 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

In OP's case (and many others) I think the thread also serves as a personal journey to learn about herself as she explores the idea of dating and attraction, which to me is meaningful regardless of how things turn out with this specific man.

Thank you. That would be nice if my thread could help other people 

 

 

 

[Shycarrot]

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

How would I do it? "Hey I really like you and I want to date you/other equivalent word" lol

Haha, I am afraid I can't put it that bluntly lol 

I am too shy 🙊

[SophiaG]

25 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

Thank you. That would be nice if my thread could help other people 

I see my wording was a bit odd but I actually meant I think for you to get more comfortable and confident in feeling attracted and liking someone is (IMO) important even if this guy ain’t it! But I’m sure others will relate to your thread and find it helpful as well! 🙂

[yogacat]

I think given how ambivalent you've been towards him he's probably cooling his heels. Now you're talking to this other man so naturally he's going to feel spurned. 

So I'm confused when you say you told him you only wanted to be friends why you're trying to figure out how attracted you are to him and wondering at the same time if he's romantically interested in you? 

I know you've been trying to figure this out for a while but most guys don't have endless hours of wondering if they should proceed with someone who has cooled their jets to a mere friendship. Anything is possible, of course it could be something else bothering him - like something besides you.  

If I were him? I wouldn't be able to gauge you - the real you. That's because you're constantly working overtime worrying about everything with this guy. Who you think you're 'supposed' to be....a friend at first trying to be honest then worried if it came across cold hence obsession over small touches, etc. All are very unnatural.

[Shycarrot]

10 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I think given how ambivalent you've been towards him he's probably cooling his heels.

Thanks for your reply. 

Yes, that may be a possibility. 

10 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Now you're talking to this other man so naturally he's going to feel spurned. 

This guy is just a friend, really, we cleared that up the other day. 

11 minutes ago, yogacat said:

So I'm confused when you say you told him you only wanted to be friends why you're trying to figure out how attracted you are to him and wondering at the same time if he's romantically interested in you?

I told him I only wanted to be friends back in July. He was away on August and came back on September, which is when my feelings started to change. We haven't had a conversation about this at all since then. 

13 minutes ago, yogacat said:

If I were him? I wouldn't be able to gauge you - the real you. That's because you're constantly working overtime worrying about everything with this guy. Who you think you're 'supposed' to be....a friend at first trying to be honest then worried if it came across cold hence obsession over small touches, etc. All are very unnatural.

There is a lack of communication on my part, it's true. I am not touchy with him, but I think I display my affection in a different way (I brought him baked goods, I helped him with several issues, I am always enthusiastic to see him etc...). 

So he probably knows that I appreciate him to some extent. I don't know if he finds my behavior unnatural, but it's likely that he finds it confusing. 

I can't wait to see him again one-on-one 😅

[Andrina]

What exactly, in concrete terms, does it mean for you to take it slow when you do begin dating a man? That's a vague term that should be spelled out to a guy so he can decide if he's willing to do things that aren't at a normal pace.

Have you thought about if dating him starts and then quickly ends how that will affect whether or not you'll want to continue going to the dances just as you do now? Be careful if this is a hobby you love and then have it ruined by having to see an ex all the time at the dances. You might consider the pros and cons of it it works out and if it doesn't, how that will impact the friendships you've created through the hobby and what will happen if you decide it's too awkward or painful to go if you and he don't work out. Perhaps it is worth the risk to you, but only you know that.

[Shycarrot]

10 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Have you thought about if dating him starts and then quickly ends how that will affect whether or not you'll want to continue going to the dances just as you do now? Be careful if this is a hobby you love and then have it ruined by having to see an ex all the time at the dances. You might consider the pros and cons of it it works out and if it doesn't, how that will impact the friendships you've created through the hobby and what will happen if you decide it's too awkward or painful to go if you and he don't work out. Perhaps it is worth the risk to you, but only you know that.

Thank you, I have thought about that. 

I think it's worth the risk. Also, I have recently joined salsa classes which he's not a part of. If I have to avoid the dance scene he's in, I think I will invest myself in the other one (which I equally love). 

After a while, once I have grieved, I may even be able to return there. 

10 minutes ago, Andrina said:

What exactly, in concrete terms, does it mean for you to take it slow when you do begin dating a man? That's a vague term that should be spelled out to a guy so he can decide if he's willing to do things that aren't at a normal pace.

I mean that I am not sure that I will be ready to have sex within a few days, for instance. I may need more time for that (at least a month, I would say?), compared to other people. 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 9/8/2024 at 10:35 AM, Shycarrot said:

 

I feel embarrassed to post this, but I don't have much dating experience despite my age (30) and I am really confused about something.

I met a guy through a hobby last June. We talked briefly a few times and in early July, went to have dinner together.

Since I didn't feel any physical attraction to him, I told him after dinner that I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship ! He seemed very understanding and said that he just wanted to spend time with interesting people.

Then, he went on a trip abroad for more than a month and only returned 2 weeks ago.

Since then, we resumed our hangouts and our daily conversations by text.

he's way more touchy than before, randomly poking my shoulder, caressing the back of my head, putting his arm around my waist for a few seconds etc. He does this especially when he wants to "comfort" me about something, for example, when I say that I am feeling anxious about something or whatever.

 

@Shycarrot I apologize for bringing this up again but I'm really troubled by this entire situation, something feels very off about it to me.  Please hear me out. 

What's quoted above was your original post from back in early September.  Or a portion thereof. 

You told him you were only looking for his friendship and he seemed perfectly OK with that.  Basically telling you he wasn't either, he only wants to meet interesting people. 

In my experience (and I have a bit of it) when a man has romantic feelings for me (beyond just sexual) and wants a relationship with me, he will say no thanks to a "friendship" and walk away. No harm no foul. 

I realize some men would continue to hang around but imo a healthy man with a decent level of self esteem would not. 

So what can be gathered from this is he does not want a relationship with you.  It's still unclear to me why you ever thought he did?

Am I missing something?

But yet when you hang out, he puts his hands on you, caressing your head, arms around your waist, poking you  etc etc as your hangouts continued.

Trust me I am NO prude and love all types of physical affection.... from my boyfriends!! 

If a male friend or a male co-worker or acquaintance touched me in this way with no prompting from me, I would be utterly and thoroughly creeped out!

It's disrespectful and just plain creepy.  And it's happened to me, at clubs and such (when I used to go to clubs), I'd be talking to a guy and he'd start pawing at me or poking me, etc. 

Um no.  Big fat no!  

My male co-worker (former as I no longer work there) used every opportunity to hug me, tight!  Or touch my arms, etc. 

He was like 6'4", a big guy he used to play pro football and now a lawyer.  And his hugs were so tight, he sometimes hurt me!  Without intending to. 

Another NO, and I politely told him so. 

Anyway, back to you and this guy.  You welcoming and actually becoming aroused by his physical advances most likely led him to believe at some point, you might be open for sex.

Yes an assumption but a reasonable one based on all this touching and what he told you about only wanting to meet interesting people.

Also, in my experience a man interested in actually dating you and developing a relationship with you would NOT be stepping over physical boundaries the way he has.

He'd be much more mindful of boundaries and would never risk offending you by stepping over. 

Anyway, I think he got tired of waiting (for you to respond sexually) and has pulled back. 

Now low and behold, YOU have suddenly found clarity and want to date him.

I would be very careful here because what he's done by pulling back and being less attentive is triggered your anxiety and insecurity which to you looks like interest but it's actually quite different.

You became conditioned to his attention and validation which you enjoyed and now that it's gone, your anxiety and sorry but low self esteem wants it back.  You seek that reassurance which your brain is telling you is interest.  But again it's not, it's just your anxiety steering that ship. 

And I suspect he knows it too.

I know others disagree and think YOU should try to advance things but I respectfully disagree and don't advise it. 

I don't think he ever wanted a relationship with you, I mean he admitted it himself.  That he only wants to meet interesting people. 

But mostly for me, it's all his inappropriate touching, being OK with a friendship, no effort to date you, not responding to messages, disappearing for weeks and lame excuses. 

I don't have a good feeling about this man, please be careful.

 

 

 

 

[Tinydance]

Look I'm sorry if I've been blunt or challenged other people's opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I'm just a very "wear my heart on my sleeve" person. So when I see like ten pages of a post where someone keeps analysing, analysing, but doesn't actually do anything, I start to get frustrated. But that's my problem. 

I don't really understand why some people have said negative things about this guy. To me he seems to have been quite clear. He took you out to dinner back in July and he paid. When a guy invites you out and pays, that really sounds like a date. You said you only wanted to be friends. He said something like: "OK, I like interesting interactions but I hope it can evolve into more." What is not clear how he feels??! 

Since then you've continued to go out for dinner and movies and text a lot. He's been touchy but it's not sexual in my opinion. It's more like when people flirt and they touch your arm or brush their leg against yours as you're sitting next to each other. You said you were actually enjoying his touching and getting aroused. You never told him to stop. In my opinion he's been clear all along. He's basically been saying: "Hey, I'm here, I like you." But YOU haven't given him anything. No touching back, no actual defined dates or telling him how you feel. 

July was four months ago so maybe after waiting for so long and nothing from you, he's pulling back a bit now. And he gets called dodgy because he's now acting in accordance with being told he's just a friend. Like, he has been trying! But is he expected to try forever and get nothing? If he doesn't want to just sit there for the rest of his life and be a simp, all of a sudden he's a jerk? Come on!

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

OK, I like interesting interactions but I hope it can evolve into more."

Tiny can you point out where he said this^, specifically that he'd like it to evolve into more? 

I'm open to reevaluating my opinion but I just posted how he responded to her telling him she only wants friendship which was:

>>He seemed very understanding and said that he just wanted to spend time with interesting people.<<

I didn't read where he ever told her he wanted a relationship or hoping it evolves into more.  If I'm mistaken, again I am open to reevaluating.

Yes he paid for dinner which was a lovely gesture, but it does not mean he wants a relationship with her or even to date her necessarily.  Not in a serious way anyway like she is assuming. 

As far as the rest, the touching, disappearing, leaving messages on read and piss poor excuses, we will just have to agree to disagree on that..

In any event I don't think advising her to be careful is over the top.  

There is quite a bit of uncertainty and think it would be smart.