Why didnt she tell me that she has a boyfriend?

[AlexNoLimit]

Hello everyone, 

I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible. 

Last year i moved back to a small village I grew up to and I met a girl there trough mutual friends we don't see each other often because she doesn't live there she is just visiting family in that village and I was immediately attracted to her and I could tell she was too she is always extremely nervous around me in a positive way, long story short I asked for her number a few months ago before she left the city, she recently came back for a few weeks and I wanted to ask her out today but I just found out she had a boyfriend I'm a little embarrassed because everyone knew instead of me. 

This is the second time something like that happens to me so my question is why would a girl not tell a guy who she knows is interested in her that she has a boyfriend? 

Thanks in advance! 

[DarkCh0c0]

6 minutes ago, AlexNoLimit said:

This is the second time something like that happens to me so my question is why would a girl not tell a guy who she knows is interested in her that she has a boyfriend? 

You said she was nervous, so maybe that was the give away.

Also, you don't know if she was interested into being more than friends with you or she was being friendly. She did give you the honest answer when you asked, as she should. So there's no "no telling". She was honest when you asked her out. If you keep chatting up someone without asking them out, well it's no wonder they get confused on your intentions too. Best to be quicker and more straightforward next time to waste less time. With some time and practice you'll be able to better read interest cues.

[TeeDee]

19 minutes ago, AlexNoLimit said:

why would a girl not tell a guy who she knows is interested in her that she has a boyfriend? 

You said she is shy.  She may not have realized you like her.  

She doesn't live there & doesn't really know you even though you met.  She may have thought it was none of your business.  

She may have assumed somebody else clued you in 

She may not actually have a BF but made up a fictious one to shut you down.  

You may never know.  

Going forward, ask something designed to get you info about somebody's status.  In this case I would have said something like "how does your BF stand it when you come up to the village & leave him home?"   Another option when you have mutual friends or acquaintances is to make inquiry of them. 

[AlexNoLimit]

16 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You said she was nervous, so maybe that was the give away.

Also, you don't know if she was interested into being more than friends with you or she was being friendly. She did give you the honest answer when you asked, as she should. So there's no "no telling". She was honest when you asked her out. If you keep chatting up someone without asking them out, well it's no wonder they get confused on your intentions too. Best to be quicker and more straightforward next time to waste less time. With some time and practice you'll be able to better read interest cues.

What honest answer? 

She didn't tell me has a boyfriend and she doesn't even know that I know, I found out trough someone else and I  know for a fact that she was attracted to me I just kept the story short. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 minute ago, AlexNoLimit said:

She didn't tell me has a boyfriend and she doesn't even know that I know, I found out trough someone else and I  know for a fact that she was attracted to me I just kept the story short.

Ahhh okay. But you didn't ask her out, so why would she need to say anything? Maybe she likes you, but not enough to consider you as a partner.

Not all ladies are the same.

If you are more upfront with your intentions, you'll have an easier time avoiding bf situations and you'll be opening up to better opportunities to connect.

And if there is so much more to the story, you might as well write it out because it's leaving us to our own misinterpretations and assumptions about you and the situation.

[smackie9]

It's pretty obvious she was digging your attention and didn't want it to stop. So that's why. Enjoying the little flirtation as many young ladies do. that's the kind of girl you don't want to get involved with. If she was dating you, she would be mackin on some other dude behind your back.

[Tinydance]

How did you know that she was attracted to you? Did she tell you or her friends told you? The thing is, if she didn't tell you she liked you and nothing happened like kissing, she doesn't have to tell you she has a boyfriend. If you asked her out then she'd have to tell you. I mean yeah she probably knew you liked her but unless she cheated on the boyfriend then I don't think she did anything wrong.

[AlexNoLimit]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Ahhh okay. But you didn't ask her out, so why would she need to say anything? Maybe she likes you, but not enough to consider you as a partner.

Not all ladies are the same.

If you are more upfront with your intentions, you'll have an easier time avoiding bf situations and you'll be opening up to better opportunities to connect.

And if there is so much more to the story, you might as well write it out because it's leaving us to our own misinterpretations and assumptions about you and the situation.

It was obvious before I even asked for her number that I was flirting with her, it was obvious for her and obvious for anyone who was around us so why did she she gave me her number in the first place she knew I was not trying to be friends with her.

[AlexNoLimit]

34 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

How did you know that she was attracted to you? Did she tell you or her friends told you? The thing is, if she didn't tell you she liked you and nothing happened like kissing, she doesn't have to tell you she has a boyfriend. If you asked her out then she'd have to tell you. I mean yeah she probably knew you liked her but unless she cheated on the boyfriend then I don't think she did anything wrong.

She asked some people different things a out me and one question was about my relationship status if I'm single or not so it's obvious she was/is interested and I didn't say she did something wrong I'm just trying to understand the thought process and motive behind this behavior because again this is the second time this is happing to me. 

[AlexNoLimit]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

It's pretty obvious she was digging your attention and didn't want it to stop. So that's why. Enjoying the little flirtation as many young ladies do. that's the kind of girl you don't want to get involved with. If she was dating you, she would be mackin on some other dude behind your back.

Trust me it wasn't just a flirt I'm able to reflect I know she was/is interested I'm obviously not gonna make a move I have morals and don't want to destroy relationships I'm just trying to understand the motive behind this behavior now. 

[AlexNoLimit]

2 hours ago, TeeDee said:

You said she is shy.  She may not have realized you like her.  

She doesn't live there & doesn't really know you even though you met.  She may have thought it was none of your business.  

She may have assumed somebody else clued you in 

She may not actually have a BF but made up a fictious one to shut you down.  

You may never know.  

Going forward, ask something designed to get you info about somebody's status.  In this case I would have said something like "how does your BF stand it when you come up to the village & leave him home?"   Another option when you have mutual friends or acquaintances is to make inquiry of them. 

She realized that I like her pretty quick trust me on that I made it obvious even before I asked for her number I was flirting with her and she was flirting with me. 

[Andrina]

Instead of trying to figure out her psyche, which you won't, just change your behavior to avoid this repetitive thing that happens to you. As soon as you're into a woman enough to want to ask her out at any point, ask her if she has a boyfriend. You've now learned you can't assume things, so in the future, you'll no longer waste your precious time.

[TeeDee]

Attraction is not always obvious.  I was flirting my tail off with some guy & he had no idea.  I was floored when I found out he had no clue because I thought I was being quite the hussy. 

My husband never has a any idea when people are flirting with him. He missed so many obvious clues when we 1st met.  When he tells that story to his buddies, they are aghast.  They are like "dude your wife was practically screaming do me right here & now" how could you miss that? 

She asked about your status.  Why didn't you ask about hers? 

There's an old lawyer adage:  never ask a Q you don't already know the answer to.  That would have served you well here.  Had you done your homework about her, you could have saved all this drama.   Going forward, you need to brace yourself for the idea that flirting doesn't necessarily mean somebody is single.  If you ask & they say no that they are in a relationship, accept that at face value & move on.  Wasting your time figuring out why they flirted & didn't announce their status at the outset serves no purpose.  

[smackie9]

19 hours ago, AlexNoLimit said:

Trust me it wasn't just a flirt I'm able to reflect I know she was/is interested I'm obviously not gonna make a move I have morals and don't want to destroy relationships I'm just trying to understand the motive behind this behavior now. 

it's called monkey branching.