I don't know if I will ever feel true love again.

[ValkyrianVixen]

Hi. 

First time posting anything on this site, especially given the fact that I am still currently in the process of trying to get over my ex, a man who I dated for five years thinking that he was my soulmate and that we were destined to be together. We shared a mutual love of video games which was initially the thing that brought us together, and, for the whole time that we were a couple, I felt like that was the first time I have ever experienced what love was actually supposed to feel like.

However like all good things in my life, this relationship started to run cold when he dismissed my concerns for the future. I had been asking him after about five years what his thoughts were on having kids and possibly getting married, to which he basically told me not to worry about that. Something about that didn't sit well with me, you see, I'm the kind of woman who wants to settle down and have a happy family with the man I love right by my side.

So, for him to be so cold towards me and continue to basically ignore me and how badly he made me feel, right up until the moment that I finally snapped and told him that I didn't recognize him any more, am I really the one in the wrong here for continuing to be angry with him when he should have told me from the beginning what his true intentions were?

Long story short we broke up in December 2023, and, he has sunk so low as to call me names, when he's the one that essentially sucked up all of my good energy and turned me bad, and now he has me blocked like I don't exist to him any more. I even lost a lot of friends because they chose to side with my ex over me, and, to be honest, the ones who left me are now people that I could care less about. Been trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and try to move on, this man literally does not realize he almost killed me by breaking my heart that badly. I don't think he cares, either. I have since tried to reach out to him and he's told me he doesn't want to hear from me, when all I want from him is closure for what he did to me. I guess I have to accept the fact that it will never come. This has turned me off completely from ever wanting to get into another relationship, because now that I see what this man has reduced me to, how he abused me so bad that now I don't know if someone actually gives a *** about me or if they are only using me for my body, I'm starting to think that I am destined to be alone. 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, ValkyrianVixen said:

all I want from him is closure for what he did to me.

What would that closure look like to you? An apology, or?

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. 

[ShySoul]

A woman once hurt me really bad. I cried daily for months. I thought my only chance at love had been taken from me. I didn't understand how she could have done the things to me that she did. 

Even when I could see clearly that we weren't right for each other, I still wanted that sense of closure from her. I wanted her to admit to hurting me, to own up to her actions. Until that happened, I couldn't "move on." There was always questions and the ghost of her memory hanging over me. Luckily, she did give me the closure I needed by an apology. And that was the moment I knew I was okay, that I could speak to her without it hurting and that we could both put everything that had happened behind us.

You are not wrong to be angry or hurt. You are not wrong to want that sense of closure. You want to believe this person you cared so much about cares enough about you to at least feel bad. You don't want him to be the kind of person who could say such things about you and just toss you aside like nothing ever happened between you. You want all that time to have meant something. You are not wrong for wanting any of that.

Right now you are acting out of pain. You believe hearing that from him will erase the pain. And in an ideal world, you would have that happen. I wish it would. Unfortunately, some people don't give you that. This is a chance he won't. We are never guaranteed the closure we seek. So the question becomes, do you allow yourself to get stuck in the pain? Or do you try to take it day by day and recover? Do the little things each day to make yourself feel better. It is a slow process. But believe me, one day you do wake up and not hurt so much.

And please, don't think that because one person showed himself to be a jerk that this applies to all men. I would never do or say the things he did, and I know plenty of men who wouldn't either. There are good guys out there who don't use people. 

It's okay to not want to see anyone, to take a break. When people are hurt we all say we are giving up and we will be alone. I sure did. But eventually those feelings always seem to come around again. Hopefully, it will be with someone who actually deserves you.

[Kwothe28]

14 hours ago, ValkyrianVixen said:

am I really the one in the wrong here for continuing to be angry with him when he should have told me from the beginning what his true intentions were?

No. I think you are in the right to be angry. He should have been more forthcoming. Your only "sin" is for not seeing it before but that is hard sometimes, especially when you are in love.

14 hours ago, ValkyrianVixen said:

I have since tried to reach out to him and he's told me he doesn't want to hear from me, when all I want from him is closure for what he did to me.

Sometimes the best closure is what we can give to ourselves. I think its futile to expect an apology from somebody like that. Lots of people today are quick to label the other side as "villain". They are not into talking or apologies. Because that would mean somehow they are in the wrong. So I wouldnt expect him to do that as he already labeled you as one and blocked you. The best closure you can give to yourself. Starting with saying how somebody who didnt wanted to marry you and have kids with you, really isnt somebody who is "destined to be with you". After you accept that, maybe you will be open for dating again and finding somebody who will want that things with you. But you will need more time to do that.

[smackie9]

It's normal to be angry and hurt...but spend time self healing. Doing nice things for yourself, listen to uplifting music, hang out with old friends, go on a trip to the ocean, get a change of scenery. Recharge, get busy with life, get to know yourself as a single person, find independence, make some changes...this will push you forward to happiness. Time to let go.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you are hurting.  How often did you see each other in person? Did you not discuss specific marriage and family plans prior to 5 years since that is what you wanted?

[ShySoul]

On 9/3/2024 at 4:21 PM, ValkyrianVixen said:

I'm starting to think that I am destined to be alone. 

You're not alone and you aren't destined to be. We've all been through the pain, hurt by someone we loved. You aren't alone in that grief. 

There are better people out there. There is someone who will appreciate and value you in ways he couldn't. Someone's plans will match with yours and it will be better then you imagined. 

Cry the tears. Focus on you for a time and let yourself recover at your pace. When the time is right and you meet the right person, you'll know and be okay with it. Just take your time and don't rush it.

Take care.

[shouldhavelearned]

Get the anger out.

Get your mental and physical state in a happy state.

When you find a new Love, it'll all be okay