I don't know what to do. I'm ONLY attracted to tiny women.

[ShySoul]

20 hours ago, Areophile said:

Of COURSE other traits are important. That she is a Democrat, for one. That she believes in diversity and multiculturalism for another. That there is mutual attraction and affection for a third. 

I actually applaud the other things you are looking for in someone. 

The truth about relationships in general is that finding that person who is just right for us is never easy. We really connect on such a deep level with very few people in our lives. Each "must have" quality that you add on makes an already difficult search harder as it eliminates people without giving them a chance. Just finding a single woman of appropriate can be searching for the needle in a haystack. Add the rest, and it can feel impossible. And yet, that impossible happens for people everyday.

Have all the preferences and tastes you want, but realize that comes with consequences.

Maybe the answer is in expanding where you are looking? I already suggested sites for petite women. But if you believe that much in diversity and multiculturalism, are you involved in any groups for that? There's a pretty big election coming up and Ohio is a swing state. Maybe you could help out there and give your time to a cause you believe in. For all you know, you could meet someone who not only meets the physical criteria, but who shares the same values. At the very least, you will feel like you are doing something worthwhile and productive.

[Areophile]

@Kwothe28, If you think 240 is overweight for 6'4", that's just silly. You can see in my picture that I'm not fat and round. I'm a veteran and former bouncer. I would not want to be a 210lb beanpole. 

[yogacat]

43 minutes ago, Areophile said:

@Kwothe28, If you think 240 is overweight for 6'4", that's just silly. You can see in my picture that I'm not fat and round. I'm a veteran and former bouncer. I would not want to be a 210lb beanpole. 

Your profile pic appears a bit round. You're cute and have nice eyes. I would think petite/slim women like a cuddly guy! I'm not petite; I am fit, but my build and legs are longer. Are you getting matches from petite women? My sister is petite. Most of all, her boyfriends were taller, fitter, muscular, and toned, including her husband.

[Cherylyn]

It's ok to have your preferences.  Keep searching until you find 'the one.'

I prefer tall,  handsome,  fairly athletic men.  They don't have to be Olympic material but not too out of shape either.  My husband and sons are tall men.  Tall meaning over 6'+.  I have nothing against short stature.  It's personal preference.  I'm 5' 5" slender build and not overweight. 

My father,  uncles and brother are all tall men so I'm accustomed to tall men in my family. 

As for your marriage,  that's between you and your ex-wife.  It's unfortunate that she let her health go by the wayside.  Perhaps she has problems such as depression or something which would cause her to ignore her health. 

At any rate,  good luck finding your ideal woman.  I hope it works out for you. 

[shouldhavelearned]

So you go for what you like.

Opposite way around, they for what they like.

 

Enjoy 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Areophile said:

@Kwothe28, If you think 240 is overweight for 6'4", that's just silly.

I literally entered your measurements into BMI calculator and it said "overweight" by a huge scale. Yes, you are tall. But you are also overweight even for that height.

[ShySoul]

Weight is not necessarily an indicator of health, let alone attractiveness. Just because a person is 130lbs doesn't mean they are healthy. Just because they are 240, doesn't mean they are unhealthy. There are so factors. Body type, genetics, stress levels, sleep patterns, metabolism, the way our body handles all the various processes it goes through inside - maintaining a specifc weight level is a combination of factors, many of which may be out of our control. 

While tools like BMI can be useful, it is just one tool and can even be misleading as to a persons health. There can even be advantages to being listed as overweight. 

Rather then take a simple approach of viewing things by weight, it's better to take a wider view of all levels of a person's health. Isn't that what's really important, that a person be healthy so they can live a long life, possibly with you?

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/news/publications/health-matters/is-bmi-accurate#:~:text=Studies have also shown that,is inconsistent%2C” Russell says.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-man-cave/202004/facts-health-and-weight-and-why-they-aren-t-always-related

[Kwothe28]

@ShySoy, is your new tactic just not quoting me when you are clearly talking about something I said? Because I forbid you to talk to me at all because you are ideologue who cant be talked to? Again, I am not interested in discussing anything with you. And his weight is dangerously overweight. Going to obese. Facts. Now go away, again, not interested in having a discussion with you. 

 

 

[ShySoul]

32 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

@ShySoy, is your new tactic just not quoting me when you are clearly talking about something I said? Because I forbid you to talk to me at all because you are ideologue who cant be talked to? Again, I am not interested in discussing anything with you. And his weight is dangerously overweight. Going to obese. Facts. Now go away, again, not interested in having a discussion with you. 

Not interested in having a discussion yet still trying to tag me (and it only works if you spell the name correctly. Not really into Soy sauce, so that name doesn't work for me).

I was simply making an observation that multiple posts have linked weight with a person's health when in fact there are many other factors that come into play.

I have known people whose weight would fit into the overweight or obese but that maintain a decent overall level of health. And since none of us are his personal physician, I would we would not be qualified to comment on his health. I will leave that between him and his doctors.

Thank you for thinking of me enough to forbid me from making comments on topics that touch on things you have said. And thank you for saying I have strong beliefs. I'll admit I'm wrong, when proved wrong.

Much respect. Hope you are doing well.

[Kwothe28]

42 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Not really into Soy sauce

You could have fooled me, I was thinking you are Soy Latte enjoyer. I have a nicknames based on usernames for everyone. So it was intentional joke. As you also didnt @ me or quote.

Also, your Reddit articles dont work on me or will deny the facts. I wasnt arguing about healthy weight or anything else. I was arguing that he is overweight and that he is asking for a girlfriend that is “petite”. Sure, some women maybe into that but they are rare. Which his track record kinda proves. His weight is overweight. Not because I said so but because its a fact. He is 15+ kilos in real units(not silly American ones) over what his healthy weight is suppose to be. Not “little overweight by few kilos”, “15 kilos overweight”. 15 kilos is my little 4 year old niece weight. He literally has to lose a small child weight to not be overweight and is dangerously close to “obese” levels. And he is asking for a “petite” girlfriend. He should maybe think he is pulling way over his limit and that is why he cant get what he seeks even though his preferences are OK for him to have.

Also your “faux nice persona” doesnt work on me. Especially when you are intentionally calling me on without tagging me. Pass me on with that too. Again, dont ever take me into your mouth anymore. Or else I will start to do that with you. On every thread where you try with your “Reddit arguments” that can be easily disected with just normal logic. Because again, you are an idealogue. No rational or even unique thought in your head. Have a good day too. Tootles.

[Areophile]

@Kwothe28 At 240 lbs - I am an American, and use the weights and measures of the country I live in - I'm 10 lbs LIGHTER than Ben Affleck, who runs around at 250 lbs (his words). I don't give one squirt for BMI, it is notoriously inaccurate for tall and muscular people, and I am both things. Yes, I'm a big man. Much bigger than average, and I am attracted to short and slender women, and that's the entirety of the story. Your criticism and combative manner doesn't enter into it. 

It isn't like I - or anyone - can say, "You've made an interesting argument, I am now attracted to big women." Attraction doesn't work like that. As someone said above, "the heart wants what it wants." 

[catfeeder]

25 minutes ago, Areophile said:

I don't give one squirt for BMI, it is notoriously inaccurate for tall and muscular people

Yep, my strength trainer has a BMI that would label her obese, yet she's the most toned, in shape person I've ever met. 

[yogacat]

13 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Not really into Soy sauce

That should be an intro to a profile on a dating site. Sorry, Shy, that made me laugh (in a good way). 😄

[ShySoul]

12 minutes ago, yogacat said:

That should be an intro to a profile on a dating site. Sorry, Shy, that made me laugh (in a good way). 😄

I like making goofy comments and being silly. Life's short, let's have fun with it. 

I've been tempted to do a dating profile in jest and say either the things you aren't suppose to say (the polite ones anyway) or just random things that no one would include. At least it would give people some laughs and who knows, maybe it would be catch someone's eye.

Now, I do enjoy BBQ sauce. And I'm certain saying whip cream may raise a few eyebrows... 😋

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Areophile said:

"the heart wants what it wants."

Really what it comes down to. You can't fool your heart. Like who you like, love who you love. 

As for weight, the average NFL player ways 245 pounds. As a wrestling fan I've seen my share of guys in that weight range in excellent shape. Weight doesn't tell the full sorry. Regardless of what a person weighs or what the BMI says, just take care of yourself to the best of your ability.

Aerophile, hope you can find someone who is right for you, whatever type you are looking for.

[yogacat]

240 seems overweight for 6'4" tall, and I am not saying that based on BMI, but in your profile pic, you do appear a bit on the heavier side unless you are all muscle beneath. I'm not saying that to be mean at all; there's nothing wrong with being overweight except the obvious health reasons. 

The funny thing here is that some women write things like, "You must be over 6 feet and slim to be interesting to me; if you think those requirements are shallow, that's not my problem." So nobody should be all that shocked when men do the same, right? 

Are you matching with a petite/small woman?

What has been your luck there?

I'm not really sure if you're matching what the issue is when you say, "I don't know what to do. I'm ONLY attracted to tiny women." If you feel you meet enough of them, I'm unsure what the issue is. Are you putting in specific criteria, looks-wise, for all matches since you are ONLY attracted to very small women? Do they even have that option on some apps?  I have no idea.

[Areophile]

@yogacat It's weird. EVERY dating site will let you select for height, but very few have an option to select for weight. My experience has been that I receive interested inquiries from women under 5'4" that are - and I mean this - EXTREMELY overweight. Morbidly obese. 

Let me also say that I'd be fine with 10-30 lbs extra. I'm not an ogre. But the only interest I'm seeing is from 60+ lbs overweight women. Round. And I'm just not into that. 

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, Areophile said:

@yogacat It's weird. EVERY dating site will let you select for height, but very few have an option to select for weight. My experience has been that I receive interested inquiries from women under 5'4" that are - and I mean this - EXTREMELY overweight. Morbidly obese. 

Let me also say that I'd be fine with 10-30 lbs extra. I'm not an ogre. But the only interest I'm seeing is from 60+ lbs overweight women. Round. And I'm just not into that. 

So I used to write in my profile that I was looking for someone who was healthy and physically fit -something like that -and I provided my exact height and weight.

[shouldhavelearned]

Who can trust government guidelines these days....

If it's fat, that's one thing. If someone is muscular and strong that's different.

 

 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Areophile said:

@yogacat It's weird. EVERY dating site will let you select for height, but very few have an option to select for weight. My experience has been that I receive interested inquiries from women under 5'4" that are - and I mean this - EXTREMELY overweight. Morbidly obese. 

Let me also say that I'd be fine with 10-30 lbs extra. I'm not an ogre. But the only interest I'm seeing is from 60+ lbs overweight women. Round. And I'm just not into that. 

@Batya33made a good point. 

Why not put in your profile that you're looking for healthy and physically fit?

People can figure out you're looking for smaller, slimmer women if you mention height and healthy/physically fit. Sometimes that comes across as a bit shallow, though, kind of like women looking for tall, athletically fit men.

I think physical attraction is important, but putting too specific of an emphasis on it could come across as shallow. I'm not saying you're shallow; I mean, if you're only attracted to 5'4" 105lb women, that's not really shallow because that's just your preference, but if that preference translates to an unwillingness to date or even give a chance to anyone who doesn't fit that specific mold, then it becomes shallow.

But, that's not what the subject of your thread is about. You're attracted to what you're attracted to. No shame in that. If it's something you'd like to pursue, then accept it, no need to try and figure out why.

That being said, you could also include in your profile that you prioritize a healthy and active lifestyle and are attracted to women who share that mindset. This way, you're not solely focused on physical appearance, but more on the values and lifestyle that come with being physically fit. This may attract women more in line with what you're looking for, without specifically mentioning weight or size.

[itsallgrand]

My observation is that quite a few people in North America tend to view overweight as a healthy weight. Personally I think it's because we are used to seeing so many obese and overweight people as the norm, we have lost our ability in general to gauge what is healthy. We tend to do it with eating too, worrying about not eating enough when we aren't feasting lol. 

Catfeeder had a really good point and I agree with her. Only being attracted to petite and thin women is one thing, it's not unattainable. But hopefully you aren't also further shrinking down your pool by only seeking women in a certain subculture? Your choice if you do but that shrinks things way down way more than the petite criteria! 

I have to back up Kwothe on his points even if people hate that I do. 240 is overweight, unless you are a serious athlete or the equivalent. People like to throw aside BMI like it's nothing, and yeah it's not perfect, but being way out of range and not overweight is the exception and not really the norm. My SO is a big tall man, carried extra weight well, but the doctor still was happy when he shed a bunch and got in a healthy BMI. His health improved, his bloodwork. I'm just not a fan of downplaying. If you are going to go the route of stating you are looking for women who prioritize fitness etc than I think its better if you are real about it and not defensive about your end. 

 

 

[Areophile]

@itsallgrand I hear you and others. Personally, I don't think I look good or feel good under 220. So, I could stand to lose 20 lbs. Less than that I begin to look like Ichabod Crane. Hahaha. As I said, I was a bouncer for several years and active duty in the USAF and USCG. I have 17" biceps and a 56" chest. I wear a 40 waist, but I'd like to be 38. 

[cheesesandwich]

On 8/30/2024 at 6:41 PM, Areophile said:

@Kwothe28, If you think 240 is overweight for 6'4", that's just silly. You can see in my picture that I'm not fat and round. I'm a veteran and former bouncer. I would not want to be a 210lb beanpole. 

Unless you are built like the Rock, you are overweight, in fact, BMI shows you are pretty close to obese territory. 210 lb would not be a beanpole, at 6'4", this is actually slightly overweight. It is pretty common to underestimate like this when you are overweight. Not to mention, 120 lbs or below on all of the heights you mentioned are at most in the mid-range of normal bmi. And if you are one of those that says BMI is bunk, I also checked the height and waist measurements you provided, which is a waist to height ratio of 53%- overweight.

There is a relevant study for this- Visual perceptions of male obesity: a cross-cultural study examining male and female lay perceptions of obesity in Caucasian males | BMC Public Health | Full Text (biomedcentral.com)

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with having preferences, but most women you seek most likely want an in-shape partner too, so your pickings may be slim.

[Starlight925]

I'm appalled at the fat shaming that has gone on in this post.

OP never asked opinions about his weight.

He asked for insight as to his preference for a narrow sampling of women.  

This thread has gone so far off topic with searches, charts, and general shaming that I find horrible.

[Tinydance]

9 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

I'm appalled at the fat shaming that has gone on in this post.

OP never asked opinions about his weight.

He asked for insight as to his preference for a narrow sampling of women.  

This thread has gone so far off topic with searches, charts, and general shaming that I find horrible.

Yeah to be honest I also felt really uncomfortable about the fat shaming.  I was even going to say something but you beat me to it. However in a sense OP himself fat shamed his ex-wife and women who messaged him on online dating. It's OK if he wasn't attracted to them but he was really drawing attention to their size, weight, etc. And he wasn't using terms like "curvy" or "plus size" which are the modern day equivalent. He was saying fat and obese. So unfortunately he got a taste of his own medicine and he didn't like it lol

In regards to BMI, yes it's a guide but I don't think it would tell you how a person actually looks. You'd need to see someone in person to figure that out. Also people who work out a lot have a lot of muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. People can also have different shapes and someone can carry weight well. Whereas someone else might not look as good if they're heavier. 

The thing is we are all different shapes. For example someone might not be overweight but if they do no exercise they might be a bit flabby. And someone might be stocky but work out so looks more toned. This is why I don't like discussions about weight, body, etc. I really want to say, who cares? But obviously some people do and some people are actually plain shallow. I'm not necessarily calling people on this thread shallow but yes there are people out there who would care if someone put on a couple of pounds and tell them to lose weight etc.