Advice needed

[MrMike737]

I went to  a board game event last July where I met my now girlfriend.  We exchanged contact information so she could send me an invite to a board game event taking place at her house in the near future. I went to the event last July because I wanted to meet her. However, I wasn't interested in dating being I was homeless and living out of  my car dealing with some medical issues from being an amputee and major depression. I realized early on that feelings were starting to develop but I never acted on them because of what was going on in my life. Over the next four months,  our communication grew via text and we would go and do yoga classes together.

At one of the board game events held at her house she left early to go on a date with a guy she was dating. It was at this time I learned from her best friend that she lives with her boyfriend in a different house but they haven't had sex in 4 years and sleep in different rooms. Her boyfriend thought they were still in  a relationship even though  she didn't consider being in one. She was basically pretending she was and rented a house  outside of the one that they shared because she claimed her three dogs were locked up in her room all day and they needed to have a backyard for them to play in.

We continued to meetup for yoga, hung out at her house a few times at night, went to the movies once and continued to see each other at board game events. All of which was on a friend level until one night in early December. We were texting through out the day as usual on a friend level until she said she wanted to watch a Christmas movie while snuggling with somebody but she had nobody to snuggle with. I replied so what movie are we watching. We ended up snuggling while watching a movie and that led to having sex 3-4 times that night. I never left her house after that night and still live with her.

A few days before New years Eve we decided to go to a yoga retreat which lasted 4 days. We have never went on a date before but here we are going to a yoga retreat together. During the retreat I got on a rant about something and it was revealed that I was homeless. She told me to move in with her and I told her that she needed to break up with her boyfriend if this was going to continue between us. On January 4th she did just that and broke up with her boyfriend that she never knew if they were together or broke up because " there was a lot of gray areas" She had 10 people die last year and I can only imagine how hard that is to go through. I even told her that it doesn't seem like her character to cheat when in a relationship but just chalked it up to the 10 people dying and how people do things out of character when dealing with death.

Shortly after we entered our relationship I expressed concern with two of her "friends"and how they would not be healthy to our relationship. One was the guy that she dated prior to me and the other was some guy who was infatuated with her who clearly had mental issues and didn't seem to get that she wasn't into him like that. This guy with the mental problems actually paid a waitress to spill hot coffee on the the other guy I said had to go for our relationship to have any sort of a chance.

The day that I met my girlfriend she also meet this guy by the name of --------   who is a 60 something year old alcoholic who is in an open marriage.  Apparently, they became close and started hanging out a lot which was revealed to me after we entered into a relationship. She told me that she was going to have to tell some people that wanted to date her that   she was in a relationship and --------- was one of these people. ------'s  response was to ask if we were in a monogamous relationship and if they can continue on with what they were doing? She claims they were just friends so what is it that they were continuing on with? She said that they only kissed once and it was one of her biggest mistakes in life.

My girlfriend has recently inherited a cabin in --------- that she needs to get repairs done on and she was going to take -------with her because he is a handy man and wouldn't rip her off.  Our problems started when I voiced my concerns about her staying in a cabin with a married guy who she has been intimate with on some level. Every-time, I would voice my concern I was berated with being told that I'm insecure, jealous as well as controlling ans she vowed to never date anyone that was insecure, jealous or controlling ever again.  I guess expressing my boundaries makes me controlling, insecure and jealous

One of the people that passed away in my girlfriends life last year was her soul mate from childhood but they never entered into a relationship of sorts and was more a friends having sex. This guy lived with his grandmother in New York and when he passed away the grandmother went to stay in a nursing home around the Orlando area. For months,  my girlfriend has been trying to push this  agenda of going to see the grandmother and wanting to stay at her " friends" house in Orlando so she didn't have to make the hour and a half drive one way back. She also wanted to stay there two nights so she would be able to hang out with her friend. Again, I expressed my concern with this and she said that I was being jealous, insecure and controlling.

She went on to say that her " friend" in Orlando would go with her to see her friends grandmother for moral support. I asked her why I can't I drive you down there and be your moral support being I'm your boyfriend. She explained " that she didn't want to take all these different guys around the grandmother because it would confuse her. Now take into consideration that this lady has dementia and cant remember what happened two mins ago, her grandson and my girlfriend  never dated and she was already in a 12 year relationship.

After a few months she revealed by mistake that this " friend" in Orlando was ex boyfriend who she only had sex with once and it meant nothing". For a period of time I would refer to him as her ex boyfriend and somewhere along the line she said" its disrespectful to refer to him as her ex because she doesn't view it that way and just viewed him as a friend". Before It was revealed that this guy in Orlando was an ex she would say that when she stayed at her friends house in Orlando there was always a gun under the pillow because the guy has a lot of guns. She went on to say in later conversations that when they weren't dating she would always stay in the guest bedroom. How would there be a gun under the pillow in the guest bedroom? She became agitated when I brought this to her attention.

 

My girlfriends birthday was in April and we went to stay in a hotel on the beach for a few days. My gut instinct felt like something was off so I did a *** move and read her texts. This is something that I have never did before in past relationships but it did give me more insight as to who my girlfriend really is. I would have been non the wiser if I didn't read her texts.

 

To be continued tomorrow..........

 

 

 

[Andrina]

Why devote anymore time typing about a woman whose practice is to keep a constant harem of men about her?  Be done, get tested for STIs, and move on from this nonsense.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, MrMike737 said:

To be continued tomorrow..........

 

This is not a novel in few issues, so that we need to wait another issue tomorrow. This is advice Forum. You should write whole story and ask for advice.

Also

1 hour ago, MrMike737 said:

At one of the board game events held at her house she left early to go on a date with a guy she was dating. It was at this time I learned from her best friend that she lives with her boyfriend in a different house but they haven't had sex in 4 years and sleep in different rooms. Her boyfriend thought they were still in  a relationship even though  she didn't consider being in one. She was basically pretending she was and rented a house  outside of the one that they shared because she claimed her three dogs were locked up in her room all day and they needed to have a backyard for them to play in.

 

What from this made you think this person is a suitable to be anybody girlfriend and that she would be loyal? Assuming what you wrote is truth and not some novel, she lived with one man who she lied and manipulated that they are still in a relationship while dating another. Just from that you could see what kind of a person she is.

[ShySoul]

You forgot the most important part. What board games did you play? 😀 

Without knowledge of the shocking revelations to come in part two, this right now comes down to honesty and trust. You each need full disclosure of what you are doing and any prior history with people. And you each need to trust the other without accusations or insinuations. If she says she's not sleeping with someone, that anything that happened is the past, trust her unless there is proof otherwise. And she doesn't need to be scolding you for your concerns.

She had a loose definition of sex and relationships in the past. Is that something you are ok with? If its fine with you, and she is willing to be monogamous with you now, then enjoy the relationship and don't be so paranoid.

[smackie9]

Can't be standing around complaining about the person you are dating if you already knew of their situation. What you see it what you get. Don't like it? then you just simply dump them. 

[MissCanuck]

Dude, you need higher standards. 

No need to write out more drama. Just dump her and be done with it. 

[ShySoul]

How long must we might for part two of this gripping drama? 

If this is all real, please note before you get upset with her that you slept with her and started a relationship knowing she was already with someone. You were the other man. Anything you find out now shouldn't be a surprise as you've been on the other end of it. 

Either trust her and accept she, like anyone else, has a past or don't be with her.