I am soooo MAD at his ex!!!

[SandyD]

My boyfriend is in hospital, he had a surgery, things got complicated and he was admitted back. He is in another state at the moment. I plan to go be with him this next week.

His ex started leaving messages on his Orkut. She left a testimonial, saying that he will forever be in her heart, they shared great moments together and bla bla bla. Then the messages started... asking for him to call her, asking about the surgery, saying she would call him, sending him kisses, updating him on her life etc etc. He hasn´t sent a message back, but I know they still talk on the phone, and he probably has been in contact with her during his whole surgery ordeal.

She is moving to Australia in August, and I wish she´d go already!!!!!!

I mean, it´s cool she cares, they were together for 3 years, but I´m starting to feel disrespected as a girlfriend. Why does she have to keep leaving messages on his Orkut, where SHE KNOWS I will see them? Couldn´t she just e-mail or call? It´s like she is out to provoke me, and she disguises it as being concerned (not that she isn´t, but there´s more to it). He has tons of friends, and they don´t keep loading up his scrap page with messages.

 

I was trying to be cool and mature about it, and not let myself feel threatened by this. But now it´s just too much. I am so mad I could cry!!! And I can´t say anything to my boyfriend now because he´s in hospital and I don´t want to upset him! But it´s too much to bear!

 

His ex´s mother was in a town close to mine for some work related stuff... and can you believe my boyfriend suggested she would give me a ride to the town he´s at? His ex-mother in law? How thickheaded is that?

 

I don´t know what to do. I think I am justified in asking him to cut ties with her, but I don´t want to sound like an insecure freak. If he loves her and needs her as a friend so badly, then why doesn´t he just go be with her?

[RandomAdvisor]

Why does she have to keep leaving messages on his Orkut, where SHE KNOWS I will see them? Couldn´t she just e-mail or call? It´s like she is out to provoke me, and she disguises it as being concerned (not that she isn´t, but there´s more to it). He has tons of friends, and they don´t keep loading up his scrap page with messages.

 

You answered your own question. She's leaving it on the Orkut (what is that by the way? never heard of it before) precisely because she knows you will hear the message, and wants to make you jealous. It's working.

 

I think you are justified in asking him to cut all contact with her. Just talk to your boyfriend, and tell him how you feel. Just out of curiosity, what kind of circumstances did they break up under?

[SandyD]

I´m not sure why they broke up... I think their relationship ran its course and he started to become interested in other people and told her that. I think she might have broken up with him. I´m not sure. But he went through a lot of pain with the break up.

 

It´s just that he would always talk about her, only after we became exclusive did he stop. And it´s been a year since they broke up. He seems to have felings for her, and now she´s feeding him all this "care" and what not... so it worries me. He´s a good guy, and he sees nothing wrong in having her in his life like that. He´s not experienced in relationships, she was THE girlfriend. They even lived together.

 

But I can´t be with someone who will have such a close connection to someone he had a relationship with. I understand being friends and civilized, but this is toooo much!

[RandomAdvisor]

But I can´t be with someone who will have such a close connection to someone he had a relationship with. I understand being friends and civilized, but this is toooo much!

 

 

I agree. It sounds like their relationship didn't end too badly, but I personally wouldn't want to have much to do with an ex. I think friendships with exes are just too... weird. But that's just me.

 

As his current girlfriend, I can totally understand why you're not comfortable with thier high level of contact.

[DN]

Except that she's leaving for Australia and you will come off as being insecure and not trusting him for no good purpose.

[newts]

I agree, she is leaving for Australia and she wont be as much of a problem for you after that. Just ride the time and see where your relationship goes after she leaves. You don't want to coe accross as being insecure.

[SandyD]

Oopsie.. too late. I shot him an e-mail letting him know that I found it disrespectful that his ex was using scraps on Orkut as chats, especially since she knew I´d be reading them, and that it made me uncomfortable. I was nice and mature about it, I didn´t tell him to cut her off or anything. I feel soooo much better now. There´s no way I could ride something like this out. I had to express myself. If he truly cares how I feel, then he has to know when something upsets me... I think.

[DN]

You said in the first post that you didn't want to upset him right now because he is in hospital recovering from surgery. What changed?

 

Also, I saw you had a previous post about being jealous of a girl in a bar. Are you normally a jealous sort of person or do you feel insecure about this particular boyfriend. If you don't trust other women around him you do realise that you are essentially saying that you don't trust him?

[DN]

I think he may be struck by the fact that, while he is in hospital recovering, his ex is sending him upbeat, cheerful messages inquiring about his recovery and you are sending him a message complaining about his ex.