PURSUE vs. NOT PURSUING

[lifeiscash]

In the dating scene I am charged of not pursuing the girl enough and being laid back to where she loses interest. So people tell me that I should pursue the girl more but even if you do that, in most cases, once you do show interest at times the girl's interest decreases.... So its like a no-win situation. In other words, once the girl finds out that you like her, her feelings decrease... but when you don't put up enough challenge then her feelings decrease also. So where is the in-between... I hope this post makes sense, haha.

 

* I want to show more interest without any sign of desperation.. because of not.. I just don't want to give off any wrong signs.

[Jetta]

Well obviously you're friends see that you aren't pursuing enough. That means give a little hint here and there that you're interested without making it seem like they're the be all and end all of your life. It's called flirting.

[ShySoul]

It's finding a balance between just going along with whatever, and flinging yourself at the person. Take the initive in complimenting the person, smiling at them, talking to them more, asking them to do things together... but not seeming like you can't be away from them for. It isn't being desparate if you talk to the girl and show an interest in her.

[sweet_bebcho]

I'll tell you a little secret about girls: If they know that you like them, then they are somewhat less interested in you. If you're pursuing someone and she doesnt show interest then just stop! The result being that she'll think,'' Hmm, he's not interested in me anymore, why, I wonder how I can make him interested?'' Its the feeling of not being wanted. I used to be like this where I used to see that guys are interested and once they stopped, I started showing interest in them cause I started wondering why I didnt catch their eye anymore, and then the pursued became the pursuee, if thats a word.

But you get what I mean, I guarantee you that this is the case most of the time.

 

I told one of my male friends who was interested in someone that wouldnt give him thetime of day, and once he started not paying any attention to her, she was slowly all over him, saying hello to him and stuff like that which she never did before.

 

The key is to still acknowledge her but dont seem desperate. Let her know that they their is a big sea out there and you're going fishing. See how fast she comes running

[ShySoul]

On the other hand, I lost an opportunity with someone because I didn't pay enough attention to her. So, go for it when you have the chance.

[jpmartin]

who said if u show interest, the girl will not? I think it depends on the girl.

 

if the guy is playing too cool to me, it only pushes me to lower his priority and focus on dating others.

[Ariel85]

I'll tell you a little secret about girls: If they know that you like them, then they are somewhat less interested in you.

 

I don't agree.

 

I think the emotionally unhealthy women are like this.

 

Personally, I like when a guy makes the moves and pursues me. I spent too many wasted years chasing guys, and I refuse to it it anymore.

 

OP - you can pursue a woman and show interest WITHOUT being up her heinie. Don't call her every day in the beginning, but do call enough and set up dates so she knows you're interested.

[Dubb]

Do you mean before you guys even go on a first date or after a few dates?

[FloatingAnchor]

I'll tell you a little secret about girls: If they know that you like them, then they are somewhat less interested in you. If you're pursuing someone and she doesnt show interest then just stop! The result being that she'll think,'' Hmm, he's not interested in me anymore, why, I wonder how I can make him interested?'' Its the feeling of not being wanted. I used to be like this where I used to see that guys are interested and once they stopped, I started showing interest in them cause I started wondering why I didnt catch their eye anymore, and then the pursued became the pursuee, if thats a word.

But you get what I mean, I guarantee you that this is the case most of the time.

 

This may be true for some women, but not all. If I know someone is interested in me, I become more interested because it makes me feel good to be wanted. If their interest wanes, and especially if they were the initiator, then I just let it go.

[Robert013]

I always start off slow and then ramp it up a little at a time. In the first couple of weeks/dates every couple of days is enouph. After that just call when you want to by then you should be able to guage if you are pushing or if she is pulling. For example you call she say's "I am doing house work" you " oh I am sorry to bother you I will let you go so you can finish what you are doing". Her "No that is okay you are not bothering me I was almost done anyway". She is pulling you she wants to talk. If she responded "Okay talk to you later" back off for a day or two she is pushing you. Doesn't mean she is not interested just is busy..She has a life outside of you..You should be able to tell from her signals if she wants to talk to you or not. I personally will talk to her a few days in a row then back off and give some space for a day or two. I don't do it on purpose I just also have a life. If I say I am going to call I call. When I ask what time to call is best for her this gives her the option of backing out of the call or telling me a time window. If she tells me a time "evening, night" that is when I call..Simple really. I call around the same time every time. I call and try to talk about the same amount of time when I call. I also make it a point to end the call.. I don't know why I just do.. If she doesn't want to stop talking she lets me know and I will talk for a while longer, but then I will end it again..Listening works. I do not have to talk to her everyday and she knows this. She also knows that I am interested because I do call and I am consistant without being needy..

 

So my advise is start slow then let her signals guide you.. If she wants to talk to you then you will know.. So go ahead and call as much as you want just make shure you are paying atension to the signals she will be sending you..

[Just_Slasher]

This is the truth right here. A+

[Ariel85]

This is the truth right here. A+

 

For insecure, emotionally unhealthy women it is.

 

For the rest - not at all.

[D_Lish]

So people tell me that I should pursue the girl more but even if you do that, in most cases, once you do show interest at times the girl's interest decreases.... .

 

Only if there wasn't a REAL interest to begin with....

 

I don't mind being pursued heavily, if I have an interest.

Being pursued heavily when I don't have an interest. makes me RUN in the opposite direction.