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It's all just too much for me...

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No matter what I do, he treats me as if I am his enemy... I have loved him so much. For those who know my story, he's an alcoholic, I moved out yet have tried to continue to make it work.


Today, he's moving in with 2 women, he has asked me to trust him that he can live 2 cities away, and not become involved with these "two hot chicks" he'll be co-habitating with. He insists he'll be respectful towards me, be supportive, etc... After all that I done, all that I've suffered through, to throw this at me as well is just too much. I can't handle it anymore.


God, I've been doing this with him for so long, I don't think I know how to walk away. I'm crying as I write this, he told me he'd call, he didn't and turned his ringer off... yes, this is a respectful, sensitive man.


He's killing me. I can't be strong anymore. Why doesn't he just leave me? Why sit there and say how much he loves me, hold me as I cry and can still do what he's doing - to me, to us??? He even said he doesn't want me there when he moves, afraid I'll do something??? Do what I'd love to know... I'm NOT the one doing ANYTHING.


People say that when I can't deal with it anymore I'll just walk away, but I CAN'T. I've suffered through this abuse for a year and it is engrained in me. I've made feeble attempts and have fallen right back in. I deserve so much better, I know this... but I am powerless to do anything to change it.


It's not the fear of being alone, because I'm not alone and have a very supportive group of people around me... It's the fear of letting go, of failure, of another loss. I don't understand how a person can treat someone like this??? The guilt would consume me, but it almost seems as if he enjoys my suffering.


I have asked him not to do this... I've cried my eyes out, begged him not to throw another major issue into our relationship, he says it's not a big deal and I'll get used to the idea... although all the women I've spoken to have firmly agreed, that him living with 2 women is unacceptable to them and they would never tolerate it.


I've even asked him if this is his way of forcing me to leave, and he has said no, that he wants his cake and eat it too... that he should be able to have both, the house with 2 girls and me...


I have never cried this much... I feel like I'm losing my mind... The feeling of betrayal is so over-whelming, I feel like I'm suffocating.

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I think it is human nature to form emotional attachments to those you are closest to, living there, with these women, the chances are high that this type of bond may form and from that a sexual relationship COULD happen...


And it's not that I don't trust him, but out of the thousands of apartments and roommates in this city, he chose to move in with them. I've been hearing about it for a month and a half... (how hot they are, that they could be easily "bent in half" etc...) He has plenty of other OPTIONS, so how do you continue to trust him when he's already gone THIS far? He knows how badly it hurts me, and doesn't care - so what would stop him from betraying me? Not alot, in my opinion...

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How do I do that??? I've tried leaving, I've tried NC, I've tried to even make him hate me... none of it is working. I do not have the strength left... I have no fight left in me... and this latest thing I'm afraid may just kill me.


well it won't kill you so you can stop fearing that. What do you mean you have tried no contact- who broke it - him or you?

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Just a thought too.. you said "Why doesnt he just leave me?" Well reverse that, "Why dont you jsut leave him?" You say you cant leave him? Why not, staying with him for what, LOVE? love has many definitions. in this case you need to love yourself. I said the same thing about my realtionship and here i am out of it and happier! Do i think about him all the time, yes. Do i worry about him? Yes! Do i call him? NO, becasue i really know i dont need him back in my life. Will you cry everyday if you leave him? YES? WEll you are crying everyday anyways, so put those tears to good work. You have GOT to start the healing TODAY! Please! I dont even know you and i feel terrible about your sitation. By the way, if that is your cat she is beautiful!

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I hate to say it. But I will. When I look at that situation, objectively, and try to put myself into your BF/Ex-BF's shoes: I think he seriously enjoys putting you through this.


IMHO, in the deep-down worst parts of us, everyone likes the idea of someone suffering over our decisions. Come to think of it, having two women fighting over me was a big ego boost (back in the day). I can't help but think that he does care for you, enjoys your company, but deep down he's having the time of his life: he says he wants his cake and eat it too.


I mean, if I was to move in with two single "hot" women... I'd be in heaven. LOL (sorry). And if I had a girlfriend, at the same time, I'd be in even more ecstasy. I'm telling you this so you know and understand, he's self-centered. He won't do what you ask him to. So your suffering, in essense, is basically mostly in part your decision to not move on. He won't "come around" to his senses, he won't become your knight in shining armor, he won't stop walking all over you emotionally. He's doing it now, and he will most likely continue to do it. He will not change.


It's not your failure that HE won't change. But it is yours and will continue to be yours, unless YOU change your attitudes, and follow through with your behaviors. Hang in there, there's a light at the end of this tunnel A year or more from now, you'll be laughing to yourself, in the arms of someone who loves you a TON more and better.


Work on yourself. You're the only one who you can...



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