This is about my boyfriend

[Sadee perera]

My boyfriend is a lovely guy and we are in a relationship for 5 months .Yesterday he asked my permission to go on a trip with his office buddies   And He said it is a 4 days trip .But his friends are heavily   addicted to  alocohol but my boyfriend isn’t .i don’t like him being around them because I feel like he will get influenced by his friends in a bad way .

when I told him not to go , he shouted at me and said he is not like his other friends .

we had an argument over this issue and I told him to do whatever he wants .

how should I cope up with this matter.

help !!!

[Kwothe28]

Is he your boyfriend or your 10 year old kid? Because grown people dont need to ask permission from their SO to go on a trip. I would maybe think differently if you are his wife and you have a family. So that maybe you would have to coordinate stuff. But for a 5 month relationship? You do realize that he doesnt have any obligations toward you aside of informing you that he goes on the trip? You are not his employer so that he needs to ask for a day off, and again, you are not his family that he needs to coordinate it with you. So why does he even need to ask? You can certainly protest against his decision. You may not like it or even leave him if it comes to that. But he doesnt need your permission to go on a trip with his friends. Even if that trip includes heavy drinking. If you are not in Middle East, drinking alcohol isnt against the law lol

[TeeDee]

What kind of an adult asks permission of a 5 month GF?  You are his GF, not his mother. 

He should go on the trip.  If he's not a big boozer / partier like they are, he will not become like that on this trip.  Sure he might over indulge because it's vacation but that is not a lifestyle choice. 

Apologize.  Tell him you care about him & trust him even if his office buddies rub you the wrong way, then offer to drive him to the airport & pick him up afterwards.  

If you are unwilling to do that, break up with him because he deserves a supportive GF who trusts him & who doesn't treat him like a child. 

[smackie9]

Don't date someone that has $h%^&&y friends. 

[bluecastle]

This is unnerving on a number of levels. 

If you don't like your partner's friends, if you think so little of your partner that you believe he'll make inane choices in your absence, and/or if you want to control another human being as a way of soothing your own anxieties—well, these are all the ingredients for a deeply unhealthy and unsatisfying connection. 

In terms of how to cope, I'd take a moment to address the above in the private confines of your mind. Do you despise your boyfriend's friends? If so, reconsider this relationship. Do you not trust your boyfriend's fundamental character as a human being? Ditto. Do you have some deep insecurities that you've been afraid to face and could be projecting onto all of this? If so, face them, own them, and apologize to your boyfriend for letting them get the best of you. 

[catfeeder]

The most unsexy thing an adult can do is attempt to 'parent' another adult. That will either land you miserable, dumped, or both.

BF's big mistake was asking permission rather than informing you of his trip.

Either you trust BF, or you don't. If not, then what are you doing with him? If so, I'd apologize, and I'd disabuse him of the idea that my 'permission' needs to be sought for anything going forward.

 

[Batya33]

On 5/31/2024 at 7:33 AM, Sadee perera said:

i don’t like him being around them because I feel like he will get influenced by his friends in a bad way .

Only date an adult who you respect and admire.  If you truly believe this of him and his character you don't respect and admire him enough.

Separately I would not be comfortable dating someone whose idea of a good time was to go on a trip like this with a focus on alcohol/getting drunk - to me it shows very narrow interests of what is fun and is potentially dangerous (drunk driving, etc).  We wouldn't have enough in common as far as values and what we think is fun.  Certainly if it was a business trip he had to go on that's different.  But I wouldn't do the parenting thing -I simply wouldn't date the person.  What people like to do for fun often comes up early on in dating.