Why are people so SHADY???

[lifeiscash]

Okay, have you ever noticed how shady people can be? Either it be your girlfriend/boyfriend, your friends, close friends, or maybe even sometimes family. I just don't get it, really I don't. I like to believe that I'm a down to earth person that looks out for my best interests but gives alot more to other people then the normal. Maybe I'm just more caring then the average person, who freakin knows, but it's really starting to irritate me.

 

Well first, I just broke up with a girlfriend a month ago that I was pretty much in love with but I had to because of some conditions that she was in. We had no contact, and no contact since. Now I decided to take the time to better myself and look out to knew people and new friends. So some of my old friends became real shady on me and it seemed like I, and only I, was making ANY attempt to hang out with them. Really upset me and nothing changed so I still kept my friendship there but decided to look for new people.

 

I'm a really outgoing guy and really popular in the social scene, but it seems to me that its real hard to find TRUE people and friends out there. I have billions of acquantances but only a select few best friends. I try to reach out to other people to expand the few but it just seems that some people like to shy away or shut out people sometimes.

 

Reason why I made this post was to point out that I really have no idea why people are shady, mostly friends at times or even g/f's. Maybe its because most people are selfish. Either way it leaves me here kinda low because I kinda feel lonely in a way. Anyone else out there like me?? I really would like to know.

[brando]

i can identify with you. Something about me making close friends, not sure if it is a trust issue on my end, or lile u said people are just selfish. In a way we are all selfish to some extent... i dont know. i had a group of friends in HS, and we did evryting together...we all went separae ways in our early twentys... part of life...since then i havent had any close friends. And i thought i was fine with it.. but not i gues it bothers me.

 

i feel sometimes i am not good at being afriend to people, i'll listen and call occasionally, but part of me hates to have to answer to people, like if i dont all them i think it is no big deal, and the same for them...perhaps i always be alone...with only acquaintances

[reflectionlessmirror]

yeah, shady! I hear you. People that are my friends at work talk s*** about me on thursdays (my day off). The guy i dated for 2 years was NOTHING like who i thought he was when i fell in love. Yes, shady people indeed. And if they are not shady then they are mostly squirrly!

[Caldus]

I can definitely relate except I am definitely not popular at all. Quite the opposite. I watch a lot of people communicate on the 'net and in real life (and watch myself communicate with people) but just wonder where all of the "real" people are. So many people are shady, materialistic, super selfish, annoying, or something like that every time to me and sometimes I think it's because of me. I try to be somewhat open with people but not too open. I think I need to work on being even more open so as to not give people the impression I'm trying to be shady. Being too shady or being too open is just not my nature though. I think a lot of people do it because they are afraid of getting rejected or hurt again in their lives. I've learned that when I don't depend on friends or dates for happiness in life, my life is much better anyway. Sorry I don't any suggestions though.

[lifeiscash]

I've learned that when I don't depend on friends or dates for happiness in life, my life is much better anyway. Sorry I don't any suggestions though.

 

That is a great thing Caldus that you can do that. You are a strong individual, more stronger then I am. I have learned alot through my past experiences and I was led to believe that I could be happy just by myself and that I really don't NEED anyone except myself. I use to think my self-esteem was real high but when i hit a reality check, its nowhere near where I thought it was at.

 

For some reason I feel like I need friends or a girlfriend in my life, to make things more interesting or whatever. I just feel kinda, incomplete without those type of relationships. Maybe its just a form of insecurity, and even if so how do you get over it? Is it just my way of thinking.. or what? Because I definatley need your way of thinking.. I would feel alot better about myself just like you feel about yourself.

[Caldus]

I've learned that when I don't depend on friends or dates for happiness in life, my life is much better anyway. Sorry I don't any suggestions though.

 

That is a great thing Caldus that you can do that. You are a strong individual, more stronger then I am. I have learned alot through my past experiences and I was led to believe that I could be happy just by myself and that I really don't NEED anyone except myself. I use to think my self-esteem was real high but when i hit a reality check, its nowhere near where I thought it was at.

 

For some reason I feel like I need friends or a girlfriend in my life, to make things more interesting or whatever. I just feel kinda, incomplete without those type of relationships. Maybe its just a form of insecurity, and even if so how do you get over it? Is it just my way of thinking.. or what? Because I definatley need your way of thinking.. I would feel alot better about myself just like you feel about yourself.

 

Hey I get lonely sometimes too but you know ... once you've realized that staying at home and attending to your hobbies (or just going some place else in town) is more fun 9 times out of 10 then going to some bar/club and talking to random strangers all night, then you begin to feel stronger about yourself. Don't get me wrong, I still get out once in a while and just try to be a little more sociable, but I guess in I'm just not really that sociable by nature. I've never really had a social life before so I'm used to it I guess.

 

I look at the picture as a whole and figure that being social doesn't equate to having a life. The definition of having a life is different for everyone. My definition involves having other goals or aspirations in life other then trying to find the right people in my life. While others will view having a life as having a bunch of friends and a girlfriend, etc. but to me that is not a valid definition because there has to be more in life than just our relationships with other people. People place way too much emphasis on that stuff in their lives it seems. I think it's good but not it seriously just does not complete me as a person.

 

I say try out a bunch of new things in life (whether it is with other people or not) and find your niche. Mine involves websites/programming computers, astronomy, cognitive science topics, and basically anything else that would help me try to "make more sense" out of the surrounding universe. I am one of the few people in this world who just loves math, LOL. So that's what I go for in college: Computer Science major and Math minor. Math has been proven to be a very powerful tool if used correctly. Same goes for computers.

 

But hey I'm not completely a geek. I love to dance or just be random once in a while and try to think up new ideas. I go to this other site called Creativity Pool a lot and read other people's innovative thoughts. I hate anything in life that tries to stifle innovation in general. I think innovation is a good thing. I want to develop a very creative mindset and also just do things in life that are fun for me and not what is widely-viewed as fun by other people (such as drinking, sex, etc.). Hey I'm not a virgin either but at the same time I just don't see the thrill in going around and sleeping with random girls. Maybe my testosterone isn't high enough yet, LOL. =P

 

I'm kind of rambling at this point but don't you see? It's about what makes you complete in life. Find your fun spots and sources of motivation in life and go for it. You will thank yourself in the long run when you don't walk around aimlessly all of your life. No one can tell you what is right in life and no one can make you happy. They can help, but only to a certain extent. On a side note, I find that the people I connect with best are usually older people (like my astronomy professor or younger girls who are the more introverted and insightful type).

 

Good luck in your quest in life and don't be angered by shady people. Let them figure it out themselves (if they ever do).

[chai714]

I can see your concern, lifeiscash. I formulated a theory a few months back that states "all people are selfish at their most inner core." This simply means that as humans, we are only out for our own best interest when it comes down to it. I don't like that pessimistic viewpoint on people, but it tends to hold true in most cases. I think that's why it's so difficult finding someone who is a loyal, trustworthy friend. There are a few out there though. I also agree with you that there are a lot of "shady" people out there. What I find easy to do with these people, is to cut them off completely. It will save you time and a headache in the end.

[lifeiscash]

Thanks everyone for your advice, it was greatly noted.

 

And your right, I need to find things in my life that make me complete. It shouldn't be a girl or friends, I need to find things that make me feel happy even without them.

[Caldus]

Thanks everyone for your advice, it was greatly noted.

 

And your right, I need to find things in my life that make me complete. It shouldn't be a girl or friends, I need to find things that make me feel happy even without them.

 

I don't mean to completely isolate you from people. That isn't a good thing to do either. I think it's cool to meet more people and learn about people in general, but at the same time be careful how you choose your friends. Over time as you meet and talk with more people you will develop a good intuitive mind in order to usually detect shady people right away. After we all, we weren't brought here on this planet to isolate ourselves from each other and never communicate. Many have strong ideas in their head and such ideas should be communicated to others. So I say other people can help complete your life but other people will not be able to finish up who you are. Find those other niches in life to do that job.

[Caldus]

And I swear I must have dyslexia or something ... I think two words ahead when I type so you notice two instances of the same word right next to each other at times. Heh.

[Rainz]

I'm a bit late with this topic, people really are SHADY or SLIPPERY as I say. I can totally relate to what you have said.

Like some of the other posters have said, I finished school and had a huge bunch of close friends and as we started moving through our twenties and my friends started disappearing off into relationships the friendships fell apart. I nove have very few people who I'm close to that I'd refer to as real friends.

I consider myself to be quite a giving, sharing person by nature...and the things I've seen people do and consider it to be acceptable, I have to question in my mind what kind of friend/person are you then?

 

As Chai said, best to just cut them off completely and sve yourself the drama and the heartache. Some of my friendships have naturally drifted apart, some of them I've cut them off.

 

Even down to some of my own family memebers IU've had to distance from them too!

 

I've often wondered at times if it's just me?

 

It gets lonely and quite isolating at times, but I think you have to be true to what you believe in.

If you believe in healthy, fruitful, honest friendships and relationshsips and that's what you're prepared to give and others out there want to give you shadiness back then what can you do other than leave them to their own devices?

[resilient7]

haha,i am soo late..............