Friend falls off the wagon

[Cynder]

I have this friend who is an alcoholic. I met him on the internet (in a yahoo group). Well the group gets together once in a while for coffee. At one of our coffee shop gatherings one of the people there suggested next time we go to a bar. This guy told us all about his problem, but said it was okay if we went to a bar because he was confident about being good.

 

When we were at the bar, he urged us all to go ahead and order drinks and not to worry about him. He drank coffee for the first hour we were there. He told us he had been sober for 13 weeks, and that he was proud of himself. Then he went and got a beer. One turned into two, and three...

 

I know we were all thinking it, but none of us encouraged him not to drink. I guess at the time I figured I didn't know him well enough. It was only the second time I had met him.

 

The next time I saw him he mentioned that he had been through detox. But then at our next gathering, he drank more. I feel like I should say something, but I also feel like it is none of my business. Should I embody the voice of reason next time?

 

I guess the whole thing just makes me uneasy. I have alcoholics in my family. My Dad had cirhosis (sp) which would have killed him if he didn't die first of a heart attack.

 

Please comment...

[reflectionlessmirror]

I will tell you this...you will never change him. Go ahead and metion your concern to him, but be prepared that he may get angry with you. I just wasted 2 years in a realtionship with someone who loved alcohol more than he loved me. Well i wont say wasted cause atleast i learned that youll never change someone, he will want to have to change. ANd maybe he does! Mention it but expect anything. Good luck. i hope you have better luck than i did. My ex said one month ago he needed space (because i was always nagging him about his drinking) Well we are really done cause we are in stages of nc for 1 week. Yesterday at 3 in the afternoon, on a THURSDAY there were 4 cars in the parking lot of the bar by my house. his truck was one. Alcoholism is devastating.

[Cynder]

Well I'm not in a relationship with this guy. We are just friends. I just know that when he drinks he regrets it and beats himself up over it the next day. BUt I also know he will probably get mad if I do say anything.

 

I am sorry for what you went through with your ex. It is devistating.

[BCBoy81]

I'll reply to this - my reply may sound harsh - but I come from a long line of alcoholics and I also live in an area where there literally is nothing to do but drink.

 

You have two steps you can do:

 

1) State your concern. Give help where you can (Don't become a Doormat) and possible help them seek professional help.

 

2) Failing the above - WALK AWAY. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. IF THEY DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT YOUR HELP, DON'T FIGHT THE LOSING BATTLE.

 

Darwinian theory will eventually take over. They'll either realize themselves that they need help or die. Sad but true.