Hi, need advice please, really hurt

[shortnLA]

Hi everybody,Im new to this site and my ex (i guess)broke up with me about a week ago and Im feeling kind of down. Can't stop thinking about him........OK, this is my story he and I where together for three years everything was going perfect till around the last year. He started getting mad and being mean to me I thought of breaking up with him, but I never had the courage too. On Christmas Eve he broke up with me he left for about a week and then came back said that he tried to leave , but he missed me and loved me very much and promised never to do ever again......Yes, you guessed it he did it again ...Well he was calling and calling up till today....he kept telling me still that he didnt want to be with me but that he cared about me very much......Im devasted how could he be so nice and then just crush my heart like that..Well if he comes back I already made up my mind that I will not be with him ever again, but it hurts so much to let go of a dream you know?Well I would really like some advice on how to keep NC and to get over him.......

[Empathy]

First of all, your decision to never be with him again no matter what is a VERY GOOD I repeat, VERY GOOD first step. You have to promise yourself that you will stick to your guns about this. Second, trust me I know this will be hard, but you need to try your best to see this break-up as a blessing in disguise. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I do (now ) and I believe that the break-up between me and my ex was a Godsend. That we weren't meant to be and that God has someone better for us out there. Even though my break-up seemed to have ripped a part of me out I have realized, recently, that it was a good thing. It was one of the best learning experiences I could have ever gotten about relationships. You CAN do this. I didn't think I could but I did. It has only been since the end of March that we broke up and I will still feel the pain for a little while longer. But I have faith that one day it will be gone completely. If you ever need to talk PM me. I'll do my best to give you the strength you need during this difficult time. Good luck!

[BadMadame]

Yep, I've been there and still there, sort of. I can tell you that he loved you which you should keep all the good memory you two shared together. Yet, he doesn't know what he wants and misses. So move on. I know you are in pain. I am too. Please give yourself sometimes. Time will heal. How long will it take? It's up to you. Mines has been 5 months. Still now over him completely. I don't know I ever will. But gal, life is too short and far way too important to be taken too seriously. Why makes your life miserable? Make your everyday is the best you can. You are not the only one who suffers from love tragedy. You have friend to support you here.

[shortnLA]

THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REPLY TO MY MESSAGE. I GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. I KNOW I HAVE TO STAY STRONG ,BUT IT SEEMS SO HARD FOR ME I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. WE HAD EVEN TALKED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED TWO WEEKS BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME HE ASKED TO MARRY HIM AND THAT HE COULDNT IMAGINE ANYBODY ELSE BEING THE MOTHER TO HIS CHILDREN........HE MADE SO MANY PROMISES TO ME THAT HE JUST BROKE....IM SO MAD AT HIM ,BUT I HURT CAUSE I LOVED HIM DEEPLY. I HAVE ALREADY TOLD HIM THE DAY HE BROKE UP WITH ME THAT IT WAS FINE THAT I STILL LOVED HIM AND THAT I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR HIM BUT THAT HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE FOR AWHILE. HE AGREED FOR THE MOMENT BUT THEN KEPT CALLING LIKE EVERY 2 HOURS OR SO.. I DIDNT ANSWER HIS CALL TILL YESTERDAY AND I ASKED HIM WHATHE WANTED HOPING THAT HE HAD A CHANGE OF HEART, HE TOLD ME HE STILL LOVED ME , BUT COULDNT BE WITH ME I SAID FINE NOBODY IS FORCING YOU I STARTED CRY THOUGH AND HE ASKED ME NOT TO CRY THAT HE WASNT WORTH IT..AFTER THAT I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME AND HE SAID NO ......THAT BROKE MY HEART AND THATS WHY I CRY CAUSE I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING HE EVER TOLD ME LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AGO WAS JUST A LIE...THEN HE PROCEEDED IN TELLING ME "YOU REALLY THINK I DONT LOVE YOU?" I SAID WELL YOU JUST SAID YOU DIDNT......................NEXT, IM MOVING SOON CLOSE TO SAN FRANCISCO IN AROUND 1 OR 2 MONTHS AND I TOLD HIM THIS HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT ME TO LEAVE ............BUT I THINK THATS THE BEST WAY TO GT OVER HIM.......GOD, I JUST CANT GET OVER THIS PAIN IT HURTS SO MUCH...

[BadMadame]

Once again, you and I have shared the same experience. My ex and I have talked about buying a house together before we broke up. You are a little bit luckier than me because you can move somewhere else. I can't. I have signed a contract with a company. So I stuck here with the same environment, same pictures that he and I shared memories. Plus I saw him walking around with his new one once in awhile. We should dry our tears together. I live near San Francisco too.

[shortnLA]

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH HIM HE CALLED ME TO TELL ME GOOD NIGHT AND I COULDNT HOLD IN MY TEARS HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND THAT HE STILL THINKS ABOUT ME HE SAID HE STILL LOVES ME AND THAT WE WHERE MEANT TO BE THAT WE WILL BE SOMEDAY...I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE REALLY LOVED ME HE WOULD BE WITH ME AND WOULDN'T HAVE DOUGHTS ABOUT US........HE JUST AGREED WITH ME ......I ASKED HIM NOT TO CALL ME AND THAT I HAD ALREADY MADE UP MY MIND ABOUT NOT GETTING BACK WITH HIM........HE SAID OK I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU AGIN HE SAID WELL YOU DONT KNOW YET.....I SAID YES I DO IM MOVING ON.....HE KIND OF USED THE EXCUSE THAT I WAS LEAVING BUT I TOLD HIM TO JUST NOT SAYING ABOUT THAT....I SAID ALRIGHT HE SAID WELL I WONT CALL YOU SORRY...I TLOD HIM GOOD BYE......HE WENT "HEY I MISSED YOU" I TOLD HIM NOT TO SAY THAT TO ME THAT IT DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE..............HE KIND OF STAYED SILENT THEN SAID GOOD BYE...............I SWEAR THIS TIME WAS MUCH EAIER TO HANDLE THAN IN THE BEGGING BUT IM STILL CRYING I DONT FEEL LIKE IM DYING THOUGH

[MetallicAguy]

Hey you know the guy might have hung up and cried. You don't know if he actually is deep deep down a tender guy. Personally if I was confused like him and screwed things up for myself that'd probably make me cry. I mean you were together for 3 years, that is hard to let go of. I think that phone call he gave you was true. It just doesn't sound wrong for a guy to say that. To me, that sounds 100% sincere. You probably made him feel like deep ****.

[shortnLA]

ALRIGHT I GOT HIM ON THE PHONE HE SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS CRYING AND SAID HOW COULD YOU ASK ME NOT TO CALL YOU.I TOLD HIM HE MADE THE CHOICE THEN HE SAID YOU BROKE UP WITH ME I DID BUT I TRIED TO SAY IWS SORRY AND HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO BE WITH ME........SO HE DUMBED ME.....HE THEN SAID I DIDNT EVEN TRY TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO TRY TO GET HIM BACK,,,,,,WELL HECK I CALLED HIM BACK AND CRIED ........HE SAID WELL YOU ARE LEAVING THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT ........I SAID WHAT IF I COULD HE SAID HE IDINT WANT TO GIVE ME ANY HOPE.WELL I TOLD HI THAT HE DIDINT WANT ME HE SAID I DO BUT HE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME , HE DOESNT WANT NOBODY TO HAVE ME . HE SAID HE WANTS TO TELL ME TO BE HIS GF BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE DOESNT WTF? YEAH HE JUST HUNG UP ON ME BECAUSE HE ASKED ME IF I WAS GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AND I SAID EVENTUALLY I WILL! HEY WHY THE HELL IS HE DOING THIS ? DOES HE WANT TO BE IN CONTROL?

[Reilly2856]

This guy clearly can't make up his mind. Has something happened in his life that has affected him emotionally, such that he broke up with you? I think the fact that he doesn't want you but still doesn't want anyone else to have you seems very selfish. On one hand, it seems like he needs an ego boost, which he thought he would get when he expected you to make a greater effort in trying to get him back. On the other hand, maybe he's going through some issues and needs to work through them. In this case, he's just coming back to you, trying to maintain some part of his stable past alive. Think this through. I mean, if he proposed to you 2 weeks earlier, and then broke up with you for no reason at all..even saying he doesn't love you anymore....I think it's better to put some distance between you both until he can get his life together. Be strong. You will get through this. Good luck

[PlayBrat]

First of all STOP taking this guys calls. I mean seriously...

You are torturing yourself talking to this guy. Don't TELL him you are moving on, and then continue talking to him. Let him live with his decision. If he REALLY wants you back, he should have to show you through his actions..NOT his words. Talk is cheap.

Go into NC mode and just STOP talking to him.

[BadMadame]

I totally agree with PlayBrat and Reilly2856, and really have to thank them for making me realize that I should do that for myself. ShortLA and I have the same problem. Except my ex is 44 years old and doesn't know what he wants.

 

Anyhow, just treat him like a stranger or someone at work or college that you are not very close to. Indeed you need to pretend and hurt your feeling a little bit at first. But it will help you get over him in the short time. Plus he will realize at last he has make a big mistake Well he deserves it.

 

Also he wants you to do something just to get him back. This guy has a big issue and is the player. Don't fall for that. Do you think if you two get back together, he will not leave you again for no reason. It happens once, it will happen again, gal.