Does he like more than a booty call?

[Dandelionspring]

27 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

It's whatever you feel is right for you. There's nothing wrong with either way.

If you want to go to singles events, flirt and date, go for it. If you want to do something else, do it. 

Do what makes you happy. That's what really counts. 

What makes me happy is food and tv shows. 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

What makes me happy is food and tv shows. 

So how about taking cooking classes, volunteering at a shelter helping with meals, etc.

[Capricorn3]

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So how about taking cooking classes, volunteering at a shelter helping with meals, etc.

^ This.  Just sitting at home eating and watching TV is not going to land you a husband.  But doing something constructive like taking cooking classes and volunteering makes  you meet people and possibly one day a partner.

[ShySoul]

On 8/1/2024 at 8:48 PM, Dandelionspring said:

What makes me happy is food and tv shows. 

So enjoy food and your favorite shows. It could be a cooking class, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or going out to a new restaurant. Or it could be pulling up a Youtube video or the Food Network and experimenting in your own kitchen. Whichever way you enjoy, do it.

If you want to go out and meet people, go out and meet people. But you can also meet people staying in and doing your own thing. My brother likes video games. He met a woman playing an online game and they have been together 23 years. I like giving advice online. Met someone really special to me that way. Anything can happen. 

Like a particular show? There are probably a ton of websites, podcasts, boards, fanfiction, etc for it. I know of many people who became friends and more then friends that way. 

And food is a universal language, a love language all on its own. Learn to cook something because you enjoy it or try tasting new things. That will give you more to talk about when you do encounter someone in your everyday life.

It's not about finding a partner or having to do anything. It's about being comfortable with you and embracing who you naturally are, whomever that may be.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, ShySoul said:

But you can also meet people staying in and doing your own thing. My brother likes video games. He met a woman playing an online game and they have been together 23 years. I like giving advice online. Met someone really special to me that way. Anything can happen. 

I've been bad at being out there socially since the pandemic despite being a social, extroverted person in general.  I have very close connections online with friends some  whom I've never met and likely never will.  I never met my penpal from Big Blue Marble of many years and we reconnected many years later a year before she passed away from cancer.  When we were young we were close and never met.  

But it's not the same especially if the person like the OP has social related issues. 

Being in person is essential in her situation IMO. 

Yesterday I went to a work lunch -first one in a long time. One of my coworkers is my friend for years before we were coworkers so I rode with her briefly from office to restaurant.  15 of us at the table there to welcome a new colleague who himself was on the reserved side. It was a whole different social interaction, experience, world being in person with my coworkers.  I see them on zoom weekly for our weekly meeting, I text with my friend during the week most weeks.  Not the same.  At all.  And the positive aspects of being in person and the personal growth aspects can't be duplicated no matter if there is a video call or otherwise.  JMO

When there's a specific situation like this I'm not a fan of "anything can happen" when the person like the OP is so passive about making changes, even eensy weensy ones.  It's a cop out IMO in a situation like this -it works well as a response to irrational stuff/anxiety but not in this situation IMO.

[yogacat]

14 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

^ This.  Just sitting at home eating and watching TV is not going to land you a husband.  But doing something constructive like taking cooking classes and volunteering makes  you meet people and possibly one day a partner.

Indeed. I met a long-term partner on a bowling league. I loved bowling at the time and didn't join to specifically meet someone, it just happened. 

I didn't meet someone watching TV, sipping tea, and eating bonbons waiting for men to find me.  

I will say OP, find something you enjoy and love doing, then put your energy into that.  

No judgement here, but may I ask why you think you need to focus so much on snagging a man "to round up your life?"  I was always of the mindset that one doesn't look for a "stray piece of hay", but more so if you want to find someone that complements you and your lifestyle, then keep your eyes open while you're out and about!

I know meeting someone wonderful can be coincidental and striking up a conversation while waiting for a dentist, chilling at Borders, and doing what you enjoy can be an opportune time to meet someone to actively date. But if you're aggressively doing everything I think you're doing, irl and online, that might make the process even harder and more stressful than it needs to be.

[ShySoul]

11 hours ago, yogacat said:

I will say OP, find something you enjoy and love doing, then put your energy into that.

Precisly.

Dandelionspring, you don't need a relationship to fulfill you. You can fulfill yourself. You can be happy all on your own, just doing what you love. Whatever that is, do it. This about being happy with yourself. No one else, myself included, can know what will make you happiest. All we know is what we would do to make us happy. You need to find what will make you feel better. It could be anything, it could involve anything. Point is, that you love it, it energizes you and makes you feel good about yourself.

You've described yourself as shy, quiet, and boring. You're single and seem to really want a partner. I really feel for you and can relate. I am also all of those things. That doesn't mean we have social issues. That doesn't make use passive and afraid of change. That doesn't mean we are doing something wrong or need to change our approach. That doesn't mean we are If you want to, of course you are free to do so. But if you don't then don't. Be you. Be completely, unapologetically you. Love yourself enough to know that the one person's opinions who truly matters is yours. Do what you love and be the person you want to be.

The two greatest loves of my life came from me sitting back and not doing anything. It started online. I was in a chatroom for all of two minutes when she messaged me. I was posting on a board and she noticed and wrote to me. Yes, we met in person later on. But I didn't have to go out looking for it. I was just focused on doing something I love, in my own way, and it came to me. And as I said, my brother found his wife the same way. 

It's not an excuse. It's an example. It can happen. 

So just do what makes you happy, whatever it is. Find your own joy, however you find it. All the rest can wait until later, when the time is right. Top priority is finding your own happiness in life, being the person you naturally are.

 

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

The two greatest loves of my life came from me sitting back and not doing anything. It started online. I was in a chatroom for all of two minutes when she messaged me. I was posting on a board and she noticed and wrote to me. Yes, we met in person later on. But I didn't have to go out looking for it. I was just focused on doing something I love, in my own way, and it came to me. And as I said, my brother found his wife the same way. 

It's not an excuse. It's an example. It can happen. 

Awe, Shys, that's so awesome to hear! 🙂

I connected with someone online once but it did not materialize so it's really nice to hear you connecting with your loves of your lives that way 😃

Okay...back to the thread topic at hand (sorry to hijack, just wanted to throw that out there).

[ShySoul]

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/why-you-only-find-love-when-you-stop-looking-for.html

Think this might help you out dandelion. Several good points including the following:

"Focusing on your own life growth not only makes you a better person, but also makes you a better potential life partner."

"Being in love through “fate,” and not forcing a match between two people, is much more rewarding and lasting than trying to find a partner. Allowing the right person into your life through chance is much less exhausting than seeing every person as potentially being the “one” for you. Allowing love to find you will feel less stressful and more like a match made in heaven, rather than something that is fake and contrived."

And if you need some encouragement that love can be found from home when you aren't looking for it and are just pursuing your own interests:

https://www.reddit.com/r/LongDistance/comments/rz41p4/couples_that_met_online_for_a_different_purpose/

 

[ShySoul]

11 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Awe, Shys, that's so awesome to hear! 🙂

I connected with someone online once but it did not materialize so it's really nice to hear you connecting with your loves of your lives that way 😃

Okay...back to the thread topic at hand (sorry to hijack, just wanted to throw that out there).

One ended poorly, but I still wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. The other remains the most awesome friend I could have. Still hoping for the happy ever after, but patient enough to wait it out and be open to any possibility, however it finds me.

Hijack over. Let's get dandelion some love, even if it's loving herself more.

[rainbowsandroses]

@Shy 100% on everything you just posted!

And I feel the same even when a relationship doesn't work out. 

Life as I view it is one great big learning experience filled with positives and negatives and we can learn something valuable from each and every experience.

I see the negatives as being "opportunities in disguise" - an opportunity to learn and grow leading us closer towards happiness and peace and the right person for us if that's what the Universe has in store for us.

I know that sounds hokey to some people but I truly believe that!  

[yogacat]

39 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

One ended poorly, but I still wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. The other remains the most awesome friend I could have. Still hoping for the happy ever after, but patient enough to wait it out and be open to any possibility, however it finds me.

Hijack over. Let's get dandelion some love, even if it's loving herself more.

I love that (and this may provide OP with some insights?) but I feel that love can come at any time or moment. What you're saying - true, it can in fact take a long time to find the right person, but that journey, as challenging as it can be, has all these little victories that can define you.

Basically you'll have these cellar 1 - 20 stops prior to landing on the top floor of #21 and the people you meet along the way can and will contribute to some amazing moments of growth which all factor in. Helps to stay positive, focus on what makes you happiest and that's where it all starts.

I love that you're both still friends. I feel like people try too hard for the happily ever after (though everyone loves a good ending) but I feel like something that is just as special as a proverbial fairytale ending is just two great people who love each other and find out after a trial period that they'd better off together not romantically, but still as good friends.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I see the negatives as being "opportunities in disguise" - an opportunity to learn and grow leading us closer towards happiness and peace and the right person for us if that's what the Universe has in store for us.

I know that sounds hokey to some people but I truly believe that!  

Hokey, but true. 

You can learn just as much from the so called "failures," if not more. Every step in the journey helps us along, both good and bad. It's a matter of not getting wrapped up in the bad to the point where we are stuck in it, and learning to take the good with us, pushing us onto something better in the future.

To quote a song:

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

What you're saying - true, it can in fact take a long time to find the right person, but that journey, as challenging as it can be, has all these little victories that can define you.

It's the journey, not the destination.

Every step on that journey is an opportunity for growth. The people we meet may not be the forever love we are dreaming of. But they are important in shaping who we are, who we want to be, and the love we ultimately hope to find. And we can still share a different kind of love, one that makes both of us better off in the long run.

Dandelionspring, I hope you do find the love you want. But don't be so focused on the end result that you lose sight of the journey there. Life has so much to enjoy in the meantime, enjoy it rather or not you have a relationship. 

[Dandelionspring]

On 8/3/2024 at 7:23 PM, ShySoul said:

So just do what makes you happy, whatever it is. Find your own joy, however you find it. All the rest can wait until later, when the time is right. Top priority is finding your own happiness in life, being the person you naturally are.

 

Agreed.  I will try to do so.