Ex + Friend.

[misery12]

Okay, tonight was our final dance, and me and my date, who is also my ex, hung out practically the whole night. I made sure I did not hang off her, and I danced with my buddies too. A lot of the time, she would come over with me, and most of the night, she danced with me.

 

Anyways, there's this guy... who is my friend, but not my best.. and he is the type of guy that if he liked a girl.. he would flirt with her, even if she was taken by his friend, or was just out of a long relationship with her (my situation).

 

Everytime I wasn't there, I could see him move quickly in, and flirt with my date (ex), and they've gone out before back in September, for 2 weeks, so its nothing serious. I asked if he liked her a few days ago, and he was like.. duh, yeah.

 

She told me when we were dancing, that she didn't like the song because it reminded her of "him". Meaning she doesn't like him, but sometimes through the night, they'd talk closely into each other's ear, because it was noisy, and he'd always try to be right beside her, regardless if I was there or not.

 

He almost always followed her and I around, and it got so annoying. I still like her, and I know that there may be a chance of getting back together with her in the future, but is there anything I can do.. so he starts being a little more respectful? I've just been out of a tough break up with her, and we're now getting close again, and he just butts in.

 

All of my friends noticed what he was doing too.. and my best buddy and my date (ex) gave him a dirty look at one time, because he kept following her. But I don't know if it bothered her as much as me.

She kept giving him grossed out looks too, because he was so sweaty, so easily.. and he was trying to show off, and things like that.

 

Is there anything I can do? Please help

[smorgie]

Have you tried talking to this guy and telling him whats up and to back off???

[lady00]

If only she herself would tell him to back off then maybe he would get it...maybe you can somehow hint to her and point her in that direction?

[Hope75]

Mis,

 

Remember when you first broke up and we talked about you realistically trying to be a true friend to her and when things like this came up that you would need to be supportive and understanding? This is where it gets sticky.

 

Right now she is saying she isn't interested in the other guy, and personally he doesn't sound like much of a friend to you if he's moving in on your prom date, but if she does want to get back with you it's her job to tell him to back off.

 

Right now you guys are broken up, so while your so called friend's actions are shady, and enough for you to maybe reconsider if he is really a friend, your ex is a free agent and if she wants to flirt with other guys she can do that. If it is too hard for you to swallow, (and understandably it is if you still have feelings) than maybe you need to get some distance from your ex and stop trying so hard to be just a "friend" when what you really want is to be her bf, and she isn't ready to go there now.

[misery12]

The thing is, maybe she is ready now.

We;ve been hanging out a lot latley, last saturday she came over for 12 hours straight, and we had an awesome time, and we flirted around and stuff. Last night when we were dancing, she put her chin into my shoulder because she knows it tickles me, she remembered from when we went out.

She doesn't treat me like the rest of her guy friends, she gives me more attention, and I give her more than my girl friends.

 

Do you think that I should say something to her? She gives little signs all the time, such as she drew me a pic of us on our trampoline, with stick men, and on the back wrote love - ?? with a picture of her.

In my yearbook she put hearts all around her name too.

 

She doesn't do this to anyone else. She also always comes and talks to me now, I don't have to be the one to initiate it anymore.

Think I should tell her that I am the needy guy I used to be, and realized why we broke up, and I've totally changed.

 

I want her to know I will take things slow, because from what I see, she likes me, and people ALWAYS ask me, if we're back together because it looks like it.

 

Thanks.

[misery12]

The thing is, maybe she is ready now.

We;ve been hanging out a lot latley, last saturday she came over for 12 hours straight, and we had an awesome time, and we flirted around and stuff. Last night when we were dancing, she put her chin into my shoulder because she knows it tickles me, she remembered from when we went out.

She doesn't treat me like the rest of her guy friends, she gives me more attention, and I give her more than my girl friends.

 

Do you think that I should say something to her? She gives little signs all the time, such as she drew me a pic of us on our trampoline, with stick men, and on the back wrote love - ?? with a picture of her.

In my yearbook she put hearts all around her name too.

 

She doesn't do this to anyone else. She also always comes and talks to me now, I don't have to be the one to initiate it anymore.

Think I should tell her that I am not the needy guy I used to be, and realized why we broke up, and I've totally changed.

 

I want her to know I will take things slow, because from what I see, she likes me, and people ALWAYS ask me, if we're back together because it looks like it.

 

Thanks.

[Hope75]

Think I should tell her that I am the needy guy I used to be, and realized why we broke up, and I've totally changed.

 

 

I think you meant to say you are not the needy guy?

 

BUT, you've only been apart a short period of time, and the whole time you have been posting here obsessively about her. You haven't changed, you haven't had time to change, or even given yourself a chance to change.

 

It takes time, and effort. A month is not enough time.

[misery12]

When I am around her now though, I don't feel obligated to impress her, or say the right thing. I don't always wonder what she is doing anymore, but I still have feelings for her.

 

The reason I post on here so much, is because in my life, I have NOBODY to talk to.. seriously. This really helps me out, if I can write out my problems whenever they happen, or my thoughts.

 

I just don't want to miss my oppurtunity of getting back together with her, I sometimes feel that she is wondering why I have not made a huge attempt to get back with her yet, and she may just move on, and the whole time I wanted to get back, but just missed my chance.

 

It's all about timing I guess, if I say something to early, she may feel pushed away, and if I don't say anything, I may miss my chance.

What should I do from now on? it's really confusing. I just need to get things in line with her, and have to stick to it.

[Hope75]

I have NOBODY to talk to.. seriously.

 

This may be why you are so clingy with her. I think if you can learn to develop a few close friendships on your own and have people to hang out with and talk to, you might not feel so much like she is your only relationship in the world.

 

She has been hanging with you as a friend, yes, but you guys are still broken up , and she has not made a move to take you back, and a month is not enough time to change your ways and become more independent, esp. if you feel you have no one to talk to except her.

[misery12]

Well, actually that's not true.. I do talk to my buddies, and my mom, at times.. but not everyday. This is just a lot more helpful.

 

She has given me signs she likes me..

She came over for 12 hours straight on saturday, and she doesn't do this to any of her guy friends, she gives me much more attention than any other of her friends.

 

She draws me pictures now.. and we always flirt, Im just confused.

[Hope75]

I know it's confusing, and you are looking into every little action she does in the hopes that it means she is coming back. We all do it when we feel for someone and we so desperately want to be with them.

 

So far she has told you that she wants to be friends, and nothing more. She may feel a special friendship with you right now over others because you have been through alot together. She may still have feelings towards you, but that doesn't mean she wants to come back.

 

We can like or love somebody but still know from experience that being with them doesn't meet our needs and hasn't worked out for us. You guys have split up a few times, right?

 

The bottom line is we really can't say what she wants until she tells you different from what she previously said about keeping a friendship after you broke up.

 

I think you should keep focusing on trying to be more independent and less focused on her, and see what happens.

[misery12]

Yeah you make a good point.

Except, we've only broken up this one time.. we were good before..

then I think I started to feel scared I would lose her, so I held onto her a bit more.. and I think that became unnattractive, but I know that if I was with her again, i'd live my own life.. and give her space, and if we didn't talk each time we're online, that doesn't mean she doesn't like me.. it means we don't have anyting to talk about. But school is over, so I don't need to worry about that,

 

I am more focused on the summer, and we are hanging out a lot then, she really wants me to come to her first soccer game, and I will. Plus, her sisters boyfriend is on my soccer team, who I am also friends with. The four of us, are close. (me, ex, ex's sister, boyfriend). So if he ever goes there after a game, it gives me a better chance of going over or something, im just saying, it's a possibility.

 

And you said.. I shouldn't get my hopes up until she says if she wants more than a friend from me. I know, that she has seen i've changed.. but do you think I should say something to her? in a week or so, after we hang out alone a few times more.. and ask her if she wants something together again, and that we could take it slow..

I just don't wnat to miss my chance if I have one, that would kill me.

 

Maybe I should say something to one of her friends, and I know that girls tell each other everything, but maybe I could use to this to my benefit, and say something nice.. and get lift my chances.. I don't know.

[Hope75]

I wouldn't say anything to her right now. Isn't one of the reasons you guys broke up because you were kind of intense with her?

 

If this is the case, I think you need to give her some space and really show her that you are trying to be less clingy and more of your own person.

 

It hasn't been that long since the breakup, why don't you give it some more time, be a friend, relax, and see where it takes you?

 

Let her be in charge for a change.

[misery12]

Good thinking

 

I'll give it a shot ,and let ya know how it goes.

THakns hope for being consistant with your posts.