Should I move on after our first Tinder date in the following situation?

[Scotch998]

16 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I think she's probably embarrassed. If she's interested, she's reply to your message.

I'm sure her hangover didn't last for too long, she's Slavic after all😁

Like embarrassed of what haha, she was sleeping on my thigh in the subway and made me even carry her up the stairs. It happens if you get lost with alcohol. 

[Scotch998]

32 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Always a risk on all apps but personally find Hinge better for getting a slightly better idea of what someone is about. It's also more interactive with Q&A features and the ability to comment on peoples pics or captions before even matching. With online dating in general though you learn who seems more genuine than others with practice. For example if someone includes their instagram handle on their profiles it's a 100% no from me amongst many other factors.

Also to be honest there were a few potential red flags in what you mentioned above that could of been avoided.

I definitely would avoid anything potentially expensive on a first date though, eg. going out for expensive meals, you don't really know what they're about yet so best to keep it simpler and cheaper so you don't end up $150 down after one date. Also in general if you end up out for multiple drinks/rounds I tend to find the genuine ones do at least offer to get a drink in or split things even if you know you're happy to pay.

Yeah I’ll see it as a lesson for online dating. But then again… if you spend too less won’t some ladies come up with “uh he’s broke af I’m not meeting him anymore” anyways good point. I’ll try hinge  

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Scotch998 said:

Like embarrassed of what haha, she was sleeping on my thigh in the subway and made me even carry her up the stairs. It happens if you get lost with alcohol. 

It happens when you -when she- choose to drink like this on a first meet and then you choose the consequences.  This could have been a very dangerous situation with serious consequences for you.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Scotch998 said:

Yeah I’ll see it as a lesson for online dating. But then again… if you spend too less won’t some ladies come up with “uh he’s broke af I’m not meeting him anymore” anyways good point. I’ll try hinge  

No.  A first meet should be brief and simple and inexpensive or free.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Scotch998 said:

Yeah I’ll see it as a lesson for online dating. But then again… if you spend too less won’t some ladies come up with “uh he’s broke af I’m not meeting him anymore” anyways good point. I’ll try hinge  

Also nothing to do with how you meet -don't date online -use an online dating site to meet suitable women in person ASAP, in public for coffee, ice cream, a walk in a local park. I didn't like long first meets or the man insisting on taking me out for an expensive meal. 

[Scotch998]

I’ll try that way from now on only. Yeah I’m aware of the consequences that could’ve happened, but she wanted to drink too and seemed fine. Just towards the end I think the alcohol kicked in for her and she was lost 

[Batya33]

Just now, Scotch998 said:

I’ll try that way from now on only. Yeah I’m aware of the consequences that could’ve happened, but she wanted to drink too and seemed fine. Just towards the end I think the alcohol kicked in for her and she was lost 

Right.  Avoid situations where the person has more than one drink or has anything to drink is preferable.  Seeming fine doesn't mean the stranger is fine.  

[Scotch998]

Do you have an example for such website?

[Batya33]

Just now, Scotch998 said:

Do you have an example for such website?

I used match.com back then, friends used plenty of fish.  Any dating website IMO should be used only as a way to meet in person ASAP after a few messages and -to me -very important -a phone call to screen out red flags. I met over 100 men in person.

[Scotch998]

So just a short meet without context. To see if chemistry is there 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Scotch998 said:

So just a short meet without context. To see if chemistry is there 

I don't know what you mean without context.  I exchanged one or two messages then had a phone call.  If I felt we had enough in common to have a pleasant conversation in person I suggested a first meet if he did not. We met typically within a week often for coffee or lunch during the workday.  If I thought there was potential for a spark or an actual spark and he asked me out for a real date, I went.  Sometimes there won't be real or strong chemistry for the first few dates.  My purpose in meeting men was to find a husband.

[Scotch998]

Yeah it sounds more of a promising approach than that hookup app. Anyways she replied. She is really sick she said and has fever. She said she was embarrassed but that it’s not the reason why she doesn’t talk. So I don’t even know… 

[Batya33]

Just now, Scotch998 said:

Yeah it sounds more of a promising approach than that hookup app. Anyways she replied. She is really sick she said and has fever. She said she was embarrassed but that it’s not the reason why she doesn’t talk. So I don’t even know… 

OK so simply tell her you hope she feels better and to contact you if she wants to meet again.

[Scotch998]

Done 🫡 thank you guys for helping and giving advices) 

[MrMan1983]

28 minutes ago, Scotch998 said:

Yeah it sounds more of a promising approach than that hookup app. Anyways she replied. She is really sick she said and has fever. She said she was embarrassed but that it’s not the reason why she doesn’t talk. So I don’t even know… 

Oh well, guess all you can do is leave the ball in her court for now like Batya mentioned 👍🏻 

[NUNA]

any update about the hi msg  .

[catfeeder]

The question in your heading asks whether you should move on. I would have thought that this was based on her getting drunk beyond self control. If you find that acceptable on a first meet, then okay, but it sounds like you may not have considered that she doesn’t even remember you and is hedging while she continues trashing herself with others.

Could be why she never feels so good.

Don’t you believe you can do better?

[MissCanuck]

On 9/21/2023 at 4:18 PM, Scotch998 said:

I haven’t done it yet obviously and probably won’t anymore 

Nor should you. 

You don't know this person. You have no clue what her background really is, what her credentials are, whether she's a good worker - nothing.  It would be irresponsible to offer a job to a virtual stranger you met one time. 

Try to keep perspective, OP. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Nor should you. 

You don't know this person. You have no clue what her background really is, what her credentials are, whether she's a good worker - nothing.  It would be irresponsible to offer a job to a virtual stranger you met one time. 

Try to keep perspective, OP. 

A drunk stranger who could compromise your company’s view of your judgment should she show for work compromised.

Don’t mix business with your personal life.

[NighttimeNightmare]

On 9/21/2023 at 9:17 AM, Scotch998 said:

Like embarrassed of what haha, she was sleeping on my thigh in the subway and made me even carry her up the stairs. It happens if you get lost with alcohol. 

Lol she’s a mess.  A random woman doing this sh*t to a random man. She’s lucky you didn’t assault her. 
 

This isn’t a story of her liking you and choosing you to behave this way with because you’re special. On the contrary, it’s a story of a woman who has 0 regard for her own safety. 
 

… and people who behave like this jump from person to person. One wild reckless night after the other. 
 

Move on 

[shouldhavelearned]

She should have been in control of herself.

Red flag

[MissCanuck]

On 9/21/2023 at 6:17 PM, Scotch998 said:

Like embarrassed of what haha, she was sleeping on my thigh in the subway and made me even carry her up the stairs

Embarrassed about the bolded. 

It's very sloppy behaviour and not a good look. I would be incredibly disappointed in myself for acting this way, if I were her. 

[kehratha]

She's not interested, OP.

Even she is embarrassed, although I think this is not the one and only time she did that, you reached out to her many times. She knows you liked her, but yet she didn't like you enough to care.

OLD is tough, no matter which platform you use. Just try to not take it personally when things like that happen. Grow a thick skin. Rinse and repeat until you find the right one.

[Sindy_0311]

On 9/22/2023 at 11:59 PM, NighttimeNightmare said:

Lol she’s a mess.  A random woman doing this sh*t to a random man. She’s lucky you didn’t assault her. 
 

This isn’t a story of her liking you and choosing you to behave this way with because you’re special. On the contrary, it’s a story of a woman who has 0 regard for her own safety. 
 

… and people who behave like this jump from person to person. One wild reckless night after the other. 
 

Move on 

Completely agree. She didn't care about making a good impression on you. To me it means it wasn't  important for her. I remember when I started OLD, I wasn't really looking for something serious but sometimes, when I had first meets with a men I wasn't that attracted to, I would drink a bit more and enjoy my time as I could almost treating them like one of my buddies.

Also have to say that if the guy was great but not my type for something serious, I would just enjoy him for the night... There was no reason not to do it as it was clear to me that I wouldn't see him again. Theses guy would sometimes text again, but I was very vague in my responses about a seconde meet... pretending I'm busy, sick... etc... 

As others said, in fact, she is a mess. And for having been there too, I highly recommend you leave her alone even if she reaches out again... she's definitly not GF material, she's not there yet... 

On 9/21/2023 at 6:49 PM, Scotch998 said:

Anyways she replied. She is really sick she said and has fever.

This... its typical of someone making excuse to not engage with you. Didn't you notice how often people get sick when they don't like you? 

Man, I have been doing OLD for almost two years now, met about 30 guys, and noticed that a few of them were using that excuse when they wanted to pull away. Now, whenever I get a "I'm sick" text, I immediately assume he's not into me and leave his booty alone... LOL

Welcome to the jungle!! and good luck to you!