Husband gifts me tiny bouquets, even after I told him I don't like them.

[cuddlebunny777]

I'm 28, he's 29. We've been together almost 2 years , married 4 months, have spent 2 birthdays together. This is the first birthday we spend as husband and wife.

Since the very first time my husband has gifted me flowers (my birthday last year) they have been the tiniest of bouquets... when I say tiny I mean 5-6 flowers in total. It doesn't make sense, a 12 count of flowers cost $10 where we live. The ones he is getting are $5. It's not about the cost either. But what's $5 more to invest in your Wife on her birthday?!? For reference we each make 35k, he makes a little bit more. $10 will not break our wallet in the slightest.

I told him once that the full size count last more, and that the fewer ones don't look as good in the vase as they fall to the sides, due to lack of stems so they just don't look as pretty. 

 He got offended for some reason, and said "who says that?" Yet on our anniversary he got me a full 12 count of beautiful orange roses. So I thought the silly 5 stems would stop, except on my BIRTHDAY this year (2 weeks ago) he did it again. It's like he's ***ing with me or something because what is the reason? I told him I preferred the full count.

I would undrstand if flowers were $50 but they are TEN DOLLARS! (Please do not comment saying flowers don't cost $10 bc where I live they do. The most I've seen them for is $12) Considering I've already tried to tell him this before, is it too much to ask him for a normal bouquet? 

 My issue is the fact that I communicate to him what I want/need. And he responds but in the way that he sees convenient, almost like he just isn't thinking of what I want, and isn't that what a gift is all about? Plus, what makes this even crazier is that I'm his WIFE. Shouldn't husbands want to give their wives the big bouquets anyway?? It hurts me, I feel like he's being thoughtless. Also it feels like he's being cheap with me and that's not a good first start to celebrating birthdays as a married couple. Would it wrong to say that?

I dream of one day receiving one of those ridiculously big bouquets, not because of the size but because my partner knows I that love flowers so much and he wants to invest in me. Is there a way to address this without sounding extremely ungrateful? I am grateful for the flowers but why can't they be what I want?

For reference, I get him birthday gifts every year. Every year I get a card and flowers. 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

I'm 28, he's 29. We've been together almost 2 years , married 4 months, have spent 2 birthdays together. This is the first birthday we spend as husband and wife.

Since the very first time my husband has gifted me flowers (my birthday last year) they have been the tiniest of bouquets... when I say tiny I mean 5-6 flowers in total. It doesn't make sense, a 12 count of flowers cost $10 where we live. The ones he is getting are $5. It's not about the cost either. But what's $5 more to invest in your Wife on her birthday?!? For reference we each make 35k, he makes a little bit more. $10 will not break our wallet in the slightest.

I told him once that the full size count last more, and that the fewer ones don't look as good in the vase as they fall to the sides, due to lack of stems so they just don't look as pretty. 

 He got offended for some reason, and said "who says that?" Yet on our anniversary he got me a full 12 count of beautiful orange roses. So I thought the silly 5 stems would stop, except on my BIRTHDAY this year (2 weeks ago) he did it again. It's like he's ***ing with me or something because what is the reason? I told him I preferred the full count.

I would undrstand if flowers were $50 but they are TEN DOLLARS! (Please do not comment saying flowers don't cost $10 bc where I live they do. The most I've seen them for is $12) Considering I've already tried to tell him this before, is it too much to ask him for a normal bouquet? 

 My issue is the fact that I communicate to him what I want/need. And he responds but in the way that he sees convenient, almost like he just isn't thinking of what I want, and isn't that what a gift is all about? Plus, what makes this even crazier is that I'm his WIFE. Shouldn't husbands want to give their wives the big bouquets anyway?? It hurts me, I feel like he's being thoughtless. Also it feels like he's being cheap with me and that's not a good first start to celebrating birthdays as a married couple. Would it wrong to say that?

I dream of one day receiving one of those ridiculously big bouquets, not because of the size but because my partner knows I that love flowers so much and he wants to invest in me. Is there a way to address this without sounding extremely ungrateful? I am grateful for the flowers but why can't they be what I want?

For reference, I get him birthday gifts every year. Every year I get a card and flowers. 

Perfect solution. Buy yourself the specific types of flowers you want. 

[cuddlebunny777]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Perfect solution. Buy yourself the specific types of flowers you want. 

I do that! But is it wrong of me to want them from him?

 

also do you think it's fine for him to just disregard my only request on my birthday for no reason at all?!

[boltnrun]

10 minutes ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

Shouldn't husbands want to give their wives the big bouquets anyway??

That is a very "interesting" assumption. A blanket statement about what all husbands "should" want is a recipe for disappointment.

I personally prefer live plants to flowers. Flowers are beautiful but they start to die off and attract gnats. 

However, you know your husband won't buy you big bouquets. You can accept this or you can allow this to become a thorn in your marriage. Decide if it's worth it. 

[Coily]

6 minutes ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

 He got offended for some reason,

Some reason? Sorry, the reason of being treated ungratefully is pretty obvious. Honestly needing a dozen flowers is not a roof or food.

Now is it wrong for you to want the dozen? No. I would say it is a bit unreasonable to think less of your husband for not being a doormat over flowers, which dry up and die.

[Batya33]

Just now, cuddlebunny777 said:

I do that! But is it wrong of me to want them from him?

It’s not right or wrong. Feelings are feelings. Don’t you ever have random feelings and you tell yourself that the feeling is valid but you’ll choose not to react in a negative or destructive way?  So when you feel upset that your new husband didn’t get you a larger bouquet count your blessings about what your husband does do that is thoughtful and generous. Yesterday my husband who is not a plumber or a handyman spent multiple times plunging our toilet and it finally worked. Meaning I don’t have to call building maintenance to come. (We have 2 bathrooms thank goodness). I am so very thankful he persisted and was able to fix it. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Today I left over one small piece of a special chocolate we brought home from Europe. He’d mentioned he wanted one more piece of it. I love it.

But because he does too I left it over for him and in a place where he’ll see it. He will appreciate that even more than if I spent $$$ ordering another box of it like on Amazon. Because I remembered and thought of him.
Just try to consider things in perspective and context ok? And for some people $10 does matter. We’re financially comfortable and I won’t spend an extra $5 or $10 on flowers for our home. (I would for a friend etc when sending flowers for an occasion). 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

He got offended for some reason, and said "who says that?" 

Do you two do other things like go out for dinner? It's true. Who says that? He made up for it on your anniversary. What about other gift giving holidays?

Is there something else bothering you, that you feel he's being cheap or thoughtless or doing it out of spite?.

Since you're newly married, you might have to learn to pick your battles. Being ungrateful and insulting when someone gives you a gift because it's not enough is going to cause some unnecessary conflicts. 

[MissCanuck]

Holy entitlement, Batman. 

There is something really wrong with your marriage if you're choosing the number of flowers as your hill to die on. 

 

[redswim30]

One question- why is this so important to you?

Really think about this.  I don't want you to think about this in terms of assumptions (what a husband should do- BTW, if you start your marriage w/that attitude, you should just get annulled now)- think about why this SPECIFICALLY bothers you SPECIFICALLY. 

Are there other issues going on that make you feel like this is a pattern?

Do you feel he's not listening to you?

Do you think he doesn't care about you?

Honestly, I really hope this is part of a larger issue, because as others have pointed out- Being MAD about the number of flowers your husband gets you is a very odd and ungrateful complaint about a man who is just trying to be nice and romantic with you.  If my husband came home with a single rose to give me for any occasion, I'd be thrilled.  

Imagine you surprise your husband with a trip to Fiji for your anniversary and instead of saying thank you and being thrilled at the kind gesture, he says " Ugh.  I would have rather gone to Jamaica!  Don't you KNOW me at all?"  Would that make you feel loved and like your romantic and thoughtful gift was appreciated?

[Lambert]

1 hour ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

and isn't that what a gift is all about?

Actually, no. According to Emily Post, a gift is about what the giver chooses to give.

I think you're approach to this would be better received if you appreciated the thought.

 

[Seraphim]

Do you equate the more expensive the gift the more he loves you ?

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

Shouldn't husbands want to give their wives the big bouquets anyway?? It hurts me, I feel like he's being thoughtless.

You are assuming that all husbands give their wives big bouqets of flowers. Which is simply not true. Lots of them are not getting flowers. Heck, lots of them are not getting anything. Again, just because you are assuming he should do that because "all husbands do so", doesnt mean its the truth. Some wifes yearn to even get the flowers. And here you are, complaining how "OMG he is so cheap, he should get me a bigger bouquet". I am sorry, but I also think its incredibly entilted. Especially because he is actually thoughtful and actually gets you flowers. But noooo, "its not bigger more expensive one". See how that sounds petty and entilted?

[itsallgrand]

See Batyas post. You will be freaking miserable in a long term committed relationship if you can't stop yourself from acting out every tiny disappointment/irritation onto your husband.

My SO doesn't drink coffee. Good coffee can make my day, Has he ever made me coffee? No, never, though I'd love that! And I won't hold my breath on that ever happening. But he's brought me to go coffee when I'm tired, he will stop a million times on a road trip if I want to try coffee at every new place, etc. Just examples.

You need to appreciate this guy for the big picture of how well he treats you and check the times you feel like saying something bc it's not exactly what you want every time. Otherwise, it goes from being treated as a queen to being a spoiled princess routine;) 

[Wonderstruck]

2 hours ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

Since the very first time my husband has gifted me flowers (my birthday last year) they have been the tiniest of bouquets... when I say tiny I mean 5-6 flowers in total. It doesn't make sense, a 12 count of flowers cost $10 where we live. The ones he is getting are $5. It's not about the cost either. But what's $5 more to invest in your Wife on her birthday?!? For reference we each make 35k, he makes a little bit more. $10 will not break our wallet in the slightest.

I actually understand what you're trying to say here.

It DOES seem weird and disrespectful that he won't shell out an extra FIVE DOLLARS on a full bouquet, especially since you told him how much it means to you, and, like you said, it's not going to break the bank.

 

3 hours ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

I told him once that the full size count last more, and that the fewer ones don't look as good in the vase as they fall to the sides, due to lack of stems so they just don't look as pretty. 

It sounds like he completely disregarded this and doesn't care how you feel.

 

3 hours ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

It's like he's ***ing with me or something because what is the reason? I told him I preferred the full count.

This is what I was thinking. It sounds passive-aggressive.

Don't minimize or discount your feelings. You're not a "spoiled princess" for wanting your husband to listen to you, respect your feelings, and shell out an extra FIVE FREAKING DOLLARS on a FULL bouquet, especially when you've already explained how much it means to you.

[Jaunty]

I think since you're a connoisseur of floral arrangements, you should buy flowers for yourself that you like.

Be aware, though, that then he will probably stop buying you any flowers at all, since you're taking care of the bouquets in your household.

Maybe if he buys you something different than flowers he will do a better job of picking what you'd like.  

[Seraphim]

Flowers die, so they are kind of a waste of money. How about a nice plant that flowers ?

Just for the record , I don’t think I have received flowers in about 4 years. I have been his wife almost 30 years and he makes a 6 figure income . He usually buys me something nice for Christmas and sweet little thing for my birthday. We go for dinner on our Anniversary but we prefer to spend our money on our holidays every summer . 

[shouldhavelearned]

Be thankful

 

There are more important things to complain or worry about

[Capricorn3]

Ok, I have just learned something. I am older than air, been married so long I have lost count, but I never knew there was a difference between a "12 count" flowers, and any other bunch of flowers. 🤣 To me, a bunch of flowers was just a bunch of flowers - a pretty gift on a birthday.  I have never counted the amount of flowers in any bunch that I have ever received.  Do people really do that!?? 🤔  Man, I'm such a dinosaur, lol.

[catfeeder]

Why not just add his flowers to a perpetual bouquet that you buy and maintain for yourself?

It sounds like those are the size of bouquets sold in a place that he frequents. Instead of regarding them as a demonstration that he's thinking of you in that moment, you'd rather complain that he didn't make a run somewhere else to find something that you could easily pick up for yourself?

First world problem. Consider minimizing it instead of inflating it. It's a decision.

[Batya33]

26 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Ok, I have just learned something. I am older than air, been married so long I have lost count, but I never knew there was a difference between a "12 count" flowers, and any other bunch of flowers. 🤣 To me, a bunch of flowers was just a bunch of flowers - a pretty gift on a birthday.  I have never counted the amount of flowers in any bunch that I have ever received.  Do people really do that!?? 🤔  Man, I'm such a dinosaur, lol.

I only did with the classic "dozen roses" -(or two dozen I guess?).  

[waffle]

7 hours ago, cuddlebunny777 said:

is it too much to ask him for a normal bouquet? 

It obviously is.

How big is your diamond?  Maybe start asking for a bigger one of those instead.

[Capricorn3]

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I only did with the classic "dozen roses" -(or two dozen I guess?).  

Ohh, now that I think about it, I have heard of the "dozen red roses" thing.  I didn't know though, that it extends to other bouquets.  But then again, I have never counted, but should I guess, I have only  received the "five flower" bunches, lol. ~shock/horror~ Gawd, I am so behind the times. 

OP, I understand that you feel disappointed, especially because you have told him before how you feel.  That said, seeing as he still gives you a "small" bunch, it shows that he's just not into giving too much thought to gifts in general.  (Many people are like this). You have to learn to accept that this is who he is.  He's not going to change.  Accept the flowers graciously in future and don't make it a drama.  You don't want to go down in the books for getting divorced because he never gave you large bouquets.

Keys words: Accept that this is who he is. Choose your battles.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Ohh, now that I think about it, I have heard of the "dozen red roses" thing.  I didn't know though, that it extends to other bouquets.  But then again, I have never counted, but should I guess, I have only  received the "five flower" bunches, lol. ~shock/horror~ Gawd, I am so behind the times. 

OP, I understand that you feel disappointed, especially because you have told him before how you feel.  That said, seeing as he still gives you a "small" bunch, it shows that he's just not into giving too much thought to gifts in general.  (Many people are like this). You have to learn to accept that this is who he is.  He's not going to change.  Accept the flowers graciously in future and don't make it a drama.  You don't want to go down in the books for getting divorced because he never gave you large bouquets.

Keys words: Accept that this is who he is. Choose your battles.

Look.  I didn't send you a 6th bunch because you complained that the first five were just too massive!!!

OP - is he like this with all sorts of gifts and is he a good gift giver to friends/family?  Since you feel sick when you see the puny bunch tell him instead - donate the $ he would have spent on the puny bunch to your favorite charity -maybe even a community garden! That way you don't have to look at those flowers which likely will wilt from your resentful stares at them and maybe someone else can use the $ to grow something literally or figuratively.

[boltnrun]

If this is your worst problem your marriage is pretty good. Or, if your marriage is otherwise good why create a problem over something so trivial?

[cuddlebunny777]

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you two do other things like go out for dinner? It's true. Who says that? He made up for it on your anniversary. What about other gift giving holidays?

Is there something else bothering you, that you feel he's being cheap or thoughtless or doing it out of spite?.

Since you're newly married, you might have to learn to pick your battles. Being ungrateful and insulting when someone gives you a gift because it's not enough is going to cause some unnecessary conflicts. 

There is yes. I will make a post about it.