Sent a silly message to my wife while she's away. Thoughts please

[Northernman]

My wife is on holiday abroad with her mother and another woman.

Before she left we were fantastic, had amazing sex and all lovey Dovey.

So the Internet is really bad there and it's been really difficult to keep in touch.

The delay on the messages is terrible. I mean I can confirm this because I asked her something by message which was quite important and didn't get a response.. over an hour later her response came through.. but because it was so important I had already rang her to find the answer.

 

Any ways back on topic. In one of her messages.. she said its do hot its almost impossible yo get a good night sleep so had been waking at 5am and going down to put the towels down on the sundowners.

Now I stupidly send a sarcy reply 

"Oh early morning shags with the locals before your mam and sue are up"

She replied with an angry face emoji and ***???

She then sent another message 

" you can be a right idiot at times! I want to enjoy the remainder of my holiday and chill, dont bother messaging me back, I'll see you monday"

I am an over thinker and a bit insecure.. would an innocent person really send a reply like that?

 

[Seraphim]

Actually, yes, yes they would. I would be super pissy to be accused of cheating when I didn’t . Besides who goes on holiday with their MOTHER to cheat? I don’t know anyone who does that . 

[Northernman]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Actually, yes, yes they would. I would be super pissy to be accused of cheating when I didn’t . Besides who goes on holiday with their MOTHER to cheat? I don’t know anyone who does that . 

Yeah I know my bad.. but I was only sarcy joking with her.. I thought her reply coukd have been over reacting meaning there may have been some truth in what I said.

On the phone call to her, which was after this accusation text I said love you and she said it back but still my mind is somewhat puzzled by it all.

Fair play I was an idiot sending it

[Seraphim]

I don’t think her reply was an over reaction. You questioned her loyalty and integrity and tried to pass it off as “ joking”. It wasn’t . You know you weren’t joking and so does she . Hence she was mad. Then you called after and she had calmed down a bit . 

[Lambert]

It does seem curious--  what is with your marriage that one bad joke becomes a don't bother texting me back, see ya in a few days.

your text was passive aggressive insecurity on your part, but her response just took it to the next level straight off the bat.  

I think there's more here.

[Northernman]

7 minutes ago, Lambert said:

It does seem curious--  what is with your marriage that one bad joke becomes a don't bother texting me back, see ya in a few days.

your text was passive aggressive insecurity on your part, but her response just took it to the next level straight off the bat.  

I think there's more here.

Been together 20 years married for 8. 3 kids.

She hasn't had a holiday abroad since we have been together as I dont fly. However her mam was going away and offered her to go so she did.

Marriage is good.. dont get me wrong we have our arguments but always work them out. 

She is super busy with work, never goes out drinking etc.

I dont know what to think to be fair.

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Northernman said:

 " you can be a right idiot at times! I want to enjoy the remainder of my holiday and chill, dont bother messaging me back, I'll see you monday"

Are you jealous she's finally enjoying a vacation? You seem set on spoiling it for her.  Let the dust settle apologize for the inane text and try to relax.

Are you often worried she's cheating? Are you annoyed she is trying to have a good time and you're stuck at home? 

[Seraphim]

So her mom offers her a holiday , but she is cheating ? I don’t see the correlation. 

[Northernman]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you jealous she's finally enjoying a vacation? You seem set on spoiling it for her.  Let the dust settle apologize for the inane text and try to relax.

Are you often worried she's cheating? Are you annoyed she is trying to have a good time and you're stuck at home? 

I am an insecure and jealous person and have questioned her many times in the past accusing her of cheated etc.. 

Yeah I'm a bit jealous that I'm home and she's baking in super warm sun..

You might have a point about "spoiling it for her" because 2 days before I sent that sarcy accusation text she said she was going on a guided tour out of the complex..  I lost my *** because the resort where she's staying its recommended not to leave the resort.. I was calling her an idiot for doing it. Not my finest moment.

I dont know.. I know I havnt helped.

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, Northernman said:

I am an insecure and jealous person and have questioned her many times in the past accusing her of cheated etc.. 

Yeah I'm a bit jealous that I'm home and she's baking in super warm sun..

You might have a point about "spoiling it for her" because 2 days before I sent that sarcy accusation text she said she was going on a guided tour out of the complex..  I lost my *** because the resort where she's staying its recommended not to leave the resort.. I was calling her an idiot for doing it. Not my finest moment.

I dont know.. I know I havnt helped.

I think she needs to get a divorce personally. Work on your issues that are yours and stop projecting them onto your wife . 

[Northernman]

Just now, Seraphim said:

I think she needs to get a divorce personally. Work on your issues that are yours and stop projecting them onto your wife . 

Thanks for your input. And I truly mean that. I'm a nightmare and know I need to sort my crap out as its my problem not hers.

[itsallgrand]

Why are you so insecure with a woman you've shared such a long relationship with? Did she ever cheat? Or have you been like this forever just because your own issues?

Poor woman hasn't gone abroad in forever and you are giving her a hard time! What?! Let her enjoy herself. This could have been a chance for her to miss you and come back excited to see you. But you are ruining a good thing. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Northernman said:

Thanks for your input. And I truly mean that. I'm a nightmare and know I need to sort my crap out as its my problem not hers.

I really hope you work on them. Not only are you destroy yourself you’re destroying your wife and your kids and your family. Please consider that. 

[Northernman]

Just now, itsallgrand said:

Why are you so insecure with a woman you've shared such a long relationship with? Did she ever cheat? Or have you been like this forever just because your own issues?

Poor woman hasn't gone abroad in forever and you are giving her a hard time! What?! Let her enjoy herself. This could have been a chance for her to miss you and come back excited to see you. But you are ruining a good thing. 

I've always been insecure.. ultimately pushed my first girlfriend away because of it.. I really don't know where it comes from.

 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Northernman said:

 have questioned her many times in the past accusing her of cheated etc..  I'm a bit jealous that I'm home and she's baking in super warm sun.. I was calling her an idiot for doing it. 

Please get a handle on your behavior. It seems overbearing. You almost sound abusive with your accusations and name calling.  You are trying to ruin her vacation so when she gets back maybe marriage therapy is an option for whatever the underlying reasons are.

[Northernman]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Please get a handle on your behavior. It seems overbearing. You almost sound abusive with your accusations and name calling.  You are trying to ruin her vacation so when she gets back maybe marriage therapy is an option for whatever the underlying reasons are.

Thank you for your advice. Again I truly mean that.. 

She trusts me 100%. If I ever go out with the boys she never questions me when I get home.

When she used to go out id just worry and over think. It's caused do many arguments over the years.

I know my behaviour is not right and I can 100% assure you I wish I wasn't like it.. 

 

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, Northernman said:

I've always been insecure.. ultimately pushed my first girlfriend away because of it.. I really don't know where it comes from.

 

Maybe it's time to deal with it. Don't even wait a moment longer or any more damage to your relationship. Be proactive and book an appointment to talk to someone. Would be a nice surprise for your wife when she gets back. 

[boltnrun]

You seem to be the type who will be shocked, absolutely shocked, if your wife leaves you.  You'll tell yourself "See!  I KNEW she was cheating!!" instead of owning your own destructive behavior.

Do you love this woman?  If so, why repeatedly accuse her of cheating?  Why would you deliberately hurt the woman you're supposed to love?

[Northernman]

Can insecurity actually be dealt with? I would have thought it's ingrained..

My wife wishes I woukd just think before I speak.. rather than regret it later

[Seraphim]

Just now, Northernman said:

Can insecurity actually be dealt with? I would have thought it's ingrained..

My wife wishes I woukd just think before I speak.. rather than regret it later

Anything can be dealt with if you want to. 

[Northernman]

Just now, boltnrun said:

You seem to be the type who will be shocked, absolutely shocked, if your wife leaves you.  You'll tell yourself "See!  I KNEW she was cheating!!" instead of owning your own destructive behavior.

Do you love this woman?  If so, why repeatedly accuse her of cheating?  Why would you deliberately hurt the woman you're supposed to love?

I honestly can't answer that.. I dont know why..

She is beautiful.. way too good for me. I do love her though

[boltnrun]

Just now, Northernman said:

Can insecurity actually be dealt with? I would have thought it's ingrained..

Excuse.  You could change this behavior if you wanted.

It's not necessary to speak aloud every thought you have.  When you start having illogical thoughts that she is cheating stop and tell yourself "I know she's not cheating.  I'm going to keep my mouth shut".  Don't punish her for your own lack of self control.

[Northernman]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Anything can be dealt with if you want to. 

Well I best pull my big boy pants up and take action to try and sort it because I am terribly sick of feeling like this.. forever over thinking, questioning etc. Ty 

[Northernman]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Excuse.  You could change this behavior if you wanted.

It's not necessary to speak aloud every thought you have.  When you start having illogical thoughts that she is cheating stop and tell yourself "I know she's not cheating.  I'm going to keep my mouth shut".  Don't punish her for your own lack of self control.

You know.. I do try that but then I'm over whelmed with "what if she did" at which point words have left my mouth..

Idiotic to be honest.

[boltnrun]

First of all, apologize to her for your accusatory (NOT "saucy") text.  Tell her you know you were out of line.  Tell her you hope she enjoys the rest of her vacation.

Then work on stopping yourself from accusing this woman you say you love of terrible things.  See a therapist if you refuse to stop saying mean things to her so you can be taught how to control the things you say.